That's OK - I Can Convert



HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!

The Porn Free Week has CONCLUDED!!!

wojr  ¶ 5:02 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Daniel Will Always Be My Favorite Baldwin

Found on courttv.com (via defamer):

Daniel Baldwin, the second-oldest member of the Baldwin acting dynasty, was arrested Saturday on drug charges at a Southern California hotel, Court TV's Hollywood Heat has learned.

Responding to a complaint about loud noise coming from a room at the Ocean Park Inn, Santa Monica police say they found Baldwin, 45, with a drug pipe in his hands and another man, Winston Anthony Hunter, 52, hiding in the bathroom. There was also a "small amount of cocaine," in the $75 a night room, according to Lt. Frank Fabrega of the Santa Monica Police Department. When questioned by the officers, both men admitted to being high on illegal drugs and were arrested for possession of cocaine, possession of narcotic paraphernalia and being under the influence of narcotics, Lt. Fabrega said.

...

The arrest is another sad chapter in Daniel Baldwin's life. In 1998, Baldwin was found running naked, high on crack-cocaine, through New York's swanky Plaza Hotel. Cops had been called after receiving complaints that Baldwin was watching pornographic films at an extremely high volume.

While I’m a fan of the TV show, Homicide: Life on the Street, the real reason Daniel will always be favorite Baldwin is that he played the bad guy in Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man.

However, that underrated gem of a film is not what I want to discuss. You see, the site of Baldwin’s arrest, the Ocean Park Inn, is mere blocks from my workplace (and by “mere” I mean a dozen) yet I have never heard of it. I know the Ocean Park Hotel and the Ocean Park Café, yet where was this mysterious Inn?

After some research, I found this review of the Ocean Park Inn on tripadvisor.com:

This hotel is for those who are desperate. If you need a cheap place to stay while you are waiting/looking for a more permanent home...this place will do. They offer a weekly rate of $250+tax, which you can't beat around west la. However, you get less than what you pay for still. I strongly advise you not to stay here for a vacation.

On our first day of arrival, we were told that it is a "self-service" kind of place. There is no maid service for the bedrooms. The communal bathrooms are the cleanest places in the hotel (cleaned daily). The bedrooms are not for those with weak stomachs. I advise bringing your own cleaners and definitely a can of lysol. I'm pretty sure there was some vomit on our wall from the people before us. The carpet was not clean, I threw a blanket on the floor. There is a cable tv, a fridge, and you have DSL access in the rooms. There is a communal laundry room with two computers w/free internet access, some overpriced vending machines, and an omnipresent older guy looking at porn.

I can’t help but wonder if the Daniel Baldwin and the omnipresent older guy looking at “that stuff I won’t talk about until Monday” happen to be the same guy.

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 3:48 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  The Real World Is Crashing Down Around Me

Having one of those days to end all days, but I couldn’t have this journal fall silent.

People might have assumed that I was one of the ELEVEN HUNDRED.

Found on cnn.com:

Fugitive roundup nets 1,100 sex offender suspects

WASHINGTON (AP) -- More than 1,100 people wanted in connection with violent sex crimes were among 9,037 fugitives arrested in a weeklong roundup, top law enforcement officials said Thursday.

The arrests were made as part of "Operation Falcon II," a 27-state dragnet led by the U.S. Marshals Service and timed to coincide with National Victims Rights Week.

This year's focus was on sex offenders, a group that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has made a priority in his 15 months at the Justice Department. The operation "targeted the worst of the worst," Gonzales said at a news conference at the Justice Department.

Next year’s focus better be on MONKEYS or we are all doomed.

(Just know that the first Operation: Falcon sounded so cool they had to use the codename again.)

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 4:16 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  When wojr Was Young...

Stumbled on this pic. Felt nostalgia in my belly...


(Click image to enlarge)

HAPPY HAPPY HUMP DAY!

wojr

(Edited on 2/14/2007 for completely stupid reasons - Yes, that is Neasa Thorton in the photo - No, there are not any car theives in the photo - Yes, the comments attached to this post should be avoided.)  ¶ 6:24 PM 19 comments links to this post   

  Charlton Heston Has Refused To Comment

Establishing shot: Madrid, Spain

Found on spainherald.com (via jasonspage.net):

Socialists: Give apes human rights

The Spanish Socialist Party will introduce a bill in the Congress of Deputies calling for "the immediate inclusion of (simians) in the category of persons, and that they be given the moral and legal protection that currently are only enjoyed by human beings." The PSOE's justification is that humans share 98.4% of our genes with chimpanzees, 97.7% with gorillas, and 96.4% with orangutans.

The party will announce its Great Ape Project at a press conference tomorrow.

Cut to: Sierra Leone, Africa.

Found on sky.com (via attu):

Killer Chimps On Rampage

A group of chimpanzees attacked and killed a Sierra Leonean driver and injured two Americans and one Canadian travelling with him.

The frenzied attack happened at a wildlife sanctuary near Freetown, capital of the west African nation.

