wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, September 22, 2006
IT'S ACTUALLY MY THIRD FAVORITE NEW YEAR!
The people that will laugh at this post are few, but they will REALLY laugh at this.
For everyone else, come back next week. We have something special planned.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY (and Rosh Hashanah) EVERYBODY!
wojr
The people that will laugh at this post are few, but they will REALLY laugh at this.
For everyone else, come back next week. We have something special planned.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY (and Rosh Hashanah) EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, College
I Hope My Corpse Endorses TrimSpa, Y’All
Last night, I received a phone call from Senor Broncatello. I’m unaware how much, if any, Jack Daniels precipitated this call but here’s how it went:
Bronc: “You know, this Audrey Hepburn ad, it’s kinda turning me on.”
That was his opening. There was no “Hello” or “Kon-nichiwa, bitch.” Just a declaration of his arousal over a Gap ad starring a dead woman.
For those that haven’t seen a television in the last month. Here is the advertisement he’s talking about:
Now, I’ve long had an asexual fascination with Audrey Hepburn. I’ve seen her movies more times than what is allowed for heterosexual males. I’m aware of it and so is Bronc. So, he decided to have some fun with that admiration. Especially, when I claimed to have real problems with the commercial.
Bronc: “She’s dancing to Back in Black for christ’s sake. Plus talking about expressing herself and needing a release. It’s just hot.”
Now, I paraphrase myself here when I say “if a stripper does not appear hot dancing to Back to Black (AC/DC, not Wing), then she’s just not hot.” So, Audrey Hepburn dancing to the ultimate stripper song - come on, that’s just wrong.
Plus, they have her basically endorsing their product. Hepburn’s been dead since 1993 and I don’t remember her endorsing the Gap when she was alive. Hell, the lady was an ambassador for UNICEF, an organization against sweatshops and child labor. Remember when there was a public outcry when Coke had digitally inserted Humphrey Bogart into one of their commercials. Damn it, Bogart wasn’t even an opponent of Coke’s business practices.
I should write a will and list exactly what types of products and/or services my image can be licensed to you. I have a feeling that I’m going to be a big deal come post mortem time.
(Side note: does any one else have a problem with Coke putting Santa Claus on their packaging during Christmas time? It’s almost like Santa is endorsing their product, even though everyone knows the old man prefers Milk and cookies. I bet Coke doesn’t have to pay St. Nick for his endorsement, huh?)
This was a typical phone conversation between the two of us.
wojr
Last night, I received a phone call from Senor Broncatello. I’m unaware how much, if any, Jack Daniels precipitated this call but here’s how it went:
Bronc: “You know, this Audrey Hepburn ad, it’s kinda turning me on.”
That was his opening. There was no “Hello” or “Kon-nichiwa, bitch.” Just a declaration of his arousal over a Gap ad starring a dead woman.
For those that haven’t seen a television in the last month. Here is the advertisement he’s talking about:
Now, I’ve long had an asexual fascination with Audrey Hepburn. I’ve seen her movies more times than what is allowed for heterosexual males. I’m aware of it and so is Bronc. So, he decided to have some fun with that admiration. Especially, when I claimed to have real problems with the commercial.
Bronc: “She’s dancing to Back in Black for christ’s sake. Plus talking about expressing herself and needing a release. It’s just hot.”
Now, I paraphrase myself here when I say “if a stripper does not appear hot dancing to Back to Black (AC/DC, not Wing), then she’s just not hot.” So, Audrey Hepburn dancing to the ultimate stripper song - come on, that’s just wrong.
Plus, they have her basically endorsing their product. Hepburn’s been dead since 1993 and I don’t remember her endorsing the Gap when she was alive. Hell, the lady was an ambassador for UNICEF, an organization against sweatshops and child labor. Remember when there was a public outcry when Coke had digitally inserted Humphrey Bogart into one of their commercials. Damn it, Bogart wasn’t even an opponent of Coke’s business practices.
I should write a will and list exactly what types of products and/or services my image can be licensed to you. I have a feeling that I’m going to be a big deal come post mortem time.
(Side note: does any one else have a problem with Coke putting Santa Claus on their packaging during Christmas time? It’s almost like Santa is endorsing their product, even though everyone knows the old man prefers Milk and cookies. I bet Coke doesn’t have to pay St. Nick for his endorsement, huh?)
This was a typical phone conversation between the two of us.
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Snide Remarks, Youtube
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Know the World Around You
Right now, somewhere in the world…
Someone is going “Gay for Pay.”
Some drunk’s bender is just beginning.
An episode of Law & Order is airing on two or more networks.
Some hack is being paid more than you to get Lindsey Lohan more press.
The son of Dracula is looking for a book deal.
Several women have their legs up in stirrups as they patiently await their doctor.
Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of women in stirrups.
The ‘Age of Diddy’ Just Keeps on Truckin’.
Someone is knocking the bottom out of someone’s sister.
Someone has three or more fingers in their anal cavity. It might be that “Gay for Pay” guy.
The NFL doesn’t want you to get drunk.
