wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Saturday, August 13, 2005
RANDOM ASS DIALOGUE THAT WILL ACTUALLY MAKE IT INTO A STORY
Last night, I sat down and wrote an outline for a script that is oddly.. commercial. (No, Bronc - I'm not ready to discuss it with you.) What is stranger than me trying to write something I could actually sell is – I think I have some random bits of dialogue that could actually fit into the story.
"Maybe Your Dad Has Jesus Issues"
A boy tries to reconcile with the girl that just dumped him:
GIRL: "Come on, it will never work between us. My parents hate you."
BOY: "They hate me? Since when?"
G: "Since you told my Dad that Jesus was the Devil."
B: "Listen, your father took that completely out of context. I was just suggesting that maybe the Devil pretended to be the Son of God and started Christianity to further fracture the religions of the world.Thus, making sure that man could commit numerous atrocities in the name of God. Doesn’t that sound like something Saran would do?"
G: "You said it was Jesus’ fault that Hitler killed the Jews."
B: "Well, there is proof that the Vatican was aware of the..."
He pauses as the girl just stares at him blankly.
B: "So, I guess some post-relationship closure nookie is out of question?"
G: "You have better odds of having a three way with Hitler and the Pope."
"The George Jetson Diet"
Two students bullshitting:
Student 1: "You know in the future, everyone will be thin and beautiful."
Student 2: "I don't know. Look at The Jetsons. Judy and the Mom had it going on, but all the guys were not what you would call ideal physical specimens."
Student 1: "Yeah, but none of them ever gained weight. As long as I watched that show, no one ever gained a single pound. They must have had some quality low calorie food."
Student 2: "Opposed to The Facts of Life. Man, you could actually see those girls gain weight in a single episode."
Student 1: "Dude, what are you talking about? The Facts of Life didn’t take place in the future."
Don't mind me – I’m just talking out loud. Go about your business while wondering what all that has to do with time travel.
wojr
Last night, I sat down and wrote an outline for a script that is oddly.. commercial. (No, Bronc - I'm not ready to discuss it with you.) What is stranger than me trying to write something I could actually sell is – I think I have some random bits of dialogue that could actually fit into the story.
"Maybe Your Dad Has Jesus Issues"
A boy tries to reconcile with the girl that just dumped him:
GIRL: "Come on, it will never work between us. My parents hate you."
BOY: "They hate me? Since when?"
G: "Since you told my Dad that Jesus was the Devil."
B: "Listen, your father took that completely out of context. I was just suggesting that maybe the Devil pretended to be the Son of God and started Christianity to further fracture the religions of the world.Thus, making sure that man could commit numerous atrocities in the name of God. Doesn’t that sound like something Saran would do?"
G: "You said it was Jesus’ fault that Hitler killed the Jews."
B: "Well, there is proof that the Vatican was aware of the..."
He pauses as the girl just stares at him blankly.
B: "So, I guess some post-relationship closure nookie is out of question?"
G: "You have better odds of having a three way with Hitler and the Pope."
"The George Jetson Diet"
Two students bullshitting:
Student 1: "You know in the future, everyone will be thin and beautiful."
Student 2: "I don't know. Look at The Jetsons. Judy and the Mom had it going on, but all the guys were not what you would call ideal physical specimens."
Student 1: "Yeah, but none of them ever gained weight. As long as I watched that show, no one ever gained a single pound. They must have had some quality low calorie food."
Student 2: "Opposed to The Facts of Life. Man, you could actually see those girls gain weight in a single episode."
Student 1: "Dude, what are you talking about? The Facts of Life didn’t take place in the future."
Don't mind me – I’m just talking out loud. Go about your business while wondering what all that has to do with time travel.
wojr
Friday, August 12, 2005
TARA BLESSES THE 5PM SEND-OFF!!
And by "blesses", we mean "vomits while performing fellatio".
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
And by "blesses", we mean "vomits while performing fellatio".
