Marlon Brando: Not A Fan of the Condom

I can't lie to you*, I have enjoyed reading all about the affairs of Marlon Brando's estate. It is just interesting reading, especially given the scope of Brando's progeny. Really with all those kids he made, I wonder how the man got so fat. All that boot knocking should have shed some pounds off of that frame.

Now, if I was one of twelve kids, I would not have cared who my dad was or how big my inheritance was. The sheer fact that all those kids were being sheltered, clothed and fed would have been enough for me. Forget about college tuitions or annual trips to DisneyWorld. With twelve kids, it becomes cheaper to buy a Playstation than take them all to the movies on Saturday afternoon.

Hell, Brando even paid for one of their murder trials. And not one of those cheapie redneck murder trials, we're talking a big Hollywood type murder trial. Those don't come cheap. Now if the police ever get enough evidence to indict my serial killer ass, I don't expect my father to help at all. I'll be fine with a public defender (especially after I tell him that he will have to deal with Broncatello if I lose). But was the public defender good enough for Brando's ingrate kid? No. Did you see OJ's dad ponying up the dollars for his son's legal "Dream Team"? I don't know. Maybe he did. It's not like I put a lot of research into these rants.

Anyhow, to all the legitimate Brando kids, I think you should share the $21 million with all the bastard children as well. Hell, throw some bucks to Al Pacino, James Caan, Christopher Reeve and the rest of the "on-screen offspring" while you're at it.

So what if your Pop obviously liked to sleep around and use the old "it doesn't feel the same with a rubber" line? You were lucky enough to be born to one of the greatest actors of the 20th century and somehow he managed to die without spending all his loot. If you were my kids, I would have proudly died penniless. Shit, I'm spending my kids' inheritance right now and they're not even born yet.

wojr.com - Looking Out for the Bastard Youth of America

wojr

*Actually, I can lie to you. With the utmost of ease, no less.

Watch: My name is not Wojr. I'm actually a well-endowed African-American porn star name Lexington Steele.

See? Blatant lie. So keep on your toes - my shit is mad radical, yo.

wojr
  ¶ 1:50 PM