wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, June 25, 2004
CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?
I guess there are worse jobs than mine.
HAPPY 5:00PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!
wojr
I guess there are worse jobs than mine.
HAPPY 5:00PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!
wojr
Two Signs that the Right Just Don't Get It
Both from eonline.com:
"SOUR GRAPES: Conservative forces organizing a film festival in Dallas, dubbed the American Film Renaissance, for Sept. 9 through 11. It will feature documentaries bankrolled by rich Republicans attempting to debunk Michael Moore's films."
"ON THE ATTACK: Conservative group Citizens United asking the Federal Election Commission to investigate whether TV ads for Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 featuring President Bush violate campaign finance law. The FEC could take months to rule."
Months? Heavens to Betsey. That actually might affect how the DVD is advertised.
wojr
Both from eonline.com:
"SOUR GRAPES: Conservative forces organizing a film festival in Dallas, dubbed the American Film Renaissance, for Sept. 9 through 11. It will feature documentaries bankrolled by rich Republicans attempting to debunk Michael Moore's films."
"ON THE ATTACK: Conservative group Citizens United asking the Federal Election Commission to investigate whether TV ads for Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 featuring President Bush violate campaign finance law. The FEC could take months to rule."
Months? Heavens to Betsey. That actually might affect how the DVD is advertised.
wojr
Celebrating Ten Years of Legalized Drinking
HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY to the wonder known as BRONC.
It's good to know that no matter how old I get - he will always be older.
Here is his gift - his own section of WOJR.COM.
Be forwarned.
wojr
HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY to the wonder known as BRONC.
It's good to know that no matter how old I get - he will always be older.
Here is his gift - his own section of WOJR.COM.
Be forwarned.
wojr
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Consider It A Sociological Experiment III: The Final Conflict
A brief recap for our neophyte readers.
On June 11th, I posted the following Internet Personal Ad:
DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a thirty-something white male just looking for love. Is this balding overweight guy right for you? Only if you like unemployed guys with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed fellow with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with a magnificent unit and incredible staying power.
Number of replies to the ad: ZERO
On June 17th, I reversed genders and posted this Personal Ad;
SHE'S THE DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a twenty-something white female just looking for love. Is this neurotic overweight girl right for you? Only if you like unemployed ladies with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed girl with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with magnificent juggs and no gag reflex.
Number of replies to this ad: SEVENTY-EIGHT
True, most of those responses were two or three word requests for a picture, but I was surprised to find many sincere and earnest replies.
Here's a sampling (No corrections have been made for spelling or grammar):
"I live at the beach so I get down there allot, especially durin the summer. Love getting on bike path with beach cruiser! I'm pretty laid back low drama a little sarcastic but genuine! Like doing the typical stuff Dining (LOVE SUSHI & SAKI dinners) Dancing, movies just hanging.... whatever, oh yea huge Lakers fan too! Enough of me... Now you. Well you need to be Fun, adventurous, laid back, Funny, smart attractive inside and out employed. Oh yea and 420 friendly… I know it's a tall order but im a good looking cool guy and I refuse to settle anymore!" Did he even read the ad?
"First, I have never known an overweight lady to possess a magnificant pair of jugs.....so I must infer that you are indeed a "fine tight catch".....who happens to have a beautifully shaped breasts and who is also lovingly orally articualte.." Ladies, if interested in this winner, I can forward you his email.
"I just kicked out a woman who I let sleep in my extra bed in my living room for 6 weeks... I waited on her hand and foot she definitely had here mental/emotional problems too.. But only on rare occasion did they manifest itself in paranoid delusional thinking. Like yourself she was overweight with magnificient juggs..Well I'm pretty sure anyway, never got to even see her in her bra (tho I bought her some).. so needless to say I have no idea about her gag reflex... It's been sometime since I've been in my 20's so I wouldn't impose on you all that often....." Hmmm.. I wonder what 'impose' means?
"I consider myself pretty smart, I have two bachelors degrees (but that doesn't mean shit), and I like girls who can keep up with me in conversations. But I don't like quasi-intelectuals who bore you with anecdotes from literature or art. I like dining, movies, music, and having a good time, traveling, the outdoors and sports. Do these things interest you? Also, I am HOTT, and only want to go out with HOTT girls that have lots of money. If you are lucky, I will write you back." Mammaro - is that you?
