PAGE ONE (5 Panels)

PANEL 1
Close-up of the middle console of a BMV Z4 Roadster. The gearshift is firmly placed in the highest position. Ashes and cigarette butts overflow from the ashtray.

Mortimer: SORRY, MAN. I DON'T REMEMBER THE SHOW.

PANEL 2
Close-up of the dashboard of the same car. The speedometer displays the speed at 88 mph and the gas tank to be only a quarter filled. The oil light is brightly lit.

Randolph: “DOUBLE TROUBLE”? IT WAS A SITCOM IN THE EIGHTIES. HAD THESE HOT TWIN GIRLS, KATE & ALLISON FOSTER.

PANEL 3
The ant's eye view of the car's floor in front of the two front seats. Trash, particularly empty food and drink containers, litter the floor. Two sets of lanky, jean-covered legs descend into worn leather boots.

Mortimer: REAL TWINS OR “PARENT TRAP” TWINS?
Randolph: ACTUAL TWINS. NO SPECIAL EFFECTS NEEDED.

PANEL 4
Looking into the rear-view mirror (with the prerequisite pine tree air freshener hanging from the mirror). In the mirror, a police car with its red and blue lights ablaze. Looking beyond the mirror, only an empty highway, devoid of any other cars, can be seen.

Mortimer: IDENTICAL OR FRATERNAL?
Randolph: IDENTICAL.

PANEL 5
Direct overhead shot of the black Roadster in all its sports car glory.

Mortimer1: SWEET. YOUR FIRST CRUSH WAS ON A SET OF IDENTICAL TWINS.
Mortimer2: PRETTY BALLSY.

PAGE TWO (Splash Page)

PANEL 1
Pull back from Page 1, Panel 5 to eagle's eye view. The Roadster is actually in the middle of high-speed pursuit on a Southern California highway. The police car seen earlier in the rear-view mirror is actually the lead car of a “Flying V” formation of California Highway Patrol cars. As per normal high-speed chase procedure, the rest of the highway has been cleared in both directions.

Randolph1: NOT BOTH TWINS. JUST ONE.
Mortimer1: JUST ONE?
Randolph2: ONLY ONE, MY FRIEND.
Mortimer3: WHY? WAS ONE DISFIGURED?
Mortimer4: FAT?
Randolph3: LET ME EXPLAIN.

PAGE THREE (5 Panels)

PANEL 1
Looking through the windshield of the vehicle, we are afforded our first look at RANDOLPH & MORTIMER. RANDOLPH, a young Paul Newman type, rests behind the wheel as, to his left, MORTIMER, a younger version of Ron Jeremy, sips impatiently on his Big Gulp. The line of pursuing police cars can faintly be seen behind them.

Randolph: THE GIRLS WERE PLAYED BY LIZ & JEAN SAGAL. ACTUALLY, THEIR SISTER IS KATEY SAGAL.

PANEL 2
Through the passenger side window, MORTIMER, in the foreground, has stopped drinking his beverage. RANDOLPH sits in the background.

Mortimer1: KATEY SAGAL?
Randolph: PEG BUNDY.
Mortimer2: “MARRIED WITH CHILDREN”.

PANEL 3
Switch to the driver side window, RANDOLPH in the foreground with MORTIMER behind him.

Randolph: RIGHT. THE GIRLS WERE BOTH DANCERS. REALLY TIGHT BODIES. NICE RED HAIR.
Mortimer: YOU AND THE RED HEADS.

PANEL 4
Again, an eagle's eve view of the pursuit. However, now a police helicopter can be seen following our two wayward heroes.

Randolph: JEAN PLAYED KATE, WHILE LIZ PLACED ALLSION.
Mortimer: WHY WOULD IT MATTER? THEY'RE FUCKING TWINS.

PANEL 5
Mirror image of Panel 1, except we are now looking through the windshield of the lead pursuit car. The car is occupied by two stern-looking POLICE OFFICERS. With their matching mirrored sunglasses, the pair looks positively identical.

Randolph: ALLISON WAS THE REBELLIOUS, WILD SISTER WHILE KATE WAS CONSERVATIVE AND STUDIOUS.
Mortimer: AND YOU LIKED THE REBEL?

PAGE FOUR (6 Panels)

PANEL 1
Close-up of the gas gauge. The indicator reads that the tank is less than an eighth filled and quickly approaching the red 'empty' area.

Randolph: ACTUALLY, I LIKED KATE.
Mortimer: REALLY? THAT SEEMS UNLIKE YOU.

PANEL 2
On the spinning front tire of the roadster, propelling the object of pursuit ever forward.

