I Wonder If They Are Franchising

Found on news.bbc.co.uk (via some friend of Shaw-nee):

Agency makes breaking up easier

A German businessman has set up a "separation agency" - a service to inform unsuspecting spouses and lovers their partners no longer want them.

Bernd Dressler will deliver the bad news - for those too scared to do it themselves - for 20 euros (£13) by phone, or for 50 euros (£33) in person.

The efficiency and directness of Mr. Dressler's manner has earned him the nickname The Terminator.

The 52-year-old compares his company to a dating agency but "in reverse".

At their inner core, everyone here at wojr.com are nice guys. Actually, that’s not true. There is only one guy and he has no core. No matter how much you lick, there is no tootsie roll center.

Thus, I could so do that job.

“It’s not you, it’s them.”

“I think the two of you just need some space.”

“To be honest, he’s looking for some new pussy.”

How difficult is that to get across? The hardest part would be convincing the victim (can you think of a better label? I can’t.) that you are an actual representative of their spouse or lover and not someone playing some cruel prank.

Plus, there’s a definite client base out there. One can never underestimate the number of chicken shit men (and women) in the world.

I do, however, have a few suggestions for Mr. Dressler’s business model.

For one, I would offer a retort service. For a couple euros offer the dumped the opportunity to use the separation agent as a mouthpiece for their rage and retaliation. Anyone who has a nickname like ‘The Terminator’ probably would find it to express the bile and contempt one might feel over been romantically discarded by an intermediary.

Secondly, I would not charge more for the in person dumping. True, using the telephone or even email might be the swifter, more cost-effective route. However, the separation agent is wasting some prime opportunities for some break-up and/or revenge nookie. “What is that guy thinking, breaking up with a gorgeous lady like you?” These separation agents could be getting more play than the pizza guy in a porno. I realize the opportunity for casual sex is difficult to reflect on a company’s bottom line, but employee morale is crucial for any business, especially a start-up.

Third, why stop at romantic break-ups? How about a roommate relocation package or an employment resignation service? Or even go the whole nine yards and institute something akin to the witness protection program. Offer up new identities, fake deaths, the whole shebang. That’s where the big money is.

It could work, but I still like my Best Man Insurance idea better.

wojr

Labels: Advice, News

  ¶ 5:23 PM