A Censure Just Won’t Cut It In The Age of Diddy

When I was failing to update this journal – you know, that dark period before… last week – I was also failing to fulfill my self-appointed duties as the chronicler of the “Age of Diddy.”

For those that don’t know, on August 16, 2005, civilization as we knew it ceased to exist due to the actions of one cultural icon. The man legally known as Sean Combs announced that he had changed his nickname from "P. Diddy" to just "Diddy" – and ushered our world into the “Age of Diddy.”

Now, I’ll admit that I faltered. I had planned to track the success (or failure) of the Age of Diddy and provide reports at regular intervals. But I missed the first hundred day mark. Then, I missed the second. Now, here we are, firmly entrenched at Day #231 of Diddy’s Age. Since no news items caught my eye (I’ll hit on the NCAA Tournament later), I believe now is the perfect time to offer my opinion on this latest cultural age.

To put it succinctly, I think the current Diddy has to go.

He needs to be impeached, because a censure just won’t cut it.

Everything has just gone to pot and I blame the current Diddy.

Look at the state of the world today.

We’re teased by the prospect of new celebrity porn. Be it Kid Rock, Colin Farrell or the much rumored Britney Spears. Do we ever get it? NO! Before this Diddy, I got my celebrity porn when I wanted it. (I’ll admit it - Nite vision porn works for me.)

We now got Katie Holmes about to give birth to the spawn of Scientology. If this Diddy can’t save our little Joey, or let alone Chef/Shaft, from this epidemic, we need to choose another leader.

We have Joakim Noah winning a National Championship. I don’t blame Diddy for this, but it pisses me the hell off.

We find out that Fez from That 70s Show is sodomizing all our starlets with his eight inch foreign penis.

Dave Chappelle still hasn’t returned to Comedy Central, Larry the Cable Guy has a damn movie out (and a Pixar one coming soon) and now The Today Show is losing Katie Couric to CBS.

Worst of all, the Kevin Federline album is about to drop any day now.

What is going on with the world?

We need a new Diddy and I nominate..

I nominate Neerajimus Pai aka Raje. Not just because “R. Diddy” has a nice ring to it, but I think he can fix that Joakim Noah bullsh-t.

He wouldn’t have let that ass beat our beloved Wildcats.

Well, he would have stopped it, if he had the power of the Diddy. Plus, his legal expertise could free up that celebrity porn from its legal entanglements.

Or at least, keep Wilmer Valderrama & Tom Cruise away from our underage girls.

So, write your congressman and let’s get the ball rolling on this.

The TomKat baby is about to drop. And so is that Federline CD. Time is of the essence. The world needs you.

wojr  ¶ 12:52 PM