wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, September 15, 2006
"Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?"
Little known fact: The Toms River flows out to Whore Island.
I could still go for some pork roll.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Little known fact: The Toms River flows out to Whore Island.
I could still go for some pork roll.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff
Wojr’s Week in World of the Hip to the Hop
As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).
Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.
Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:
Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):
“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”
Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-
Found on eonline.com:
I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.
Besides it’s only England.
That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.
wojr
As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).
Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.
Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:
- Old as balls, given how I remember both Whitney’s and New Edition’s debut albums.
- Still unclear on this whole sanctity of marriage thing the Right keeps wanting to protect.
Being Mrs. Bobby Brown no longer appeals to Whitney Houston.You got admit Brown’s tenacity but I think there’s another suitor competing for Houston’s attentions.
The "So Emotional" singer has filed for divorce from her husband of 14 years, citing irreconcilable differences, her rep, Nancy Seltzer, confirmed to E! News.
The court documents were filed Friday in Orange County, California. Though the filing was technically for a legal separation, Seltzer said Houston was referring to it as a divorce, as that was her intent.
However, Brown's attorney, Phaedra Parks, emphasized that the split had not yet reached that stage.
"It is a legal separation. It is not a divorce or a divorce petition," Parks told the Associated Press Wednesday.
Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):
The New York Post quoted Boof as saying [Osama] bin Laden told her [Whitney] Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.Who knows? This separation might just be an effort on Whitney's part to save Bobby’s life?
Boof said he even talked about spending a lot of money to go to the U.S. and meet her
She said he wanted to give Houston a mansion and he'd be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives.
As for Houston's husband Bobby Brown, Boof said bin Laden talked about having him killed.
“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”
Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-
Found on eonline.com:
ANOTHER NAME CHANGE: Sean Combs agreeing to stop using the name Diddy in the U.K. as part of a settlement with British music producer Richard "Diddy" Dearlove, who sued the rap mogul for unfair competition. At least he has plenty of other names to fall back on.Now that’s just cold. Some English Dick (his name is Richard) is trying to bring the Age of Diddy to a premature halt. Didn’t he see what happened to Tupac?
I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.
Besides it’s only England.
That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.
wojr
This Is Where They Make Wojrs
Quote of the day, compliments of Patton Oswalt:
"NEW JERSEY - It smells like someone set rape on fire."
God, I miss the Garden State. I could so go for some pork roll right now.
wojr
Quote of the day, compliments of Patton Oswalt:
"NEW JERSEY - It smells like someone set rape on fire."
God, I miss the Garden State. I could so go for some pork roll right now.
wojr
Labels: Nostalgia, Snide Remarks
Thursday, September 14, 2006
This Is Pretty Much How My Mind Works
I bought this week’s Entertainment Weekly.
Not Just for the remarkable photo of Eva Longoria and her pet ass, but for the promise of EW’s 50 Best High School Films Ever. EVER.
Now, I had just purchased the special edition DVDs of both Pretty in Pink and Some Kind of Wonderful last week. Given that overdose of the John Hughes, a retrospective of the fifty (that’s a five followed by a zero, if you didn’t know) top high school movies seems just perfect.
My complete thoughts on the films that made or did not make the EW high school list will have to wait for another post (I’ve been saying that a lot lately, huh?), but I will say that I was pissed that they only had write-ups for the top 25 films and then just listed the lower half – offering no justification for these bottom 25 picks. Those damn dick-teases over at Entertainment Weekly, they don’t even take the time to explain to me how Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire clocked in at Number 36 (while Some Kind of Wonderful, The Last American Virgin and PORKY’s are overlooked).
Does Goblet of Fire even take place in a high school? I can’t tell since most of the film is just three ridiculous exercises in child endangerment as the four students compete to win of all things, a glass cup. What’s up with that? A world populated with witches and wizards and the best prize they can come up with is a damn soup bowl.
Now, a prize worthy of that magical world would be 72 virgins in heaven or, better yet, immortality. I mean this is the Tri-Wizard Tournament not Fear Factor – why settle for crappy ass prizes, Mr. Potter? Even hockey players get more than the Stanley Cup if they win. Let’s up the ante.
