I Would Make Some Cool Panhandling Signs


I'd give him some cash, but I'm tapped out from buying Suri her gift!

HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!

wojr  ¶ 5:11 PM 1 comments links to this post   

  How Did This Juicy Nugget of Information Get Past Me?

I must have been sick, because here it is May Fifth and I'm just finding out that:

MAY is mother f'ing MASTURBATION month.

Really? How did I miss that? Hell, I don’t know if I ever knew about this month long celebration of the self-diddle.

Here’s some background info - Found on about.com (via fleshbot (NSFW)):

May is National Masturbation Month

Masturbation has had a colorful history. By far the most commonly practiced sexual behavior around the world, masturbation has gone from being ignored to being vilified, from a mental illness to a tool of women’s empowerment, celebrated with its very own month of the year.

About.com even gives you the Top 7 Myths about Masturbation.

My personal favorite is number six:

Too much masturbation is bad for you.
With very rare exceptions, frequent masturbation is not harmful. If an individual is compulsively masturbating or is unable to engage in any sexual behavior other than masturbation (and would like to), it is possible that there may be reason to consult a mental health professional. But masturbating, whether it is once a month, or three times a day, if it is part of a balanced sexual and social life, poses no specific risks.

Personally, I had a wet dream before I ever masturbated. Let me tell you that was the ONLY wet dream I ever had. Once I figured out my unit could be used for something other than pissing, well, the amusement park was open for business.

I remember the biggest change from High School to College. High school was a place where no one, male or female, ever admitted they road the bus to Self Pleasure Towne. But in my freshman year dorm, bouts of self abuse were announced with pride and glee. (Of course, we did call that place the Loony Bin.) Bronc still tells stories about one Christmas Eve when he climaxed ten to twenty times. (The numbers change depending on the level of Jack Daniels consumed.)

Thus, considering my fondness of the act, when I see a site called www.stopthewaronmasturbation.com, I get concerned.

Who started a campaign against my primary form of physical exercise?

The site is claiming that articles like The Guardian's in depth look at whether masturbation lead to suicide bombing are signs of pending smackdown on the cause of masturbation. (Of course, the website is being sponsored by a sex toy vendor, so they might be biased. Also, check out this article on how Masturbation Month has become too commercialized.)

I see no need for concern. The State of Masturbation today is GOOD. We have a grade "A" wanker in the White House. We have porn discussion back on wojr.com. Plus, the internet offers new mental stimuli or sex toy vendors every day.

When I go to sleep at night, I can still hear the echoes of old dorm-mates announcing their intentions of self-exploration and I smile. Once in a while, I join in - but never on Christmas Eve. I normally get laid on Christmas Eve.

Happy Masturbation Month to ONE and ALL!

wojr  ¶ 3:30 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  THE FIRST UNOFFICIAL WOJR.COM CONTEST

This morning I received the following email from an undisclosed source:

yo wojr,

i just pissed in an empty half gallon bottle of iced tea because my [deleted to conceal identity of sender] was in the shower. I was holding it forever cause i think [deleted] was in there rubbing one out and i did not want to disturb [deleted]. I swear it was the best piss i ever took.

Which reminded me of the skit we did during greek week The world longest piss by adam sandler...and then gulick strutted acoss the stage and then shoenhut went tanya harding on his ass...

we all laughed and then everyone else in the place stood there like we were a bunch of baboons. I remember the blow job i got that night though for some reason...good amount of teeth,,,

anyway....thanks for the stroll down memory lane...

The first person to tell me who wrote this email and their approximate level of intoxication will win a prize. Of some form. To be disclosed later.

Hell, the prize might end up being the half gallon bottle of piss.

Submit guesses in comment section. (The sender of the email is excluded from participating.)

wojr  ¶ 1:33 PM 3 comments links to this post   

  The Eternal Struggle for Jesus’s Love Continues..