Paramilitary police and forest rangers were searching dense jungle in an attempt to capture the chimps.

Cut to: wojr.com Headquarters, Los Angeles, CA

A tall, regal man sits in his smoking jacket and stares at his computer screen. His tender yet determined eyes indicate a mind bent on solving some elusive problem.

He speaks his thoughts aloud, but not in that crazy 'talking to one’s self' fashion.

“These are not isolated events. The monkeys are up to something.”

He takes a long pull off of his drop-step pipe.

“And who the hell picked those pictures to run with those stories?”

Given an infinite amount of time, a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard will almost surely eventually type out the works of Shakespeare.

Given a day and a bottle of Jack Daniels, that same monkey could type out a funnier entry than this.

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 2:26 PM 1 comments links to this post   

  True, Everything Seems To Be Pissing Me Off But This One is NOT Important

One of my pet peeves deals with people saying “I could care less.”

The correct phrasing happens to be “I could NOT care less.”

Thus, one is expressing with that statement how their level of apathy has reached a level so low that it could not possibly sink any lower. We’re talking somewhere beneath that so-called “bottom” those kooky alcoholics/addicts are always talking about.

Saying “I could care less” implies that you have some level (however minuscule) of interest.

Let me show you some examples of me NOT being able to care less about something.

Found on TMZ.com:

THE RUMOR: Are Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson at war?

HOW IT STARTED: Buzz of a feud caught fire after Lindsay reportedly berated Jessica last week at The Dime, a Hollywood night spot. According to reports, Lindsay went ballistic after Jessica did not thank her for sending a round of drinks to the table.

...

Internet Gossip Gangster Perez Hilton has an interesting theory. The two young starlets are not necessarily the ones at war. It's their respective hairdressers, who accompanied them to The Dime last week, who have issues with each other, which could explain the rumors of fireworks at the bar.

I thought I could not care less about that story until I read this piece of expert journalism.

Found on cnn.com (YES, C-DOUBLE-F’ING-N!!):

Seacrest: I'm not speaking to Abdul

"American Idol" host Ryan Seacrest says he and judge Paula Abdul aren't speaking to one another, but Abdul calls reports of a feud "ridiculous."

Seacrest told People magazine last week that his relationship with Abdul was "awkward."

"I don't know what the deal is. It's very awkward," he was quoted as saying.

See what happens when I can’t talk about porn - I get this. Crap I could NOT care less about. The Four Horsemen of the A-SUCK-alypse – Seacrest, Abdul, Lohan & Simpson. (Since Fez has probably banged all of them, does that make Wilmer Valderrama “Lucifer”?)

AND – WTF is an Internet Gossip Gangster? Does that mean Perez is more street than Liz Smith? Because that's bull - I've seen Liz Smith shiv a guy just for making direct eye contact with her nipples. That woman will take your bitch ass out, Perez Hilton.

In closing, the world is going to shit and I could NOT care less.

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 9:30 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Benny, Wake Me Up For the Third Vatican Council

Found on cnn.com:

Vatican reviews policy on condoms

The Vatican is studying whether condoms can be condoned to help stem the tide of AIDS and a host of other bioethical issues such as stem cell research, officials said Tuesday.

But there is no indication of when or whether it would pronounce itself on the matter.

Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan, who heads the Vatican office for health care, was quoted over the weekend in Italy's La Repubblica daily as saying his office was preparing a document on the question of condoms and AIDS, and that it would be released soon.

But on Tuesday, he clarified that his office was merely studying the issue at the request of the pope as part of a broader "dialogue" with other Vatican departments.

Pope Benedict XVI was picked because of his strong, conservative views on many of the church’s hot button issues. He didn’t get the job because he was going to shake things up and institute any major changes. He’s there to maintain the status quo (just with less kid touching).

I paraphrase myself when I say he is more of a “rebound Pope.” Since Pope John Paul II was so popular, there was no way his replacement would be universally accepted. That next guy will be the one to clean house. Having accepted that idea, I’m currently playing the waiting game. It’s easy for me, I’m not in Africa.

But, Benny, don’t go around presenting the possibility of a change. Don’t use obtuse words like “review.” I can review my checking account, but that doesn’t mean I can buy a house tomorrow.

The Second Vatican Council, now over forty years in the past, was the last set of sweeping changes the Church made and most of those modifications are still being criticized today. The thing to remember though is that the Second Vatican Council lasted for FOUR YEARS.

Do you think the Church will figure out what to do about condoms within the next four years – especially if we are only talking about a “broader dialogue" for the time being??

Found on avert.org:

Sub-Saharan Africa is the region of the world that is most affected by HIV & AIDS. An estimated 25.8 million people were living with HIV at the end of 2005 and approximately 3.1 million new infections occurred during that year. In just the past year the epidemic has claimed the lives of an estimated 2.4 million people in this region. More than twelve million children have been orphaned by AIDS.

