wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, March 12, 2004
Random Items I Found In My Inbox
My new favorite criminal mastermind - The mugshot says it all.
A cool way to watch the time go by.
Photos of our stalkers of the month
Darragh Delaney
Brian Reeves
An invite to a glorified kegger.
And an update on gas prices
One thing I did not get in my inbox was any emails with an out-pouring of emotion over yesterday's tragedy in Spain. Actually, no one I spoke to today even mentioned it. (Then again, I do live in the self-involved capital of the world, Los Angeles.) And that's probably why the rest of the world isn't going to be hating Spain in about two and a half years time. But that's just me.
wojr
My new favorite criminal mastermind - The mugshot says it all.
A cool way to watch the time go by.
Photos of our stalkers of the month
Darragh Delaney
Brian Reeves
An invite to a glorified kegger.
And an update on gas prices
One thing I did not get in my inbox was any emails with an out-pouring of emotion over yesterday's tragedy in Spain. Actually, no one I spoke to today even mentioned it. (Then again, I do live in the self-involved capital of the world, Los Angeles.) And that's probably why the rest of the world isn't going to be hating Spain in about two and a half years time. But that's just me.
wojr
"I THOUGHT COMICS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT BATMAN AND CRAP"
Just posted my latest, SHORTAGE. Twenty-two pages of semi-historical fiction.
The seed of this story has been in my head for two years now. Actually, one could argue it was there for almost thirty years. One of my earliest memories is waiting with my dad in some monster line for gas during one gas crisis and realizing that my father almost smoked as much as my mother. He was just better at hiding it.
As I finally sat down to get this story down on paper, it became something entirely different. That's why I love to write. There's no better place to surprise yourself than your own head.
READ PAGES 1 through 11 of "Shortage"
READ PAGES 12 through 22 of "Shortage"
wojr
Just posted my latest, SHORTAGE. Twenty-two pages of semi-historical fiction.
The seed of this story has been in my head for two years now. Actually, one could argue it was there for almost thirty years. One of my earliest memories is waiting with my dad in some monster line for gas during one gas crisis and realizing that my father almost smoked as much as my mother. He was just better at hiding it.
As I finally sat down to get this story down on paper, it became something entirely different. That's why I love to write. There's no better place to surprise yourself than your own head.
READ PAGES 1 through 11 of "Shortage"
READ PAGES 12 through 22 of "Shortage"
wojr
Thursday, March 11, 2004
"No, Jeff Bridges was in Tron, Barry Bostwick was in Megaforce -- as ACE HUNTER"
On the way to work today, I saw two ads for "Scooby Doo 2." After some thought, I began to fell badly for all the poor parents that are going to get dragged to that train-wreck of modern cinema. All the fathers waiting desperately for Linda Cardellini to get in that skin-tight red vinyl outfit and offer them some brief respite from their 95 minute hell. Knowing full well that they cannot get that time back. Ever. That they paid good money to edge themselves 95 minutes closer to their death.
And it hits me...
I made my Dad go to some pretty crappy films as a kid. Some really bad films. I can't imagine that he took any enjoyment from the cinematic vision of Megaforce. Or took some childish glee in the adventure of Krull. And even though it has held up somewhat well, I don't think Tron was exactly the right film for my father. Hell, I'd bet 95 minutes of a computer-generated dog would have seemed like nirvana to him. Especially in the late 70s/early 80s, when the only things computer generated were those IBM punch cards.
Even the good films like Empire probably got old after a dozen viewings. But still, he took me. And look at me now - an utterly unproduced and unsuccessful screenwriter. But, my love for film was fostered by that man's willingness to sit through the crappiest films Hollywood had to offer. So to that, I say "Thanks, Dad."
Will I return the favor to my kids? HELL NO. I'm going to chain those bastards up to a computer and shove every coding language I can find down their throat. Let you idiots try to make the next Tiger out of your kids. I wants some of that Bill Gates bling-bling and I'll pimp my offspring to get it.
wojr
On the way to work today, I saw two ads for "Scooby Doo 2." After some thought, I began to fell badly for all the poor parents that are going to get dragged to that train-wreck of modern cinema. All the fathers waiting desperately for Linda Cardellini to get in that skin-tight red vinyl outfit and offer them some brief respite from their 95 minute hell. Knowing full well that they cannot get that time back. Ever. That they paid good money to edge themselves 95 minutes closer to their death.
And it hits me...
I made my Dad go to some pretty crappy films as a kid. Some really bad films. I can't imagine that he took any enjoyment from the cinematic vision of Megaforce. Or took some childish glee in the adventure of Krull. And even though it has held up somewhat well, I don't think Tron was exactly the right film for my father. Hell, I'd bet 95 minutes of a computer-generated dog would have seemed like nirvana to him. Especially in the late 70s/early 80s, when the only things computer generated were those IBM punch cards.
