wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, March 19, 2004
The Only Way to Close Out This Week
Happy 5PM Friday, Everybody! We are Sonic Death Monkey!
wojr
Happy 5PM Friday, Everybody! We are Sonic Death Monkey!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff
"No, We Have No Comb-Overs. We Have No Comb-Overs Today.."
Some of you might have stopped here today to read a rant on comb-overs as indicated in my last entry. For those people, that line was meant as slight joke - stressing that vanity makes individuals of all genders do some idiotic thing. (Almost said "both genders" instead of "all genders", but then I remembered my massive shemale following. I'm not excluding you, "ladies".)
Instead of comb-overs, I'm here to offer up one of the long-lost wojr comic scripts, 'Waiting.'
'Waiting' was a lightning quick write. I think it only took me two hours to get to a draft that I was happy with. The entire process was so short that I forgot about this particular script until I rediscovered it during my search for the final 'Ineffectual Man' script.
Like 'Most Hated', this is me playing around the cliches of the Western genre. Maybe one day, I will actually write a straight Western without my tongue coming near my cheek. Maybe the adventures of a transgendered cowboy for you special "ladies".
Click here to read WAITING
wojr
Some of you might have stopped here today to read a rant on comb-overs as indicated in my last entry. For those people, that line was meant as slight joke - stressing that vanity makes individuals of all genders do some idiotic thing. (Almost said "both genders" instead of "all genders", but then I remembered my massive shemale following. I'm not excluding you, "ladies".)
Instead of comb-overs, I'm here to offer up one of the long-lost wojr comic scripts, 'Waiting.'
'Waiting' was a lightning quick write. I think it only took me two hours to get to a draft that I was happy with. The entire process was so short that I forgot about this particular script until I rediscovered it during my search for the final 'Ineffectual Man' script.
Like 'Most Hated', this is me playing around the cliches of the Western genre. Maybe one day, I will actually write a straight Western without my tongue coming near my cheek. Maybe the adventures of a transgendered cowboy for you special "ladies".
Click here to read WAITING
wojr
Labels: My Writing
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Miss, I think someone has written on your forehead..
I live only a few blocks from my work - a rare luxury here in Los Angeles. So, I just hop on a bus to get there. The damn thing stops right in front of my home and my office. Plus, it allows me my only guilt-free reading time. (Whenever I read otherwise, I feel guilty, like I should be writing. Just like when I write for this page and I feel like I should be doing some REAL writing.)
There are occasional drawbacks to my guilt-free reading time on my stress-free ride to work. Like the one I experienced this morning.
This morning, I got stuck next to a woman who spent the entire ride plucking her eyebrows.
Now, I realize there is an entire world of hair removal that the male brethren are not privy. I know that I, as a male, have reaped the benefits of hours of feminine hair care and upkeep. Such care that I just take for granted - believing the ladies were just born that way.
However, I want to know one thing. Who decided that the drawn-in eyebrow was an attractive look on women? You know what I mean, when all the real brow hair is just removed and replaced with some pencil drawing. (I've even heard of ladies getting those lines tattooed in.)
Is this done due to the prodding of other women or is there some damn fool man telling his lady that this is a good look for her? Who or what is at the root of this problem? They need to be found and severely reprimanded. I don't care if they are in a cave with Osama. Find them and deal with them.
Now, don't go thinking that I want everyone to go the "furry" route. I don't. Personal grooming ranks high in my book (especially when it's done in your home rather than the bus). Whenever I shave, I make sure to hit the gap between my brows. No uni-brow for wojr.
The point is - Just don't go drawing hair on yourself. That goes for men and women. I'm putting my foot down here, because I am seeing the occurrence more and more - and even with the younger generation. We are burgeoning on the edge of an epidemic here and there needs to be a voice for reason - even if that voice rides a bus to work.
Tomorrow: we'll attack comb-overs.
wojr
I live only a few blocks from my work - a rare luxury here in Los Angeles. So, I just hop on a bus to get there. The damn thing stops right in front of my home and my office. Plus, it allows me my only guilt-free reading time. (Whenever I read otherwise, I feel guilty, like I should be writing. Just like when I write for this page and I feel like I should be doing some REAL writing.)
There are occasional drawbacks to my guilt-free reading time on my stress-free ride to work. Like the one I experienced this morning.
This morning, I got stuck next to a woman who spent the entire ride plucking her eyebrows.
Now, I realize there is an entire world of hair removal that the male brethren are not privy. I know that I, as a male, have reaped the benefits of hours of feminine hair care and upkeep. Such care that I just take for granted - believing the ladies were just born that way.