"I like your profile. The other women are sounding very materialistic; most just want a Sugar daddy and a place to live. It's amazing, how pathetic some women are.." Didn't the ad request a place to live?
"Do you think my overbearing mother would like you though? She is very picky, and her views are quite important to me. Do you like D&D? I'm not sure if my friends would let you play with us, but that would be rad. If not, I would totally tell you all about it. Do you have any Elf ears? It's cool if not, I have plenty." Yes, this one is my personal fav as well.
So, what did I learn from all this? Well, for one, I'm going straight to the personals whenever I need some inspiration for my writing. Two, men are horny bastards. Three, I'm going to go home and give Carmel a big hug tonight because I'm so glad I'm not single. The dating scene in LA scares me.
wojr
A brief recap for our neophyte readers.
On June 11th, I posted the following Internet Personal Ad:
DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a thirty-something white male just looking for love. Is this balding overweight guy right for you? Only if you like unemployed guys with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed fellow with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with a magnificent unit and incredible staying power.
Number of replies to the ad: ZERO
On June 17th, I reversed genders and posted this Personal Ad;
SHE'S THE DEFINITION OF A 'REAL CATCH'
I'm a twenty-something white female just looking for love. Is this neurotic overweight girl right for you? Only if you like unemployed ladies with an awkwardly close attachment to their mother. If you do, then take a chance on this mildly depressed girl with no real long-term plans or direction. I'm positive we would hit it off, then I can finally move out of my mother's house and into yours.
PS: Also, I am blessed with magnificent juggs and no gag reflex.
Number of replies to this ad: SEVENTY-EIGHT
True, most of those responses were two or three word requests for a picture, but I was surprised to find many sincere and earnest replies.
Here's a sampling (No corrections have been made for spelling or grammar):
"I live at the beach so I get down there allot, especially durin the summer. Love getting on bike path with beach cruiser! I'm pretty laid back low drama a little sarcastic but genuine! Like doing the typical stuff Dining (LOVE SUSHI & SAKI dinners) Dancing, movies just hanging.... whatever, oh yea huge Lakers fan too! Enough of me... Now you. Well you need to be Fun, adventurous, laid back, Funny, smart attractive inside and out employed. Oh yea and 420 friendly… I know it's a tall order but im a good looking cool guy and I refuse to settle anymore!" Did he even read the ad?
"First, I have never known an overweight lady to possess a magnificant pair of jugs.....so I must infer that you are indeed a "fine tight catch".....who happens to have a beautifully shaped breasts and who is also lovingly orally articualte.." Ladies, if interested in this winner, I can forward you his email.
"I just kicked out a woman who I let sleep in my extra bed in my living room for 6 weeks... I waited on her hand and foot she definitely had here mental/emotional problems too.. But only on rare occasion did they manifest itself in paranoid delusional thinking. Like yourself she was overweight with magnificient juggs..Well I'm pretty sure anyway, never got to even see her in her bra (tho I bought her some).. so needless to say I have no idea about her gag reflex... It's been sometime since I've been in my 20's so I wouldn't impose on you all that often....." Hmmm.. I wonder what 'impose' means?
"I consider myself pretty smart, I have two bachelors degrees (but that doesn't mean shit), and I like girls who can keep up with me in conversations. But I don't like quasi-intelectuals who bore you with anecdotes from literature or art. I like dining, movies, music, and having a good time, traveling, the outdoors and sports. Do these things interest you? Also, I am HOTT, and only want to go out with HOTT girls that have lots of money. If you are lucky, I will write you back." Mammaro - is that you?
"I like your profile. The other women are sounding very materialistic; most just want a Sugar daddy and a place to live. It's amazing, how pathetic some women are.." Didn't the ad request a place to live?
"Do you think my overbearing mother would like you though? She is very picky, and her views are quite important to me. Do you like D&D? I'm not sure if my friends would let you play with us, but that would be rad. If not, I would totally tell you all about it. Do you have any Elf ears? It's cool if not, I have plenty." Yes, this one is my personal fav as well.
So, what did I learn from all this? Well, for one, I'm going straight to the personals whenever I need some inspiration for my writing. Two, men are horny bastards. Three, I'm going to go home and give Carmel a big hug tonight because I'm so glad I'm not single. The dating scene in LA scares me.
wojr
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
The 30 Minute Comic Script
Walking up by UCLA the other night, I passed a couple matching the physical description of the main characters in this short script. I was exhausted so I guess I was being blatant as the husband totally caught me checking out his wife. One mean look later and this story was born.
