Old as Christ, but Not Old as Dirt

For most of you, today is a special day because Paris Hilton finally drops her debut album on the masses. According to my favorite millionaire whore, Paris, "I, like, cry, when I listen to [her record], it's so good."

For myself, today is special because I reach the ripe old age of 33 today.

Yes, wojr is now as old as Jesus.

Personally, I was hoping to get some Christ-like powers when I woke up this morning.

Tried to turn the water in my toilet to wine. Hell, I would have settled on some malt liquor. But that was a no go.

I’m keeping my eye out for some blind beggars, but I only found some regular ones. So, I still might be able to restore someone’s sight. I might need that home Lasik kit for that one though.

Personally, I’m a little weary about trying to raise the dead. Most dead bodies are locked up in coffins and buried six feet deep. What if I succeed and the poor guy I resurrect is just stuck in the ground forever?? God knows I won’t be digging him up. I’m too old for manual labor. Maybe I’ll stop by a wake tonight and see what magic I can work on the open casket crowd.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t Jesus have some kind of Solar Death Ray? That would be cool power to have. Even a regular Death Ray would suffice. Maybe only the Ark of the Covenant came with that feature. I’ll have to check with Mel Gibson.

By the way, what the fuck is that BEEE-YATCH Paris Hilton doing releasing her album on MY birthday?? I’d be ok with a new porno from her – but a CD.

Sometimes it feels like the whole world’s against me.

Just like they were against Jesus.

wojr

Labels: Nostalgia, Religion, Snide Remarks, Whores

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