wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, May 28, 2004
THE ALLMAN BROTHERS HAVE GOT ONE WEIRD FAN MAGAZINE
HAPPY 4:30PM FRIDAY EVERYONE! I'm leaving early, bee-yatch!
wojr
HAPPY 4:30PM FRIDAY EVERYONE! I'm leaving early, bee-yatch!
wojr
WAIT, LOS ANGELES IS THE NEW LOS ANGELES
And now this.
A blog from an A-List hollywood celeb, how can I compete?
I may actually have to show some dwarf porn.
wojr
And now this.
A blog from an A-List hollywood celeb, how can I compete?
I may actually have to show some dwarf porn.
wojr
Thursday, May 27, 2004
WASHINGTON IS THE NEW LOS ANGELES
First, read this.
Then, the good stuff.
Suddenly, my journal here seems incredibly lame.
wojr
First, read this.
Then, the good stuff.
Suddenly, my journal here seems incredibly lame.
wojr
SNAKE-EYES, HOWEVER, IS ALL ABOUT THE TANG
I really don't remember GI Joe being so.. so.. FLAMING.
As the Village People like to say,
"Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
In the navy Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy Yes, you can put your mind at ease"
And by mind, they really mean sphincter.
wojr
I really don't remember GI Joe being so.. so.. FLAMING.
As the Village People like to say,
"Where can you find pleasure
Search the world for treasure
Learn science technology
In the navy Yes, you can sail the seven seas
In the navy Yes, you can put your mind at ease"
And by mind, they really mean sphincter.
wojr
Labels: Nostalgia, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
ANOTHER BAD DAY?
Things could be worse:
Your anus could start whistling the song from "The Bridge Over The River Kwai." Without ever stopping.
Instead of getting a raise, the state garnishes your wages.
Your significant other could ask you to go on "Springer" because of a secret that begs to be revealed.
Beer could be sold only in ziploc bags.
Not only could both men and women menstruate, but they could do it via their tearducts.
There could be pictures of you torturing Iraqi prisoners of war.
There could be pictures of you with a bullwhip up your bottom.
All your favorite television shows could be off the air or moved back to 2005. (That one hurts me. Worse than the bullwhip.)
Your boss could change your Job Title to "Ass Pirate".
You could be like me and your girlfriend could get free front row concert tickets. To Dido. Tonight.
Fucking Dido.
HAPPY HAPPY HUMP DAY.
wojr
Things could be worse:
Your anus could start whistling the song from "The Bridge Over The River Kwai." Without ever stopping. Instead of getting a raise, the state garnishes your wages. Your significant other could ask you to go on "Springer" because of a secret that begs to be revealed. Beer could be sold only in ziploc bags. Not only could both men and women menstruate, but they could do it via their tearducts. There could be pictures of you torturing Iraqi prisoners of war. There could be pictures of you with a bullwhip up your bottom. All your favorite television shows could be off the air or moved back to 2005. (That one hurts me. Worse than the bullwhip.) Your boss could change your Job Title to "Ass Pirate". You could be like me and your girlfriend could get free front row concert tickets. To Dido. Tonight.Fucking Dido.
HAPPY HAPPY HUMP DAY.
wojr
Labels: Advice, My Writing, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
PRANK CALLING GOD
Call #1
RECEPTIONIST: Good Morning, St. *******'s Church.
CALLER: Is this God's house?
RECEPTIONIST: Yes, it is.
CALLER: Is He in?
RECEPTIONIST: God?
CALLER: Yep.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, God is in all of us.
CALLER: That's pretty funny.
RECEPTIONIST: Why would that be funny?
CALLER: Because I was feeling kind of bloated. I think God is trying to get out.
*Click*
Call #2
RECEPTIONIST: Good afternoon, Our **** of Perpetual ******.
CALLER: Is this the Church?
RECEPTIONIST: Yes.
CALLER: Catholic Church, right?
RECEPTIONIST: Yes.
CALLER: Do you get many Born-Again Catholics?
RECEPTIONIST: Well, some of parishioners have renewed their ties with God.
CALLER: And renounced their previous wanton ways?
RECEPTIONIST: I suppose that is accurate.
