PAGE ONE (Six Panels)
PANEL 1
Establishing shot – A thin man with dark hair and fair complexion,
BEN, dressed in a completely black suit, is seated at a spacious table at
the rear of a populated, five-star restaurant. GEORGE, an elegantly dressed
middle-aged man of obvious Italian descent, is seated next to him, trying
to read a racing form with glasses that are definitely not strong enough.
(Note: The dialogue in the first three panels bridges the story from activity
#1 with this one.)
BEN: YOU KNOW I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THAT THIS CITY'S CRIMINAL ELEMENT WAS A MORE FASHIONABLY DIVERSE CROWD.
GEORGE: TOO BAD THAT WE HAVE FIVE BODIES THAT SAY OTHERWISE, BEN.
PANEL 2
GEORGE puts down the racing form and grants his undivided attention to
his dinner companion. His face holds a serious tone.
GEORGE1: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
PROTECTING THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?
GEORGE2: BLONDIE?
PANEL 3
BEN manages to crack a smile. (Note: George is not only Ben's boss, but
also his friend. There should be a sense of camaraderie between them even
though George is miffed that Ben messed up the job.)
BEN1: THE GUY'S NAME IS ANDY AND
HE'S ALL RIGHT, GEORGE.
BEN2: HE MIGHT THINK WE LIVE IN A TARANTINO MOVIE, BUT HE GETS THE JOB DONE.
PANEL 4
From across the restaurant, a WAITRESS approaches BEN & GEORGE'S table
with a drink tray resting on her shoulder. The tray holds a glass of red wine
and a pint of stout beer.
GEORGE1: DON'T GET ME STARTED ON
THAT GUY. BIG MAC. LE ROYALE WITH CHEESE.
GEORGE2: FUCK. I DON'T KNOW ANYONE THAT EATS FAST FOOD.
PANEL 5
The WAITRESS has arrived at the table and has placed the wine in front
of GEORGE and is now reaching for BEN's beer.
BEN1: I REMEMBER A STORY ABOUT
FAST FOOD.
BEN2: AND A LAMP. SPECIFICALLY, AN ORANGE LAMP.
GEORGE: OLD MAN TAMBONI.
PANEL 6
GEORGE is gently tugging on the WAITRESS's sleeve to get her to sit down
with the dubious pair.
GEORGE: JUST SIT DOWN, LISA. WE
HAVE A GREAT STORY TO TELL.
BEN: WE CALL IT 'OLD MAN TAMBONI AND THE MAGIC LAMP'.
PAGE TWO (Four Panels)
PANEL 1
A “mug shot”-esque shot of a bitter, ancient Italian man,
OLD MAN TAMBONI, shriveled up well past his prime. All that remains is spite
and bones.
GEORGE(caption): TAMBONI WAS A WISE GUY FROM THE OLD DAYS. MEANEST BASTARD WHO WALKED THE EARTH, BUT HIS WIFE WAS A SWEETHEART.
PANEL 2
An antiquated Italian home with a very small front lawn. Every inch of
the lawn is filled with furniture: sofas, chairs, a hutch, several end-tables,
and, prominently placed in front, a rich, dark maple dining table and matching
chairs. No people are in sight.
GEORGE(caption): ONE SPRING, THE TAMBONIS DECIDE TO REALLY CLEAN THE HOUSE. BEING THE OLD WORLD PEOPLE THEY ARE, THIS INVOLVES TAKING ALL THEIR FURNITURE OUT TO THE FRONT LAWN.
PANEL 3
Mirror image of Panel 2 except now a scrawny, emaciated CRACKHEAD is gliding
his way into the scene.
GEORGE(caption): WELL, SOMEONE PASSING BY MANAGED TO STEAL THE DINING SET. A COMPLETE DINING SET, MIND YOU.
PANEL 4
Comical silhouette shot of the CRACKHEAD making his way up the street
with the dining table and matching chairs balanced on top of his head as if
he was transporting cargo through the jungle in an old “Tarzan”
serial.
GEORGE(caption): NOT THE MOST MOBILE OF ITEMS SITUATED ON THAT FRONT LAWN, BUT STILL THEY STOLE THE DINING SET.
