I'm Bored By Porn, But It Can Still Surprise Me

First off, found this porn review on Fleshbot.com (Link is NSFW):

Dan Brown should thank "Da Vinci Load" writer Nelson X and director Jerome Tanner for adapting his execrable book for the proper medium: porn.

Operatives of the Priory of Semen, including penile profiler Dr. Nadia Saint (Missy Monroe) discover that Leonardo Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa using his own sperm. Determined to resurrect Da Vinci and overjoyed that the master's sperm was not all "lost up a man's ass", they steal the painting and kill anyone who gets in their way.

This is already so much more believable than that whole Virgin Mary thing.

The actors often fall just slightly short of Nelson X's script, which is the most dialogue-intensive porn script since "Personal Best". Somehow this makes the tongue-in-cheek movie better.

Standout sex scenes are delivered by fleshpots Monroe, Hailey Paige, and Tory Lane, and Frank Bukkwyd and Evan Stone ham it up with gusto:

Monroe: So Da Vinci jerked off in his paintings?
Stone (as Professor Lee Teabag): It's just the way things were done!

Do you think mainstream media exists only to provide the porn world storylines to lampoon? (Plus, I was unaware porn movies still came with plotlines. I still can't find a narrative in Slut Puppies; no matter how many times I watch it.)

I still haven't read The DaVinci Code, so as far as I know that might be the actual plot of the book. I really would not be surprised.

What does surprise me was the following exchange I read on lukeisback.com (Link is Quasi-NSFW):

Rob Spallone To Shoot World's Oldest Gangbang

I call him Tuesday morning.

Rob: "I'm shooting the world's oldest gangbang."

Luke: "That's disgusting."

Rob: "You know how I did the world's biggest gangbang? Kat Kleavage had sex with 50 people over 300 pounds. I am now shooting one girl with 50 people over 60 years old."

Luke: "You're a genius."

When I read stuff like, my catholic school girl fetish just seems so lame in comparison. But I wonder where this guy found his "50 people over 60". Do you think he held casting sessions at the VFW or the American Legion? Makes me want to buy more stock in Pfizer.

(And with names like Rob Spallone and Nelson X, do you think they had any other options BESIDES a career in porn?)

wojr  ¶ 10:27 PM