wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Saturday, May 15, 2004
So, Do You Get Hard at the Museum of Natural History?
While in South Carolina, we all went to the great bar, Flying Saucer, where the waitresses are all dressed up in Catholic School uniforms. Forget the tanks tops and orange shorts of Hooters, this was plaid skirts and knee-high stockings. I must have uttered the phrase, "THIS IS GENIUS!", a few dozen times in the first five minutes. As I told my Aunt, a dozen years of Catholic education provided me with one thing, a fetish.
But at least I am not as deranged as this guy:
"BigClawz is a website which contains stuff related mainly to macrophilia, herpetophilia, and claw feet. That's right, claw feet :) Confused? Ok ok, lemmie explain, "macrophilia" is a love of giant beings, and, "herpetophilia" means love of lizards, reptiles and dragon like things. Combine the too and what do you get? Well a good example would be Godzilla, and I trust you all know who he is :) Yes, to us, Godzilla is ... well, sexy, and that's the truth, pretty unusual huh? Ohh and let's not forget the clawfeet! Yup, you guessed it, we also have "claw foot fetishes". So, basically, Godzilla looming over a building and stomping it with his huge foot is porn."
Puts Bronc's fascination with midgets in its proper perspective, doesn't it?
wojr
While in South Carolina, we all went to the great bar, Flying Saucer, where the waitresses are all dressed up in Catholic School uniforms. Forget the tanks tops and orange shorts of Hooters, this was plaid skirts and knee-high stockings. I must have uttered the phrase, "THIS IS GENIUS!", a few dozen times in the first five minutes. As I told my Aunt, a dozen years of Catholic education provided me with one thing, a fetish.
But at least I am not as deranged as this guy:
"BigClawz is a website which contains stuff related mainly to macrophilia, herpetophilia, and claw feet. That's right, claw feet :) Confused? Ok ok, lemmie explain, "macrophilia" is a love of giant beings, and, "herpetophilia" means love of lizards, reptiles and dragon like things. Combine the too and what do you get? Well a good example would be Godzilla, and I trust you all know who he is :) Yes, to us, Godzilla is ... well, sexy, and that's the truth, pretty unusual huh? Ohh and let's not forget the clawfeet! Yup, you guessed it, we also have "claw foot fetishes". So, basically, Godzilla looming over a building and stomping it with his huge foot is porn."
Puts Bronc's fascination with midgets in its proper perspective, doesn't it?
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Sex, Snide Remarks
Friday, May 14, 2004
IF SHE LOOKS GOOD TO YOU, YOU'VE DRANK ENOUGH..
God, I really do love these mugshots..
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!
wojr
God, I really do love these mugshots..
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Nostalgia, Whores
LOOK CLOSER
First, we have what might been just another moment in the history of guys that did not get laid.. ever:
But, if you look closer:
"THE GIRL EVERY FRENCHMAN WANTS"?? I don't know. Is every Frenchman after a tropical transsexual with the ferocity of a caged lion? Maybe.
Secondly, we have a pair of attractive women:
But, if you look closer:
You have the makings of a Penthouse Forum letter.
Now, you may ask what the point of all this is? It's easy. Third Sex, Threesome.
Today's number of the day is THREE.
(And no, I have not been drinking.)
wojr
First, we have what might been just another moment in the history of guys that did not get laid.. ever:
But, if you look closer:
"THE GIRL EVERY FRENCHMAN WANTS"?? I don't know. Is every Frenchman after a tropical transsexual with the ferocity of a caged lion? Maybe.
Secondly, we have a pair of attractive women:
But, if you look closer:
You have the makings of a Penthouse Forum letter.
Now, you may ask what the point of all this is? It's easy. Third Sex, Threesome.
Today's number of the day is THREE.
(And no, I have not been drinking.)
wojr
Labels: Intoxication, Sex, Snide Remarks
Thursday, May 13, 2004
So Here I Am, Bored In Class..
When I realize I could make this..
If only I used this power for good.
wojr
When I realize I could make this..
If only I used this power for good.
wojr
That Must Be One Scary Camera
Back in April, my fraternity at Villanova celebrated the tenth anniversary of our chapter's installation. Sadly, I was a junior in college ten years ago.
