Consider It A Sociological Experiment IV: The Return of the Sociological Experiment

A long time ago on a blog not too far away…

Actually, back in June 2004 (For our younger readers, 2004 was the boring year before 2005.) wojr.com conducted a little sociological experiment.

On June 11th, 2004, I posted the following Internet Personal Ad:

DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'

I'm a thirty-something white male just looking for love. Is this balding overweight guy right for you? Only if you like unemployed guys with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed fellow with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.

PS: Also, I am blessed with a magnificent unit and incredible staying power.

Number of replies to the 2004 ad: ZERO

On June 17th, 2004, I reversed genders and posted this Personal Ad:

SHE'S THE DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'

I'm a twenty-something white female just looking for love. Is this neurotic overweight girl right for you? Only if you like unemployed ladies with an awkwardly close attachment to their father. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed girl with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.

PS: Also, I am blessed with magnificent juggs and no gag reflex.

Number of replies to this ad: SEVENTY-EIGHT

Since it's been almost two years, I thought I would try my luck again. Hell, anyone reading this blog knows I’ll frequently draw from the same well for my own benefit.

And here are the results for your benefit.

Responses to the 2006 male version: ONE

In her defense, she got the joke. “are you serious that is ether the funniest add I have seen or the most honest . you get points in my book why don't you start over and tell me about your self.”

Responses to the 2006 female version: THIRTY-FOUR (before the ad was FLAGGED & REMOVED. I cry foul! CENSORSHIP! CENSORSHIP!)

Again, some of those responses were two or three word requests for a picture, but I was surprised for a second time to find many sincere and earnest replies.

Here's a sampling (No corrections have been made for spelling or grammar):

"You sound very interesting....first, I love big girls, and in all honesty big girls are the best sexual lovers....that is a definite plus....sounds like just a sex thing huh, but honestly if the sex is not good, there is no chance of a real relationship....because then the horns would always pop up.....would like to talk with you...." What horns? Is he referring to horns of the musical variety, the bull variety or the devil variety?

"6/3 220 white jew from the valley Im 40 220 lbs" The guy knows how to sell himself. By the way, he weighs 220 lbs.

"i am XXXX and i am very tall and on the ball" If his name was Paul, it would have worked. Unfortunately, it was not.

"how much overwieght?" This guy grades on a curve.

"You're funny!" That’s the entire email – so I’m going to assume this was actually fan mail to me & not related to the personal ad. My ego is one hungry bitch.

"HELLO IM xxx LIVES NEAR MAGIC MOUNTAIN SINGLE NO KIDS LIVES ALONE..I own my own home all to myslef..im 6ft tall, 190lbs blonde with blue eyes and im nicholas cages lookalike...." A balding man that wants to make it perfectly clear he lives alone. Anyone else picturing the pit from Silence of the Lambs? "It rubs the lotion on its skin, it does this whenever it’s told!"

"Yeah, right. All women say they are as charming and desireable as you. Prove it." Did he read the ad?

"Let me help pay the rent, give XX a call 310-XXX-XXXX" Need a sugar daddy? Then, email me for the phone number. I get a commission though.

"let me test your gag reflex" Thankfully, this guy did not attach a pic.

"I'll take the neuroses and father complex (which is kind of hot) just so I can have the tits and the no-gag-reflex." Actually, I respect his honesty.

And the winner is…

"so, um, magnificent, huh?

Oh, hello.

Now, is a 43-y-o dude just t-o-o much of a dinosaur to be considered in all of this?

(... magnificent ... yum ...)

Well, in any event: me, 43 (as mentioned), a writer/PR dude, a father with full custody of my 12-y-o daughter, a G-rated dad at home, smoke pot out, but don't drink really.

Love to kiss and hold the woman's tit and feel her up as we make out and pop her boob out and suck her tits covering her breasts with spit from sucking and kissing....

Well, bye, I guess."

So, what did I learn anything new from all this the second time around? Nope, just reinforced how much the dating scene in LA scares me.

Well, bye, I guess.

wojr  ¶ 3:32 PM