Saturday, July 30, 2005
Why Yes, I Am Building An Army!!
Ok, basically we have all been let down by our expectations for the future. There aren't any flying cars or Star Trek teleporters yet. Science fiction films promised us better things than Internet porn and online credit card statements. So, to all the technology peeps out there, here's your chance to make amends:
ROBOT MONKEYS.
You might think that I'm odd for making such a request, but there have already been some advances in the field of robotic marsupials.
But that isn't enough. I want something more realistic. I want the monkey hair, the monkey tail, even some monkey kibble & bits. Basically, I want the whole monkey package just without the monkey poo. Those little fuckers have no problem throwing their feces.
But I'm not here spouting my angry mouth off just to halt the flinging of animal feces. I want monkeys I can control. Hell, I want monkeys that I can control with my motherfucking mind. Make some telepathic controls, my science bitches.
And you want to know the kicker? I want the damn robot monkeys to retail for less than an Xbox. How else will I build up my monkey armies? Bitch, my American Express card will only take me so far. Imagine me storming the White House with only five or six monkeys? That's just insane!
So, there we go technological geeks, take a break from building all those superior toothbrushes and twelve-blade shavers and get working on my robot monkeys. The future depends on you.
(Plus, it’s been believed that given an infinite amount of monkeys, time and typewriters that the monkeys could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. I’m sure that my ROBOT monkeys with half a dozen iMacs could update my blog with greater frequency than my lazy ass. Probably, be funnier too!!)
wojr
Ok, basically we have all been let down by our expectations for the future. There aren't any flying cars or Star Trek teleporters yet. Science fiction films promised us better things than Internet porn and online credit card statements. So, to all the technology peeps out there, here's your chance to make amends:
ROBOT MONKEYS.
You might think that I'm odd for making such a request, but there have already been some advances in the field of robotic marsupials.
But that isn't enough. I want something more realistic. I want the monkey hair, the monkey tail, even some monkey kibble & bits. Basically, I want the whole monkey package just without the monkey poo. Those little fuckers have no problem throwing their feces.
But I'm not here spouting my angry mouth off just to halt the flinging of animal feces. I want monkeys I can control. Hell, I want monkeys that I can control with my motherfucking mind. Make some telepathic controls, my science bitches.
And you want to know the kicker? I want the damn robot monkeys to retail for less than an Xbox. How else will I build up my monkey armies? Bitch, my American Express card will only take me so far. Imagine me storming the White House with only five or six monkeys? That's just insane!
So, there we go technological geeks, take a break from building all those superior toothbrushes and twelve-blade shavers and get working on my robot monkeys. The future depends on you.
(Plus, it’s been believed that given an infinite amount of monkeys, time and typewriters that the monkeys could produce the complete works of Shakespeare. I’m sure that my ROBOT monkeys with half a dozen iMacs could update my blog with greater frequency than my lazy ass. Probably, be funnier too!!)
wojr
