Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Dog Bites Man Is Not News (Even If The Man Is A Drunken German Cowboy)
So, this is how the internet greets me today – found on abcnews.com:
(Yeah, it's not InStyle magazine, but I just like that picture.)
Scarlett Johansson coming to the conclusion that she has an attractive body, the same conclusion an overwhelming consensus of both men and women already agree on, is not news. If it was, I’d be reading articles about how Brad Pitt likes his abs, how Peter North likes his penis (and money shots), and how I’m proud of my cunnilingus skills*.
This story is lower than Man Bites Dog, let alone Dog Biting Man. Of course, Man Bites Panda trumps them all – found on aol.com:
By the way, Drunken German Cowboys? Really?
wojr
*Any news outlets interested in interviewing me about my cunnilingus skills can email me at wojr@aol.com.
So, this is how the internet greets me today – found on abcnews.com:
Johansson Likes Her Hourglass Figure…
NEW YORK Sep 18, 2006 (AP) Scarlett Johansson struts her stuff in cleavage-baring dresses on the red carpet, but in real life, she'd rather remain a mystery.
"I can't stand those articles where people spill their life story," Johansson says in the October issue of InStyle magazine, on newsstands Friday. "After a while I feel like I know more about them than their best friend does and that's weird. It's better when you don't know everything."
She's more confident about her hourglass figure. "I'm curvy I'm never going to be 5'11' and 120 pounds. But I feel lucky to have what I've got."Not only is this article basically an advertisement for the October issue of InStyle magazine pretending to be a news story, it’s not even news.
(Yeah, it's not InStyle magazine, but I just like that picture.)Scarlett Johansson coming to the conclusion that she has an attractive body, the same conclusion an overwhelming consensus of both men and women already agree on, is not news. If it was, I’d be reading articles about how Brad Pitt likes his abs, how Peter North likes his penis (and money shots), and how I’m proud of my cunnilingus skills*.
This story is lower than Man Bites Dog, let alone Dog Biting Man. Of course, Man Bites Panda trumps them all – found on aol.com:
Man Bites Panda at Beijing ZooSee that’s a news story. Moronic and ultimately inconsequential but still a news story. Plus, when you see that it’s not the only drunken foreigner having fun with animals – found on ananova.com:
BEIJING (Sept. 20) - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Drunken cowboy arrested“Drunken Foreigners Abusing Animals” has the makings of a Fox News Special Report if you ask me. Push comes to shove, they can always ask Scarlett Johansen for her thoughts on this social epidemic. That's if they don't have video of the Man Biting the Panda.
A drunken German cowboy was arrested after he rode his horse into several pubs looking for a nightcap.
The 33-year-old trotted with his mount into several saloons in Geseke requesting: "Just one for the road - and an apple for Hendrik."
Hendrik the horse plodded faithfully around the town as his master fired a cap gun and at one stage fell off.
It wasn't long before the sherrif [sic] arrived and the night ended with the midnight cowboy sleeping it off in the local cells.
Hendrik was bedded down for the night at a stable with police horses. His owner faces a charge of being drunk in charge of a horse and a fine.
By the way, Drunken German Cowboys? Really?
wojr
*Any news outlets interested in interviewing me about my cunnilingus skills can email me at wojr@aol.com.
Labels: Intoxication, News, Sex, Snide Remarks
