wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
But Wouldn’t the Guide Dog Have Led Him There in the First Place??
From WorldNetDaily.com, via warrenellis.com:
While naming the dog, Lucky, is both unfortunate and comical, there are two items that stand out to me:
1. I like how they say "the Sunshine State has no law prohibiting sex with animals" rather than using the states proper name of Florida. It’s like they are alluding to some correlation between the Sunshine and the Bestiality.
2. "He seemed so sad, but as soon as he got on a leash he was excited and bouncy and ready to get out of there." Are they inferring that the dog is into bondage?
I love when the articles focusing on bestiality work on so many subtle levels. It’s all too rare when a writer can add subtleties to animal rape.
wojr
From WorldNetDaily.com, via warrenellis.com:
Blind man now faces felony after legal barking by PETA
Florida prosecutors have increased the charges against a blind man who is accused of raping his own guide dog.
The change from misdemeanor to felony status came after People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals urged state officials to use a more serious rule, even though the Sunshine State has no law prohibiting sex with animals.
As WND previously reported, Alan Yoder, 29, was originally charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct, specifically a "breach of the peace, by engaging in sexual activity with a guide dog."
But Assistant State Attorney Phil Smith said new witnesses have come forward, justifying felony charges of animal cruelty and injuring a guide dog, according to the Tallahassee Democrat.
"Enhancing the charges does not change the fact that Mr. Yoder is innocent," James Varnado, Yoder's attorney, told the paper.
PETA had sent an urgent plea to Assistant State Attorney Owen McCaul, urging him to throw the book at the Tallahassee resident.
According to PETA, Yoder allegedly invited a woman to join him in the act. Tallahassee police report Yoder admitted to performing sex acts on the animal and willingly gave up the animal before charges were adjudicated.
"Studies show that offenders who commit bestiality often go on to commit sex crimes against humans," said PETA Casework Division Manager Martin Mersereau. "The community should follow this case closely because anyone capable of this kind of cruelty poses a definitive risk, not just to animals, but to fellow human beings."
PETA is asking that if convicted, Yoder be prohibited from owning or harboring animals, and that authorities seize any other animals currently in his custody. PETA is also asking Yoder be required to undergo a thorough psychological evaluation followed by mandatory counseling.
The dog, a 70-pound yellow Labrador named Lucky, has since been adopted out to Stacy Cintron, 22, a recent graduate of Florida State University.
Cintron, the Tallahassee paper reported, learned of the dog's plight through her boss, the wife of a local policeman.
"She said, 'We have to save this dog,'" Cintron told the paper. "So we went to take a look at him. He seemed so sad, but as soon as he got on a leash he was excited and bouncy and ready to get out of there."
While naming the dog, Lucky, is both unfortunate and comical, there are two items that stand out to me:
1. I like how they say "the Sunshine State has no law prohibiting sex with animals" rather than using the states proper name of Florida. It’s like they are alluding to some correlation between the Sunshine and the Bestiality.
2. "He seemed so sad, but as soon as he got on a leash he was excited and bouncy and ready to get out of there." Are they inferring that the dog is into bondage?
I love when the articles focusing on bestiality work on so many subtle levels. It’s all too rare when a writer can add subtleties to animal rape.
wojr
Monday, August 29, 2005
How Come That Never Happens to Me In Jail??
Only in Texas, from azcentral.com:
"'Assuming the motive was sexually related' Chief Deputy Johnie Deagen said"?? How did these nitwits catch the guy in the first place? Plus, who spells it J-O-H-N-I-E??
"Everyone says nothing happened, they only talked." I got twenty bucks that says at least three out of the eight female inmates end up knocked up from all that talking.
In related news, "Prison Break" debuts tonight on Fox. I’m going to be let down if there isn’t a reverse gang bang scene.
wojr
Only in Texas, from azcentral.com:
Man found locked in women's prison cell
SAN ANTONIO - Authorities are investigating how a male prisoner managed to lock himself up with eight female prisoners at the Wilson County Jail.
"We're assuming the motive was sexually related, but nobody is saying anything happened," Chief Deputy Johnie Deagen said Thursday in the online edition of the San Antonio Express-News. "Everyone says nothing happened, they only talked."