Hell, let’s up the ante on the reality shows. I know if they were offering immortality and a couple of virgins to the winner of Survivor, I’d be more inclined to watch. Much more interesting than the “Segregation Island” fiasco that airs tonight.
Personally, I think Mark Burnett didn’t take it far enough in terms of the race issue. Where are the Arab and the Jewish teams? Let’s have the winner get the Gaza Strip. I bet more people would watch that than a CNN report. If America is already a bunch of infidels and devils in the eyes of the extremists, what do we have to lose?
See what happens when I stare at Eva Longoria’s ass too long? My mind just wonders.
Question for Discussion: which reality show would rather see set in the Middle East: Flavor of Love or Celebrity Fit Club or something else? And why?
wojr
I bought this week’s Entertainment Weekly.
Not Just for the remarkable photo of Eva Longoria and her pet ass, but for the promise of EW’s 50 Best High School Films Ever. EVER.
Now, I had just purchased the special edition DVDs of both Pretty in Pink and Some Kind of Wonderful last week. Given that overdose of the John Hughes, a retrospective of the fifty (that’s a five followed by a zero, if you didn’t know) top high school movies seems just perfect.
My complete thoughts on the films that made or did not make the EW high school list will have to wait for another post (I’ve been saying that a lot lately, huh?), but I will say that I was pissed that they only had write-ups for the top 25 films and then just listed the lower half – offering no justification for these bottom 25 picks. Those damn dick-teases over at Entertainment Weekly, they don’t even take the time to explain to me how Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire clocked in at Number 36 (while Some Kind of Wonderful, The Last American Virgin and PORKY’s are overlooked).
Does Goblet of Fire even take place in a high school? I can’t tell since most of the film is just three ridiculous exercises in child endangerment as the four students compete to win of all things, a glass cup. What’s up with that? A world populated with witches and wizards and the best prize they can come up with is a damn soup bowl.
Now, a prize worthy of that magical world would be 72 virgins in heaven or, better yet, immortality. I mean this is the Tri-Wizard Tournament not Fear Factor – why settle for crappy ass prizes, Mr. Potter? Even hockey players get more than the Stanley Cup if they win. Let’s up the ante.
Hell, let’s up the ante on the reality shows. I know if they were offering immortality and a couple of virgins to the winner of Survivor, I’d be more inclined to watch. Much more interesting than the “Segregation Island” fiasco that airs tonight.
Personally, I think Mark Burnett didn’t take it far enough in terms of the race issue. Where are the Arab and the Jewish teams? Let’s have the winner get the Gaza Strip. I bet more people would watch that than a CNN report. If America is already a bunch of infidels and devils in the eyes of the extremists, what do we have to lose?
See what happens when I stare at Eva Longoria’s ass too long? My mind just wonders.
Question for Discussion: which reality show would rather see set in the Middle East: Flavor of Love or Celebrity Fit Club or something else? And why?
wojr
Labels: Hollywood, Nostalgia, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
“Isn't that just like a woj? Brings a knife to a gun fight!”
Found on krqe.com (via attu):
If you have small children, we advise you to have them leave the room.
Again, it made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
Found on krqe.com (via attu):
ALBUQUERQUE -- A shooting victim is in critical condition this morning after being shot in a supermarket parking lot.wojr.com, through its network of ace reporters, has found actual footage from the crime.
Witnesses told KRQE News 13 the fight broke out Monday night between a man with a samurai sword and another man who had a gun.
Emergency personnel were called to the Albertsons at Eubank and Candelaria NE just before 8 p.m. after a man staggered in with a gunshot wound to his chest. The name of the man believed to be in his 30s has not been released.
Witnesses described the scene in the parking lot as being like something out of a movie.
“The victim pulled out that sword, and then the guy in the white shirt whipped out the revolver and shot him,” witness Erin Hurst said.
If you have small children, we advise you to have them leave the room.
Again, it made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
This Post Is Just So I Can Say “A Pimp-Related Mishap” and “Nazi Dinosaurs”
Back in college, I would write movie reviews for the college newspaper. I believe that I only did it for a semester or, at the very most, a year. To be honest, it got in the way of my drinking and/or couples’ counseling. Being the low man on the proverbial newspaper totem pole, I never got first crack at the various film choices. I usually received the third or fourth “top” movie opening that week. Hence, I got to write about some real dogs.