CALLER: So, they gave up any evil items that might lead them to sin?
RECEPTIONIST: I don't understand what you mean by "gave up"?
CALLER: Their porn. What did they do with THEIR PORN? Do you have it?
*Click*
Call #3
RECEPTIONIST: St. ****** the *******.
CALLER: Yes, I have a question on the commandments.
RECEPTIONIST: Would you like to speak to a priest?
CALLER: Nah, you'll do.
RECEPTIONIST: What is your query, sir?
CALLER: Well, the fourth commandment.
RECEPTIONIST: Honoring the Sabbath?
CALLER: Right, that's all it says, "Thou shall not break the Sabbath." Nothing about going to Church.
RECEPTIONIST: But attending Church is the best way to honor the Lord's Day.
CALLER: Can't I worship God at home though?
RECEPTIONIST: You can worship God anywhere, but our Church allows you to be..
CALLER: But, I don't like your Church.
RECEPTIONIST: Why is that, sir?
CALLER: You have one of those Hippie churches. Everything is made from wood. I like my Churches to be granite.
RECEPTIONIST: Sir, our Church is more than just building materials.
CALLER: No one nailed Jesus to granite.
silence
RECEPTIONIST: Would you like to speak to a priest?
CALLER: Nah, you'll do.
*Click*
I'm sure God has a sense of humor.
wojr
Call #1
RECEPTIONIST: Good Morning, St. *******'s Church.
CALLER: Is this God's house?
RECEPTIONIST: Yes, it is.
CALLER: Is He in?
RECEPTIONIST: God?
CALLER: Yep.
RECEPTIONIST: Well, God is in all of us.
CALLER: That's pretty funny.
RECEPTIONIST: Why would that be funny?
CALLER: Because I was feeling kind of bloated. I think God is trying to get out.
*Click*
Call #2
RECEPTIONIST: Good afternoon, Our **** of Perpetual ******.
CALLER: Is this the Church?
RECEPTIONIST: Yes.
CALLER: Catholic Church, right?
RECEPTIONIST: Yes.
CALLER: Do you get many Born-Again Catholics?
RECEPTIONIST: Well, some of parishioners have renewed their ties with God.
CALLER: And renounced their previous wanton ways?
RECEPTIONIST: I suppose that is accurate.
CALLER: So, they gave up any evil items that might lead them to sin?
RECEPTIONIST: I don't understand what you mean by "gave up"?
CALLER: Their porn. What did they do with THEIR PORN? Do you have it?
*Click*
Call #3
RECEPTIONIST: St. ****** the *******.
CALLER: Yes, I have a question on the commandments.
RECEPTIONIST: Would you like to speak to a priest?
CALLER: Nah, you'll do.
RECEPTIONIST: What is your query, sir?
CALLER: Well, the fourth commandment.
RECEPTIONIST: Honoring the Sabbath?
CALLER: Right, that's all it says, "Thou shall not break the Sabbath." Nothing about going to Church.
RECEPTIONIST: But attending Church is the best way to honor the Lord's Day.
CALLER: Can't I worship God at home though?
RECEPTIONIST: You can worship God anywhere, but our Church allows you to be..
CALLER: But, I don't like your Church.
RECEPTIONIST: Why is that, sir?
CALLER: You have one of those Hippie churches. Everything is made from wood. I like my Churches to be granite.
RECEPTIONIST: Sir, our Church is more than just building materials.
CALLER: No one nailed Jesus to granite.
silence
RECEPTIONIST: Would you like to speak to a priest?
CALLER: Nah, you'll do.
*Click*
I'm sure God has a sense of humor.
wojr
Labels: My Writing, Religion, Snide Remarks
Monday, May 24, 2004
MORE BAD POETRY
It burns
When I tinkle
I found it kinda funny
And I laughed
My laughter was
Contagious so
I laughed harder
So hard
That a little pee
Dribbled out
It's OK though
I'm a masochist
It's kinda funny
wojr
It burns
When I tinkle
I found it kinda funny
And I laughed
My laughter was
Contagious so
I laughed harder
So hard
That a little pee
Dribbled out
It's OK though
I'm a masochist
It's kinda funny
wojr
Labels: My Writing