One of your friends is making fun of you behind your back. (If you’re a large Italian adult male that still lives at home, that number may be higher.)
Several babies and senior citizens are crapping in their diapers.
Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of crapping in a diaper.
A team of Public Relations experts are brainstorming ways to steal press away from Lindsey Lohan.
Some porn star is having problems maintaining wood. This might be that “Gay for Pay” guy as well.
Some other drunk’s bender is just ending.
Someone is wondering if stirrups or diapers get wojr aroused.
You’re realizing that the time you spent reading this blog is LOST FOREVER.
wojr
Right now, somewhere in the world…
Someone is going “Gay for Pay.” Some drunk’s bender is just beginning. An episode of Law & Order is airing on two or more networks. Some hack is being paid more than you to get Lindsey Lohan more press. The son of Dracula is looking for a book deal. Several women have their legs up in stirrups as they patiently await their doctor. Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of women in stirrups. The ‘Age of Diddy’ Just Keeps on Truckin’. Someone is knocking the bottom out of someone’s sister. Someone has three or more fingers in their anal cavity. It might be that “Gay for Pay” guy. The NFL doesn’t want you to get drunk. One of your friends is making fun of you behind your back. (If you’re a large Italian adult male that still lives at home, that number may be higher.) Several babies and senior citizens are crapping in their diapers. Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of crapping in a diaper. A team of Public Relations experts are brainstorming ways to steal press away from Lindsey Lohan. Some porn star is having problems maintaining wood. This might be that “Gay for Pay” guy as well. Some other drunk’s bender is just ending. Someone is wondering if stirrups or diapers get wojr aroused. You’re realizing that the time you spent reading this blog is LOST FOREVER.wojr
Labels: Intoxication, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Dog Bites Man Is Not News (Even If The Man Is A Drunken German Cowboy)
So, this is how the internet greets me today – found on abcnews.com:
(Yeah, it's not InStyle magazine, but I just like that picture.)
Scarlett Johansson coming to the conclusion that she has an attractive body, the same conclusion an overwhelming consensus of both men and women already agree on, is not news. If it was, I’d be reading articles about how Brad Pitt likes his abs, how Peter North likes his penis (and money shots), and how I’m proud of my cunnilingus skills*.
This story is lower than Man Bites Dog, let alone Dog Biting Man. Of course, Man Bites Panda trumps them all – found on aol.com:
By the way, Drunken German Cowboys? Really?
wojr
*Any news outlets interested in interviewing me about my cunnilingus skills can email me at wojr@aol.com.
So, this is how the internet greets me today – found on abcnews.com:
Johansson Likes Her Hourglass Figure…
NEW YORK Sep 18, 2006 (AP) Scarlett Johansson struts her stuff in cleavage-baring dresses on the red carpet, but in real life, she'd rather remain a mystery.
"I can't stand those articles where people spill their life story," Johansson says in the October issue of InStyle magazine, on newsstands Friday. "After a while I feel like I know more about them than their best friend does and that's weird. It's better when you don't know everything."
She's more confident about her hourglass figure. "I'm curvy I'm never going to be 5'11' and 120 pounds. But I feel lucky to have what I've got."Not only is this article basically an advertisement for the October issue of InStyle magazine pretending to be a news story, it’s not even news.
(Yeah, it's not InStyle magazine, but I just like that picture.)Scarlett Johansson coming to the conclusion that she has an attractive body, the same conclusion an overwhelming consensus of both men and women already agree on, is not news. If it was, I’d be reading articles about how Brad Pitt likes his abs, how Peter North likes his penis (and money shots), and how I’m proud of my cunnilingus skills*.
This story is lower than Man Bites Dog, let alone Dog Biting Man. Of course, Man Bites Panda trumps them all – found on aol.com:
Man Bites Panda at Beijing ZooSee that’s a news story. Moronic and ultimately inconsequential but still a news story. Plus, when you see that it’s not the only drunken foreigner having fun with animals – found on ananova.com:
BEIJING (Sept. 20) - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Drunken cowboy arrested“Drunken Foreigners Abusing Animals” has the makings of a Fox News Special Report if you ask me. Push comes to shove, they can always ask Scarlett Johansen for her thoughts on this social epidemic. That's if they don't have video of the Man Biting the Panda.
A drunken German cowboy was arrested after he rode his horse into several pubs looking for a nightcap.
The 33-year-old trotted with his mount into several saloons in Geseke requesting: "Just one for the road - and an apple for Hendrik."
Hendrik the horse plodded faithfully around the town as his master fired a cap gun and at one stage fell off.
It wasn't long before the sherrif [sic] arrived and the night ended with the midnight cowboy sleeping it off in the local cells.
Hendrik was bedded down for the night at a stable with police horses. His owner faces a charge of being drunk in charge of a horse and a fine.
By the way, Drunken German Cowboys? Really?
wojr
*Any news outlets interested in interviewing me about my cunnilingus skills can email me at wojr@aol.com.
Labels: Intoxication, News, Sex, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Raj Returns
Ahem..
Neerajimus Pai has re-commenced posting to his blog. Thus, the world is a better place.