And by dogs – I mean some ugly ass bitches.
While writing about what fleas or ticks were on a particular dog of a movie that week fulfilled my need to dispel my bile and discontent, it did get old rather quickly. (I was a younger and less bitter wojr then. Now my need to express my hate and cynicism can never be quelled.) But I love movies and take joy in discussing them. Something I have done here occasionally.
I have been avoiding writing film reviews here. I have no real reason to express why, but I’ve been avoiding them just the same. With the fiancée out East, I’ve been able to see more of the motion pictures. (Whenever I read “motion pictures”, my mind imagines the phrase to be uttered by Woody Allen. Again, no real reason why, but I imagine it nonetheless.) This increase in film viewing has become possible since I’ve re-joined netflix.com (Insert obligatory plug here) and additionally find myself no longer required to clear my cinematic choices through said Filipino contingent.
For example, last Thursday night, I was able to catch the new Mike Judge film, Idiocracy. Most of you may not have heard about this movie since the good people at Twentieth Century Fox have made almost a negative effort in marketing it. They, then, chose to release it on only 130 screens in 7 cities. Doing so without even screening it for critics. (Something the two major releases for the Labor Day weekend, The Wicker Man and Crank, chose to do as well, but that’s a rant for another day.)
Before I walked into the theater, I had not seen a trailer or even a poster for Idiocracy. (In this age of the internet how could they not even slap a trailer on a website for god’s sake??) I did recall reading an interview in a magazine (I think it was Esquire because my ass is civilized.) with Judge, the creator of the Beavis & Butthead and King of the Hill cartoons, about his arduous efforts dealing with Fox just to get the damn thing released. Given my deep heterosexual love for Judge’s previous live-action film, Office Space, I was definitely interested to see the next film in his oeuvre.
Idiocracy is the story of an average Joe (swear to God, his name is Joe) that finds himself the guinea pig in a cryogenics experiment. After a pimp-related mishap, Joe (played by an affable Luke Wilson) wakes up in the year 2505 (the film was due out in 2005) to find himself the smartest person on the planet (I’ll stop using parentheses now).
The movie does take the time to explain how the ignorant have taken control via sheer humping – given how the Jerry Springer set have sex with more frequency and more partners than those with higher IQ and the self-awareness to use birth control. Expounded out five centuries and the idiots are all that’s left. Given that in the future the President is a wrestler, the number one television show is just a guy getting hit in the nuts, and people get their education from Costco, it is not a huge leap of faith to embrace this vision of the future.
Overall the film is far from perfect. It has its share of fleas, but the movie is enjoyable. Idiocracy is a solid “dumb comedy” that you won’t feel stupid for enjoying. Judge’s comments on consumerism, mass media and the group think/mob mentality are totally spot-on. At the very least, Maya Rudolph and her motherhood enhanced breasts are worth a rental.
The point of this post though – isn’t really to commend Judge for his efforts, but to condemn Fox for the lack of theirs. I just can not understand why Fox hasn’t thrown some support behind this movie. The Rip Van Winkle storyline is far from being a high concept/difficult sale, Mike Judge is a rare recognizable commodity in terms of writer/directors and the film is chuck full of trailer moments. Plus, given how the theatrical release of Judge’s last film, Office Space, was mishandled, you would think the studio would have been apprehensive to make the same mistakes.
There must be a reason for their inaction. I’ve heard allegations that Tim Rothman, the head of Fox, is the “kind of guy that’d go out of his way to cockblock his own projects in order to stick to some one he doesn’t like.” (-aintitcoonews.com) I’m sure that’s something Fox stockholders must love, but they can’t be surprised. You don’t invest in Hollywood without accounting for a pissing contest or two.
So, if you live in the following cities, Austin, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and Toronto, I would recommend going to see Idiocracy.
Of course, I’d recommend any film that had Nazi Dinosaurs in it.
And Idiocracy has Nazi Dinosaurs.
wojr
Back in college, I would write movie reviews for the college newspaper. I believe that I only did it for a semester or, at the very most, a year. To be honest, it got in the way of my drinking and/or couples’ counseling. Being the low man on the proverbial newspaper totem pole, I never got first crack at the various film choices. I usually received the third or fourth “top” movie opening that week. Hence, I got to write about some real dogs.
