Woj is Actually Norwegian for 'A Creamy Facial'

Found on adrants.com:

[click on pic to enlarge] - "My secret to beautiful skin? I swallow."

On that note, I hope everyone has a fun or skin-replenishing weekend!

HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!

wojr

Labels: 5PMSendoff

  ¶ 4:58 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  It Should Be No Surprise that They Do Not Offer Inherit the Wind on DVD

Found on warrenellis.com:

HOW TO Screw Some Evangelist Maggots Right In The Wallet

Focus on the Family, the horrid anti-gay evangelical church based in Colorado Springs that wields too much power for anyone's good, has a store on their website that will give you books, CDs, and DVDs absolutely free of charge. Usually people pay for their items by donation, raising millions of dollars to help Focus on the Family produce more hate-propaganda featuring "experts" on homosexuality who claim it's a curable "sickness". (They're practically defined by their book A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Course, there's no mention of having less kids, which is the only proven method. No, no, you shouldn't use birth control, that would be wrong. They need more worshippers, how dare you prevent god's will.)

It's a little bit time-consuming, but not enough to deter me. (Nor should it you). The chance to take money out of their pockets is too useful, not to mention satisfying.

Here's how to do it in 10 steps:

1. Go to www.family.org and look for the "Resources" link in the blue bar on the left-hand side, right above the "Search" box, and click it.

2. Under the "Resource Category" menu on the left-hand side, you'll notice categories such as "Homosexuality" under "Resource Category." Me, I went straight to the CD's and DVD's under "Resource Format."

3. Go through, find something you like, such as the recently released movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe or The Chronicles of Narnia Radio Theatre Complete Set, suggested donation US $79.00, or the three disc Les Misérables soundtrack. It's not a very wide range of products, but there's bound to be something either you like or you could use as a sweet gift for someone else. Click the "Add to Cart" button.

They won't send more than $100 worth of materials for free in any given shopping trip, so be sure to go through a few times, until you're sure you've dinged them.

4. Select "Add New Shipping Address," decide to send it yourself or someone else, and once you're done picking up to $100, click "Proceed to Checkout." Some people have been sending items to themselves to sell later on eBay, some have been ordering the more controversial items as conversation pieces or educational props, (as anti-anti-propaganda), but I plan on using mine as gifts, mostly. I've found no reports on receiving Focus on the Family junk mail after inputting an address, so I figure it's fairly safe.

5. The next screen asks you to sign-up for an account and give your information. Fill it out with fictitious information, enter whatever name and address you like. You might want to make up a phone number too and an e-mail account too. After filling out all the required fields, click "Proceed to Checkout" one more time.

6. This will take you to the "Here is Your Cart" page. You may have to re-enter your data again after this part to actually confirm your account. Eventually, you'll get to the "How Much Would You Like to Donate?" page.

7. Select "Enter other total amount" and enter 0.00 as the amount you would like to pay. (Don't put in a dollar sign or it will ask you for credit-card information.) Don't be fooled by the field in the lower-right-hand corner that shows you the suggested donation amounts, simply Proceed to Checkout.

8. The next screen is a guilt screen, to make you feel bad about how little you donated. ignore it. Ignore it utterly. Think of how many people they're persecuted and had in their "gay kids can be cured" camps. Just proceed to checkout again.

9. Click "Checkout Now."

10. Finally, pass this information on to all your friends. They've got money to back them, we have word of mouth, let's see if we can win.

Damn, I think this is worthy subject to be the 300th post on this blog.

Plus, you all can get some free stuff to boot.

Personally, I think I want the Narnia DVD as well as Phil "Philly-Blunt" Johnson's Defeating Darwinism by Opening Minds. I mean, look at this book - it is an EASY TO UNDERSTAND guide to disprove evolution.

Thank GOD that it isn't complicated or filled with actual, you know, SCIENCE.

(BTW, I promise to try to reach 600 posts a lot quicker than 300.)

wojr

Labels: Religion, Whores

  ¶ 2:20 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  The Man with Two Dicks Picks Hitler over Hilton

For today’s post, wojr.com is going to include a little trivia:

What 1993 film was Mel Gibson’s directorial debut?

We’ll tell you the answer at the end of the post.

Yesterday, The Lord of Truth forwarded me this story he found on news.yahoo.com:

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

A man with two dicks - my first reaction was “Oh, that’s going on the site.” I could make some jokes about his moral obligation to do a porno before getting the operation. I could hypothesize about what was the “straw that broke the camel’s back” that made him choose the operation now at the age of 24.

But, then I read this little factoid:

There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men.

So, my math skills may be off, but doesn’t that mean there are at least 90 of these two dicked fuckers running China alone?

Suddenly, I’m not that impressed with diphallus. It seems routine.

Like this other story out of India found on cnn.com:

India deeming Paris Hilton's video for "Stars Are Blind" too hot for broadcast after claiming it had sexual connotations.

So, Paris is being banned by the Indians (dots not feathers). Probably payback for the thought of her playing their beloved Mother Teresa on the big screen. Who cares, right?

But then, I found this gem of a story on reuters.com:

MUMBAI (Reuters) - Israel's mission in India asked city authorities in the financial hub of Mumbai on Wednesday to get a restaurant called "Hitler's Cross" to change its name.

The restaurant, which opened last week, was promoted with posters of Hitler and Nazi swastikas, infuriating India's small Jewish population.

The restaurant's owners have said they were neither promoting Hitler nor the Nazi ideology, but would not change the restaurant's name.

They have said they would open two more branches in Mumbai with the same name by October.

Now if my logic center is working right, India has thus chosen Adolph Hitler as a more acceptable cultural influence than Paris Hilton – a notion that just fills me with some strange sense of glee.

