wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, September 01, 2006
DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES...
Today's 5PM sign-off comes to you at 10:30AM.
The Superfriends & the rest of the wojr.com staff wish you a Happy and Orgy-filled Labor Day!
(They can't help it. The Superfriends are orgy people.)
HAPPY 10:30AM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Today's 5PM sign-off comes to you at 10:30AM.
The Superfriends & the rest of the wojr.com staff wish you a Happy and Orgy-filled Labor Day!
(They can't help it. The Superfriends are orgy people.)
HAPPY 10:30AM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Nostalgia, Sex
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
We Could Call It The Church of the Everlasting Fleshpopsicle*
So, Friday’s post got me thinking over the weekend and I believe that I may stumbled on to a way to solve the whole ‘Same Sex Marriage’ issue. Or at the very least, a new legal strategy in favor of it.
Start new churches.
Make them exactly like the current religions du jour - be it Catholicism, Judaism, Baptism, etc – just make allowances for gay marriages. (Just avoid Voodooism and Satanism, the homosexuals get enough bad press as it is.)
Keep all the other more popular moral decrees, but make same sex marriage part of the religion. Better yet, make it a sacrament.
Thus, when told that marriage is wrong by your government official, cry religious persecution and point to the first amendment.
I realize that there must be a flaw in my thinking – especially given the illegality of polygamy. However, I would want to see the argument be made nonetheless. By Constitutional scholars rather than deluded bloggers like myself.
Marriage, first and foremost, is a social institution. That’s what came first, the institution not the sacrament. The two can exist separately from one another, just like how Church and State are supposed to exist.
Plus, with all these new religions popping, we can get some additional religious holidays added to the calendar. For the example, the Church of Madden** could get the Monday after the Super Bowl declared a holiday.
And if you have the football fans behind the cause of same sex unions, what other bridges are there to cross?
(I promise to make the next post less preachy and a little more comical.)
wojr
* Please note that the Church of the Everlasting Fleshpopsicle is no way affiliated with the Church of the Everlasting Gobstopper, the Church of the Perpetual Wojr or the Church of Magnanimous Luminescence and Gentrification.
** Yes, the Church of Madden would worship either a statue of Brett Favre or a Turkey Leg.
So, Friday’s post got me thinking over the weekend and I believe that I may stumbled on to a way to solve the whole ‘Same Sex Marriage’ issue. Or at the very least, a new legal strategy in favor of it.
Start new churches.
Make them exactly like the current religions du jour - be it Catholicism, Judaism, Baptism, etc – just make allowances for gay marriages. (Just avoid Voodooism and Satanism, the homosexuals get enough bad press as it is.)
Keep all the other more popular moral decrees, but make same sex marriage part of the religion. Better yet, make it a sacrament.
Thus, when told that marriage is wrong by your government official, cry religious persecution and point to the first amendment.
I realize that there must be a flaw in my thinking – especially given the illegality of polygamy. However, I would want to see the argument be made nonetheless. By Constitutional scholars rather than deluded bloggers like myself.
Marriage, first and foremost, is a social institution. That’s what came first, the institution not the sacrament. The two can exist separately from one another, just like how Church and State are supposed to exist.
Plus, with all these new religions popping, we can get some additional religious holidays added to the calendar. For the example, the Church of Madden** could get the Monday after the Super Bowl declared a holiday.
And if you have the football fans behind the cause of same sex unions, what other bridges are there to cross?
(I promise to make the next post less preachy and a little more comical.)
wojr
* Please note that the Church of the Everlasting Fleshpopsicle is no way affiliated with the Church of the Everlasting Gobstopper, the Church of the Perpetual Wojr or the Church of Magnanimous Luminescence and Gentrification.
** Yes, the Church of Madden would worship either a statue of Brett Favre or a Turkey Leg.
Labels: Religion, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Just So We Can Claim to Have an Indian Affairs Correspondent
As a follow up to this wojr.com post, our Senior Indian Affairs Correspondent, the Lord of Truth, has forwarded us this story from abc.com:
And what the hell is going on in India? First, a guy with two dicks and now one with eight limbed mutant freaks in their stomach?
Where are the good old days when all you needed was a hunchback or a nice sized goiter to freak people out?
And what happened to hunchbacks, anyhow? They’ve become harder to find than your run of the mill mad scientist. I miss me a good mad scientist.
Of course, I haven’t been looking for them in India, churning out mutant freaks that take the jobs of good ol’ American freaks.
Next up from our Senior Indian Affairs Correspondent, the Lord of Truth: an in-depth analysis of General Custer’s Battle at the Little Bighorn.
wojr
As a follow up to this wojr.com post, our Senior Indian Affairs Correspondent, the Lord of Truth, has forwarded us this story from abc.com:
Sanju Bhagat's stomach was once so swollen he looked nine months pregnant and could barely breathe.Was it really necessary to point out the appearance of the genitalia? Wasn’t the litany of limbs, hair and limbs enough? Plus, how many limbs did that twin have? I lost count at six.
