PAGE ONE (Five Panels)
PANEL 1
The interior of a family station wagon. MARTIN, a meek little man, is driving his obese family - his wife, MABEL, and his two children, MARCUS & MARTHA. All four are dressed for a day at the park. Marcus is attempting to read a book and displaying signs of a great mental effort in doing so. Martha is busy exploring her nasal cavity with her index finder as Mabel attacks a box of some sort of sugar confections. Martin just appears to be suffering from severe anxiety. Outside the car, it is a clear and sunny day.
CAPTION: EARLIER
PANEL 2
Repeat of Panel 1.
MABEL: Are the Malicks going to the picnic?
MARTIN: Tommy was fired last week.
PANEL 3
Mabel takes a pause from her candy consumption and turns her attention to her husband as he begins to shrink a little.
MABEL1: Why didn’t you tell me about that?
MABEL2: Gawd, I should call Terry.
MARTIN: (small) I guess.
PANEL 4
Mabel eyes martin peculiarly as Martin seems to be obviously hiding something. This is a man who lives in utter fear of his wife’s wrath. The kids remain in their own world of the back seat.
NO DIALOGUE
PANEL 5
Repeat of Panel 4.
MARCUS: The human head weighs 492 pounds.
PAGE TWO (Five Panels)
PANEL 1
Mabel turns her attention to he children in the back seat.
MABEL: What was that, dear?
MARCUS: The human head…
MARTHA: (Overlapping Marcus) He’s pretending to read the Guinness book again.
PANEL 2
Repeat of Panel 1.
MARTHA: Too bad he can’t read.
PANEL 3
Mabel returns her attention to the front of the car as Marcus lets loose a bellow requiring his mouth to open to an unnatural degree.
MARCUS: MOM!
MARTHA: Like the human head could weigh five hundred pounds.
PANEL 4
Mabel turns to her husband whose anxiety and trepidation has only increased thanks to his children’s bickering.
MABEL: I suggest we hurry up and get there. Before they start hitting each other.
MARCUS: (small) I didn’t say five hundred. I said four—
PANEL 5
Martin tries to use his right hand to shield himself from his wife’s penetrating glare.
MARCUS: --hundred and ninety-two pounds.
MARTIN: Yes, dear.
PAGE THREE (Four Panels)
PANEL 1
Martin and his corpulent family trek across an expansive field of green. In the middle of a beautiful park with luscious trees and small groups of picnicking families in the background. Martin is stuck carrying all the necessary family supplies.
CAPTION: NOW.
PANEL 2
Close on Mabel’s sweating, pig-like face. This is a woman that does not like walking distances greater than the span between the refrigerator and the couch.
MABEL1: Are you sure this is the right park?
MABEL2: I thought you said the company picnic was at Clover Park.
PANEL 3
The unsure face of Martin. He is reaching the point of no return, where he can no longer keep up this charade.
MARTIN1: I-- I think.
MARTIN2: Maybe it’s on the other side of the park.
PANEL 4
Pull back on the quartet, as little Marcus is about to wallop his sister. Mabel stands with her arms out in utter outrage.
MABEL1: You expect me to walk all the way over there.
MABEL2: Martin, where’s the flyer with all the information?
PAGE FOUR (Four Panels)
PANEL 1
Close on a perplexed and bewildered Martin.
MARTIN1: The flyer?
MARTIN2: It must be in the car.
PANEL 2
Pull back to show the entire quartet. Martha is holding her nose if she’s just been hit (which she has). Martin is walking away, presumably to the car.
MABEL: Martin, is there something you want to tell me?
PANEL 3
Close on Martin’s eyes, all confused and distressed.
MARTIN1: No, I don’t know what you’re—
MARTIN2: I’m not hiding anything.
PANEL 4
Close on Mabel’s stern gaze.
MARTHA (Off-Panel): Mom.
MABEL: Are you hiding the company picnic?
PAGE FIVE (Five Panels)
PANEL 1
The family unit is back in the car. The sun has obviously shifted from the first two pages. Marcus and Martha have changed positions in the back seat. Martha has two clumps of handkerchief / napkin filling her nostrils. (Marcus’s punch must have caused some bleeding.)
CAPTION: LATER.
PANEL 2
Martin seems intent on explaining himself to his wife and children. Mabel just stares ahead, processing her thoughts.
MARTIN: I looked everywhere for the flyer.
PANEL 3
Tight on the contemplative visage of Mabel.
MARTIN1: (Off-Panel) Maybe we should try one of the other parks?
MARTIN2: (Off-Panel) Maybe Montgomery or Forest Glen?
PANEL 4
Repeat of Panel 3.
MABEL: Why not try Clover Park?
PANEL 5
Pull back to show both parents. Mabel remains stern and composed. Martin has only grown more agitated. Beads of sweat form on his forehead.
MARTIN1: Uhh..
MARTIN2: Sure, we can try there.
PAGE SIX (Six Panels)
PANEL 1
The family continues on their travels.
MARCUS: The human body is one hundred and five percent water.
MARTHA: What?
PANEL 2
Close on the still contemplative Mabel.
MABEL: Clover is two blocks away.
MARTHA: (Small/Off-Panel) Marcus, you’re an idiot.
PANEL 3
Close on the sweating, scared Martin.
MARTIN: Mabel, I should tell ya—
MARTHA: (Small/Off-Panel) How can it be over one hundred percent?
PANEL 4
Pull back on the dysfunctional family.
MABEL: That Tommy Malick wasn’t the only one fired.
MARTHA: You need to learn to read.
PANEL 5
Repeat of Panel 4 with Marcus giving his sister another slap to the face.
MARTIN: Yeah.
PANEL 6
Martha is again holding her battered nose as Mabel turns to the back seat to talk to her kids.
MARTHA: MOM!
MABEL: Be quiet, kids. We’re going home.
"HOW TO GET THERE" © 2003 Michael Wojciak
