wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, July 30, 2004
Just In Case Anyone Forgot
Bronc used to be a homoerotic toy. (Bet you'll update your blog now, bee-yatch.)
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Bronc used to be a homoerotic toy. (Bet you'll update your blog now, bee-yatch.)
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
So, What Would Be Considered A Reasonable Fee? And What Would Be A Regular Basis?
Sent in by mitchellkramer2004@yahoo.com, he said that I don't want to know where he found this blurb, but:
"I heard another story about sexual acts being performed on a dog. This time, the teller claimed that she was the glorious co-owner of a dog, and that she and the other woman who owned it would take it to get it jerked off on a regular basis by crack whores. She claimed the process prevented testicular cancer and that it was called “mounting”. No one else there had heard of it, but most were not dog owners. I am a cat person myself. The girl went on to claim that she approached desperate looking hookers until she found one that was willing to jerk her dog off for a reasonable fee."
I'm never going to look at a woman driving around with a canine the same way ever again. "Oh, I'm sorry, but you don't look desperate enough to whack off my pooch."
The question is - Why does this story remind me of Whitney Houston?
wojr
Sent in by mitchellkramer2004@yahoo.com, he said that I don't want to know where he found this blurb, but:
"I heard another story about sexual acts being performed on a dog. This time, the teller claimed that she was the glorious co-owner of a dog, and that she and the other woman who owned it would take it to get it jerked off on a regular basis by crack whores. She claimed the process prevented testicular cancer and that it was called “mounting”. No one else there had heard of it, but most were not dog owners. I am a cat person myself. The girl went on to claim that she approached desperate looking hookers until she found one that was willing to jerk her dog off for a reasonable fee."
I'm never going to look at a woman driving around with a canine the same way ever again. "Oh, I'm sorry, but you don't look desperate enough to whack off my pooch."
The question is - Why does this story remind me of Whitney Houston?
wojr
Thankfully I Have No "Then I Slept With A Tiger-Man" Stories Either
In honor of this year's San Diego Comic-Con, we have a very special "Things..." comic. Actually, this one is the most auto-biographical strip yet.
Unfortunately, for the first time in three years, I did not go to that convention. It's too bad, because I heard this 'Tiger-Man' guy was there.
wojr
In honor of this year's San Diego Comic-Con, we have a very special "Things..." comic. Actually, this one is the most auto-biographical strip yet.
Unfortunately, for the first time in three years, I did not go to that convention. It's too bad, because I heard this 'Tiger-Man' guy was there.
wojr
Thursday, July 29, 2004
"They Told Me There Was Nothing Out There, Nothing to Fear.."
Further confirmation of my inner geek.
The first trailer for Batman Begins.
wojr
Further confirmation of my inner geek.
The first trailer for Batman Begins.
wojr
Please Pardon this Interruption in our Usual Satire for a Scheduled Sappy Moment
Today marks the fourth anniversary of my first date with my fiancée, Carmel. (It also marks the thirty-first month of our engagement but we won’t discuss that.)
The only other thing I’ve done longer than four years is Grade School.
Happy Anniversary, Bunny! (And again, sorry for yesterday’s tongue picture.)
wojr
Today marks the fourth anniversary of my first date with my fiancée, Carmel. (It also marks the thirty-first month of our engagement but we won’t discuss that.)
The only other thing I’ve done longer than four years is Grade School.
Happy Anniversary, Bunny! (And again, sorry for yesterday’s tongue picture.)
wojr
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Some Days a Picture is Better at Expressing my State of Mind
wojr
Click on pic to enlarge. (Oh yeah, Broncatello, it comes in a larger file.)
wojr
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
www.diI Too Like It Salt Additionally, Herr McLaughlin
Let's face it, the Internet has made the world a smaller place. All it takes is one Google search for Mail Order Brides to see how quickly one can be whisked away by the wonders of a foreign land. While we here at wojr.com are all self-obsessed Americans that only speak one language, we do acknowledge that certain uncultured individuals from other countries do not know the beloved language of Shakespeare, Jefferson and Jackie Collins; the beloved English.