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Without the Neon Light, Bronc Couldn't See the Forest for the Porn
Found this on metafilter, a discussion of porn found in forests/wooded areas.
"Porn in the woods. Did you, as a kid, find porn in the woods? I did, and I have noticed this is a worldwide phenomena. Why the porn in the woods? Where does the porn in the woods come from? Yes, this is a serious question."
Reading the varied recollections sparked some comments in my fractured mind:
One, I don't recall ever actually finding pornography in areas prone to the excessive foliage. I vividly remember reading adults magazines that my friends maintain to have found in "the woods". Normally, the horrid condition of said magazines would support such claims. In retrospect, however, an enthusiastic bout of self-love would probably have left the smut-filled periodical in the same dilapidated state.
Two, while I never found actual porn out in Mother Nature's wonderful bosom, some friends and I did find a Polaroid of some guy's junk in a decrepit gravel parking lot. Let me tell you, the sheer size of photographed testicles left a severe emotional scar on my young psyche. Looking back on it, the fact that the guy would photograph himself and leave the picture out there boggles my mind. I mean, whenever I leave pictures of my little soldier behind the A&P, I make damn sure to include some contact information. If you don't, then what's the point?
Thirdly, what I learned from all those "special episodes" of network televisions depicting pedophilia is that interested pedophiles would try to lure their victims with promises of pornography and red wine. Now, I never had Gordon Jump offer me the latest copy of Juggs but if he did I would have probably accepted it. Of course, I would get the hell out of there before he busted out the merlot and try to stick his finger up my ass. Come on now, I have made it clear by now that I'm not going to turn down free porn. Thus, I wonder how many kids would accept the adult material from creepy old man and then claim to their friends that they "found it in the woods." Think about it. Would you want your friends to think that you took a shot in the mouth for a lousy porno mag? Exactly.
Christ, am I up to a fourth point? The whole finding porn in woods thing reminds me of the opening sequence of Chosen
, a comic book by Mark Millar and Peter Gross. The mini-series told the story of a young man in the early Eighties who might be the second coming Jesus Christ. Before you have visions of Mel Gibson and his anti-Semitic dad, know that the series painted the Christ figure in a realistic light, focusing more on the human side of the concept. If you need the one line Hollywood pitch version, think of the story as ET meets Dogma. I mention the books because (a) it really is worth recommending and (b) the story opens with the main character making his way through the woods searching for the rumored location of an abandoned tittie mag. Just like the opening from the New Testament.
wojr
Found this on metafilter, a discussion of porn found in forests/wooded areas.
"Porn in the woods. Did you, as a kid, find porn in the woods? I did, and I have noticed this is a worldwide phenomena. Why the porn in the woods? Where does the porn in the woods come from? Yes, this is a serious question."
Reading the varied recollections sparked some comments in my fractured mind:
One, I don't recall ever actually finding pornography in areas prone to the excessive foliage. I vividly remember reading adults magazines that my friends maintain to have found in "the woods". Normally, the horrid condition of said magazines would support such claims. In retrospect, however, an enthusiastic bout of self-love would probably have left the smut-filled periodical in the same dilapidated state.
Two, while I never found actual porn out in Mother Nature's wonderful bosom, some friends and I did find a Polaroid of some guy's junk in a decrepit gravel parking lot. Let me tell you, the sheer size of photographed testicles left a severe emotional scar on my young psyche. Looking back on it, the fact that the guy would photograph himself and leave the picture out there boggles my mind. I mean, whenever I leave pictures of my little soldier behind the A&P, I make damn sure to include some contact information. If you don't, then what's the point?
Thirdly, what I learned from all those "special episodes" of network televisions depicting pedophilia is that interested pedophiles would try to lure their victims with promises of pornography and red wine. Now, I never had Gordon Jump offer me the latest copy of Juggs but if he did I would have probably accepted it. Of course, I would get the hell out of there before he busted out the merlot and try to stick his finger up my ass. Come on now, I have made it clear by now that I'm not going to turn down free porn. Thus, I wonder how many kids would accept the adult material from creepy old man and then claim to their friends that they "found it in the woods." Think about it. Would you want your friends to think that you took a shot in the mouth for a lousy porno mag? Exactly.
