'Have the Dogs Stopped Screaming, Clarice?'

On the way to work, an odd thought occurred to me.

When you walk by a house with a dog or when a car goes by with a dog hanging out the window, you know how, more often than not, those dogs will just start barking at you? There are just dogs that will just bark themselves silly, like their very existence depended on it, trying to get your attention.

What if those barks are actually cries for help?

I'm not saying all of these dogs are being held captive against their will. But what if it is true for only 10% of the dogs? That 10% still totals over 600 thousand dogs in America alone. And we don't even eat dogs here.

But don't get me wrong, I'm glad dogs can't form words. Because if they did, you know they would never shut the hell up. And it goes a little something like this..

"Hey, where's my food? Hey, where's my bone? Hey buddy, want to go play catch? Play catch? Play catch? Wanna go for a walk? Man, that leash is tight. Can't you loosen it up? How about I shit in your slippers if you don't loosen that leash up? You know what? I hate dry dog food. How about the moist stuff? How about some steak for that matter? Don't look at me like that, brother. You snipped my balls. I can't get laid no more. So for sure I'm going to talk your ear off. Just remember I'm man's best friend. I'm the best friend your sorry ass is going to get. Now, how about some cold water here? This dish has been out in the sun all day long. It nearly scolded my tongue. Man, this hotel sucks. The service is horrible. Your leg looks good though. If I could get it up, I would hump that like there was no tomorrow."

Scary thing is - I had to make myself stop typing. I could have gone on and on and on.

So, next time a dog barks at you for no reason, don't be afraid to call animal services. You might be saving a life.

wojr

Labels: Advice, My Writing, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 10:19 AM