Luckily, there are translation websites such as Alta Vista's Babel Fish that allow you ignorant people devoid of English skills the opportunity to still read and comprehend the wonderful works of wojr.com. In our constant desire to insure the highest quality control, we had out interns test out a portion of this site's content on Babel Fish's translation software.
From Broncatello's obituary:
"Most of the initial group liked to go to Atlantic City quite often. That's how he recruited us, with sin. I also like radishes. Do you have any radishes? I like them extra dirty. Dirty, dirty radish." Mr. McLaughlin is currently having problems with senility.
A quick translation from English to French:
La "majeure partie du groupe initial a aimé aller à Atlantic City tout à fait souvent. C'est comment il nous a recrutés, avec le péché. J'aime également des radis. Prenez-vous des radis ? Je les aime sale supplémentaire. Radis sale et sale." M. McLaughlin a actuellement des problèmes avec la sénilité.
Then, from French to German:
Das "majeure ausgegangen von der Anfangsgruppe mochte ganz oft zu Atlantic City gehen. C'est, wie er uns mit der Sünde rekrutiert hat. J'aime ebenfalls der Rettiche. Nehmen Sie Rettiche? Ich mag sie salze zusätzlich. Schmutziger Rettich und sale." Herr McLaughlin hat momentan Probleme mit der Senilität.
And finally, from German back to English:
The "majeure proceeded from the initial's group might completely often have gone to Atlantic town center. C'est, as he recruited us with the sin. J'aime likewise the radishes. Do they take radishes? I like it salt additionally. Dirty radish and sale." Mr. McLaughlin has momentarily problems with the Senilitaet.
Personally, I think this is close enough for the foreigners. I don't like my Mail Order Brides to read too much anyway. There are floors that need scrubbing if you know what I mean.
[Editor's note: We don't know what the term "Senilitaet" refers to, but even money says it has something to do with a nihilistic Jerry Lewis look-alike that does not support the War in Iraq.]
wojr
Let's face it, the Internet has made the world a smaller place. All it takes is one Google search for Mail Order Brides to see how quickly one can be whisked away by the wonders of a foreign land. While we here at wojr.com are all self-obsessed Americans that only speak one language, we do acknowledge that certain uncultured individuals from other countries do not know the beloved language of Shakespeare, Jefferson and Jackie Collins; the beloved English.
Luckily, there are translation websites such as Alta Vista's Babel Fish that allow you ignorant people devoid of English skills the opportunity to still read and comprehend the wonderful works of wojr.com. In our constant desire to insure the highest quality control, we had out interns test out a portion of this site's content on Babel Fish's translation software.
From Broncatello's obituary:
"Most of the initial group liked to go to Atlantic City quite often. That's how he recruited us, with sin. I also like radishes. Do you have any radishes? I like them extra dirty. Dirty, dirty radish." Mr. McLaughlin is currently having problems with senility.
A quick translation from English to French:
La "majeure partie du groupe initial a aimé aller à Atlantic City tout à fait souvent. C'est comment il nous a recrutés, avec le péché. J'aime également des radis. Prenez-vous des radis ? Je les aime sale supplémentaire. Radis sale et sale." M. McLaughlin a actuellement des problèmes avec la sénilité.
Then, from French to German:
Das "majeure ausgegangen von der Anfangsgruppe mochte ganz oft zu Atlantic City gehen. C'est, wie er uns mit der Sünde rekrutiert hat. J'aime ebenfalls der Rettiche. Nehmen Sie Rettiche? Ich mag sie salze zusätzlich. Schmutziger Rettich und sale." Herr McLaughlin hat momentan Probleme mit der Senilität.