They've recently put pictures from the event up on the internet. Due to my living in California and being too cheap to pay for more airfare, I did not go. Which seems like a good thing, since the camera they used appears to have made everyone's head look bloody enormous. (Except for Stavish strangely enough, whose head actually is enormous.)
Belated Happy Birthday, Phillyboom. I'll be there for 40.
wojr
Back in April, my fraternity at Villanova celebrated the tenth anniversary of our chapter's installation. Sadly, I was a junior in college ten years ago.
They've recently put pictures from the event up on the internet. Due to my living in California and being too cheap to pay for more airfare, I did not go. Which seems like a good thing, since the camera they used appears to have made everyone's head look bloody enormous. (Except for Stavish strangely enough, whose head actually is enormous.)
Belated Happy Birthday, Phillyboom. I'll be there for 40.
wojr
The Odd Paths to WOJR.COM - Part Deux
As I have previously mentioned, "one of the more interesting aspects of manning this site is seeing how people actually find it. Some use bookmarks. Some click on links. Others mercifully click on the links I email them (if you're a friend, it's technically not spam). But the ones I really feel sorry for are the ones that stumble here via a search engine."
Now, I don't mean the ones that enter in "wojr" and are surprised to find my site. I'm talking about the following people:
Continuing the trend of porn seekers stumbling to the site, we have one individual looking for "hustler barely legal 2004/04/03" and ending up on this page of the web journal. I'm just glad my Aunt Jane finally found her way here.
Two people were looking for "Charley Murphy's True Hollywood Stories", so they immediately earn my respect and a reprieve from slanderous remarks.
In what appears to be a stroke of marketing genius on my part, seven individuals have been lured here hoping to find footage of Lawrence Taylor breaking Joe Theisman's leg. Instead, all they got was a rant on Janet Jackson's boob. If anyone knows where to find some footage of that, let me know. I'll put up a link to it. Don't want any unsatisfied "customers".
Further proving that he is the chicken of the sea, successful searches for both "Michael Broncatello" and "transforms into a merman" have led fans of the sea monkey here.
Were you looking for a "I heart Black People" T-Shirt? End up here only to find out that we don't sell them? Again, my apologies, but wojr.com shirts might be coming.
The oddest Search Engine phrasing has to go to "conjugal visit Oklahoma." No little comments from me are really necessary, are they?
AND NOW, IT IS TIME FOR ME TO EAT CROW. A very long time ago, I was playing basketball with my cousin, Kyle. During the leisurely game, we were talking about the kind of car that he would get when he turned 17. His first choice was a BMW. Being the wonderfully supportive person I am, my response was "BMW? You can't even spell BMW." In a fit of prepubescent anger, Kyle replied, "I can too. B-N-W." And we have been making fun of him ever since.
Well, someone made there way to the script for DICHOTOMY by typing in "BMV Z4" and I laughed again at someone's inability to spell BMW. But then I wondered how the misspelled entry would lead someone to me. I may not be a paragon of spelling, but I am the utter slave to the spell check. So, I checked.
Sure enough, I can't even spell BMW. B-M-V.
I'll leave the incorrect version for a few weeks and then fix it. Enjoy, Kyle.
wojr
As I have previously mentioned, "one of the more interesting aspects of manning this site is seeing how people actually find it. Some use bookmarks. Some click on links. Others mercifully click on the links I email them (if you're a friend, it's technically not spam). But the ones I really feel sorry for are the ones that stumble here via a search engine."
Now, I don't mean the ones that enter in "wojr" and are surprised to find my site. I'm talking about the following people:
Continuing the trend of porn seekers stumbling to the site, we have one individual looking for "hustler barely legal 2004/04/03" and ending up on this page of the web journal. I'm just glad my Aunt Jane finally found her way here.
Two people were looking for "Charley Murphy's True Hollywood Stories", so they immediately earn my respect and a reprieve from slanderous remarks.
In what appears to be a stroke of marketing genius on my part, seven individuals have been lured here hoping to find footage of Lawrence Taylor breaking Joe Theisman's leg. Instead, all they got was a rant on Janet Jackson's boob. If anyone knows where to find some footage of that, let me know. I'll put up a link to it. Don't want any unsatisfied "customers".