PAGE THREE (Six Panels)
PANEL 1
The CRACKHEAD and an extremely obese Italian male, BIG BRUCE, are standing
next to the same maple dining table and chairs. They appear to be in the process
of haggling over the price of the furniture present as the CRACKHEAD attempts
to demonstrate the quality of his products as if he was a hostess on 'The
Price Is Right'.
GEORGE(caption): THEN THAT SAME AFTERNOON, SOME CRACKHEAD TRIES TO SELL BIG BRUCE A DINING SET.
PANEL 2
A noticeably younger and thinner BIG BRUCE, sitting in the Tamboni dining
room at the now infamous dining room table, devours a sizable spaghetti dinner
as OLD MAN TAMBONI looks on in disgust.
GEORGE(caption)1: NOW, MRS. TAMBONI
MUST HAVE FED EVERY HOOD AND CROOK IN THE TOWN OFF OF THAT TABLE.
GEORGE(caption)2: AND BIG BRUCE PROBABLY ATE THE MOST OF ANYBODY.
PANEL 3
Back in the five-star restaurant with BEN, GEORGE and LISA THE WAITRESS.
BEN: BRUCIE KNEW EXACTLY WHOM THE
TABLE BELONGED TO.
LISA: AND HE WAS SETTING THIS GUY UP.
GEORGE: EXACTLY.
PANEL 4
Back to the seedy alley where BIG BRUCE and the CRACKHEAD seem to arrive
at a price and Bruce hands him a couple of bills taken from his pocket.
BRUCE: I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXTRA TWENTY IF YOU CAN GET ME A MATCHING LAMP.
PANEL 5
Close-up of the money exchanging hands.
NO DIALOGUE
PANEL 6
Return to the front of the Tamboni household (Page Two, Panel 2 &
3) except now an extremely large Cadillac is parked in front of the house
(opposed to all those small Cadillacs in mafia stories) and BIG BRUCE is gently
leading the decrepit OLD MAN TAMBONI down to the car. Whether the furniture
is still on the front lawn is up to you.
GEORGE(caption): BRUCE HAD TO GO OVER TO HIS HOUSE, PICK HIM UP, AND BRING HIM DOWN TO THE FAST FOOD PLACE—
PAGE FOUR (Six Panels)
PANEL 1
Outside view of the most garishly decorated fast food restaurant known
to man. The building itself is in the shape of a gigantic barn and everything
is in primary colors: red, yellow, and blue.
GEORGE(caption): THE BARN OF BURGERS.
PANEL 2
Back to the five-star restaurant and the actual unsung hero of these stories,
BEN.
BEN1: ACTUALLY, IT WAS JUST THE
BURGER BARN.
BEN2: BRUCE HAD TOLD THE TABLE-STEALING CRACKHEAD TO MEET HIM THERE.
BEN3: WITH THE LAMP.
PANEL 3
Inside the Barn of Burgers… uhhh, Burger Barn. The garishness and
primary colors continue on the inside. Adorning the walls are sad caricatures
of farm animals, primarily the ones being served at the restaurant: cows,
pigs, and chickens. BIG BRUCE, however, is not missing the opportunity to
eat. He is carrying a tray piled with the various prerequisite fast food items
as well as a giant cup of soda towards the plastic table holding OLD MAN TAMBONI.
GEORGE(caption)1: RIGHT, THE BURGER
BARN.
GEORGE(caption)2: SO, THEY'RE WAITING AT THE PLACE AND BRUCE IS STUFFING HIS
FACE AS USUAL.
PANEL 4
The front entrance of the Burger Barn with its sliding glass/WOOSH door
entrance as the CRACKHEAD makes his way in with the ugliest lime-green lamp
you ever saw.
GEORGE(caption): WHEN IN STUMBLES THE JUNKIE WITH A GRIN FROM EAR TO EAR AND THE UGLIEST LIME GREEN LAMP YOU EVER SAW.
PANEL 5
Again, back to the five-star restaurant as LISA is staring in anticipation
at GEORGE. She cannot wait to see where this story is going next. BEN, however,
has sudden become flabbergasted at how George is mutilating what he considers
a great story.