However, I want to know one thing. Who decided that the drawn-in eyebrow was an attractive look on women? You know what I mean, when all the real brow hair is just removed and replaced with some pencil drawing. (I've even heard of ladies getting those lines tattooed in.)
Is this done due to the prodding of other women or is there some damn fool man telling his lady that this is a good look for her? Who or what is at the root of this problem? They need to be found and severely reprimanded. I don't care if they are in a cave with Osama. Find them and deal with them.
Now, don't go thinking that I want everyone to go the "furry" route. I don't. Personal grooming ranks high in my book (especially when it's done in your home rather than the bus). Whenever I shave, I make sure to hit the gap between my brows. No uni-brow for wojr.
The point is - Just don't go drawing hair on yourself. That goes for men and women. I'm putting my foot down here, because I am seeing the occurrence more and more - and even with the younger generation. We are burgeoning on the edge of an epidemic here and there needs to be a voice for reason - even if that voice rides a bus to work.
Tomorrow: we'll attack comb-overs.
wojr
Labels: Advice, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
"When I Start My Cult, Those Are The First People I'm Going After.."
I think the reason cults get a bad name is that you never really see people trying to join one. Maybe if you bumped into people on the street that were actively seeking a cult, you would be more inclined to accept these groups as an integral part of society. Wouldn't you feel better about them if you opened up the personal ads and read the following?
SWM SEEKING CULT - 33yo lonely virgin is looking for a pseudo-militant religious group that would completely take over his life. Would prefer something with strong "Star Trek" ties, but open to all science fiction/alien invasion based beliefs. End goal would involve uniformed gender-neutral haircuts and mass suicide.
If I saw something like that in my paper then I'm sure I would not be able to refer to cultists as wackjobs anymore. Spam has a bad reputation as well, but at least I know that there are people out there that want to clean up their credit and increase the size of their penis.
(On a serious note, I just might place an ad like that just to see what kind of responses I would get.)
wojr
I think the reason cults get a bad name is that you never really see people trying to join one. Maybe if you bumped into people on the street that were actively seeking a cult, you would be more inclined to accept these groups as an integral part of society. Wouldn't you feel better about them if you opened up the personal ads and read the following?
SWM SEEKING CULT - 33yo lonely virgin is looking for a pseudo-militant religious group that would completely take over his life. Would prefer something with strong "Star Trek" ties, but open to all science fiction/alien invasion based beliefs. End goal would involve uniformed gender-neutral haircuts and mass suicide.
If I saw something like that in my paper then I'm sure I would not be able to refer to cultists as wackjobs anymore. Spam has a bad reputation as well, but at least I know that there are people out there that want to clean up their credit and increase the size of their penis.
(On a serious note, I just might place an ad like that just to see what kind of responses I would get.)
wojr
Labels: Personal Ad Pranks, Sex, Snide Remarks
Before anything else...
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
Be sure to enjoy the day and don't think of it as alcohol consumption - View it more as a science experiment.
wojr
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
Be sure to enjoy the day and don't think of it as alcohol consumption - View it more as a science experiment.
wojr
Labels: Intoxication
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
The Two Really Go Hand In Hand
First up..
As you may have noticed, there is no spot to post your comments to my rants and raves on this journal. One day you will. Right now though, I just don't have the time or know how to switch out to a more complicated blog interface. (Plus, this way, I remain a petty little dictator over what views are expressed.)
However, as you can see on the right, I have set up a new email account just for people's comments, remarks, rebuttals or just plain slander.
hatemail@wojr.com
Quality communications will be posted here, especially the bitter ones.
And second..
In keeping with the theme of the day, definitely not the way I would choose to go.
wojr
First up..
As you may have noticed, there is no spot to post your comments to my rants and raves on this journal. One day you will. Right now though, I just don't have the time or know how to switch out to a more complicated blog interface. (Plus, this way, I remain a petty little dictator over what views are expressed.)
However, as you can see on the right, I have set up a new email account just for people's comments, remarks, rebuttals or just plain slander.
hatemail@wojr.com
Quality communications will be posted here, especially the bitter ones.
And second..
In keeping with the theme of the day, definitely not the way I would choose to go.
wojr
Labels: Viewer Mail
Maybe I Should Pitch 'Joseph and the Colored Coat Thing' starring Michael Chiklis
With the overwhelming success of The Passion of the Christ, there is much talk in Hollywood about making more religious based pictures. Just like after the success of Titanic, there was a push towards historical disaster pics. Then, after Spider-Man, we were/are inundated with comic book movies. When there is money to be had, Hollywood will try to recapture lightning in a bottle. So, get ready because the Pearl Harbors and Daredevils of the biblical world are sure to be coming to a multiplex soon.