And by dogs – I mean some ugly ass bitches.
While writing about what fleas or ticks were on a particular dog of a movie that week fulfilled my need to dispel my bile and discontent, it did get old rather quickly. (I was a younger and less bitter wojr then. Now my need to express my hate and cynicism can never be quelled.) But I love movies and take joy in discussing them. Something I have done here occasionally.
I have been avoiding writing film reviews here. I have no real reason to express why, but I’ve been avoiding them just the same. With the fiancée out East, I’ve been able to see more of the motion pictures. (Whenever I read “motion pictures”, my mind imagines the phrase to be uttered by Woody Allen. Again, no real reason why, but I imagine it nonetheless.) This increase in film viewing has become possible since I’ve re-joined netflix.com (Insert obligatory plug here) and additionally find myself no longer required to clear my cinematic choices through said Filipino contingent.
For example, last Thursday night, I was able to catch the new Mike Judge film, Idiocracy. Most of you may not have heard about this movie since the good people at Twentieth Century Fox have made almost a negative effort in marketing it. They, then, chose to release it on only 130 screens in 7 cities. Doing so without even screening it for critics. (Something the two major releases for the Labor Day weekend, The Wicker Man and Crank, chose to do as well, but that’s a rant for another day.)
Before I walked into the theater, I had not seen a trailer or even a poster for Idiocracy. (In this age of the internet how could they not even slap a trailer on a website for god’s sake??) I did recall reading an interview in a magazine (I think it was Esquire because my ass is civilized.) with Judge, the creator of the Beavis & Butthead and King of the Hill cartoons, about his arduous efforts dealing with Fox just to get the damn thing released. Given my deep heterosexual love for Judge’s previous live-action film, Office Space, I was definitely interested to see the next film in his oeuvre.
Idiocracy is the story of an average Joe (swear to God, his name is Joe) that finds himself the guinea pig in a cryogenics experiment. After a pimp-related mishap, Joe (played by an affable Luke Wilson) wakes up in the year 2505 (the film was due out in 2005) to find himself the smartest person on the planet (I’ll stop using parentheses now).
The movie does take the time to explain how the ignorant have taken control via sheer humping – given how the Jerry Springer set have sex with more frequency and more partners than those with higher IQ and the self-awareness to use birth control. Expounded out five centuries and the idiots are all that’s left. Given that in the future the President is a wrestler, the number one television show is just a guy getting hit in the nuts, and people get their education from Costco, it is not a huge leap of faith to embrace this vision of the future.
Overall the film is far from perfect. It has its share of fleas, but the movie is enjoyable. Idiocracy is a solid “dumb comedy” that you won’t feel stupid for enjoying. Judge’s comments on consumerism, mass media and the group think/mob mentality are totally spot-on. At the very least, Maya Rudolph and her motherhood enhanced breasts are worth a rental.
The point of this post though – isn’t really to commend Judge for his efforts, but to condemn Fox for the lack of theirs. I just can not understand why Fox hasn’t thrown some support behind this movie. The Rip Van Winkle storyline is far from being a high concept/difficult sale, Mike Judge is a rare recognizable commodity in terms of writer/directors and the film is chuck full of trailer moments. Plus, given how the theatrical release of Judge’s last film, Office Space, was mishandled, you would think the studio would have been apprehensive to make the same mistakes.
There must be a reason for their inaction. I’ve heard allegations that Tim Rothman, the head of Fox, is the “kind of guy that’d go out of his way to cockblock his own projects in order to stick to some one he doesn’t like.” (-aintitcoonews.com) I’m sure that’s something Fox stockholders must love, but they can’t be surprised. You don’t invest in Hollywood without accounting for a pissing contest or two.
So, if you live in the following cities, Austin, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and Toronto, I would recommend going to see Idiocracy.
Of course, I’d recommend any film that had Nazi Dinosaurs in it.
And Idiocracy has Nazi Dinosaurs.
wojr
Labels: Advice, Crackers, Hollywood, Snide Remarks
Today, Woj Contemplates: Emerson
The first of a series of in-depth analyses.
If as Ralph Waldo Emerson theorizes, "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- then, what would be a hobgoblin of a larger mind?
I'm not sure, but I got a twenty that says it looks like this:
It made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
The first of a series of in-depth analyses.