Read Throwaway Comments
wojr
Walking up by UCLA the other night, I passed a couple matching the physical description of the main characters in this short script. I was exhausted so I guess I was being blatant as the husband totally caught me checking out his wife. One mean look later and this story was born.
Read Throwaway Comments
wojr
Probably Why I'm More The Strong, Silent Type (Ok, Ok! Moderately Strong, Silent When Sober Type)
I had a thought about metropolitan areas that really bothered me.
Based on recent experience, it is more likely for an insane person to come up on the street and talk to you than it is a sane person.
Well, as long as it isn't a person asking for directions.
But, what sane MAN stops and asks someone for directions?
wojr
I had a thought about metropolitan areas that really bothered me.
Based on recent experience, it is more likely for an insane person to come up on the street and talk to you than it is a sane person.
Well, as long as it isn't a person asking for directions.
But, what sane MAN stops and asks someone for directions?
wojr
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Do You Know How Many Documentaries Michael Moore Could Make for 1.5 Billion Dollars? (Or How Georgie-Boy Saved My Marriage)
Today, George Dubya promoted his plans to start a 1.5 Billion Dollar program to provide premarital counseling to the underprivileged in order to promote strong marital bonds in the United State. Pardon me, stronger heterosexual marital bonds. The money would go to government as well as faith-based agencies. This move probably seems like a wonderful thing when viewed through rose-tinted spectacles of the religious right. But what about the more pragmatic members of our citizenry? Does this make sense to them?
Being the selfish, egotistical bastard I know I can be, I'm going to put this in a personal perspective. Now, I've been engaged for a long time. Paris Hilton wasn't even famous when I got engaged, if you can imagine that. With no wedding date set in sight, Carmel and I should be prime candidates for some government sponsored premarital counseling. (I haven't had my privilege levels tested recently, but I think I'm running a little. I might be underprivileged.)
However, I know that if Carm and I do not make it work out in the end, I will not be saying "What more could my government have done to say my relationship?" I know that as long they don't end up deporting her, I will not be blaming any of the Washington bigwigs for splitting us up. However, if I somehow manage to retire one day and there are no more funds for Social Security, well then the President and I are going to have words. Maybe we could just add the 1.5 Billion back into Social Security.
Maybe the 1.5 Billion can put towards more practical uses to help young couples. How about more sex education for the underprivileged? Throw in some free condoms and you might stem some of those unwanted pregnancies that led to some ill-conceived marriages.
How about 1.5 Billion towards stemming the flow of jobs overseas - so hubby and wife won't have to fight over mortgage payments when both are left jobless?
How about this? Just buy 1.5 Million Newlywed couples a thousand lottery tickets each. I bet that statistically more marriages would be saved than the proposed program.
Or I could just be bitter - being deprived of any marital bliss.
wojr
Today, George Dubya promoted his plans to start a 1.5 Billion Dollar program to provide premarital counseling to the underprivileged in order to promote strong marital bonds in the United State. Pardon me, stronger heterosexual marital bonds. The money would go to government as well as faith-based agencies. This move probably seems like a wonderful thing when viewed through rose-tinted spectacles of the religious right. But what about the more pragmatic members of our citizenry? Does this make sense to them?
Being the selfish, egotistical bastard I know I can be, I'm going to put this in a personal perspective. Now, I've been engaged for a long time. Paris Hilton wasn't even famous when I got engaged, if you can imagine that. With no wedding date set in sight, Carmel and I should be prime candidates for some government sponsored premarital counseling. (I haven't had my privilege levels tested recently, but I think I'm running a little. I might be underprivileged.)
However, I know that if Carm and I do not make it work out in the end, I will not be saying "What more could my government have done to say my relationship?" I know that as long they don't end up deporting her, I will not be blaming any of the Washington bigwigs for splitting us up. However, if I somehow manage to retire one day and there are no more funds for Social Security, well then the President and I are going to have words. Maybe we could just add the 1.5 Billion back into Social Security.
Maybe the 1.5 Billion can put towards more practical uses to help young couples. How about more sex education for the underprivileged? Throw in some free condoms and you might stem some of those unwanted pregnancies that led to some ill-conceived marriages.