But is the success of Passion just based on the religious content? Aren't some people going just for the controversy revolving around the film? Just to be part of the cultural zeitgeist similar to the success of the Blair Witch Project? I don't know. Films with controversial religious content have never really fared well in the box office. Look at Priest, Dogma, and even The Last Temptation of Christ. All were, at best, considered a moderate financial success. (Can't you just imagine Kevin Smith railing away at Passion's grosses? "Where's my religious movie money, bi-yatch? I made Dogma. I had death threats. I wants my money. F- Mel Gibson. F- William Donohue.") Of course, all were decried by religious groups as anti-Catholic. I guess controversy is good for the wallet but only if it's directed away from Catholicism. Maybe if Hitler had gone after the Catholics, the grosses of Schindler's List would have been better.
Therefore, I guess I should start watching what I say & just rage against other groups. Like homosexuals. Eminem seems to have done pretty well with that route.
Keeping on topic, sort of, writer Peter David has written what he envisions will be inevitable South Park episode dealing with the Passion of the Christ. I like Peter David's writings, but his vision for this episode really doesn't stretch the imagination. Now, if he wrote about an episode of The Shield that dealt with the issue - that would have been something. Hmmm..
Tonight on a special episode of The Shield: Following the Los Angeles Premiere of "The Passion of the Christ", Vic and his strike team stumble upon the head of a prominent Catholic civil rights organization in a tryst with a transvestite that is (gasp) agnostic. In exchange for Mackey covering up the transgression, the malefactor agrees to sabotage Aceveda's election by labeling him a heretic and distributing pictures of him eating meat on a Friday. While at the Passion premiere, Lem and Shane strand Ronnie with repressed homosexual Julien in order to go see "Starsky & Hutch" instead.
wojr
With the overwhelming success of The Passion of the Christ, there is much talk in Hollywood about making more religious based pictures. Just like after the success of Titanic, there was a push towards historical disaster pics. Then, after Spider-Man, we were/are inundated with comic book movies. When there is money to be had, Hollywood will try to recapture lightning in a bottle. So, get ready because the Pearl Harbors and Daredevils of the biblical world are sure to be coming to a multiplex soon.
But is the success of Passion just based on the religious content? Aren't some people going just for the controversy revolving around the film? Just to be part of the cultural zeitgeist similar to the success of the Blair Witch Project? I don't know. Films with controversial religious content have never really fared well in the box office. Look at Priest, Dogma, and even The Last Temptation of Christ. All were, at best, considered a moderate financial success. (Can't you just imagine Kevin Smith railing away at Passion's grosses? "Where's my religious movie money, bi-yatch? I made Dogma. I had death threats. I wants my money. F- Mel Gibson. F- William Donohue.") Of course, all were decried by religious groups as anti-Catholic. I guess controversy is good for the wallet but only if it's directed away from Catholicism. Maybe if Hitler had gone after the Catholics, the grosses of Schindler's List would have been better.
Therefore, I guess I should start watching what I say & just rage against other groups. Like homosexuals. Eminem seems to have done pretty well with that route.
Keeping on topic, sort of, writer Peter David has written what he envisions will be inevitable South Park episode dealing with the Passion of the Christ. I like Peter David's writings, but his vision for this episode really doesn't stretch the imagination. Now, if he wrote about an episode of The Shield that dealt with the issue - that would have been something. Hmmm..
Tonight on a special episode of The Shield: Following the Los Angeles Premiere of "The Passion of the Christ", Vic and his strike team stumble upon the head of a prominent Catholic civil rights organization in a tryst with a transvestite that is (gasp) agnostic. In exchange for Mackey covering up the transgression, the malefactor agrees to sabotage Aceveda's election by labeling him a heretic and distributing pictures of him eating meat on a Friday. While at the Passion premiere, Lem and Shane strand Ronnie with repressed homosexual Julien in order to go see "Starsky & Hutch" instead.
wojr
Labels: Hollywood, Religion, Snide Remarks
Monday, March 15, 2004
"In Only A Perfect World..."