And finally, from German back to English:
The "majeure proceeded from the initial's group might completely often have gone to Atlantic town center. C'est, as he recruited us with the sin. J'aime likewise the radishes. Do they take radishes? I like it salt additionally. Dirty radish and sale." Mr. McLaughlin has momentarily problems with the Senilitaet.
Personally, I think this is close enough for the foreigners. I don't like my Mail Order Brides to read too much anyway. There are floors that need scrubbing if you know what I mean.
[Editor's note: We don't know what the term "Senilitaet" refers to, but even money says it has something to do with a nihilistic Jerry Lewis look-alike that does not support the War in Iraq.]
wojr
Monday, July 26, 2004
Wojr's Guide to Dating - Entry #3,568:
'Alcohol & Your Penis: A Give and Take Relationship'
[Note: This entry unavoidably contains some of the profanity, but it is all for the good of the young ones.]
Freshman Orientation. In a few brief days, college officials and overzealous upperclassmen inundate incoming freshmen with an overwhelming amount of introductory information. Most of this instruction is quite useful, since a large majority of neophyte collegiates lose all common sense when rewarded with the freedom of college life. These proverbial "cubs in the woods" require education in the areas of blood alcohol contents, meal plans, drop/add slips, and most importantly, sexual consent. As Saturday Night Live has reminded us, the purchase of the surf-n-turf platter does not automatically equal consent.
However, it has always bothered me that the facilitators of said orientation never took the young men aside and told them what to do when true disaster strikes; when they drink to such an excess that their dicks cease to function. There is no Saturday Night Live skit instructing them on that horror, my friends. And that's where Wojr's Guide to Dating comes to the rescue.
We here at wojr.com understand the important role that alcohol plays in the collegiate seduction process. A fine alcoholic beverage and/or fruit desert wine could be all that stands between a night with the girl of your dreams and a night with only your fist and your dreams. The hooch can turn the tight loose, the ugly beautiful and, surprisingly enough, your body against you. To the doctors of the world, it's called 'alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction.' However, most know it as 'whiskey-dick.'
Now, don't let the name fool you. Whiskey is not the only perpetrator of the dreaded 'whiskey-dick.' Any alcoholic beverage can be the culprit of this heinous crime. Although many of my African-American friends have told me that with "gin you can always sin." However, I have no hard evidence of this. Personally, I think these gentlemen just like to rhyme.
Anyhow, that is not what I'm here to talk about. I can't help you in the prevention of the penis of the whiskey. That involves not drinking to excess and no one here at wojr.com has figured that conundrum out. I'm here to offer your best chance of surviving whiskey-dick with your sanity, reputation and manly confidence intact.
Step One: DO NOT PANIC.
Even if she notices your state of non-arousal before your drunken, oblivious ass, remain calm and in as much control as you can muster. Do not cry. Do not curse God. Do not go beating your little man like he was a rented mule. Just calmly go directly to Step Two.
Step Two: HEAD DOWNTOWN.
I don't care what your personal preference towards the cunnilingus is; you get your inebriated self down there for a nice dine at the Y. (If you like the man-love, fellatio will work just as well.) Munching box enables you to DISTRACT her from your situation with the oral stimulation as well as possibly distract yourself enough to work up some wood.
Step Three: IF FLACCIDITY CONTINUES, REPEAT STEP TWO.
More importantly though, feasting on her magnificent bounty provides you with necessary DAMAGE CONTROL. Eventually one or both of you are going to pass out, so wouldn't you rather be known as the guy who passed out in her crotch rather than a limp dick? Girls talk, my young friend, and the last thing you want spread around the female population of your vicinity is the mental image of you masturbating in the corner pleading to YAHWEH to bestow you an erection.
Plus, remember that there is always the possibility of "Morning Sex." Personally, I like getting it on in the AM. There's less likelihood of prolonged cuddling, no need for the requisite extended stamina of the evening sex, and the lovely fact that bad morning breath, more often than not, leads to the doggie-style position. Plus, if you hurry, you can get to McDonalds before they stop serving breakfast and nothing washes cheap ho out of your mouth like an Egg McMuffin.
