Thursday, June 24, 2004
Consider It A Sociological Experiment III: The Final Conflict
A brief recap for our neophyte readers.
On June 11th, I posted the following Internet Personal Ad:
DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a thirty-something white male just looking for love. Is this balding overweight guy right for you? Only if you like unemployed guys with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed fellow with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with a magnificent unit and incredible staying power.
Number of replies to the ad: ZERO
On June 17th, I reversed genders and posted this Personal Ad;
SHE'S THE DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a twenty-something white female just looking for love. Is this neurotic overweight girl right for you? Only if you like unemployed ladies with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed girl with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with magnificent juggs and no gag reflex.
Number of replies to this ad: SEVENTY-EIGHT
True, most of those responses were two or three word requests for a picture, but I was surprised to find many sincere and earnest replies.
Here's a sampling (No corrections have been made for spelling or grammar):
"I live at the beach so I get down there allot, especially durin the summer. Love getting on bike path with beach cruiser! I'm pretty laid back low drama a little sarcastic but genuine! Like doing the typical stuff Dining (LOVE SUSHI & SAKI dinners) Dancing, movies just hanging.... whatever, oh yea huge Lakers fan too! Enough of me... Now you. Well you need to be Fun, adventurous, laid back, Funny, smart attractive inside and out employed. Oh yea and 420 friendly… I know it's a tall order but im a good looking cool guy and I refuse to settle anymore!" Did he even read the ad?
"First, I have never known an overweight lady to possess a magnificant pair of jugs.....so I must infer that you are indeed a "fine tight catch".....who happens to have a beautifully shaped breasts and who is also lovingly orally articualte.." Ladies, if interested in this winner, I can forward you his email.
"I just kicked out a woman who I let sleep in my extra bed in my living room for 6 weeks... I waited on her hand and foot she definitely had here mental/emotional problems too.. But only on rare occasion did they manifest itself in paranoid delusional thinking. Like yourself she was overweight with magnificient juggs..Well I'm pretty sure anyway, never got to even see her in her bra (tho I bought her some).. so needless to say I have no idea about her gag reflex... It's been sometime since I've been in my 20's so I wouldn't impose on you all that often....." Hmmm.. I wonder what 'impose' means?
"I consider myself pretty smart, I have two bachelors degrees (but that doesn't mean shit), and I like girls who can keep up with me in conversations. But I don't like quasi-intelectuals who bore you with anecdotes from literature or art. I like dining, movies, music, and having a good time, traveling, the outdoors and sports. Do these things interest you? Also, I am HOTT, and only want to go out with HOTT girls that have lots of money. If you are lucky, I will write you back." Mammaro - is that you?
"I like your profile. The other women are sounding very materialistic; most just want a Sugar daddy and a place to live. It's amazing, how pathetic some women are.." Didn't the ad request a place to live?
"Do you think my overbearing mother would like you though? She is very picky, and her views are quite important to me. Do you like D&D? I'm not sure if my friends would let you play with us, but that would be rad. If not, I would totally tell you all about it. Do you have any Elf ears? It's cool if not, I have plenty." Yes, this one is my personal fav as well.
So, what did I learn from all this? Well, for one, I'm going straight to the personals whenever I need some inspiration for my writing. Two, men are horny bastards. Three, I'm going to go home and give Carmel a big hug tonight because I'm so glad I'm not single. The dating scene in LA scares me.
wojr
A brief recap for our neophyte readers.
On June 11th, I posted the following Internet Personal Ad:
DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a thirty-something white male just looking for love. Is this balding overweight guy right for you? Only if you like unemployed guys with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed fellow with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with a magnificent unit and incredible staying power.
Number of replies to the ad: ZERO
On June 17th, I reversed genders and posted this Personal Ad;
SHE'S THE DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a twenty-something white female just looking for love. Is this neurotic overweight girl right for you? Only if you like unemployed ladies with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed girl with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with magnificent juggs and no gag reflex.
Number of replies to this ad: SEVENTY-EIGHT
True, most of those responses were two or three word requests for a picture, but I was surprised to find many sincere and earnest replies.
Here's a sampling (No corrections have been made for spelling or grammar):
"I live at the beach so I get down there allot, especially durin the summer. Love getting on bike path with beach cruiser! I'm pretty laid back low drama a little sarcastic but genuine! Like doing the typical stuff Dining (LOVE SUSHI & SAKI dinners) Dancing, movies just hanging.... whatever, oh yea huge Lakers fan too! Enough of me... Now you. Well you need to be Fun, adventurous, laid back, Funny, smart attractive inside and out employed. Oh yea and 420 friendly… I know it's a tall order but im a good looking cool guy and I refuse to settle anymore!" Did he even read the ad?
"First, I have never known an overweight lady to possess a magnificant pair of jugs.....so I must infer that you are indeed a "fine tight catch".....who happens to have a beautifully shaped breasts and who is also lovingly orally articualte.." Ladies, if interested in this winner, I can forward you his email.
"I just kicked out a woman who I let sleep in my extra bed in my living room for 6 weeks... I waited on her hand and foot she definitely had here mental/emotional problems too.. But only on rare occasion did they manifest itself in paranoid delusional thinking. Like yourself she was overweight with magnificient juggs..Well I'm pretty sure anyway, never got to even see her in her bra (tho I bought her some).. so needless to say I have no idea about her gag reflex... It's been sometime since I've been in my 20's so I wouldn't impose on you all that often....." Hmmm.. I wonder what 'impose' means?
"I consider myself pretty smart, I have two bachelors degrees (but that doesn't mean shit), and I like girls who can keep up with me in conversations. But I don't like quasi-intelectuals who bore you with anecdotes from literature or art. I like dining, movies, music, and having a good time, traveling, the outdoors and sports. Do these things interest you? Also, I am HOTT, and only want to go out with HOTT girls that have lots of money. If you are lucky, I will write you back." Mammaro - is that you?
"I like your profile. The other women are sounding very materialistic; most just want a Sugar daddy and a place to live. It's amazing, how pathetic some women are.." Didn't the ad request a place to live?
"Do you think my overbearing mother would like you though? She is very picky, and her views are quite important to me. Do you like D&D? I'm not sure if my friends would let you play with us, but that would be rad. If not, I would totally tell you all about it. Do you have any Elf ears? It's cool if not, I have plenty." Yes, this one is my personal fav as well.
So, what did I learn from all this? Well, for one, I'm going straight to the personals whenever I need some inspiration for my writing. Two, men are horny bastards. Three, I'm going to go home and give Carmel a big hug tonight because I'm so glad I'm not single. The dating scene in LA scares me.
wojr