For those of you don't know, I'm originally from the Jersey Shore. I guess there never was an Old Jersey Shore, because the "new" preface wasn't necessary. In my youth, I worked on the boardwalk in Seaside shilling ice cream. I made out with girls on the beach, even in frigid December. (Even proposed to one in a more recent and even more frigid December.) I raged against the coming of the BENNIES. I rotted my teeth with salt water taffy and zeppolis. But most importantly, I loved skee-ball. Rolling wooden balls up slanted ramps in vain attempts to land them in the 50 or 100 point holes, now that is pure bliss to me. Saving up a summer worth of tickets to buy objects that would be shunned at any respectable garage sale, that was my childhood.
If I had my way, in only a perfect world, I would open a "Skee-Ball Bar." No pool tables, no darts, not even a go-go dancer. (Ok, maybe one go-go dancer to add a touch of class to the joint.) Just skee-ball machines. And the tickets? Redeemable for drinks. For alcoholic drinks, of course.
Ahhh.. sweet nirvana. A skee-ball bar.
Unfortunately, insurance for a place like that would be astronomical. Even though the balls from billiards are made of denser material, no one would be worried about drunks hurling those around the room. They would be concerned about the "mullet" crew coming in and raising havoc with my precious skee-balls. Yes, I could see the broken bones and concussions now.
Plus, the novelty of such a place wouldn't hold. Hell, I'd get sick of it after a short while and I love the game. But, the memory would be better than the actual experience. It's like Pong. Sure, it would be fun for a game or two, but then you switch back to Grand Theft Auto. Maybe if you could play skeeball in Grand Theft Auto - and then start nailing people in the heads with those wooden balls. Yeah, that would work.
Man, I could really go for a zeppoli right.
wojr
For those of you don't know, I'm originally from the Jersey Shore. I guess there never was an Old Jersey Shore, because the "new" preface wasn't necessary. In my youth, I worked on the boardwalk in Seaside shilling ice cream. I made out with girls on the beach, even in frigid December. (Even proposed to one in a more recent and even more frigid December.) I raged against the coming of the BENNIES. I rotted my teeth with salt water taffy and zeppolis. But most importantly, I loved skee-ball. Rolling wooden balls up slanted ramps in vain attempts to land them in the 50 or 100 point holes, now that is pure bliss to me. Saving up a summer worth of tickets to buy objects that would be shunned at any respectable garage sale, that was my childhood.
If I had my way, in only a perfect world, I would open a "Skee-Ball Bar." No pool tables, no darts, not even a go-go dancer. (Ok, maybe one go-go dancer to add a touch of class to the joint.) Just skee-ball machines. And the tickets? Redeemable for drinks. For alcoholic drinks, of course.
Ahhh.. sweet nirvana. A skee-ball bar.
Unfortunately, insurance for a place like that would be astronomical. Even though the balls from billiards are made of denser material, no one would be worried about drunks hurling those around the room. They would be concerned about the "mullet" crew coming in and raising havoc with my precious skee-balls. Yes, I could see the broken bones and concussions now.
Plus, the novelty of such a place wouldn't hold. Hell, I'd get sick of it after a short while and I love the game. But, the memory would be better than the actual experience. It's like Pong. Sure, it would be fun for a game or two, but then you switch back to Grand Theft Auto. Maybe if you could play skeeball in Grand Theft Auto - and then start nailing people in the heads with those wooden balls. Yeah, that would work.
Man, I could really go for a zeppoli right.
wojr
"Monday Morning Profanity"
"We're called Sonic Death Monkey. And if Laura and her bourgeois lawyer friends can't handle it, fuck 'em. Let 'em riot. We're Sonic Fucking Death Monkey." - High Fidelity
That basically sums up how I feel right now.
Even before my morning dose of caffeine.
God, I hope that feeling lasts all week.
wojr
"We're called Sonic Death Monkey. And if Laura and her bourgeois lawyer friends can't handle it, fuck 'em. Let 'em riot. We're Sonic Fucking Death Monkey." - High Fidelity
That basically sums up how I feel right now.
Even before my morning dose of caffeine.
God, I hope that feeling lasts all week.
wojr
"Martha Stewart Should Have Made One of Those Formation Privileges"
In what seems like a weekly trend, the front page of the LA Times disturbs me.
First off, the coverage of the bombing in Madrid continues.
Then, there is news of the gruesome mass murder up in Fresno.
But then, we have Cardinal Mahony's latest attempt to keep church documents secret in relation to priests accused of molesting children. The Cardinal claims that there was a "formation privilege" between a bishop and the priests under him (pun intended). That it is the bishop's "ecclesiastical duty to provide a lifetime of formative spiritual guidance to his priests" prevents the release of the requested information. God knows (pun not really intended) that I am all for the separation of church and state, but does anyone really believe the bishop is looking out for the individual priests in question or even protecting the penitent's right to communicate with a priest without fear of legal reprisal? He is trying to protect his own ass, first, and the public face of the church, second.
