Reason No. 587 Why I'll Never Be Voted to the Son Hall of Fame (or I am the Wrapper and He's the DJ)

Around seven or eight years ago, I tried to get imaginative with my Father's Day gift. Back then I was living in North Jersey, only five minutes away from the old man. Oddly enough that was the shortest distance separating the two of us since I was three years old. Given this proximity I was able to drop by with increased frequency and thus become greatly annoyed with his telephone; his ancient, decrepit rotary phone.

Now, some of you, especially my Amish readers, might be thinking "Wow! A rotary phone. That's kind of cool in a retro manner." Well, after a few actual attempts at dialing with the infernal thing, you would more likely be thinking "God damn, how did our forefathers survive this infernal contraption." Imagine no speed dial. Imagine dreading phone numbers with more than one nine in it. Imagine it being impossible to correctly dial on the first try. Imagine, well, you get the point.

Thus, I convince myself that giving my dad a new phone would be a wonderful gift while I turn a blind eye to my obvious selfishness in buying it. So, I run out to whatever was Best Buy before there was Best Buy and pick up a phone for the fellow. I forget exactly which model I picked but it most likely was the one on sale. After wrapping the communication device ever so neatly (despite never doing it professionally, I am quite the capable gift wrapper), I head over to my Dad's and present him with my Father's Day present.

Following the perfunctory thank-you and hug, we go about hooking the bad boy up. I go to the wall to unhook the phone jack when I am shock and astounded to find that the phone cord went directly into the wall. It was positively embedded in there. I ask my dad how old the phone was and he lets me know that it came with the house.

Long story short, my Dad pays ten times what I paid for the phone to have the phone company come and install phone jacks in the house..

..and by the next year, the piece of crap phone I bought died and had to be replaced.

So, the point of the whole thing - Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Wish I was still living five minutes away.

wojr  ¶ 3:37 PM