Living in the city of Nagpur, India, Bhagat said he'd felt self-conscious his whole life about his big belly. But one night in June 1999, his problem erupted into something much larger than cosmetic worry.
An ambulance rushed the 36-year-old farmer to the hospital. Doctors thought he might have a giant tumor, so they decided to operate and remove the source of the bulge in his belly.
One doctor recalled that day in the operating room. "He just put his hand inside and he said there are a lot of bones inside," she said. "First, one limb came out, then another limb came out. Then some part of genitalia, then some part of hair, some limbs, jaws, limbs, hair."
At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat's twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world's most bizarre medical conditions — fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin. The trapped fetus can survive as a parasite even past birth by forming an umbilical cordlike structure that leaches its twin's blood supply until it grows so large that it starts to harm the host, at which point doctors usually intervene.
And what the hell is going on in India? First, a guy with two dicks and now one with eight limbed mutant freaks in their stomach?
Where are the good old days when all you needed was a hunchback or a nice sized goiter to freak people out?
And what happened to hunchbacks, anyhow? They’ve become harder to find than your run of the mill mad scientist. I miss me a good mad scientist.
Of course, I haven’t been looking for them in India, churning out mutant freaks that take the jobs of good ol’ American freaks.
Next up from our Senior Indian Affairs Correspondent, the Lord of Truth: an in-depth analysis of General Custer’s Battle at the Little Bighorn.
wojr
Labels: News
Monday, August 28, 2006
If I Had a Quarter for Every Time My Grandmother Wanted an Obscene License Plate
Found on local6.com (via attu):
Now, while I find it somewhat funny that the woman is a grandmother and even funnier that her last name is Niple, I only point this story out in order to tell a story of my own.
The other day, I ran out of the office to grab some lunch – a salad for those of you keeping score at home.
However, I forgot to bring my cell phone with its built-in camera, so I was not able to take a picture of what I saw – but I’ll try my best to describe the sight.
A brand new Ford Mustang pulls up to the intersection next to my office with the following vanity license plate:
“♥KMLTOE”
Loves Cameltoe?
Gotta give the guy points for his testicular fortitude in sporting that license plate. Of course, he might have just lost a bet.
Either way, I wish I had brought my phone because a picture would have been a whole lot interesting than this.
Actually, now that I think about it - I apologize for even wasting your time with this story. This long, boring story about license plates, grandmothers and "how when a woman's pants are so tight, the fabric actually creeps into their beaver".
If you feel like your time has been wasted reading this post, email me your mailing address at hatemail@wojr.com and I’ll mail you a quarter for your troubles. (One request honored per household.)
Here’s a picture of the quarter to make up for the lack of a photo of that Cameltoe license plate:
wojr
Found on local6.com (via attu):
COLUMBUS, Ohio -- A Central Ohio grandmother fought for and won the right to keep her personalized license plate after allegations that they were profane.Fleshpopsicle? I bet it was fleshpopsicle.
Pat Niple, 74, said she wants to set the record straight about her problem, WCMH-TV reported.
"I'm not an obscene granny," Niple said.
Niple's personalized license plates are NWTF, an abbreviation of Northwood Tree Farm -- a business she owned with her late husband. It also means something else, officials said.
Niple went to an Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles office to get some answers. A clerk had to whisper what the acronym means to some people.
"Now what the – and the last word begins with an 'f,'" Niple said.
Now, while I find it somewhat funny that the woman is a grandmother and even funnier that her last name is Niple, I only point this story out in order to tell a story of my own.
The other day, I ran out of the office to grab some lunch – a salad for those of you keeping score at home.
However, I forgot to bring my cell phone with its built-in camera, so I was not able to take a picture of what I saw – but I’ll try my best to describe the sight.
A brand new Ford Mustang pulls up to the intersection next to my office with the following vanity license plate:
“♥KMLTOE”
Loves Cameltoe?
Gotta give the guy points for his testicular fortitude in sporting that license plate. Of course, he might have just lost a bet.
Either way, I wish I had brought my phone because a picture would have been a whole lot interesting than this.
Actually, now that I think about it - I apologize for even wasting your time with this story. This long, boring story about license plates, grandmothers and "how when a woman's pants are so tight, the fabric actually creeps into their beaver".
If you feel like your time has been wasted reading this post, email me your mailing address at hatemail@wojr.com and I’ll mail you a quarter for your troubles. (One request honored per household.)
Here’s a picture of the quarter to make up for the lack of a photo of that Cameltoe license plate:
wojr
Labels: News, Snide Remarks