Randolph1: I KNOW, BUT I HAD ALL THESE ROMANTIC NOTIONS IN MY HEAD.
Randolph2: SOMEHOW I WANTED THIS PREPPY, ANAL GIRL WITH HER WOOL SWEATERS AND PEARL NECKLACES.

PANEL 3
Back to the close-up of the gas gauge. The indicator is right on the border of the red 'empty' area.

Mortimer1: LIKE ALLY SHEEDY IN “ST. ELMO'S.”
Randolph: EXACTLY. GOD, SHE LOOKED GOOD IN THAT MOVIE.
Mortimer2: NOT AS GOOD AS SHE DID IN “SHORT CIRCUIT.”

PANEL 4
From underneath the car, the undercarriage looks clean and pristine. This is a brand new car.

Randolph1: THE POINT IS THOUGH, I WAS WATCHING E! THE OTHER NIGHT.
Mortimer: “WILD ON”?
Randolph2: NO, “WHERE ARE THEY NOW?”.

PANEL 5
Again back to the close-up of the gas gauge. The indicator has clearly entered the red 'empty' area and the low fuel indicator has come on.

Mortimer: AND YOUR CRUSH IS OLD NOW. GET USED TO IT. LOOK AT FARRAH FAWCETT.

PANEL 6
From behind the car, specifically the back bumper. The tailpipe is emitting a fine flow of exhaust. The vanity license plate is visible and reads “CUBA JR.”

Randolph: NO, JEAN STILL LOOKS TASTY, BUT I FOUND OUT SOMETHING DISTURBING.
Mortimer: THEY'RE DYKES? 'CAUSE THAT WOULD BE KINDA HOT.

PAGE FIVE (5 Wide screen Panels)

PANEL 1
This page is basically composed of the same image. An extreme overhead shot of both directions of the highway, going left to right. It actually resembles two rows of the game “Frogger.” The bottom portion is RANDOLPH & MORTIMER's side of the highway. Their car and the cars of the pursuers occupy the lower left side of the panel. They will not appear to be moving as we are tracking with them. The only changes from panel to panel will appear in the top portion – the opposite direction of the highway.

Randolph: NO. THEY SAID HOW THE ACTRESSES WERE LIKE THE TWO CHARACTERS. ONE WAS THE GOOD GIRL, THE OTHER MORE ADVENTEROUS AND CRAZY.
Mortimer: SO?

PANEL 2
A lone sports car appears on the extreme right side of the panel, headed in the direction of our two heroes.

Randolph1: THEY PLAYED AGAINST TYPE.
Randolph2: THE WILD ONE PLAYED THE NICE GIRL, WHILE THE NICE GIRL DIDN'T PLAY MY CRUSH.

PANEL 3
The approaching car has covered a third of the distance between its car and the boys' Roadster. Another “Flying V” formation of California Highway Patrol Cars has entered and appears to be involved in a second high speed chase.

Mortimer: THUS, THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF YOUR REALITY ARE NOW CRASHING DOWN BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW WHICH GIRL YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY INFATUATION FOR, THE CHARACTER OR THE ACTRESS.

PANEL 4
The approaching car has now covered two thirds of the distance between its car and the boys' Roadster. The other police cars still closely pursuing.

Randolph: EXACTLY.

PANEL 5
The approaching car is now exactly inline with the Roadster.. The other police cars still closely pursuing both cars.

Mortimer: I WONDER IF FANS OF THE OLSEN TWINS HAVE THESE PROBLEMS.

PAGE SIX (Five Panels)

PANEL 1
In one of those moments only possible in Comix and soft-drink commercials (Really, two cars doing 85 mph in opposite directions would be an utter blur to each other, but go with me here), looking over the shoulder of Randolph at the sports-car that was seen approaching in the last page and the adolescent male fantasy contained within. Clearly shown is a beautiful silver Porsche Boxster convertible, its inhabitants two buxom, scantily clad BLONDE TWINS. Both are waving flirtatiously at our heroes with expressions of desire and lust on their faces.

NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 2
Reverse shot – over the shoulder of one of the twins, as we see our two boys looking completely slack-jawed and dumbfounded, victims of an all new 'shock and awe' campaign.

NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 3
From behind the Porsche as the girls go on their way, yet continue to wave seductively. Their vanity license plate reads “CLINTON1.”

NO DIALOGUE

PANEL 4
Through the windshield of the Roadster as RANDOLPH and MORTIMER contemplate their actions. The line of pursuing police cars can faintly be seen behind them.

Mortimer: TWINS.
Randolph: ACTUAL TWINS. NO SPECIAL EFFECTS NEEDED.

PANEL 5
Mirror of Panel 4.

Mortimer: WE SHOULD TURN AROUND?
Randolph: WE SHOULD TURN AROUND.