Michael Francis Wojciak: Cyber-Pimp to the Bunny Rabbit

(Warning: While discussing bunny rabbits can not really be considered racy subject matter, the links contained in this entry are. So keep in mind that they are really not workplace appropriate. Also, please know that no bunny rabbits were injured during the course of this piece and wojr.com does not condone the whoring or pandering of any rabbit (except when they dressed Bugs Bunny up as a hot girl - I need to get me some of that tail).)

Some of you out there have been kind enough to offer up suggestions on what topics I should address here. While comments like "you should write about whores" are always pleasing to the ears, we here at wojr.com prefer your hate mail. All subject matter is being offered at the whim of its author, me. Now, while whores, paid or drunken in variety, will always hold a special place in my heart, I must be the navigator of my own ship, the master of my own destiny. So, instead of whores, the focus of today's rant will be bunny rabbits. Bunny rabbits will not serve as a metaphor for whores at all, because I will not bow to the whims of the masses. No matter how massive he might be.

Now, as we all have seen and borne witness, the Internet has become an integral part of our society. For many, it has become their primary source for news, pornography, news about pornography, commerce and social interaction. It is the combination of the last two items that we'll be focusing on, the combination of social interaction and commerce.

The business of female rabbits offering sexual favors in exchange for goods and services predates the existence of paper currency, possibly even gold currency as well. Their trade is often referred to as the oldest profession. However, the bunnies' business has never been as publicly displayed as it is today on the Internet. No longer do these tawdry rabbits shake their fluffy little tails up and down seedy avenues and street corners selling their wares. They now promote the sale of their sweet bunny love via websites and escort malls.

Sites like The Eros Guide, CityVibe and ThatMall house hundreds of classified ads for these flagrant mammals of the family Leporidae. (That's right, I said 'Leporidae'.) Fat rabbits, Porn Star bunnies, elderly hares and even some bunnies with rabbit dicks all seem to be open for business. Hourly rates are proudly displayed as well as the 'extent' of service they offer.

Here's the kicker though, the part that makes me bow down and admire the endless possibility of the Internet - there are even websites that review these bunnies.

Ingenious male rabbits have gone about setting up places like The Erotic Review where the female bunnies are rated based on appearance, pricing, ability and depravity. According to some comments, all it takes is a few extra carrots and all inputs become available for your.. well, for your carrot. Now, for a few extra carrots, I guess I will write any story you want, but no one will be jumping in my rabbit hole, Broncatello.

So, what does this say about anything? It just shows that the world is a scary place, but the Internet is a scarier one. However, it feels good to know that my offerings here are not going to be the bottom of this Internet barrel, even when I make transsexual rabbit references.

Just remember, it is all in the name of story research, my friend. It's all for the benefit of the story. No whores were hurt, poked or prodded in the research for this piece.

wojr

Labels: Porn, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 4:21 PM