Even the good films like Empire probably got old after a dozen viewings. But still, he took me. And look at me now - an utterly unproduced and unsuccessful screenwriter. But, my love for film was fostered by that man's willingness to sit through the crappiest films Hollywood had to offer. So to that, I say "Thanks, Dad."
Will I return the favor to my kids? HELL NO. I'm going to chain those bastards up to a computer and shove every coding language I can find down their throat. Let you idiots try to make the next Tiger out of your kids. I wants some of that Bill Gates bling-bling and I'll pimp my offspring to get it.
wojr
"You should stop the story right there.."
Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..
"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..."
"The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!"
"And then we started doing shots.."
"So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.."
"I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..."
"Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.."
"And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.."
"When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.."
"And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.."
"I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.."
"Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'"
"Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.."
"And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.."
"When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.."
"And then we started doing coke.."
"So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'"
"The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!"
"And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.."
"I held the fart in as long as I could, but.."
"And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'"
"When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.."
"And then we started smoking some rock.."
"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.."
"I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."
It's best if we just end it there.
wojr
Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..
"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..." "The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!" "And then we started doing shots.." "So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.." "I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..." "Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.." "And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.." "When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.." "And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.." "I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.." "Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'" "Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.." "And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.." "When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.." "And then we started doing coke.." "So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'" "The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!" "And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.." "I held the fart in as long as I could, but.." "And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'" "When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.." "And then we started smoking some rock.." "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.." "I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."It's best if we just end it there.
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, My Writing, woj
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
"He Did It For Science"
Just when I was about to give up hope on all scientific studies, Warren Ellis points me here. (The second link contains slight nudity, but only of the synthetic variety)
Visit www.diepunyhumans.com for more of Warren Ellis's items of interest.
wojr
Just when I was about to give up hope on all scientific studies, Warren Ellis points me here. (The second link contains slight nudity, but only of the synthetic variety)
Visit www.diepunyhumans.com for more of Warren Ellis's items of interest.
wojr
wojr.com - your insipid source for news
I really don't need a judge to tell me this. But, now that Martha is taken care of, can we go after Joe Francis next?
Two snippets from eonline.com:
PLAYING THE FIELD: Angelina Jolie telling the New York Post that she's currently sleeping with men with whom she's close friends and is not seeking a serious relationship. "As crazy as it sounds, meeting a man in a hotel room for a few hours and then going back and putting my son to bed and not seeing that man again for a few months is about what I can handle now," she said. Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #1: I guess her brother was out of town.
IN SIGHT: J.Lo inking a development deal with Fox giving them first look rights to any TV projects coming out of her shingle, Nuyorican Productions, report the trades. "I started in television and love the medium," Lopez said in a statement. "We intend to be a major creative force in television." Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #2: Started in television? She was a FLY GIRL.
And for those that were wondering, the definition of Nuyorican.
For the geeks like me: Scott Tipton turns his attention to Batman: The Animated Series.
For geeks bigger than me: Well, just look and see.
And as a follow-up to my earlier rant, more body-snatching information.
wojr
I really don't need a judge to tell me this. But, now that Martha is taken care of, can we go after Joe Francis next?
Two snippets from eonline.com:
PLAYING THE FIELD: Angelina Jolie telling the New York Post that she's currently sleeping with men with whom she's close friends and is not seeking a serious relationship. "As crazy as it sounds, meeting a man in a hotel room for a few hours and then going back and putting my son to bed and not seeing that man again for a few months is about what I can handle now," she said. Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #1: I guess her brother was out of town.
IN SIGHT: J.Lo inking a development deal with Fox giving them first look rights to any TV projects coming out of her shingle, Nuyorican Productions, report the trades. "I started in television and love the medium," Lopez said in a statement. "We intend to be a major creative force in television." Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #2: Started in television? She was a FLY GIRL.
And for those that were wondering, the definition of Nuyorican.
For the geeks like me: Scott Tipton turns his attention to Batman: The Animated Series.
For geeks bigger than me: Well, just look and see.
And as a follow-up to my earlier rant, more body-snatching information.
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Hollywood, News, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
"Guaranteed for a Chuckle"
I know why we can't find Osama - look at this picture - Bastard's in Middle-Earth - "Po-tay-toes. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. Even you couldn't say no to that."
This one is from last month, but it took me a while to find it again. "You're a naughty one. What are we going to do with you?"
Trying hard to come up with a funny intro for this one. So far, all I have is "Funny part is their office is on the 30th floor."
And here's one that needs no caption from NewsAskew.com.
wojr
I know why we can't find Osama - look at this picture - Bastard's in Middle-Earth - "Po-tay-toes. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish. Even you couldn't say no to that."