So, next time you're sailing at half-mast, remember the four D's of whiskey-dick and you can't go wrong.
DO NOT PANIC ~ DOWNTOWN ~ DISTRACT ~ DAMAGE CONTROL.
wojr
'Alcohol & Your Penis: A Give and Take Relationship'
[Note: This entry unavoidably contains some of the profanity, but it is all for the good of the young ones.]
Freshman Orientation. In a few brief days, college officials and overzealous upperclassmen inundate incoming freshmen with an overwhelming amount of introductory information. Most of this instruction is quite useful, since a large majority of neophyte collegiates lose all common sense when rewarded with the freedom of college life. These proverbial "cubs in the woods" require education in the areas of blood alcohol contents, meal plans, drop/add slips, and most importantly, sexual consent. As Saturday Night Live has reminded us, the purchase of the surf-n-turf platter does not automatically equal consent.
However, it has always bothered me that the facilitators of said orientation never took the young men aside and told them what to do when true disaster strikes; when they drink to such an excess that their dicks cease to function. There is no Saturday Night Live skit instructing them on that horror, my friends. And that's where Wojr's Guide to Dating comes to the rescue.
We here at wojr.com understand the important role that alcohol plays in the collegiate seduction process. A fine alcoholic beverage and/or fruit desert wine could be all that stands between a night with the girl of your dreams and a night with only your fist and your dreams. The hooch can turn the tight loose, the ugly beautiful and, surprisingly enough, your body against you. To the doctors of the world, it's called 'alcohol-induced erectile dysfunction.' However, most know it as 'whiskey-dick.'
Now, don't let the name fool you. Whiskey is not the only perpetrator of the dreaded 'whiskey-dick.' Any alcoholic beverage can be the culprit of this heinous crime. Although many of my African-American friends have told me that with "gin you can always sin." However, I have no hard evidence of this. Personally, I think these gentlemen just like to rhyme.
Anyhow, that is not what I'm here to talk about. I can't help you in the prevention of the penis of the whiskey. That involves not drinking to excess and no one here at wojr.com has figured that conundrum out. I'm here to offer your best chance of surviving whiskey-dick with your sanity, reputation and manly confidence intact.
Step One: DO NOT PANIC.
Even if she notices your state of non-arousal before your drunken, oblivious ass, remain calm and in as much control as you can muster. Do not cry. Do not curse God. Do not go beating your little man like he was a rented mule. Just calmly go directly to Step Two.
Step Two: HEAD DOWNTOWN.
I don't care what your personal preference towards the cunnilingus is; you get your inebriated self down there for a nice dine at the Y. (If you like the man-love, fellatio will work just as well.) Munching box enables you to DISTRACT her from your situation with the oral stimulation as well as possibly distract yourself enough to work up some wood.
Step Three: IF FLACCIDITY CONTINUES, REPEAT STEP TWO.
More importantly though, feasting on her magnificent bounty provides you with necessary DAMAGE CONTROL. Eventually one or both of you are going to pass out, so wouldn't you rather be known as the guy who passed out in her crotch rather than a limp dick? Girls talk, my young friend, and the last thing you want spread around the female population of your vicinity is the mental image of you masturbating in the corner pleading to YAHWEH to bestow you an erection.
Plus, remember that there is always the possibility of "Morning Sex." Personally, I like getting it on in the AM. There's less likelihood of prolonged cuddling, no need for the requisite extended stamina of the evening sex, and the lovely fact that bad morning breath, more often than not, leads to the doggie-style position. Plus, if you hurry, you can get to McDonalds before they stop serving breakfast and nothing washes cheap ho out of your mouth like an Egg McMuffin.
So, next time you're sailing at half-mast, remember the four D's of whiskey-dick and you can't go wrong.
DO NOT PANIC ~ DOWNTOWN ~ DISTRACT ~ DAMAGE CONTROL.
wojr