The extent of the epidemic is only now becoming clear in many African countries, as increasing numbers of people with HIV are now becoming ill. In the absence of massively expanded prevention, treatment and care efforts, the AIDS death toll on the continent is expected to continue rising before peaking around the end of the decade. This means that the worst of the epidemic's impact on these societies will be felt in the course of the next ten years and beyond. Its social and economic consequences are already being felt widely not only in health but in education, industry, agriculture, transport, human resources and the economy in general.

Let’s see, four years times three million new infections equals..

Well, I guess I do use porn as a comedy crutch, because none of this is funny.

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 5:13 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Distraction Du Jour: Edison Hate Future

While some might argue over Warren Ellis being the new Internet Jesus, his webcomic, Edison Hate Future is a solid indication that he might be my personal saviour.

"Edison maintains that 'slutmonkeys' is a real word."

Go read Edison. Also, go read Fell. Then, you too can be Warren Ellis's slutmonkey.

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 11:16 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Sometimes I Just Love My Adopted State

Especially when its State Supreme Court reinforces my decision to pursue a writing career.

Found on cnn.com:

Sometimes vulgarity is not just acceptable but necessary in the workplace, the California Supreme Court ruled Thursday as it threw out a sexual harassment case by a former assistant on the "Friends" TV show.

The justices, ruling 7-0, agreed with Warner Bros. Television Productions that trash talk was part of the creative process and, therefore, the studio and its writers could not be sued for raunchy writers' meetings.

...

"I think employers in the motion picture industry and other industries are going to breathe a collective sigh of relief," Levin said.

So, how many bawdy jokes do you think were told today?

Personally, I’d wager there was at least one “Donkey Punch” story.

The Porn Free Week Continues...

wojr  ¶ 5:01 PM 2 comments links to this post   

  The Monday Morning Quarterback Answers Viewer Mail

While 97 percent of the email received at wojr.com is from friends and/or family, we here are not above from calling it fan mail.

Here are some quotes from said fan mail pulled entirely at random:

"As for your site and your myspace - the girls have been reading your journal and have seen your myspace, and the consensus......... you are cute, and you must REALLY REALLY dig porn! I couldn't stop laughing!!!!!" – Mary Beth Wassem

"I'M HAPPY TO SEE THAT I'M COOL ENOUGH TO BE MENTIONED IN YOUR PORN-INFESTED BLOGS." – Rory Walker

"What the hell is a "blowbag" [sic]?" – 'Bronc'

"Uncle Sam could give you up to $25,000 - open to see how" – spam

Did you see the “cute” remark in the first one? If not, go back and read it again. I can wait.

Damn straight, I’m cute! But is my blog really infested with porn? Do I REALLY, REALLY dig porn?

Honestly, I don’t watch porn too often. I can actually count on one hand the times I have watched porn since Carm moved to New York. Good thing too, cause the other hand has been busy (ba-dum-dum). Whatever adult films I do own were probably mailed to me from Senor Broncatello. (Let me tell you, you don’t know bad pornography until you see the smut Bronc decides to discard.)

As for discussions on the Adult Industry on this site, well, that business does fascinate me. For example, I wouldn’t watch the World’s Oldest Gangbang, but the production and marketing processes for such a film just boggles my mind. I want to see (but not meet) the guy that is eagerly awaiting the release of that film. You know, the guy that calls the video store every new release day.

However, I will admit that I use porn as a comedy crutch. Plus, I get off that it draws traffic to the site.

So, with the exception of the following story, used only to redeem myself slightly, I declare that this week will be free of pornography or whores of the crack variety on wojr.com. (I do reserve the right to do a Whitney Houston piece if one presents itself.)

Found on dailynorthwestern.com (via attu):

Profs: Porn serves as unique learning tool

It’s like bathroom habits or masturbation: you just don’t talk about it. Then, all of a sudden, it’s on your required reading list.

Pornography was once a topic heavily debated but rarely studied. Now, academics are beginning to find substance in the once disgraceful genre. Pornography is becoming a trendy topic intellectually, and what Time magazine has dubbed “the porn curriculum” has slowly trickled into to Northwestern academics.

Students and professors alike are becoming more interested in using pornography as a tool for studying everything from history to science.

(I think I want my autobiography to be titled, "The Disgraceful Genre".)

So, even though it’s obvious that I am just ahead of my time, I’ll refrain from the porn for a week.

I have self-control.

Plus, I can be funny about other topics. Well, that might not be true, but I’m still cute.

wojr  ¶ 1:33 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Do I Need To Eat Something Massive? Because I Can Do That

I'm 32 years old. I'm a nice, friendly person that eats out pretty frequently.

Hell, I'm even considered handsome by some.

Then, why aren't there any restaurants in the world that have a Polaroid of me on the wall?

What does a brother have to do to get his deserved eating props?

I feel wronged and I am using the Internet as a tool of retribution.

So, if you own a restaurant or preferably a chain of them, drop me an email with your mailing address and I'll mail a Polaroid for your fine eatery.

(Penis Pictures require the promise of a free meal.)

wojr  ¶ 4:19 PM 1 comments links to this post