wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, October 20, 2006
A Little Something for my Lesbian Readers
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY, MY LITTLE RUGMUNCHERS!
wojr
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY, MY LITTLE RUGMUNCHERS!wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Sex
Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – Candidate Uno Redux
Yesterday, Bindi Irwin, the eight-year-old daughter of the recently deceased Hunter of Crocodiles, Steve Irwin, was selected as the first candidate for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool. Wait, strike that. That isn’t right. She was only the first suggested selection for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool.
Since I can’t play in my own reindeer games, I am only suggesting which ten individuals would most likely become cadavers. That’s the goal of the Dead Pool. Picking who is most likely to die.
Well, it looks like I have to rethink my suggestion of Bindi Irwin.
Not because it’s sick and twisted to say an eight year old girl that just lost her father is an odds-on favorite to suffer an early demise within the next year.
I am fine with twisted and can handle sick every so often. I just have a problem with the time frame.
Read on.
Found on eonline.com:
I think I’m going to have to write Mr. Stain-ton a harshly worded letter after this Dead Pool business is up and running. Let him know that postponing the show by a year really puts a wrinkle in our little death wagering scenario.
Come on, will it be any more acceptable for a NINE-year-old to stick her head in the lion's mouth? I think not.
So, I’m going to strike Bindi Irwin as a featured suggestion.
Taking her place: DAKOTA FANNING
I don’t think an explanation is necessary. You know, with the young actress’s “alleged” hard partying lifestyle and penchant for rough, anonymous sexual intercourse.
wojr
DEAD POOL SUMMARY
Number of entries submitted as of 3:17PM, 10/20/06: six.
wojr’s Selections:
1.Bindi Irwin Dakota Fanning
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Yesterday, Bindi Irwin, the eight-year-old daughter of the recently deceased Hunter of Crocodiles, Steve Irwin, was selected as the first candidate for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool. Wait, strike that. That isn’t right. She was only the first suggested selection for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool.
Since I can’t play in my own reindeer games, I am only suggesting which ten individuals would most likely become cadavers. That’s the goal of the Dead Pool. Picking who is most likely to die.
Well, it looks like I have to rethink my suggestion of Bindi Irwin.
Not because it’s sick and twisted to say an eight year old girl that just lost her father is an odds-on favorite to suffer an early demise within the next year.
I am fine with twisted and can handle sick every so often. I just have a problem with the time frame.
Read on.
Found on eonline.com:
Bindi Irwin's Jungle adventure has been put on hold.Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh! Mr. Stainton is “fed up”. Poor Mr. Stainton.
The eight-year-old daughter of the late Steve Irwin was slated to star in a 26-part documentary series for Discovery Kids beginning in January 2007, but the project has now been pushed back a year.
John Stainton, the Irwin family's friend and manager, said it was his decision to delay Bindi, The Jungle Girl while he takes a year off in the wake of Irwin's untimely death by stingray.
He denied that the series was held up due to concerns that Bindi was being exploited in the wake of her father's death, and said that he was "fed up" with debate over the issue.
I think I’m going to have to write Mr. Stain-ton a harshly worded letter after this Dead Pool business is up and running. Let him know that postponing the show by a year really puts a wrinkle in our little death wagering scenario.
Come on, will it be any more acceptable for a NINE-year-old to stick her head in the lion's mouth? I think not.
So, I’m going to strike Bindi Irwin as a featured suggestion.
Taking her place: DAKOTA FANNING
I don’t think an explanation is necessary. You know, with the young actress’s “alleged” hard partying lifestyle and penchant for rough, anonymous sexual intercourse.
wojr
DEAD POOL SUMMARY
Number of entries submitted as of 3:17PM, 10/20/06: six.
wojr’s Selections:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Labels: DeadPool
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Because It's Not Always About Me (Even Though It Should Be)
Been meaning to give this a "shout out" for a while now.
(click on pic for larger version)
My friend from Villanova, Chris Cashman, wrote and directed an independent film called Carts.
He's still in the post-production phase, but you lucky people can go check out the website for the film, www.insamwetrust.com. Be sure to bookmark it as more web content is sure to be coming.
For the myspace folks, there is a myspace page, myspace.com/cartsmovie. So, go and up your friend count by one.
For the people without computers, there is nothing for you guys. I would apologize, but I doubt that you would even be reading this.
wojr
Been meaning to give this a "shout out" for a while now.
(click on pic for larger version)My friend from Villanova, Chris Cashman, wrote and directed an independent film called Carts.
He's still in the post-production phase, but you lucky people can go check out the website for the film, www.insamwetrust.com. Be sure to bookmark it as more web content is sure to be coming.
For the myspace folks, there is a myspace page, myspace.com/cartsmovie. So, go and up your friend count by one.