While the photo just seems appropriate in theme and ethnic mockery --
The guy with the donkey, to paraphrase Hudson Hawk, is just a guy with a donkey.
wojr
Ahem..
Neerajimus Pai has re-commenced posting to his blog. Thus, the world is a better place.
While the photo just seems appropriate in theme and ethnic mockery --
The guy with the donkey, to paraphrase Hudson Hawk, is just a guy with a donkey.
wojr
Labels: Villanova
"What's the problem with the way a pirate speaks? - Arrrrticulation!"
Obviously, that's a joke - since there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with the way a pirate speaks. Savvy?
So, get out there and give your best "Arrr!"s, "Matey"s and "Shiver me timbers"s, because today is Talk Like A Pirate Day.
The world needs more holidays, especially ones related to Rum.
wojr
Obviously, that's a joke - since there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with the way a pirate speaks. Savvy?
So, get out there and give your best "Arrr!"s, "Matey"s and "Shiver me timbers"s, because today is Talk Like A Pirate Day.
The world needs more holidays, especially ones related to Rum.
wojr
Monday, September 18, 2006
“We're not sure which sister-pimping show he was talking about?”
That’s a direct quote from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - the new show from Aaron Sorkin and Tommy Schlamme starring Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford and Amanda Peet. The pilot for which airs tonight at 10 PM on NBC.
I’ve already watched it and got a real kick out of it. I’m not going to praise it as the second coming like most folks out there. The episode is mostly setup and some characters are glossed over. Some aren’t even introduced yet, but Sorkin has a lot of hieracrchy to establish without the benefit of years of Social Studies classes as he did with the West Wing. However, the acting especially from Peet and Perry is just top notch.
If you need additional endorsement..
Further proving he is yin to my yang, Bronc refuses to watch the show at all (despite his fondness for Sorkin and Schlamme’s Sport Night). Not only is it on opposite Monday Night Football on the East Coast, but it’s created by pinko liberals. Bronc also refuses to watch Weeds since it promotes the marijuana.
The word “bronc” actually means “to fuck things up.” So, don’t be a Bronc and watch the damn show. Unless you’re a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
Other reviews can be found here and here.
wojr
That’s a direct quote from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - the new show from Aaron Sorkin and Tommy Schlamme starring Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford and Amanda Peet. The pilot for which airs tonight at 10 PM on NBC.
I’ve already watched it and got a real kick out of it. I’m not going to praise it as the second coming like most folks out there. The episode is mostly setup and some characters are glossed over. Some aren’t even introduced yet, but Sorkin has a lot of hieracrchy to establish without the benefit of years of Social Studies classes as he did with the West Wing. However, the acting especially from Peet and Perry is just top notch.
If you need additional endorsement..
Further proving he is yin to my yang, Bronc refuses to watch the show at all (despite his fondness for Sorkin and Schlamme’s Sport Night). Not only is it on opposite Monday Night Football on the East Coast, but it’s created by pinko liberals. Bronc also refuses to watch Weeds since it promotes the marijuana.
The word “bronc” actually means “to fuck things up.” So, don’t be a Bronc and watch the damn show. Unless you’re a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.
Other reviews can be found here and here.
wojr
They Are Real and They Are Far From Spectacular
So, I was walking down the street. A rarity in Los Angeles, I know. When I passed a house with a dunk booth randomly set up in the front yard.
Completely set up. Filled with water. Yet no one around. Very odd.
I’ve been in the dunk booth once before. Back in college for some charity/fraternity thing.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t planned on being in said booth that day and was ill prepared. No towel to dry myself off, no change of clothes and, most importantly, NO UNDERWEAR.
Word of advice, never freeball when you hit the dunking booth. Unless you get off showing your balls to the world at large.
Which I did. Show my balls that is, not get off on it.
I do not like showing off the boys. They frighten me, so I’m doubtful they’ll be well received by the dunking public.
Thankfully, now that I have disclosed this embarrassing exposure of my testicles to the entire internet, I can now be done with whatever residual shame I might be harboring from that event.
Don’t worry – I have many other shameful moments that I can still disclose and I’m fairly certain that I will get around to all of them.
wojr
So, I was walking down the street. A rarity in Los Angeles, I know. When I passed a house with a dunk booth randomly set up in the front yard.
Completely set up. Filled with water. Yet no one around. Very odd.
I’ve been in the dunk booth once before. Back in college for some charity/fraternity thing.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t planned on being in said booth that day and was ill prepared. No towel to dry myself off, no change of clothes and, most importantly, NO UNDERWEAR.
Word of advice, never freeball when you hit the dunking booth. Unless you get off showing your balls to the world at large.
Which I did. Show my balls that is, not get off on it.
I do not like showing off the boys. They frighten me, so I’m doubtful they’ll be well received by the dunking public.
Thankfully, now that I have disclosed this embarrassing exposure of my testicles to the entire internet, I can now be done with whatever residual shame I might be harboring from that event.
Don’t worry – I have many other shameful moments that I can still disclose and I’m fairly certain that I will get around to all of them.
wojr