Officials believe Joseph Krist, 34, sneaked into the cell after he moved a mop and bucket from his cell into a vestibule located between his and the women's cell. Krist apparently didn't return to his cell, but instead stayed in the vestibule until the women's cell door was remotely opened by a jail employee for them to get the mop.
Deagen said of Krist was in the cell for about 11 hours Monday. He was jailed on a bank robbery charge.
Deagen said staff and inmates may face disciplinary action.
"'Assuming the motive was sexually related' Chief Deputy Johnie Deagen said"?? How did these nitwits catch the guy in the first place? Plus, who spells it J-O-H-N-I-E??
"Everyone says nothing happened, they only talked." I got twenty bucks that says at least three out of the eight female inmates end up knocked up from all that talking.
In related news, "Prison Break" debuts tonight on Fox. I’m going to be let down if there isn’t a reverse gang bang scene.
wojr
Thinking About Some Time Traveling Bestiality Fetishists & Getting Paid For It
You've heard that question before. "If you could go back in time and kill somebody in order to benefit humanity, who would you kill?" It's been the basis for many lackluster ethical debates and even more mind-numbing science fiction stories. And people always seem to pick the same person to assassinate.
HITLER.
I'm sick of people saying how they would go back in time and kill Hitler. It's the fucking boring clichéd answer. Can't we just assume that Hitler is everyone's first choice for the time travel assassination? Then, we can move on to more interesting topics like who would be the SECOND person that you'd kill.
My first instinct would be to go back in time and kill that first African tribesman that fucked a monkey & started the AIDS epidemic. But I don't think killing one man would stop AIDS. We all know that it would be inevitable that someone would bang a monkey. You know, after a long day in the bush, you would have a few too many Colt 45s or some other African drinks with your hunting buddies and then they would start daring you to make the ape your next grudge fuck. One thing leads to another, well, you get the picture.
Then, who should I kill with my time machine if AIDS emanating monkey sex is destined by fate and malt liquor?
As I sit in my work area and listen to my coworker complain about her son's incompetent nanny and other marital woes, I realize I would kill Bob Propst, the inventor of the cubicle. Bastard has dehumanized more workers around the world than Joseph McCarthy. Sad fact is that at all the jobs I really hated I had my own office, while at my current position, which I can actually tolerate and earn a quasi-respectable salary, I’m trapped in a damn cubicle thinking about African men molesting monkeys.
It's a strange world we live - with or without Time Traveling Assassins.
On a related note, who do you think would be the best single individual to kill in order to save Jesus of Nazareth: Judas Iscariot, Barabbas or Pontius Pilate? Personally, I'm leaning towards the dark horse candidate, Barabbas. Any thoughts?
wojr
You've heard that question before. "If you could go back in time and kill somebody in order to benefit humanity, who would you kill?" It's been the basis for many lackluster ethical debates and even more mind-numbing science fiction stories. And people always seem to pick the same person to assassinate.
HITLER.
I'm sick of people saying how they would go back in time and kill Hitler. It's the fucking boring clichéd answer. Can't we just assume that Hitler is everyone's first choice for the time travel assassination? Then, we can move on to more interesting topics like who would be the SECOND person that you'd kill.
My first instinct would be to go back in time and kill that first African tribesman that fucked a monkey & started the AIDS epidemic. But I don't think killing one man would stop AIDS. We all know that it would be inevitable that someone would bang a monkey. You know, after a long day in the bush, you would have a few too many Colt 45s or some other African drinks with your hunting buddies and then they would start daring you to make the ape your next grudge fuck. One thing leads to another, well, you get the picture.
Then, who should I kill with my time machine if AIDS emanating monkey sex is destined by fate and malt liquor?
As I sit in my work area and listen to my coworker complain about her son's incompetent nanny and other marital woes, I realize I would kill Bob Propst, the inventor of the cubicle. Bastard has dehumanized more workers around the world than Joseph McCarthy. Sad fact is that at all the jobs I really hated I had my own office, while at my current position, which I can actually tolerate and earn a quasi-respectable salary, I’m trapped in a damn cubicle thinking about African men molesting monkeys.
It's a strange world we live - with or without Time Traveling Assassins.
On a related note, who do you think would be the best single individual to kill in order to save Jesus of Nazareth: Judas Iscariot, Barabbas or Pontius Pilate? Personally, I'm leaning towards the dark horse candidate, Barabbas. Any thoughts?
wojr
The "Age of Diddy" Rages On..