For the people without computers, there is nothing for you guys. I would apologize, but I doubt that you would even be reading this.
wojr
Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – Candidate Uno
As announced here, there is a contest in progress here at wojr.com.
By predicting who is going to die in the next year, one could win prizes valued in, no lie, the excess of twenty dollars. That’s a TWO followed by a ZERO, people.
I’ve been told that it would be a huge conflict of interest for me to submit my picks to the contest. Good thing for all of us then, because I won’t be submitting. Not that I care about conflicts of interest and such, I just think the prizes are utter crap.
However, why should I let my prognosticating skills go to waste? You, the loyal readers, should benefit from my foresight.
Thus, between now and the October 31st submission deadline, I’ll slowly be unveiling my ten picks for the DEAD POOL.
First Selection: BINDI IRWIN
Found on aol.com:
Remember half of your selections need to be under the age of fifty. You need to focus on the most likely targets. Like the little girl with her head in the freaking lion's mouth.
Now if the father, Steve, was still alive, I would have picked the little brother, Bob, as the most likely target, but now with this news of a pending show, big sister becomes the front runner. (Although Little Bob Irwin would make for a solid pick as well.)
“Oooh! What’s going to happen?” Indeed.
Indeed
wojr
Number of entries submitted as of 1:18PM, 10/19/06: zero.
wojr’s Selections:
1. Bindi Irwin
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
As announced here, there is a contest in progress here at wojr.com.
By predicting who is going to die in the next year, one could win prizes valued in, no lie, the excess of twenty dollars. That’s a TWO followed by a ZERO, people.
I’ve been told that it would be a huge conflict of interest for me to submit my picks to the contest. Good thing for all of us then, because I won’t be submitting. Not that I care about conflicts of interest and such, I just think the prizes are utter crap.
However, why should I let my prognosticating skills go to waste? You, the loyal readers, should benefit from my foresight.
Thus, between now and the October 31st submission deadline, I’ll slowly be unveiling my ten picks for the DEAD POOL.
First Selection: BINDI IRWIN
Found on aol.com:
NEW YORK (Oct. 16) - Like father, like daughter. Bindi Irwin, the 8-year-old daughter of the late "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin, will star in a wildlife series to air on the Discovery Kids network early next year. The show's working title: "Bindi, The Jungle Girl."Some might find it cruel and heartless to select an eight-year-old to the THUNDERDOME. In my opinion, those people are soft & pathetic and don’t deserve to win.
Her father, animal lover and conservationist Steve Irwin, died from the poisonous jab of a stingray Sept. 4. Besides Bindi, he left behind her mother, Terri, and 2-year-old brother, Bob.
The show, now in the early stages of production, was originally "going to be a father-daughter thing," starring the nature-loving duo, Discovery publicist Annie Howell told the Associated Press on Monday. "Steve and Bindi were very enthusiastic about doing the show together."
Irwin will appear with Bindi in scenes filmed before his death, his manager, John Stainton, said in an interview on People magazine's Web site.
"Some people think that I would be afraid of them, but I'm never ever afraid of an animal," Bindi said in an interview Monday on ABC's "Australian Story."
"I just get excited and some that are dangerous I just think, 'Oooh! What's going to happen?' and things like that."
Remember half of your selections need to be under the age of fifty. You need to focus on the most likely targets. Like the little girl with her head in the freaking lion's mouth.
Now if the father, Steve, was still alive, I would have picked the little brother, Bob, as the most likely target, but now with this news of a pending show, big sister becomes the front runner. (Although Little Bob Irwin would make for a solid pick as well.)
“Oooh! What’s going to happen?” Indeed.
Indeed
wojr
Number of entries submitted as of 1:18PM, 10/19/06: zero.
wojr’s Selections:
1. Bindi Irwin
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
It Was Either This or Carve Jack O’Lanterns
We here at the wojr.com laboratories have been trying to devise some way to celebrate the Halloween season. Not being ones for black cats, creepy skeletons, ghost stories or other Hallmark clichés, we have decided to embrace the morbidity of the holiday.
Thus, we are taking a cue from the final Dirty Harry movie, The Dead Pool.
In said motion picture, a film director and his crew each choose a set of 10 celebrities who they think will die before the game ends. The winner is the one with most number of dead celebrities. The problems start when the people on the director's list start to die in mysterious circumstances. To make matters worse, Dirty Harry is on the list.
I recommend the film just to see Jim Carrey as the bad guy, but I digress..
To celebrate the Halloween season, wojr.com is having its own DEAD POOL.
And there will be PRIZES.
Top five scores will receive a t-shirt specially designed for the contest. Design is pending.
