Friday, August 12, 2005
Without the Neon Light, Bronc Couldn't See the Forest for the Porn
Found this on metafilter, a discussion of porn found in forests/wooded areas.
"Porn in the woods. Did you, as a kid, find porn in the woods? I did, and I have noticed this is a worldwide phenomena. Why the porn in the woods? Where does the porn in the woods come from? Yes, this is a serious question."
Reading the varied recollections sparked some comments in my fractured mind:
One, I don't recall ever actually finding pornography in areas prone to the excessive foliage. I vividly remember reading adults magazines that my friends maintain to have found in "the woods". Normally, the horrid condition of said magazines would support such claims. In retrospect, however, an enthusiastic bout of self-love would probably have left the smut-filled periodical in the same dilapidated state.
Two, while I never found actual porn out in Mother Nature's wonderful bosom, some friends and I did find a Polaroid of some guy's junk in a decrepit gravel parking lot. Let me tell you, the sheer size of photographed testicles left a severe emotional scar on my young psyche. Looking back on it, the fact that the guy would photograph himself and leave the picture out there boggles my mind. I mean, whenever I leave pictures of my little soldier behind the A&P, I make damn sure to include some contact information. If you don't, then what's the point?
Thirdly, what I learned from all those "special episodes" of network televisions depicting pedophilia is that interested pedophiles would try to lure their victims with promises of pornography and red wine. Now, I never had Gordon Jump offer me the latest copy of Juggs but if he did I would have probably accepted it. Of course, I would get the hell out of there before he busted out the merlot and try to stick his finger up my ass. Come on now, I have made it clear by now that I'm not going to turn down free porn. Thus, I wonder how many kids would accept the adult material from creepy old man and then claim to their friends that they "found it in the woods." Think about it. Would you want your friends to think that you took a shot in the mouth for a lousy porno mag? Exactly.
Christ, am I up to a fourth point? The whole finding porn in woods thing reminds me of the opening sequence of Chosen
, a comic book by Mark Millar and Peter Gross. The mini-series told the story of a young man in the early Eighties who might be the second coming Jesus Christ. Before you have visions of Mel Gibson and his anti-Semitic dad, know that the series painted the Christ figure in a realistic light, focusing more on the human side of the concept. If you need the one line Hollywood pitch version, think of the story as ET meets Dogma. I mention the books because (a) it really is worth recommending and (b) the story opens with the main character making his way through the woods searching for the rumored location of an abandoned tittie mag. Just like the opening from the New Testament.
wojr
Found this on metafilter, a discussion of porn found in forests/wooded areas.
"Porn in the woods. Did you, as a kid, find porn in the woods? I did, and I have noticed this is a worldwide phenomena. Why the porn in the woods? Where does the porn in the woods come from? Yes, this is a serious question."
Reading the varied recollections sparked some comments in my fractured mind:
One, I don't recall ever actually finding pornography in areas prone to the excessive foliage. I vividly remember reading adults magazines that my friends maintain to have found in "the woods". Normally, the horrid condition of said magazines would support such claims. In retrospect, however, an enthusiastic bout of self-love would probably have left the smut-filled periodical in the same dilapidated state.
Two, while I never found actual porn out in Mother Nature's wonderful bosom, some friends and I did find a Polaroid of some guy's junk in a decrepit gravel parking lot. Let me tell you, the sheer size of photographed testicles left a severe emotional scar on my young psyche. Looking back on it, the fact that the guy would photograph himself and leave the picture out there boggles my mind. I mean, whenever I leave pictures of my little soldier behind the A&P, I make damn sure to include some contact information. If you don't, then what's the point?
Thirdly, what I learned from all those "special episodes" of network televisions depicting pedophilia is that interested pedophiles would try to lure their victims with promises of pornography and red wine. Now, I never had Gordon Jump offer me the latest copy of Juggs but if he did I would have probably accepted it. Of course, I would get the hell out of there before he busted out the merlot and try to stick his finger up my ass. Come on now, I have made it clear by now that I'm not going to turn down free porn. Thus, I wonder how many kids would accept the adult material from creepy old man and then claim to their friends that they "found it in the woods." Think about it. Would you want your friends to think that you took a shot in the mouth for a lousy porno mag? Exactly.
Christ, am I up to a fourth point? The whole finding porn in woods thing reminds me of the opening sequence of Chosen
, a comic book by Mark Millar and Peter Gross. The mini-series told the story of a young man in the early Eighties who might be the second coming Jesus Christ. Before you have visions of Mel Gibson and his anti-Semitic dad, know that the series painted the Christ figure in a realistic light, focusing more on the human side of the concept. If you need the one line Hollywood pitch version, think of the story as ET meets Dogma. I mention the books because (a) it really is worth recommending and (b) the story opens with the main character making his way through the woods searching for the rumored location of an abandoned tittie mag. Just like the opening from the New Testament.wojr