This one is from last month, but it took me a while to find it again. "You're a naughty one. What are we going to do with you?"
Trying hard to come up with a funny intro for this one. So far, all I have is "Funny part is their office is on the 30th floor."
And here's one that needs no caption from NewsAskew.com.
wojr
"75% is still a C"
In terms of the second version of wojr.com, I am about 75% completed with the initial setup. (Thanks should go out to my resistance to sleep, my 5AM wake-up calls from Broncatello, and the nonexistence patience of my fiancee.) As for the final work to be completed, some of the missing items are noticeable, luckily most are not - so, I opened everything up for mass consumption.
Hopefully, I'll be at 90% done by the weekend and the final bits and pieces will be completed over the rest of the month. Feel free to email me any comments or suggestions.
Some new stuff of new interest:
Massive update to the Biography page - some of the jokes may be too inside, but there is something for everybody. (Legal disclaimer for biography: As of March 9, 2004, none of the quotes contained in the biography have been uttered by anyone. That is not to dismiss the fact that those statements could be made at some point in the next 61 years. Plus, I have no children that I am aware of.)
Posted an old skit that I wrote one day back in my wedding planning days - BEST MAN INSURANCE. Warning: It's got some naughty bits.
Just finished the rough draft of the SHORTAGE comic script - clocks in at 22 pages. Although, it needs an edit or two before I put it up here.
And it's only Tuesday.
wojr
In terms of the second version of wojr.com, I am about 75% completed with the initial setup. (Thanks should go out to my resistance to sleep, my 5AM wake-up calls from Broncatello, and the nonexistence patience of my fiancee.) As for the final work to be completed, some of the missing items are noticeable, luckily most are not - so, I opened everything up for mass consumption.
Hopefully, I'll be at 90% done by the weekend and the final bits and pieces will be completed over the rest of the month. Feel free to email me any comments or suggestions.
Some new stuff of new interest:
Massive update to the Biography page - some of the jokes may be too inside, but there is something for everybody. (Legal disclaimer for biography: As of March 9, 2004, none of the quotes contained in the biography have been uttered by anyone. That is not to dismiss the fact that those statements could be made at some point in the next 61 years. Plus, I have no children that I am aware of.)
Posted an old skit that I wrote one day back in my wedding planning days - BEST MAN INSURANCE. Warning: It's got some naughty bits.
Just finished the rough draft of the SHORTAGE comic script - clocks in at 22 pages. Although, it needs an edit or two before I put it up here.
And it's only Tuesday.
wojr
Labels: My Writing, Nostalgia
Monday, March 08, 2004
"For Artistic Reasons, I kept the Judas jokes to a minimum."
I don't think tonight is going to be a big a TV night in the wojr household. Too much work to do. But the programming being offered is intriguing to say the least.
You could tune in ABC to see the TV Movie "Judas." (I bet the folks at Disney are loving all the Mel Gibson/"Passion" frenzy. "Come over to ABC and check out the less than bloody version of events - for FREE!")
Or you could go over to NBC and watch "Behind the Camera: Charlie's Angels." I will be honest. Based on the one ad I saw for it - I am tempted. Some actress doing a mean vocal impersonation of Kate Jackson's sexy voice. Wallace Langham pimped out in the sleazy 70s gear as Farrah's opportunistic hustler of a manager.
Then, I read this-
According to EONLINE.com:
"NBC cutting the final scene in its upcoming Charlie's Angels TV movie after Farrah Fawcett's former manager threatened legal action for being portrayed as an oportunistic [sic] hustler. The network claims the ending was altered was [sic] artistic reasons."
Does anyone ever believe it when they use "artistic reasons" as the excuse? Just say, "out of fear of litigation from an opportunistic hustler, we edited the show." (And who's spell-checking shit over at E!? Maybe they call it E! because entertainment is too hard to spell.)
wojr
I don't think tonight is going to be a big a TV night in the wojr household. Too much work to do. But the programming being offered is intriguing to say the least.
You could tune in ABC to see the TV Movie "Judas." (I bet the folks at Disney are loving all the Mel Gibson/"Passion" frenzy. "Come over to ABC and check out the less than bloody version of events - for FREE!")
Or you could go over to NBC and watch "Behind the Camera: Charlie's Angels." I will be honest. Based on the one ad I saw for it - I am tempted. Some actress doing a mean vocal impersonation of Kate Jackson's sexy voice. Wallace Langham pimped out in the sleazy 70s gear as Farrah's opportunistic hustler of a manager.
Then, I read this-
According to EONLINE.com:
"NBC cutting the final scene in its upcoming Charlie's Angels TV movie after Farrah Fawcett's former manager threatened legal action for being portrayed as an oportunistic [sic] hustler. The network claims the ending was altered was [sic] artistic reasons."