First place winner will have a character named after them in wojr’s next unsold screenplay as well as a DVD copy of The Dead Pool and a Deadpool comic book. The book and DVD can be autographed by wojr if so desired, but he has no official affiliation with either project. (If you need more info on what a Dead Pool is, go check out the wikipedia entry.)
Rules (which might be amended at the slightest whim of wojr):
Ten separate individuals must be chosen. Incomplete lists will be returned to entrant.
Choices must be alive as of Midnight of October 31st, 2006.
Only one list of potential victims per individual, not as some contests do by household. So, convince your spouses, siblings, parents or mutant offspring to join in the fun.
Only five choices in your Dead Pool can be over fifty years of age.
Only one choice can have been on The Golden Girls.
Only three can be publicly known to have drug dependency issues.
Only two can be affiliated with the hip hop world. (Addendum: one may select Bobby or Whitney, but not both.)
Only one choice can be affiliated with NASCAR.
Only two people can be known to have had sexual relations with Paris Hilton and/or the AIDS monkey. (Masturbation counts, so picking Paris Hilton would occupy one of these spots. Monkeys are unfortunately not allowed as selections.)
Fictional characters will not be accepted.
Only individuals of some fame or notoriety can be selected. (The exceptions to this rule are wojr or Bronc, but then cause of death must also be supplied. Cause of death need not exactly match to garner points, but if wojr dies, no one else is going to run this contest. Like Whitney and Bobby, one can select wojr or Bronc, but not both. Unfortunately, that is not the only thing Bronc and woj have in common with Whitney and Bobby.)
Only one choice can be Abe Vigoda.
With the exception of Paris Hilton, murdering a member of your list is not allowed. Players may not cause or otherwise participate in the death of any celebrities. If you attempt to use weapons of mass destruction to kill large numbers of people, some of whom are likely to be celebrities, you will not be welcomed back into the fold.
Entries must be received by Oct. 31st, 2006. Winner will be announced one year later on Oct. 31st 2007.
Please email entries to wojr@aol.com with the subject line "DEAD POOL". Please include your name & mailing address since all entrants will receive a Christmas Card from wojr. Even the Jews.
Between now and October 31st, wojr.com will be unveiling his personal choices for THE DEAD POOL.
wojr
We here at the wojr.com laboratories have been trying to devise some way to celebrate the Halloween season. Not being ones for black cats, creepy skeletons, ghost stories or other Hallmark clichés, we have decided to embrace the morbidity of the holiday.
Thus, we are taking a cue from the final Dirty Harry movie, The Dead Pool.
In said motion picture, a film director and his crew each choose a set of 10 celebrities who they think will die before the game ends. The winner is the one with most number of dead celebrities. The problems start when the people on the director's list start to die in mysterious circumstances. To make matters worse, Dirty Harry is on the list.
I recommend the film just to see Jim Carrey as the bad guy, but I digress..
To celebrate the Halloween season, wojr.com is having its own DEAD POOL.
And there will be PRIZES.
Top five scores will receive a t-shirt specially designed for the contest. Design is pending.
First place winner will have a character named after them in wojr’s next unsold screenplay as well as a DVD copy of The Dead Pool and a Deadpool comic book. The book and DVD can be autographed by wojr if so desired, but he has no official affiliation with either project. (If you need more info on what a Dead Pool is, go check out the wikipedia entry.)
Rules (which might be amended at the slightest whim of wojr):
Ten separate individuals must be chosen. Incomplete lists will be returned to entrant. Choices must be alive as of Midnight of October 31st, 2006. Only one list of potential victims per individual, not as some contests do by household. So, convince your spouses, siblings, parents or mutant offspring to join in the fun. Only five choices in your Dead Pool can be over fifty years of age. Only one choice can have been on The Golden Girls. Only three can be publicly known to have drug dependency issues. Only two can be affiliated with the hip hop world. (Addendum: one may select Bobby or Whitney, but not both.) Only one choice can be affiliated with NASCAR. Only two people can be known to have had sexual relations with Paris Hilton and/or the AIDS monkey. (Masturbation counts, so picking Paris Hilton would occupy one of these spots. Monkeys are unfortunately not allowed as selections.) Fictional characters will not be accepted. Only individuals of some fame or notoriety can be selected. (The exceptions to this rule are wojr or Bronc, but then cause of death must also be supplied. Cause of death need not exactly match to garner points, but if wojr dies, no one else is going to run this contest. Like Whitney and Bobby, one can select wojr or Bronc, but not both. Unfortunately, that is not the only thing Bronc and woj have in common with Whitney and Bobby.) Only one choice can be Abe Vigoda. With the exception of Paris Hilton, murdering a member of your list is not allowed. Players may not cause or otherwise participate in the death of any celebrities. If you attempt to use weapons of mass destruction to kill large numbers of people, some of whom are likely to be celebrities, you will not be welcomed back into the fold. Entries must be received by Oct. 31st, 2006. Winner will be announced one year later on Oct. 31st 2007.Please email entries to wojr@aol.com with the subject line "DEAD POOL". Please include your name & mailing address since all entrants will receive a Christmas Card from wojr. Even the Jews.
