Friday, September 08, 2006
Scientology Conspiracy Theory #24420 or How Xenu & the Galactic Confederacy Can Save Suri’s Soul, Just Not Travolta’s
wojr.com would like to offer this brief recap on This Week in Scary Scientology:
We started off the week with Brooke Shield’s disclosure that Tom Cruise had apologized to her for saying she violated his religion’s doctrine on medication and postpartum depression. (Which in Cruise’s defense, she did violate.) Brooke, however, still owes me an apology for Suddenly Susan.
Then Katie Couric debuted her sweet ass on CBS with the unveiling of Vanity Fair’s pictures of the second coming, Suri. (I used to have such the hankering for Katie Holmes. Now, she's lost to me. It's almost like when a porn star finds God and quits the biz.)
So, it’s pretty obvious that Cruise is trying to trying to clean up his public image. You know, the one where he’s bat-shit crazy.
However, this week also saw the National Enquirer reveal this image of John Travolta kissing a dude:
Not that there's anything wrong with that. (I'm just saying that to kowtow to my gay and lesbian audience. There is something very wrong with that photo.)
And then USA today released this image of Travolta reprising Divine's role of Edna Turnblad in the upcoming film, Hairspray:
I wouldn't hit that with Vitti's dick.
Jenna Elfman and Jason Lee, strangely enough, were not in the news at all this week. However, I will slip a quote from a Jason Lee role at the end of the piece and Jenna Elfman still owes me an apology for Dharma & Greg.
So, here’s my conspiracy theory:
I think the Church of Scary Scientology is offering up John Travolta to the mass media as a sacrificial lamb in order to save Tom Cruise.
I can understand their thinking. Travolta is the king of the cinematic comeback. He can weather the storm, play around with his planes and wait for the next Tarantino to cast him in something hip.
Tom Cruise can't handle a comeback. The boy can't handle a blemish. He might self implode and then sue himself to re-assert his heterosexuality.
Overall, I'm not impressed with these actions. I expected more from my L. Ron peeps. I think their battle against Xenu is distracting them from their Public Relations duties.
Now, if Cruise apologized to that "erotic wrestler" he sued, then we’re talking about something.
Anything else is just "bullshit posturing". (Thank you, Banky Edwards!)
And by the way, wojr.com does not owe any apologies.
wojr
wojr.com would like to offer this brief recap on This Week in Scary Scientology:
We started off the week with Brooke Shield’s disclosure that Tom Cruise had apologized to her for saying she violated his religion’s doctrine on medication and postpartum depression. (Which in Cruise’s defense, she did violate.) Brooke, however, still owes me an apology for Suddenly Susan.
Then Katie Couric debuted her sweet ass on CBS with the unveiling of Vanity Fair’s pictures of the second coming, Suri. (I used to have such the hankering for Katie Holmes. Now, she's lost to me. It's almost like when a porn star finds God and quits the biz.)
So, it’s pretty obvious that Cruise is trying to trying to clean up his public image. You know, the one where he’s bat-shit crazy.
However, this week also saw the National Enquirer reveal this image of John Travolta kissing a dude:
Not that there's anything wrong with that. (I'm just saying that to kowtow to my gay and lesbian audience. There is something very wrong with that photo.)And then USA today released this image of Travolta reprising Divine's role of Edna Turnblad in the upcoming film, Hairspray:
I wouldn't hit that with Vitti's dick.Jenna Elfman and Jason Lee, strangely enough, were not in the news at all this week. However, I will slip a quote from a Jason Lee role at the end of the piece and Jenna Elfman still owes me an apology for Dharma & Greg.
So, here’s my conspiracy theory:
I think the Church of Scary Scientology is offering up John Travolta to the mass media as a sacrificial lamb in order to save Tom Cruise.
I can understand their thinking. Travolta is the king of the cinematic comeback. He can weather the storm, play around with his planes and wait for the next Tarantino to cast him in something hip.
Tom Cruise can't handle a comeback. The boy can't handle a blemish. He might self implode and then sue himself to re-assert his heterosexuality.
Overall, I'm not impressed with these actions. I expected more from my L. Ron peeps. I think their battle against Xenu is distracting them from their Public Relations duties.
Now, if Cruise apologized to that "erotic wrestler" he sued, then we’re talking about something.
Anything else is just "bullshit posturing". (Thank you, Banky Edwards!)
And by the way, wojr.com does not owe any apologies.
wojr
Labels: Hollywood, News, Religion, Snide Remarks