While wojr.com continues to refuses recognition of the latest name change for Mr. Sean Combs, we do acknowledge that the "Age of Diddy" has reached its thirteenth day. (Logic is often absent here at wojr.com headquarters, especially if it gets in the way of attempted comedy.)
And we will continue to be your unofficial chronicle for the Historic "Age of Diddy." (Actually, "chronicle" is a lofty word that doesn’t really apply. All we’ll do is tell you how long it's been since he tried to change his name to Diddy (which we still do not recognize as his name), maybe post a picture now & again as well as add any snarky comments we deem appropriate.)
So, yesterday in Puff Daddy history, Suge Knight was shot at a pre-party for the MTV VMAs. In the leg. How in the hell, do you miss that man’s torso? He’s a mountain. I swear, shooting Compton-style just never works.
All I know is that no one was shot when Shawn and Marlon Wayans were hosting the VMAs.
HAPPY MONDAY MORNING IN THE AGE OF DIDDY!
puff wojr
While wojr.com continues to refuses recognition of the latest name change for Mr. Sean Combs, we do acknowledge that the "Age of Diddy" has reached its thirteenth day. (Logic is often absent here at wojr.com headquarters, especially if it gets in the way of attempted comedy.)
And we will continue to be your unofficial chronicle for the Historic "Age of Diddy." (Actually, "chronicle" is a lofty word that doesn’t really apply. All we’ll do is tell you how long it's been since he tried to change his name to Diddy (which we still do not recognize as his name), maybe post a picture now & again as well as add any snarky comments we deem appropriate.)
So, yesterday in Puff Daddy history, Suge Knight was shot at a pre-party for the MTV VMAs. In the leg. How in the hell, do you miss that man’s torso? He’s a mountain. I swear, shooting Compton-style just never works.
All I know is that no one was shot when Shawn and Marlon Wayans were hosting the VMAs.
HAPPY MONDAY MORNING IN THE AGE OF DIDDY!
puff wojr
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Happy Endings for Happy Birthdays! Or I Might Be Upset At My Lack of Birthday Gifts
As I have mentioned, Carmel and I have two cats. They're probably turning four any day now.
Exactly which day, I don't know as I am contently unaware of their birthday (or days depending how long the kitty labor was). As such, there aren't any celebratory activities planned to commemorate their birthings.
The cats are all right with the absence of birthday parties since they are unaware of such human traditions plus they can't read a damn calendar in the first place.
Basically, as long as I provide them food, dispose of their feces and refrain from sticking objects up their rectums, my relationship with my pets remains pretty copasetic.
On the other hand, my relationships with people that celebrate their pet's birthday in elaborate fashion, well, they pretty much suck.
Personally, I think such individuals are utter asses.
Follow me on this one. As I mentioned, domestic animals can't keep track of a calendar's progress. Thus, you don't see herds of German Shepards heading south for the winter. No, these animals live the life of domestic bliss where one day happily blends into another. So, providing your pet with any birthday activity really doesn't benefit them. Sure, a new toy, collar or bone might provide some brief distraction, but the animals won't understand the intention behind it.
Then, why do it?
Well, besides making yourself feel better via your expression of altruism, you now have a story to tell your peers. There is no need to complain how "nothing really excited happened" that weekend. No, you get to tell your friends and co-workers how you were a nice enough person to host a birthday party for your pet. Your story is used to convince your friends that your life is not empty or boring and that they should like and respect you more because you are a nurturing and loving person.
What a load of crap.
Whenever I hear people telling me a story where the purpose of said story is to paint them in a better light, I immediately think it's bullshit. True, I am a cynic (which really should be obvious by now). I start hearing some boring yarn about your beagle's birthday bash and my mind is goes racing.
"Why is this prick boring me with this crap? I bet he beats his dog and bought the little rodent-like dog some birthday gifts out of sheer guilt. Hold up, you know what? I bet he didn't buy the dog anything. I bet he's just telling me the story to hide the fact that he spent his weekend banging his Filipino cabana boy. You know what else? I don't think he even has a dog, that lying bastard. Yeah, he just likes sucking the life essence out of me with his boring stories. I'd wager the Filipino house boy ATE that beagle. They do that you know."