BEN1: ORANGE! I EVEN REMINDED YOU
BEFORE YOU TOLD THE STORY. THE LAMP WAS ORANGE, NOT LIME GREEN.
BEN2: YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE.
PANEL 6
Same shot as Panel 4 with the CRACKHEAD and the Lamp except now the Lamp
is bright orange and the Crackhead is visibly shocked by the change. He was
sure the lamp was lime-green a moment ago.
GEORGE(caption)1: OK, THE LAMP
WAS ORANGE.
GEORGE(caption)2: NOT THAT IT MATTERED ANYWAY.
PAGE FIVE (Five Panels)
PANEL 1
The Crackhead continues to stand there holding the Lamp. The look of shock
and awe has disappeared. It has been replaced by an expression of utter fear.
GEORGE(caption): THE LAMP DIDN'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO MATCHING THE DINING SET.
PANEL 2
Full view of the interior of the restaurant as OLD MAN TAMBONI stands
with an enormous gun held in his fragile hand. A seated BIG BRUCE, a standing
CRACKHEAD and numerous BIG BARN CUSTOMERS look on in fear and amazement.
GEORGE(caption): IT DEFINITELY DID NOT MATTER WHEN TAMBONI PULLED OUT HIS GUN.
PANEL 3
Close on Tamboni and his massive weapon pointed at the reader's perspective.
Would you like a jittery ninety-year-old man holding a gun at you?
GEORGE(caption): NOT A LITTLE THING EITHER. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT A HUGE HAND-CANNON HERE.
PANEL 4
Close on Tamboni's wrinkled finger pulling back on the trigger.
GEORGE(caption): AND HE SHOOTS.
PANEL 5
The CRACKHEAD stands holding the Orange lamp as his head becomes a cloud
of red mist.
GEORGE(caption)1: BLOWS THE GUY
AWAY WITH ONE SHOT.
GEORGE(caption)2: RIGHT TO THE HEAD.
PAGE SIX (Six Panels)
PANEL 1
Full view of the restaurant interior as the skeletal frame of OLD MAN
TAMBONI is forcibly jettisoned backwards due to the recoil of the pistol.
BIG BRUCE is completely taken aback by Tamboni's actions and has managed to
knock his large soda directly into his lap. The other RESTAURANT PATRONS are
all ducking for cover.
GEORGE(caption)1: BEING THE OLD
GUY HE IS, THE RECOIL OF THE SHOT SENDS HIM FLYING.
GEORGE(caption)2: SHATTERING BOTH HIS WRIST AND HIS HIP.
PANEL 2
Again, a full view of the interior of the restaurant as BIG BRUCE runs
towards the prone and docile OLD MAN TAMBONI. The heads of the RESTAURANT
PATRONS are slowly creeping up to survey the scene.
GEORGE(Caption): BRUCE GOES TO THE GET THE OLD GUY OUT OF THERE WHEN TWO COPS COME STUMBLING IN FOR LUNCH.
PANEL 3
In the doorway once occupied by the Crackhead, two disjointed POLICE OFFICERS
now stand.
GEORGE(Caption): THESE TWO COPS HAD BEEN AROUND. NOT EXACTLY DIRTY, BUT NONE TOO CLEAN EITHER.
PANEL 4
Police Officer's perspective of the Burger Barn interior as they survey
the scene. The body, the lamp, the dropped gun and TAMBONI are all in their
vision.
GEORGE(Caption): THEY READ THE ROOM AND QUICKLY PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.
PANEL 5
One COP heads towards the dropped gun as the remaining COP stands prominently
in the center of the room.
GEORGE(Caption): SO ONE COP SAYS
LOUD ENOUGH FOR ALL THE WITNESSES TO HEAR –
PROMINENT COP: THIS WOUND LOOKS SELF-INFLICTED.
OTHER COP(small): HEY, THAT'S MY LAMP.
PANEL 6
Back to the restaurant and our other trio, BEN, GEORGE, and LISA. BEN
& GEORGE are laughing like little schoolgirls as LISA just looks on with
horror and disgust.
SFX: HA! HA! HA! HA!
"THE LAMP" © 1998, 2003 Michael Wojciak
