Since This Week Has Been So Photo Heavy

A simple picture couldn't close it out:



LONG LIVE THE HOFF!

HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!

wojr

Labels: Crackers, Youtube

  ¶ 5:02 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Scientology Conspiracy Theory #24420 or How Xenu & the Galactic Confederacy Can Save Suri’s Soul, Just Not Travolta’s

wojr.com would like to offer this brief recap on This Week in Scary Scientology:

We started off the week with Brooke Shield’s disclosure that Tom Cruise had apologized to her for saying she violated his religion’s doctrine on medication and postpartum depression. (Which in Cruise’s defense, she did violate.) Brooke, however, still owes me an apology for Suddenly Susan.

Then Katie Couric debuted her sweet ass on CBS with the unveiling of Vanity Fair’s pictures of the second coming, Suri. (I used to have such the hankering for Katie Holmes. Now, she's lost to me. It's almost like when a porn star finds God and quits the biz.)

So, it’s pretty obvious that Cruise is trying to trying to clean up his public image. You know, the one where he’s bat-shit crazy.

However, this week also saw the National Enquirer reveal this image of John Travolta kissing a dude:

Not that there's anything wrong with that. (I'm just saying that to kowtow to my gay and lesbian audience. There is something very wrong with that photo.)

And then USA today released this image of Travolta reprising Divine's role of Edna Turnblad in the upcoming film, Hairspray:

I wouldn't hit that with Vitti's dick.

Jenna Elfman and Jason Lee, strangely enough, were not in the news at all this week. However, I will slip a quote from a Jason Lee role at the end of the piece and Jenna Elfman still owes me an apology for Dharma & Greg.

So, here’s my conspiracy theory:

I think the Church of Scary Scientology is offering up John Travolta to the mass media as a sacrificial lamb in order to save Tom Cruise.

I can understand their thinking. Travolta is the king of the cinematic comeback. He can weather the storm, play around with his planes and wait for the next Tarantino to cast him in something hip.

Tom Cruise can't handle a comeback. The boy can't handle a blemish. He might self implode and then sue himself to re-assert his heterosexuality.

Overall, I'm not impressed with these actions. I expected more from my L. Ron peeps. I think their battle against Xenu is distracting them from their Public Relations duties.

Now, if Cruise apologized to that "erotic wrestler" he sued, then we’re talking about something.

Anything else is just "bullshit posturing". (Thank you, Banky Edwards!)

And by the way, wojr.com does not owe any apologies.

wojr

Labels: Hollywood, News, Religion, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 2:03 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Was One of the Seven Dwarves Named Clumsy? Or Better Yet Dirty?

Found on ajc.com (via attu):

Dwarf sues state over fall from sink

Byron "B.J." Rhodan never feared for his safety in Georgia's bare-knuckled prison system, even though he's a dwarf.

But an insistent guard and a slippery sink led to his downfall, Rhodan alleges in an ongoing federal lawsuit against the state Department of Corrections.

Rhodan, who stands 4 feet 1 inches tall, has spent about 20 months in prison for dealing marijuana and possessing methamphetamine, according to state records.

In the lawsuit, Rhodan claims that in April 2004 a guard at the state prison in Jackson told him to shave. Rhodan told the guard he could not reach the mirror above the sink in his cell. The guard, according to Rhodan, told him to stand on the sink. Rhodan fell off the sink onto the cement floor in his cell, according to the suit.

Rhodan claims he severely injured his back in the fall. His back already undergone multiple surgeries as a result of the genetic disorder causing his dwarfism.

The Alpharetta man spoke about his claims against the prison system at the downtown Atlanta offices of his lawyer, Eldridge Suggs IV.

And..

Rhodan, now 23, is trying to get his life back together. An aspiring rapper and songwriter known as "Lil Dirty," Rhodan is enrolled in a media and audio production program at an Atlanta university.

Rhodan doesn't shave these days. He now sports a full beard and mustache. He still bears the artwork of prison life — tattoos cover his arms, including drawings of a joker and SpongeBob SquarePants.

Rhodan's stature otherwise never posed a problem in prison, he said. He mostly wrote lyrics and minded his own business.

But he has no plans of going back.

"The way I feel about prison is that you only live one time, and I just can't see spending all my time in prison," Rhodan said. "There's just more to life than being caged in and disrespected."

I forwarded this story to Broncatello immediately. His fondness for the wee folk has been well documented. Also, he too feels there’s just more to life than being caged in and disrespected.

Initially, I had just found it funny how 1. the story is about a dwarf in prison 2. there obviously aren’t enough dwarves to warrant their own tiny prison (aka the wee house) 3. the dwarf’s nickname is synonymous with a hummer and 4. the writer of the story had described the prison system as being bare-knuckled, as opposed to a covered-knuckled prison system.

After reading the article, Bronc replied with his own set of highlights:

1. I’ve got to see what the lawyer "Eldridge Suggs IV" Looks like.
2. "An aspiring rapper and songwriter known as 'Lil Dirty'."
3. "He still bears the artwork of prison life — tattoos cover his arms, including drawings of a joker and SpongeBob SquarePants."

Now the notion of a rapper named ‘Lil Dirty’, by reminding me of the stupendous loss of ODB, Old Dirty Bastard, saddened me greatly. (Bit of trivia – today marks the TENTH anniversary of Tupac’s death. Brotha has made a lot of records in ten years.) But I was determined to find a picture of Eldridge Suggs the Fourth for my friend, Broncatello.

Thanks to google, I found Suggs' website.

It has all his information except the link to his picture is broken. Interesting enough, Eldridge Suggs Numero Quattro, graduated from UC Irvine in 1994 and finished law school a year later at Arizona State. One year of law school – even Neerajimus failed to pull that feat off.

Speaking of feats that could not be pulled off, I could not find a photo of Suggs. I even looked on Myspace.com.

So, I guess Bronc will have to settle for a pic of a Spongebob tattoo.


Given that it’s on a little boy, he should be fine with it.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, News, The Wee Folk

  ¶ 5:21 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  NO TITLE COULD DO THIS POST JUSTICE

Found via warrenellis.com - Two magnificent galleries of Bad Album Covers. (Gallery 1, Gallery 2).

While I'm upset that the works of Wing are not given their proper due -

I am impressed by the variety of their collection.

If you don't want to go through all their archives, I did pick my own Top 5.

Number Five is a personal pick for me. I imagine if Papa Wojr ever "rocked out", it would probably resemble this album:


I'm not sure but I think Eilerts Jul is either Yiddish for Santa's Fleshpopsicle or Mandarin for Santa Fiery Rape of Ass.

The cover sitting at Number Four is on the list just so I can link to the band's website.


I also may have a wig fetish.

Filling out our Number Three spot is a warning for my cousin, Ryan.


This could be your future. Repent now, you Redneck!

The album taking the Number Two will assume the duties of MISS TEEN USA if the titleholder for some reason cannot fulfill their obligations.


Had to get me some religious mockery in there somehow. Plus, I wanted to point out that my God does not drive a Choo-Choo. He rides a Righteous Locomotive of Judgment - spewing forth fire and brimstone - ready to mow down the unworthy sinners before him.

Ahem... Now on to our top spot.

Number One has to go to the lazy-eyed anal rapist.


He had me at 'Cody'.

Honorable Mention must go to this album from The Broncatellos.


All that one needs an actual album cover to make the top spot.

Personally, I think it would look a little like this:


wojr  ¶ 5:27 PM 0 comments links to this post