Thursday, May 20, 2004
You Show Me A White Kid Named Xerox & I'll Give You A Dollar
So really, what is in a name?
Gwyneth had a little baby girl and named her, Apple. Personally, I like the name. However, most people are just reminded that celebrities have an odd habit of bestowing unusual names to their offspring.
According to this article on MSN, some stellar names for the celebrity progeny include Rumer, Audio Science, Speck, Jermajesty and Fifi Trixibelle. Basically, the article took some cheap shots at the popular folk and insured the children's future dependence on psychological therapy.
Of course, the article fails to mention the crazy names us regular folk give their kids.
From the April issue of Psychology Today:
"Today's parents seem to believe they can alter their child's destiny by the picking the perfect - preferably idiosyncratic - name. (Destiny, incidentally, was the ninth most popular name for girls in New York City last year.) The current crop of preschoolers includes a few Uniques, with uncommonly named playmates like Kyston, Payton and Sawyer. From Dakota to Heaven, Integrity to Serenity, more babies are being named after places and states of mind."
They then go on to list some real names, seen and heard. Here are a few of my favorites:
Armani Hutch
Atom Larceny
Attila Legend
Bigamy* Loveless
Blade Lucky
Bologna Luscious
Camry Maverick
Cappuccino Oat
Cashmere* Ptolemy
Cerulean Rayon
Chanel Sincerity*
Cherry* Sparkle*
Coal Special*
Denim Starsky
Desperate Timberland
Dilemma Tookie
Dung Toyota
Emancipation Tragedy
Espn Truth
Famous* Vienna*
Halston Xerox
The starred names need not adopt a porn name. These individuals can proceed directly to the set for their boy-boy-girl scene.
What cruel parents name their kids Loveless, Tragedy, Desperate or Dung? I mean if you really want to give your kids a feeling of individuality - give them a different family name. There are really no new family names being introduced into the name pool. Sure, we get some funky immigrant names like Wojciak to offset the Browns and Smiths, but those names are only new to you. It's not like they haven't been circulating in their home countries for hundreds of years.
So, if you want your child to be an individual, give them a different family name. Plus, it gives you plausible deniability when the kid starts messing his life up.
(By the way, do you think Starsky and Hutch might be related? I imagine them to be little twin girls. Twin girls that grow up to hot women that men will fantasy about sleeping with, but never actually will. Why? Because the only thing that sounds more homosexual then claiming, "Yeah, I banged Starsky & Hutch" is "I was gang raped by the Village People.")
wojr
So really, what is in a name?
Gwyneth had a little baby girl and named her, Apple. Personally, I like the name. However, most people are just reminded that celebrities have an odd habit of bestowing unusual names to their offspring.
According to this article on MSN, some stellar names for the celebrity progeny include Rumer, Audio Science, Speck, Jermajesty and Fifi Trixibelle. Basically, the article took some cheap shots at the popular folk and insured the children's future dependence on psychological therapy.
Of course, the article fails to mention the crazy names us regular folk give their kids.
From the April issue of Psychology Today:
"Today's parents seem to believe they can alter their child's destiny by the picking the perfect - preferably idiosyncratic - name. (Destiny, incidentally, was the ninth most popular name for girls in New York City last year.) The current crop of preschoolers includes a few Uniques, with uncommonly named playmates like Kyston, Payton and Sawyer. From Dakota to Heaven, Integrity to Serenity, more babies are being named after places and states of mind."
They then go on to list some real names, seen and heard. Here are a few of my favorites:
Armani Hutch Atom Larceny Attila Legend Bigamy* Loveless Blade Lucky Bologna Luscious Camry Maverick Cappuccino Oat Cashmere* Ptolemy Cerulean Rayon Chanel Sincerity* Cherry* Sparkle* Coal Special* Denim Starsky Desperate Timberland Dilemma Tookie Dung Toyota Emancipation Tragedy Espn Truth Famous* Vienna* Halston Xerox The starred names need not adopt a porn name. These individuals can proceed directly to the set for their boy-boy-girl scene.
What cruel parents name their kids Loveless, Tragedy, Desperate or Dung? I mean if you really want to give your kids a feeling of individuality - give them a different family name. There are really no new family names being introduced into the name pool. Sure, we get some funky immigrant names like Wojciak to offset the Browns and Smiths, but those names are only new to you. It's not like they haven't been circulating in their home countries for hundreds of years.
So, if you want your child to be an individual, give them a different family name. Plus, it gives you plausible deniability when the kid starts messing his life up.
(By the way, do you think Starsky and Hutch might be related? I imagine them to be little twin girls. Twin girls that grow up to hot women that men will fantasy about sleeping with, but never actually will. Why? Because the only thing that sounds more homosexual then claiming, "Yeah, I banged Starsky & Hutch" is "I was gang raped by the Village People.")
wojr
Labels: Advice, News, Porn, Snide Remarks, Whores