This week, the LA Weekly also ran a piece on Mahony's "hardball legal tactics in the clergy sex-abuse scandal". In it, they list 15 US bishops that have resigned or retired in relation to sexual misconduct or the cover-up of such offenses. Wait - I'm sorry - in relation to accusations of sexual misconduct or the cover-up of such supposed offenses. Mahony is just worried that he might end up #16.
Don't you think the Church should just come clean about any wrongdoings and try to put their dirty laundry behind them? I mean it worked for Hugh Grant. He admitted to his transgressions and he ended up starring in a movie called "About A Boy." Of course, he was only tied to a crack whore.
The more they try to hide the truth just adds to number of front page stories you'll see attacking the church and those front page stories only adds to the public perception of priests as potential pedophiles. Holy Alliteration, Batman! (Pun Intended)
wojr
In what seems like a weekly trend, the front page of the LA Times disturbs me.
First off, the coverage of the bombing in Madrid continues.
Then, there is news of the gruesome mass murder up in Fresno.
But then, we have Cardinal Mahony's latest attempt to keep church documents secret in relation to priests accused of molesting children. The Cardinal claims that there was a "formation privilege" between a bishop and the priests under him (pun intended). That it is the bishop's "ecclesiastical duty to provide a lifetime of formative spiritual guidance to his priests" prevents the release of the requested information. God knows (pun not really intended) that I am all for the separation of church and state, but does anyone really believe the bishop is looking out for the individual priests in question or even protecting the penitent's right to communicate with a priest without fear of legal reprisal? He is trying to protect his own ass, first, and the public face of the church, second.
This week, the LA Weekly also ran a piece on Mahony's "hardball legal tactics in the clergy sex-abuse scandal". In it, they list 15 US bishops that have resigned or retired in relation to sexual misconduct or the cover-up of such offenses. Wait - I'm sorry - in relation to accusations of sexual misconduct or the cover-up of such supposed offenses. Mahony is just worried that he might end up #16.
Don't you think the Church should just come clean about any wrongdoings and try to put their dirty laundry behind them? I mean it worked for Hugh Grant. He admitted to his transgressions and he ended up starring in a movie called "About A Boy." Of course, he was only tied to a crack whore.
The more they try to hide the truth just adds to number of front page stories you'll see attacking the church and those front page stories only adds to the public perception of priests as potential pedophiles. Holy Alliteration, Batman! (Pun Intended)
wojr
Labels: News, Religion, Sex, Snide Remarks
Sunday, March 14, 2004
"Why Is He Stroking His Mop?"
My aunt (who I love and adore) loves to send the sappy emails. Coupled with her recent propensity for forgetfulness, she sends me some again and again and again.
The most frequent being the one revolving around the teacher/professor that asks the name of the school's janitor as an extra credit question. When no one knows the answer, he scolds the students in some sanctimonious manner common to despondent ex-hippies.
If I was ever forced into that spot - facing that same extra credit question - here is my planned response.
"Our janitor's name is Fred.
Fred is an ex-con with a below average IQ. So, mopping the floors is best gig he can get. He likes the job because all the nubile co-eds provide him ample fodder for his masturbatory exploits.
Fred likes his solitude and hates how you call attention to his attempts to blend into the background. He wanted me to convey to you that he has your home address. The manner in which he mentioned that fact did not seem to imply that a Christmas card would be forth coming.
If you noticed, I have left the rest of my test blank. This is because Fred gave me your home address as well.
I expect an A.
wojr"
My aunt (who I love and adore) loves to send the sappy emails. Coupled with her recent propensity for forgetfulness, she sends me some again and again and again.
The most frequent being the one revolving around the teacher/professor that asks the name of the school's janitor as an extra credit question. When no one knows the answer, he scolds the students in some sanctimonious manner common to despondent ex-hippies.
If I was ever forced into that spot - facing that same extra credit question - here is my planned response.
"Our janitor's name is Fred.
Fred is an ex-con with a below average IQ. So, mopping the floors is best gig he can get. He likes the job because all the nubile co-eds provide him ample fodder for his masturbatory exploits.
Fred likes his solitude and hates how you call attention to his attempts to blend into the background. He wanted me to convey to you that he has your home address. The manner in which he mentioned that fact did not seem to imply that a Christmas card would be forth coming.
If you noticed, I have left the rest of my test blank. This is because Fred gave me your home address as well.
I expect an A.
wojr"
Labels: College, My Writing, Snide Remarks