But enough of anti-Semitism and other wacky Hollywood behavior, lets get back to Mel Gibson.

If you said that Mel’s directorial debut was The Man With Two Faces, you would be incorrect. If you got the answer wrong, don't get yourself down - I meant to mislead you.

The correct response was The Man Without a Face, which was also the big screen debut for Nick Stahl of Carnivàle fame.

As far as we know, both these men only have one penis.

wojr

Labels: Hollywood, News, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 1:29 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Old as Christ, but Not Old as Dirt

For most of you, today is a special day because Paris Hilton finally drops her debut album on the masses. According to my favorite millionaire whore, Paris, "I, like, cry, when I listen to [her record], it's so good."

For myself, today is special because I reach the ripe old age of 33 today.

Yes, wojr is now as old as Jesus.

Personally, I was hoping to get some Christ-like powers when I woke up this morning.

Tried to turn the water in my toilet to wine. Hell, I would have settled on some malt liquor. But that was a no go.

I’m keeping my eye out for some blind beggars, but I only found some regular ones. So, I still might be able to restore someone’s sight. I might need that home Lasik kit for that one though.

Personally, I’m a little weary about trying to raise the dead. Most dead bodies are locked up in coffins and buried six feet deep. What if I succeed and the poor guy I resurrect is just stuck in the ground forever?? God knows I won’t be digging him up. I’m too old for manual labor. Maybe I’ll stop by a wake tonight and see what magic I can work on the open casket crowd.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t Jesus have some kind of Solar Death Ray? That would be cool power to have. Even a regular Death Ray would suffice. Maybe only the Ark of the Covenant came with that feature. I’ll have to check with Mel Gibson.

By the way, what the fuck is that BEEE-YATCH Paris Hilton doing releasing her album on MY birthday?? I’d be ok with a new porno from her – but a CD.

Sometimes it feels like the whole world’s against me.

Just like they were against Jesus.

wojr

Labels: Nostalgia, Religion, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 1:18 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Wojr is Actually Spanish for Fighting Chicken

For those that do not know, the Urban Dictionary is a netdemocratic guide to street slang. I can not lay claim to the word ‘netdemocratic’, I stole that. I stumbled upon the netdemocratic site when my white ass needed to know what the hell S’KEET was – thanks entirely to Dave Chappelle’s black ass.

While there, I, given my heightened level of self-involvement, found the following:

According to the Urban Dictionary, ‘woj’ can mean:

1. A legendary gaming community
2. Ass, Arsehole, Ring, Bum hole.
3. a really tall dildo man

I knew about these definitions for a while now but personally, I can't see woj meaning those things. I know that I’m an ass. It is true, but that has nothing to do with my name or nickname. Also, I have no idea what “a really tall dildo man” is. How tall is really tall anyway?

Push comes to shove however, I would imagine woj meaning the same thing as s’keet. And yes, s’keet means to ejaculate.

Think about it. If you uttered the following sentence, "I wojed on her face" - the first bodily fluid that would come to your mind would be semen. Even if you had a vagina.

While I like the idea of my name having ties to ejaculation, I was going to let the whole thing go until I read the following on valleywag.com:

Don't ask us how we got it, or how many honkeys and limeys we had to kill for it, but after the jump [ON THEIR SITE NOT HERE] is Verizon Wireless's list of [EIGHTY-THREE] inadmissable naughty words. Verizon content providers (including many online news and entertainment sources) are banned from using obvious words like "fuck" and its derivatives, a smattering of racial slurs, and "queer" and "lesbo" -- always a perfect way to pick a fight with more audacious gay rights activists. Ahh, the freedom of communication under New Media.

As one can imagine, I’m not a fan of censorship on any level. I FUCKING HATE CENSORSHIP. Hell, I might dress up like Mohammed for Halloween just to show my support of the first amendment. I just need to find a good picture of him to see what the guy looks like. Right now, I expect him to look a lot like Raj.

Back to the point, I’m pissed off at Verizon Wireless over their policies and I’m not even trying to be one of their content providers. But their list has some comedy gems. Like--

Who gave them the right to say that ‘fleshpopsicle’ is a naughty word? Have they every seen the smile on a child’s face when you offer them a nice fleshpopsicle on a hot summer day? I think not.

What the hell is a ‘rubyredbag’ and why should that word be banned? Sounds like something out of Hobbit porn. “And then Sam licked the folds of Frodo’s rubyredbag.”

And really, ‘fornicate’ and ‘sodomize’ are on somebody’s watch list but ‘woj’ isn’t?? Woj could be a really tall dildo man and you already have ‘dildo’ on your watch list, Verizon. Come on people, let’s get in the game.

Speaking of game, I even checked the NFL’s list of 1,159 words you can’t put on the holiest of holies, a NFL jersey. Woj and Wojr are both ok, but I think that list is suspect since there is no mention of Ron Mexico and the page has lots of ads for homosexual websites.

Although, I do wonder why 'AXING THE WEASEL' was a no go with my NFL peeps.

Now, one might ask why if I am so against censorship would I want my name to be censored?

Well, I see the censorship of the words ‘woj’ or ‘wojr’ as just an initial step to utter reverence for those same names. You know, like Yahweh. Getting yourself on the same level as of a god of consuming fire takes time, I know. But I’m willing to work at it, put in the extra hours, roll up my sleeves and make it happen.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyhow--

To Summarize the Main Idea of this Post: I’m Trying to Get My Name To Equal Splooge in the Minds of America

Is that too much to ask for?

wojr

Labels: Crackers, Snide Remarks, woj

  ¶ 10:31 AM 0 comments links to this post