Further proving that he is the chicken of the sea, successful searches for both "Michael Broncatello" and "transforms into a merman" have led fans of the sea monkey here.
Were you looking for a "I heart Black People" T-Shirt? End up here only to find out that we don't sell them? Again, my apologies, but wojr.com shirts might be coming.
The oddest Search Engine phrasing has to go to "conjugal visit Oklahoma." No little comments from me are really necessary, are they?
AND NOW, IT IS TIME FOR ME TO EAT CROW. A very long time ago, I was playing basketball with my cousin, Kyle. During the leisurely game, we were talking about the kind of car that he would get when he turned 17. His first choice was a BMW. Being the wonderfully supportive person I am, my response was "BMW? You can't even spell BMW." In a fit of prepubescent anger, Kyle replied, "I can too. B-N-W." And we have been making fun of him ever since.
Well, someone made there way to the script for DICHOTOMY by typing in "BMV Z4" and I laughed again at someone's inability to spell BMW. But then I wondered how the misspelled entry would lead someone to me. I may not be a paragon of spelling, but I am the utter slave to the spell check. So, I checked.
Sure enough, I can't even spell BMW. B-M-V.
I'll leave the incorrect version for a few weeks and then fix it. Enjoy, Kyle.
wojr
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
Wojr's Quick & Bitter Comments (kinda like 'hate sex')
And We're Only Midway Through Sweeps..
Miraculous helicopter crashes. Celebrities on trial. Gruesome beheadings.
Let me tell you the television networks are pulling out all the stops for the May sweeps and we haven't even gotten to the cliffhangers yet. I mean now that we've figured out if Ross & Rachel (who, by the way, get my vote for most self-involved parents of the year) will wind up together, we can now focus on the real quandaries facing the television viewing audience. Like, who will be the eventual scapegoat for the torture of the Iraqi prisoners and how can the GOP associate them with John Kerry?
Who Reviews the Critics?
You know what I would like to see on the Internet (besides less beheadings), a website that reviews critics in addition to tracking their previous criticisms. I may be wrong and there already is one out there. I only did a few haphazard searches on Google, but I didn't find any. (If there is one, please let me know.)
The Internet has a proliferation of wannabe reviewers for all variety of media and products. In addition to them, there are the hundreds of newspaper and magazine contributors and all of them seem to lack any accountability. Personally, I have a few that I trust, but I would love to see some of the utterly asinine critics get a lambasting or two. Plus, it would be interesting to see which critics have eaten crow and reversed their initial opinion.
A Staff In The Hand Is Worth.. Not That Much
A few weeks ago, I mentioned how I let a website use one of my short stories as content on their site. While I was away in South Carolina, I get this email.
"Attention
Speedloaderstudios is re-focusing and intends to work solely on projects developed by our staff. No more outside scripts using other writers creations. This stems from broken promises and commitments from nearly all of the artists we had tapped. We are sorry if this causes any of you any inconvenience.
We want to thank everyone involved who actually turned work into us and hope to see you prosper using other avenues. All of your work was great.
Editor"
I really could care less because I had no expectations from the thing. Plus, I have experience with amateur artists flaking out. I just find it hysterical, since it had been obvious to me from the start that it was only one guy running it. Remember this, my friend; two staffs equal a "penis party".
And My Sole Silver Lining
Just saw the trailer for Before Sunset - the sequel to a personal favorite of mine, Before Sunrise. (Actually, that is one of those movies that made me want to pursue screenwriting - I mean, how else can I meet Julie Delpy?) Knowing that this is coming, as well as Garden State, makes waiting through dredge like Van Helsing bearable.
wojr
And We're Only Midway Through Sweeps..
Miraculous helicopter crashes. Celebrities on trial. Gruesome beheadings.
Let me tell you the television networks are pulling out all the stops for the May sweeps and we haven't even gotten to the cliffhangers yet. I mean now that we've figured out if Ross & Rachel (who, by the way, get my vote for most self-involved parents of the year) will wind up together, we can now focus on the real quandaries facing the television viewing audience. Like, who will be the eventual scapegoat for the torture of the Iraqi prisoners and how can the GOP associate them with John Kerry?