If as Ralph Waldo Emerson theorizes, "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- then, what would be a hobgoblin of a larger mind?
I'm not sure, but I got a twenty that says it looks like this:
It made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Intoxication
Monday, September 11, 2006
Further Proof that wojr.com is Ahead of the Curve
Remember our little “Sociological Experiments” we ran on wojr.com? You know, the one way back in June of 2004 followed by the one March of 2006? Basically, we posted totally unrealistic personal ads on craigslist.org and looked at the results. In essence, showing how stupid and/or horny men can be.
Well, the good folks over at bloggasm.com did a more scientific form of this ruse in August of 2006 that basically showed how horny men can be.
My experiment, as well as the one bloggasm.com, did not release any personal information tied to the responses from said personal ads. Honestly, I thought that would be wrong and might open wojr.com to some legal gray areas.
Well, now (meaning September of 2006), RFJason and demure have taken these little experiments into that gray area. They “borrowed” a woman’s rather raunchy personal ad looking for rough sex which included spanking, hand cuffs and a request to be wojed on her “nips and face” (She didn’t actually use the term “wojed” but I blame you, the loyal readers, for not making that word a national craze yet) and posted it on Seattle’s craigslist.
They, then, posted all the responses with email address and submitted pictures here showing again how stupid/horny men can be. (Link is NSFW – actually, if you don’t want to see penis pictures, it is not safe for you either).
So, if you were looking for some rough sex in the Seattle area, you might want to check out that site and see if your info is out there for the world to see. Hell, if you date some guy in the Seattle area, I'd go make sure he's not trying to stray.
If you just want a good laugh and can stomach some strange cock shots, I'd recommend going over to read some of these emails. My personal fav is the simple response, "i love ur pu$$y i wanna fuke it hard when we can meet?" I think that's my new pickup line.
I’d like to think that I inspired all this but...
Actually, fuke it, I will think that. My ego can never be fully satisfied anyhow.
Maybe I’ll throw my hat back in the ring and put up another ad? Something like this:
Horny blonde co-ed seeks hardcore drilling, all holes filled and please woj into my belly button. All I ask in return is permission to put your email address and photograph on my website of desperate men that want to sleep with me.
Think I’d get any responses?
wojr
Remember our little “Sociological Experiments” we ran on wojr.com? You know, the one way back in June of 2004 followed by the one March of 2006? Basically, we posted totally unrealistic personal ads on craigslist.org and looked at the results. In essence, showing how stupid and/or horny men can be.
Well, the good folks over at bloggasm.com did a more scientific form of this ruse in August of 2006 that basically showed how horny men can be.
My experiment, as well as the one bloggasm.com, did not release any personal information tied to the responses from said personal ads. Honestly, I thought that would be wrong and might open wojr.com to some legal gray areas.
Well, now (meaning September of 2006), RFJason and demure have taken these little experiments into that gray area. They “borrowed” a woman’s rather raunchy personal ad looking for rough sex which included spanking, hand cuffs and a request to be wojed on her “nips and face” (She didn’t actually use the term “wojed” but I blame you, the loyal readers, for not making that word a national craze yet) and posted it on Seattle’s craigslist.
They, then, posted all the responses with email address and submitted pictures here showing again how stupid/horny men can be. (Link is NSFW – actually, if you don’t want to see penis pictures, it is not safe for you either).
So, if you were looking for some rough sex in the Seattle area, you might want to check out that site and see if your info is out there for the world to see. Hell, if you date some guy in the Seattle area, I'd go make sure he's not trying to stray.
If you just want a good laugh and can stomach some strange cock shots, I'd recommend going over to read some of these emails. My personal fav is the simple response, "i love ur pu$$y i wanna fuke it hard when we can meet?" I think that's my new pickup line.
I’d like to think that I inspired all this but...
Actually, fuke it, I will think that. My ego can never be fully satisfied anyhow.
Maybe I’ll throw my hat back in the ring and put up another ad? Something like this:
Horny blonde co-ed seeks hardcore drilling, all holes filled and please woj into my belly button. All I ask in return is permission to put your email address and photograph on my website of desperate men that want to sleep with me.
Think I’d get any responses?
wojr
Labels: Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores
