The Express Lane for Sainthood

Found on cnn.com:

KABUL, Afghanistan (AP) -- Senior Muslim clerics are demanding that an Afghan man on trial for converting from Islam to Christianity be executed, warning that if the government caves in to Western pressure and frees him, they will incite people to "pull him into pieces."

In an unusual move, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice telephoned President Hamid Karzai on Thursday seeking a "favorable resolution" of the case of Abdul Rahman. The 41-year-old former medical aid worker faces the death penalty under Afghanistan's Islamic laws for becoming a Christian.

…

"Rejecting Islam is insulting God. We will not allow God to be humiliated. This man must die," said cleric Abdul Raoulf, who is considered a moderate and was jailed three times for opposing the Taliban before the hard-line regime was ousted in 2001.

However, the government has other problems than Condoleezza since:

Hamidullah [chief cleric at Haji Yacob Mosque] warned that the government would lose the support of the people if it frees Rahman, and "there will be an uprising" like the one against Soviet occupying forces in the 1980s.

Upon hearing about this story, I first focused on my usual disdain for organized religions. But why discuss that again? I’m even boring myself with that tirade.

Secondly, I got pissed at people thinking God needs defending. God has plagues, natural disasters, Pat Robertson and pillars of salt at his disposal. The man (or woman) can unleash hell anytime he chooses. He (or she) does not need the angry mob sticking up for him. The boy (or lil’ lady) is an army of one.

But most importantly, I noticed who wasn’t commenting on the story. I saw remarks from Condoleezza, Amnesty International, and blood-seeking Islamic MODERATES. But nothing from the Pope or the Catholic Church.

Where is my boy, Benedict? Here we have poor Abdul standing up for his beliefs in Catholicism and the Catholics have no comments. Not even a "RUN BITCH! Run for your life!" (God, I miss the Chappelle Show.)

This got me thinking.

The Church hasn’t had any real solid Martyrs lately. Hell, the last few canonizations have been pretty lackluster – especially when taken against the list of indiscretions. (Notice how I was nice and used the word “indiscretions”. I’m becoming all PC and shit, HUH?) Maybe the best thing the Church needs is an update on Daniel in the Lions Den. The Catholics need some solid PR & Martyrdom has always helped them in the past.

They’d probably bypass the Three Miracle rule for Rahman – especially since he’s not Latino.

I bet they could get even Benicio Del Toro to play Rahman in the movie – especially since he’s Latino.

But then, those MODERATE Islamics might have a problem with the film. Especially when they cast Harvey Keitel to play Mohammed. "Oh, not the bastard from Bad Lieutenant. That guy beat off on an Oldsmobile."

Sorry, did I go too far?

wojr  ¶ 12:45 PM