Who Reviews the Critics?
You know what I would like to see on the Internet (besides less beheadings), a website that reviews critics in addition to tracking their previous criticisms. I may be wrong and there already is one out there. I only did a few haphazard searches on Google, but I didn't find any. (If there is one, please let me know.)
The Internet has a proliferation of wannabe reviewers for all variety of media and products. In addition to them, there are the hundreds of newspaper and magazine contributors and all of them seem to lack any accountability. Personally, I have a few that I trust, but I would love to see some of the utterly asinine critics get a lambasting or two. Plus, it would be interesting to see which critics have eaten crow and reversed their initial opinion.
A Staff In The Hand Is Worth.. Not That Much
A few weeks ago, I mentioned how I let a website use one of my short stories as content on their site. While I was away in South Carolina, I get this email.
"Attention
Speedloaderstudios is re-focusing and intends to work solely on projects developed by our staff. No more outside scripts using other writers creations. This stems from broken promises and commitments from nearly all of the artists we had tapped. We are sorry if this causes any of you any inconvenience.
We want to thank everyone involved who actually turned work into us and hope to see you prosper using other avenues. All of your work was great.
Editor"
I really could care less because I had no expectations from the thing. Plus, I have experience with amateur artists flaking out. I just find it hysterical, since it had been obvious to me from the start that it was only one guy running it. Remember this, my friend; two staffs equal a "penis party".
And My Sole Silver Lining
Just saw the trailer for Before Sunset - the sequel to a personal favorite of mine, Before Sunrise. (Actually, that is one of those movies that made me want to pursue screenwriting - I mean, how else can I meet Julie Delpy?) Knowing that this is coming, as well as Garden State, makes waiting through dredge like Van Helsing bearable.
wojr
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
"Hush Now, Everyone. I Have An Announcement To Make..."
I have been to South Carolina.
And as I sit here and stare at this blank screen, I have nothing that I really want to say about it; especially anything that might be considered to be funny. That just boggles me, because so many interesting and funny things happened in between the constant David Chappelle quotes.
The lack of Internet access, free time, and sobriety prevented me from updating while I was down there. And now that I'm back, well..
Who knows? Maybe I'll say something later. But right now, I just want the experience to live in my thoughts. Plus, all the good jokes would be utterly inside. It was great to see all my family and know that the younger family members can be as hysterical drunkards as their predecessors. For the Villanova crowd, there was even a Chris Rukus sighting (although, it might just have been a baby's arm). And the notion of Southern hospitality was firmly upheld (even for us Yankees).
Before I go search for something to be bitter and possibly funny about, here is one snippet of unexplainable conversation from the weekend:
"Hush now, everyone. I have an announcement to make. My brother, Kyle Francis Cordwell, is a TREE DOCTOR. He is a doctor of trees. What's your favorite tree, Kyle?"
"Pine."
"See."
Yes, Ryan we see. Congratulations. Now, go find a real job.
wojr
I have been to South Carolina.
And as I sit here and stare at this blank screen, I have nothing that I really want to say about it; especially anything that might be considered to be funny. That just boggles me, because so many interesting and funny things happened in between the constant David Chappelle quotes.
The lack of Internet access, free time, and sobriety prevented me from updating while I was down there. And now that I'm back, well..
Who knows? Maybe I'll say something later. But right now, I just want the experience to live in my thoughts. Plus, all the good jokes would be utterly inside. It was great to see all my family and know that the younger family members can be as hysterical drunkards as their predecessors. For the Villanova crowd, there was even a Chris Rukus sighting (although, it might just have been a baby's arm). And the notion of Southern hospitality was firmly upheld (even for us Yankees).
Before I go search for something to be bitter and possibly funny about, here is one snippet of unexplainable conversation from the weekend:
"Hush now, everyone. I have an announcement to make. My brother, Kyle Francis Cordwell, is a TREE DOCTOR. He is a doctor of trees. What's your favorite tree, Kyle?"
"Pine."
"See."
Yes, Ryan we see. Congratulations. Now, go find a real job.
wojr