Does anyone ever believe it when they use "artistic reasons" as the excuse? Just say, "out of fear of litigation from an opportunistic hustler, we edited the show." (And who's spell-checking shit over at E!? Maybe they call it E! because entertainment is too hard to spell.)
wojr
Labels: Hollywood, News, Religion, Snide Remarks
Sunday, March 07, 2004
"This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies, he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder."
The front page of Sunday's LA Times has a story about the head of the UCLA Willed Body Program being arrested for the sale of corpses and body parts. Here's the Fox news version. Also, on the front page was a companion piece examining the practice of selling body parts on a whole. The human tissue industry is thought to be worth $500 million a year. WOW! Now, I know a million dollars is not what it used to be. Hell, 500 mill is not even half of the box office take for "Return of the King". But, I was still taken back by that number.
So you want to be a caring, humane person and elect to donate your body to an organ bank or a medical school for transplant or scientific research - your physical form does one last act for good and your family eventually receives an urn of your ashes. Not a bad deal and you get an interesting conversation piece for your next cocktail party.
But then we forget about the eternal pursuit of the almighty dollar.
Here are some snippets from the LA Times article:
> "Most cadavers are dissected by first-year medical students. But surplus bodies and parts can be sent to other scientific institutions, including for-profit bio-medical corporations."
> "Like stolen cars that are chopped up and sold in pieces, bodies are worth much less than the sum of their parts."
> "Vidal Herrera, a former medical technician who runs a forensic services business called 1-800-AUTOPSY, said 'I get calls all the time from medical researchers, corporations. They want to purchase bodies or they want to purchase tissue'." Well, I guess that's what happens when you call your business 1-800-AUTOPSY. I wonder if 1-800-CORPSES was already taken?
> "[Brown] was fired after it was discovered that he had charged the university for a trip to Phoenix and sold six spines to a hospital there for $5,000."
> "[UC Irvine] auditors could account for only 121 of the 411 cadavers donated to the Willed Body Program." Outside of baseball, I would say that is a horrible average.
> "In a single transaction, [Tyler] made more than $4,000 selling 232 fingernails and 35 toenails." He must have shared my aversion to feet to get such a lopsided figure.
> And in relation to the return of the remains to the respective families - "'I have no idea what's in my mother's urn,' [Storr] said. 'It could be a dead dog, cigarette ashes, burnt newspaper. Who knows?'"
So - doesn't that seem like a fun way to help your fellow man? Makes my concerns about encountering a necrophiliac mortician after my demise seem rather inconsequential.
wojr
The front page of Sunday's LA Times has a story about the head of the UCLA Willed Body Program being arrested for the sale of corpses and body parts. Here's the Fox news version. Also, on the front page was a companion piece examining the practice of selling body parts on a whole. The human tissue industry is thought to be worth $500 million a year. WOW! Now, I know a million dollars is not what it used to be. Hell, 500 mill is not even half of the box office take for "Return of the King". But, I was still taken back by that number.
So you want to be a caring, humane person and elect to donate your body to an organ bank or a medical school for transplant or scientific research - your physical form does one last act for good and your family eventually receives an urn of your ashes. Not a bad deal and you get an interesting conversation piece for your next cocktail party.
But then we forget about the eternal pursuit of the almighty dollar.
Here are some snippets from the LA Times article:
> "Most cadavers are dissected by first-year medical students. But surplus bodies and parts can be sent to other scientific institutions, including for-profit bio-medical corporations."
> "Like stolen cars that are chopped up and sold in pieces, bodies are worth much less than the sum of their parts."
> "Vidal Herrera, a former medical technician who runs a forensic services business called 1-800-AUTOPSY, said 'I get calls all the time from medical researchers, corporations. They want to purchase bodies or they want to purchase tissue'." Well, I guess that's what happens when you call your business 1-800-AUTOPSY. I wonder if 1-800-CORPSES was already taken?
> "[Brown] was fired after it was discovered that he had charged the university for a trip to Phoenix and sold six spines to a hospital there for $5,000."
> "[UC Irvine] auditors could account for only 121 of the 411 cadavers donated to the Willed Body Program." Outside of baseball, I would say that is a horrible average.
> "In a single transaction, [Tyler] made more than $4,000 selling 232 fingernails and 35 toenails." He must have shared my aversion to feet to get such a lopsided figure.
> And in relation to the return of the remains to the respective families - "'I have no idea what's in my mother's urn,' [Storr] said. 'It could be a dead dog, cigarette ashes, burnt newspaper. Who knows?'"
So - doesn't that seem like a fun way to help your fellow man? Makes my concerns about encountering a necrophiliac mortician after my demise seem rather inconsequential.
wojr
Labels: News, Snide Remarks
