"Why Is He Stroking His Mop?"My aunt (who I love and adore) loves to send the sappy emails. Coupled with her recent propensity for forgetfulness, she sends me some again and again and again.
The most frequent being the one revolving around the teacher/professor that asks the name of the school's janitor as an extra credit question. When no one knows the answer, he scolds the students in some sanctimonious manner common to despondent ex-hippies.
If I was ever forced into that spot - facing that same extra credit question - here is my planned response.
"Our janitor's name is Fred.
Fred is an ex-con with a below average IQ. So, mopping the floors is best gig he can get. He likes the job because all the nubile co-eds provide him ample fodder for his masturbatory exploits.
Fred likes his solitude and hates how you call attention to his attempts to blend into the background. He wanted me to convey to you that he has your home address. The manner in which he mentioned that fact did not seem to imply that a Christmas card would be forth coming.
If you noticed, I have left the rest of my test blank. This is because Fred gave me your home address as well.
I expect an A.wojr"
Labels: College, My Writing, Snide Remarks