How about 1.5 Billion towards stemming the flow of jobs overseas - so hubby and wife won't have to fight over mortgage payments when both are left jobless?
How about this? Just buy 1.5 Million Newlywed couples a thousand lottery tickets each. I bet that statistically more marriages would be saved than the proposed program.
Or I could just be bitter - being deprived of any marital bliss.
wojr
Monday, June 21, 2004
Hardest Thing To Do On A Monday Morning
Easiest thing to do probably would be oversleeping. Or masturbating.
HAPPY MONDAY MORNING
wojr
Easiest thing to do probably would be oversleeping. Or masturbating.
HAPPY MONDAY MORNING
wojr
Sunday, June 20, 2004
Reason No. 587 Why I'll Never Be Voted to the Son Hall of Fame (or I am the Wrapper and He's the DJ)
Around seven or eight years ago, I tried to get imaginative with my Father's Day gift. Back then I was living in North Jersey, only five minutes away from the old man. Oddly enough that was the shortest distance separating the two of us since I was three years old. Given this proximity I was able to drop by with increased frequency and thus become greatly annoyed with his telephone; his ancient, decrepit rotary phone.
Now, some of you, especially my Amish readers, might be thinking "Wow! A rotary phone. That's kind of cool in a retro manner." Well, after a few actual attempts at dialing with the infernal thing, you would more likely be thinking "God damn, how did our forefathers survive this infernal contraption." Imagine no speed dial. Imagine dreading phone numbers with more than one nine in it. Imagine it being impossible to correctly dial on the first try. Imagine, well, you get the point.
Thus, I convince myself that giving my dad a new phone would be a wonderful gift while I turn a blind eye to my obvious selfishness in buying it. So, I run out to whatever was Best Buy before there was Best Buy and pick up a phone for the fellow. I forget exactly which model I picked but it most likely was the one on sale. After wrapping the communication device ever so neatly (despite never doing it professionally, I am quite the capable gift wrapper), I head over to my Dad's and present him with my Father's Day present.
Following the perfunctory thank-you and hug, we go about hooking the bad boy up. I go to the wall to unhook the phone jack when I am shock and astounded to find that the phone cord went directly into the wall. It was positively embedded in there. I ask my dad how old the phone was and he lets me know that it came with the house.
Long story short, my Dad pays ten times what I paid for the phone to have the phone company come and install phone jacks in the house..
..and by the next year, the piece of crap phone I bought died and had to be replaced.
So, the point of the whole thing - Happy Father's Day, Dad.
Wish I was still living five minutes away.
wojr
Around seven or eight years ago, I tried to get imaginative with my Father's Day gift. Back then I was living in North Jersey, only five minutes away from the old man. Oddly enough that was the shortest distance separating the two of us since I was three years old. Given this proximity I was able to drop by with increased frequency and thus become greatly annoyed with his telephone; his ancient, decrepit rotary phone.
Now, some of you, especially my Amish readers, might be thinking "Wow! A rotary phone. That's kind of cool in a retro manner." Well, after a few actual attempts at dialing with the infernal thing, you would more likely be thinking "God damn, how did our forefathers survive this infernal contraption." Imagine no speed dial. Imagine dreading phone numbers with more than one nine in it. Imagine it being impossible to correctly dial on the first try. Imagine, well, you get the point.
Thus, I convince myself that giving my dad a new phone would be a wonderful gift while I turn a blind eye to my obvious selfishness in buying it. So, I run out to whatever was Best Buy before there was Best Buy and pick up a phone for the fellow. I forget exactly which model I picked but it most likely was the one on sale. After wrapping the communication device ever so neatly (despite never doing it professionally, I am quite the capable gift wrapper), I head over to my Dad's and present him with my Father's Day present.
Following the perfunctory thank-you and hug, we go about hooking the bad boy up. I go to the wall to unhook the phone jack when I am shock and astounded to find that the phone cord went directly into the wall. It was positively embedded in there. I ask my dad how old the phone was and he lets me know that it came with the house.
Long story short, my Dad pays ten times what I paid for the phone to have the phone company come and install phone jacks in the house..
..and by the next year, the piece of crap phone I bought died and had to be replaced.
So, the point of the whole thing - Happy Father's Day, Dad.
Wish I was still living five minutes away.
wojr