Way back in April, the great minds at wojr.com discussed how the American Bible Society had refused to print New Testaments with covers that say "Jesus Loves Porn Stars."

Well, according to this article on sploid.com (via a secret source high in the Domino’s Pizza organization):

'Jesus Loves Porn Stars'

After another Bible publisher backed out, NavPress had agreed to publish a New Testament paraphrase on behalf of XXXchurch.com, an anti-porn ministry.

The books, whose covers will read "Jesus Loves Porn Stars," will be distributed at porn-industry conventions later this year.

Kent Wilson, the executive publisher at NavPress, said that when XXXchurch.com told him what they wanted on the cover, "Our minds flashed back to the words of Jesus himself, and we quickly realized that Jesus probably would have loved that phrase."

So, I was impressed by Kent Wilson’s efforts and decided to check out the NavPress website. You know, see if I can throw some business his way.

Plus, I still haven’t read The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown. And the movie is opening up in a couple weeks. Need to get going on that.

However, I was shocked to find out that NavPress does not sell The DaVinci Code. I mean, if you’re going to sell Bibles that proclaim Christ’s love of the porn stars, then why not offer books railed against by the Pope? That just seems like the next logical step.

Maybe, Kent can compromise and publish a Bible that says "Jesus Loves All His Secret Descendants (Even the Ones Acting in Porn)" or "Jesus Isn't Too Thrilled with Tom Hanks’ Recent Hair Choices."

Who knows? I just find it funny that the Rebound Pope has problems with a film directed by Richie Cunningham. Well, besides Night Shift.

"PROSTITUTION! But what does that mean really? Let's break up the word. First there's Pros... well, that doesn't mean anything really... then there's Tit... we all know what that means... and then there's shun to shun is to say No! To push it away! To shun something is, well... it really doesn't belong in this word at all, really."

wojr  ¶ 11:16 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Colds Are Depressing and Apparently Condoms Are Too

Not to jinx myself, but today I almost felt like a human being again. The fever has officially broken and my mind has regained some, albeit minimal, focus.

Of course, now I have a goddamn cough.

I blame Southern California. Once a cold gets on your arse out here, it stays on it. I miss those New Jersey bugs where a day or two of Nyquil hibernation could fix anything.

Still, not feeling one hundred percent (i.e. still no wood when I awoke) so I have nothing really funny to say, but this story did strike me as odd (plus, I think I linked to it once already).

Found on newscientist.com (via Fleshbot (NSFW)):

Semen acts as an anti-depressant

Semen makes you happy. That's the remarkable conclusion of a study comparing women whose partners wear condoms with those whose partners don't.

The study, which is bound to provoke controversy, showed that the women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed. The researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. They say they have ruled out other explanations.

"I want to make it clear that we are not advocating that people abstain from using condoms," says Gordon Gallup, the psychologist at the State University of New York who led the team. "Clearly an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease would more than offset any advantageous psychological effects of semen."

Nice try there, Gordo!

Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of the spunk, I am. It’s my favorite excretion. But I just can’t buy the word of guy named Gordon Gallup on this. I think Gordo is just looking to get some more bareback action in his life.

Personally, I just think condoms are to blame for the depression, rather than sperm inducing elation and happiness. Does the sight of a condom ever really get you hot? Nope, it’s a necessary hurdle one jumps over to get to the humping. Like age of consent and level of intoxication.

But what do I know? I’m not even 100 percent wojr today. I think I’m clocking in at 75 percent. Maybe I need to unleash some of my boys on the world. That might make me happier.

wojr  ¶ 5:52 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  THIS IS NOT THE WOJR YOU ARE LOOKING FOR

wojr is sick.

He has a fever. He has a migraine. He has aches and pains.

There was no morning wood for wojr today.

Wood is a greater concern than making the nameless and faceless chuckle.

Send wojr porn, morphine and several indentured servants.

These are the things that heal wojr.

wojr  ¶ 5:27 PM 1 comments links to this post