Christ, am I up to a fourth point? The whole finding porn in woods thing reminds me of the opening sequence of Chosen
, a comic book by Mark Millar and Peter Gross. The mini-series told the story of a young man in the early Eighties who might be the second coming Jesus Christ. Before you have visions of Mel Gibson and his anti-Semitic dad, know that the series painted the Christ figure in a realistic light, focusing more on the human side of the concept. If you need the one line Hollywood pitch version, think of the story as ET meets Dogma. I mention the books because (a) it really is worth recommending and (b) the story opens with the main character making his way through the woods searching for the rumored location of an abandoned tittie mag. Just like the opening from the New Testament.wojr
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Nineteen Percent Does Not Get You a Tug and a Poke
Men, myself included, are prone to do stupid things.
In the gigantic realm of dim-witted acts that heterosexual members of the male gender commit, one that consistently surprises me is our excessive tipping of waitresses that we find sexually attractive.
We delude ourselves into believing that our financial generosity will somehow make us more appealing to these ladies and therefore increase our chances of sleeping with them.
Of course, we would never admit our true intentions for added gratuity. We'd complement the lady's admirable serving skills and make no mention to our quasi-prostitution expectations.
We wouldn't admit to our hidden agenda, because deep down we understand that it is not only moronic, but morally unsound.
However, consider this notion. I can't speak from experience but I'm fairly certain that the second quickest way to insure that your desired serving wench will NOT sleep with you is to under tip.
Why the second quickest? Well, speaking from experience, the quickest way to insure that the hot ass Hooters girl will NOT sleep with you is to stick your dick in the mashed potatoes.
"M.I.K.E. to the D
You come and see me
And you pay a fee
Do what I do professionally
To tell the Truth I am exactly
What I want to be"
Happy Hump Day!
wojr
Men, myself included, are prone to do stupid things.
In the gigantic realm of dim-witted acts that heterosexual members of the male gender commit, one that consistently surprises me is our excessive tipping of waitresses that we find sexually attractive.
We delude ourselves into believing that our financial generosity will somehow make us more appealing to these ladies and therefore increase our chances of sleeping with them.
Of course, we would never admit our true intentions for added gratuity. We'd complement the lady's admirable serving skills and make no mention to our quasi-prostitution expectations.
We wouldn't admit to our hidden agenda, because deep down we understand that it is not only moronic, but morally unsound.
However, consider this notion. I can't speak from experience but I'm fairly certain that the second quickest way to insure that your desired serving wench will NOT sleep with you is to under tip.
Why the second quickest? Well, speaking from experience, the quickest way to insure that the hot ass Hooters girl will NOT sleep with you is to stick your dick in the mashed potatoes.
"M.I.K.E. to the D
You come and see me
And you pay a fee
Do what I do professionally
To tell the Truth I am exactly
What I want to be"
Happy Hump Day!
wojr
Monday, August 08, 2005
Unfortunately, Mondays Aren't The Only Days That Crap On Me
So, I show up to work this morning (something I consider an achievement in itself) and I guess the office had a power outage/spike/surge over the weekend. Not only is it playing havoc with our computer network, but it had a little fun with my adding machine.
I swear someone was playing a prank on me. Two cups of coffee later, I realize my co-workers are too lethargic to commit such an act, but I'm still leery.
(And yes, I did take that picture with my new Treo!!!)
wojr
So, I show up to work this morning (something I consider an achievement in itself) and I guess the office had a power outage/spike/surge over the weekend. Not only is it playing havoc with our computer network, but it had a little fun with my adding machine.
I swear someone was playing a prank on me. Two cups of coffee later, I realize my co-workers are too lethargic to commit such an act, but I'm still leery.
(And yes, I did take that picture with my new Treo!!!)
wojr