Sadly enough, that is the way my mind works. Don't believe me? Watch this one, you cynical bastards.
You know what your dog or cat really wants? (Especially if it is a member of the male gender). Your pet wants you to grope its genitalia.
How many times have you given your pet a belly rub and they look up at you with some odd sense of longing in their eyes? Isn't it obvious? They want you to go downtown and finish the job. Face it, America. To our domestic animals, we are a nation of dick teases. We rub their bellies, give them a pat on the butt, but never really follow through with the deal. We are our pet's prudish high school sweethearts.
Personally, if you told me that you gave your dog or cat a hand job, first off, no matter how cynical I have become I would definitely believe you. Who would make up a story like that? Secondly, despite the look of shock and horror on my face, I would have more respect for you if you gave your pet a "happy ending" than if you gave them a "happy birthday."
But what do I know? My girlfriend bought me flowers for my birthday. That's it, flowers. I knew I wasn't getting that three-way I asked for, but come on now. Flowers? There are pets out there right now getting better gifts than me. Some are even getting hand jobs.
wojr
As I have mentioned, Carmel and I have two cats. They're probably turning four any day now.
Exactly which day, I don't know as I am contently unaware of their birthday (or days depending how long the kitty labor was). As such, there aren't any celebratory activities planned to commemorate their birthings.
The cats are all right with the absence of birthday parties since they are unaware of such human traditions plus they can't read a damn calendar in the first place.
Basically, as long as I provide them food, dispose of their feces and refrain from sticking objects up their rectums, my relationship with my pets remains pretty copasetic.
On the other hand, my relationships with people that celebrate their pet's birthday in elaborate fashion, well, they pretty much suck.
Personally, I think such individuals are utter asses.
Follow me on this one. As I mentioned, domestic animals can't keep track of a calendar's progress. Thus, you don't see herds of German Shepards heading south for the winter. No, these animals live the life of domestic bliss where one day happily blends into another. So, providing your pet with any birthday activity really doesn't benefit them. Sure, a new toy, collar or bone might provide some brief distraction, but the animals won't understand the intention behind it.
Then, why do it?
Well, besides making yourself feel better via your expression of altruism, you now have a story to tell your peers. There is no need to complain how "nothing really excited happened" that weekend. No, you get to tell your friends and co-workers how you were a nice enough person to host a birthday party for your pet. Your story is used to convince your friends that your life is not empty or boring and that they should like and respect you more because you are a nurturing and loving person.
What a load of crap.
Whenever I hear people telling me a story where the purpose of said story is to paint them in a better light, I immediately think it's bullshit. True, I am a cynic (which really should be obvious by now). I start hearing some boring yarn about your beagle's birthday bash and my mind is goes racing.
"Why is this prick boring me with this crap? I bet he beats his dog and bought the little rodent-like dog some birthday gifts out of sheer guilt. Hold up, you know what? I bet he didn't buy the dog anything. I bet he's just telling me the story to hide the fact that he spent his weekend banging his Filipino cabana boy. You know what else? I don't think he even has a dog, that lying bastard. Yeah, he just likes sucking the life essence out of me with his boring stories. I'd wager the Filipino house boy ATE that beagle. They do that you know."
Sadly enough, that is the way my mind works. Don't believe me? Watch this one, you cynical bastards.
You know what your dog or cat really wants? (Especially if it is a member of the male gender). Your pet wants you to grope its genitalia.
How many times have you given your pet a belly rub and they look up at you with some odd sense of longing in their eyes? Isn't it obvious? They want you to go downtown and finish the job. Face it, America. To our domestic animals, we are a nation of dick teases. We rub their bellies, give them a pat on the butt, but never really follow through with the deal. We are our pet's prudish high school sweethearts.
Personally, if you told me that you gave your dog or cat a hand job, first off, no matter how cynical I have become I would definitely believe you. Who would make up a story like that? Secondly, despite the look of shock and horror on my face, I would have more respect for you if you gave your pet a "happy ending" than if you gave them a "happy birthday."
But what do I know? My girlfriend bought me flowers for my birthday. That's it, flowers. I knew I wasn't getting that three-way I asked for, but come on now. Flowers? There are pets out there right now getting better gifts than me. Some are even getting hand jobs.
wojr
