The LFP Interview - Part 3

Click Here for Part 1
Click Here for Part 2

Finally, I was being led back into inner sanctum of Larry Flynt Publications. After being exposed to underage models & their pimps in their lobby and spread-eagle shots in their reception area, I could only imagine what delights the actual offices would hold.

Looking down on it, the Larry Flynt Building is shaped like a football. Given that configuration, most people have window offices. As I stroll behind the hot Asian HR woman, I split my attention between these window offices and the ass of the woman in front of me. (This tale took place right before I met Carmel, so no need to scold me for staring.) Both views are phenomenal.

My guide leads me into an office and I continue to focus on the view out the window. All of Beverly Hills is displayed before me. With a view like that, I might consider peddling the smut. That is until I stub my toe.. ..on that same smut. Stacked on the floors and on the bookshelf to my left, there are shrink-wrapped copies of every adolescent fantasy I ever had. Every visit to the local convenience store or newsstand would force that teen version of me to try to sneak a peek at the scantily clad honeys of the same magazines that are now just scattered everywhere. This office is a veritable wanker's utopia and then I see the owner of the office - the person I'm to interview with.

Wang, I forget his real name but it was something as utterly generic in Asian fashion, is one of the controllers here. Why a controller needs to keep his office completely stocked with porn is beyond me, but I would bet my bottom dollar that he's beaten off in this very office. So, here I am, forced to shake Wang the Wanker's hand, forced to bid farewell to the HR rep that I was sure was to be the first Mrs. Wojr and forced to sit down in front of the bookshelf of "quim" & conduct this interview.

The interview is basically an instruction course on all things Flynt as Wang goes on and on about all the big guy's business ventures, besides the smutty magazines. There are the stores. There's the casino. There are charitable and political causes. And all I can think about is the mountain of porn behind me as I look for sperm stalagmites on the ceiling (or is that stalagmites? Whichever descend.)

When it comes to my side of the interview, I whiz through my credentials, my interest in the company, and every other interview cliché I have. The snowjob seems to work, because Wang wants me to meet the CFO.. .. UPSTAIRS. It's like a video game adventure through bad taste and pornography and I'm advancing through no effort on my part.

Thus, Wang leads me out of his office, eyeing me to make sure I don't steal from his treasure trove of tittie mags. It's then I see how short Wang is. He can't be more than 5'2". Then I see another guy walking around. He's less than 5'5" as well. I wonder why that is, just as I see that Wang has the most colossal wedgie known to man. His ass is literally eating his slacks.

And I chuckle, because here I am heading up to the true inner sanctum of the smut world, being led by a chronic masturbator with a pant-eating ass and suddenly..
I'm Dante in the Divine Comedy and the only thing I can do is chuckle.

Tune in tomorrow to see who is on the next canto of Hell.

wojr

Labels: My Writing, Nostalgia, Sex, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 12:33 PM