Between now and October 31st, wojr.com will be unveiling his personal choices for THE DEAD POOL.
wojr
Labels: DeadPool
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
wojr Has A Saltine Ass (Or This Would Never Happen to Diddy’s Mom)
Found on cnn.com:
But occasionally we do need to point out the obvious:
The place is called CRACKER Barrel.
I’m not white enough for the Cracker Barrel and my ass is the color of Elmer’s glue.
I thought to myself, why would an intelligent black woman with a little coin in her pocket want to eat at the Cracker Barrel? Has the woman even seen her son’s stand-up?
The cynic in me thinks there is more to the story than what's in that article.
To be continued in The Case of Cracker Ass Cracker Barrel Conspiracy.
wojr
Found on cnn.com:
Chris Rock's mom: Cracker Barrel discriminatedwojr.com would never condone acts of discrimination that aren’t based on taste or intelligence. This is why wojr.com discriminates against racists.
CHARLESTON, South Carolina (AP) -- Rose Rock, the mother of comedian Chris Rock, claims she was racially discriminated against when she was seated but ignored for a half hour at a Cracker Barrel restaurant along the South Carolina coast.
Rock said Tuesday she planned to sue the Lebanon, Tennessee-based company. A Cracker Barrel spokeswoman said the restaurant chain was investigating and taking the complaint "very seriously."
Cracker Barrel has in the past faced numerous lawsuits and a federal inquiry over complaints of refusing to serve black customers, discriminating against minority workers and firing gay employees. The company has taken steps to rebuild its folksy image and reach out to minorities.
But occasionally we do need to point out the obvious:
The place is called CRACKER Barrel.
I’m not white enough for the Cracker Barrel and my ass is the color of Elmer’s glue.
I thought to myself, why would an intelligent black woman with a little coin in her pocket want to eat at the Cracker Barrel? Has the woman even seen her son’s stand-up?
Whenever an old black man sees an old white man, the old black man always kisses the old white man's ass.But then I read this portion of the article:
''How you doing, sir? Pleased to meet you. Whatever I can get you, you let me know.''
As soon as the white man gets out of sight, he's like:
''Cracker-ass cracker! I'll put my foot in the crack of your ass, cracker-ass cracker! I wish that cracker would've said some shit to me, saltine-assed, motherfucking cracker! Cracker, kiss my ass, you fucking cracker!''
The white man comes back.
''Howdy, sir?''
The Rev. Al Sharpton will join Rock on Wednesday in South Carolina to announce that Sharpton's Action Network will finance the planned lawsuit.So, I thought to myself, one, if Mrs. Rock is so insulted why can't she get her son, Chris, to pony up some of his Everybody Loves Chris money for the lawsuit and, two, doesn't the “Sharpton’s Action Network” sound like a great idea for a TV show? (Maybe it can be sponsored by Cracker Barrel.)
"I'm getting reports from all over the country about Cracker Barrel," Sharpton said from New York on Tuesday.
The cynic in me thinks there is more to the story than what's in that article.
To be continued in The Case of Cracker Ass Cracker Barrel Conspiracy.
wojr
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
I Wonder If They Are Franchising
Found on news.bbc.co.uk (via some friend of Shaw-nee):
Thus, I could so do that job.
“It’s not you, it’s them.”
“I think the two of you just need some space.”
“To be honest, he’s looking for some new pussy.”
How difficult is that to get across? The hardest part would be convincing the victim (can you think of a better label? I can’t.) that you are an actual representative of their spouse or lover and not someone playing some cruel prank.
Plus, there’s a definite client base out there. One can never underestimate the number of chicken shit men (and women) in the world.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for Mr. Dressler’s business model.
For one, I would offer a retort service. For a couple euros offer the dumped the opportunity to use the separation agent as a mouthpiece for their rage and retaliation. Anyone who has a nickname like ‘The Terminator’ probably would find it to express the bile and contempt one might feel over been romantically discarded by an intermediary.
Secondly, I would not charge more for the in person dumping. True, using the telephone or even email might be the swifter, more cost-effective route. However, the separation agent is wasting some prime opportunities for some break-up and/or revenge nookie. “What is that guy thinking, breaking up with a gorgeous lady like you?” These separation agents could be getting more play than the pizza guy in a porno. I realize the opportunity for casual sex is difficult to reflect on a company’s bottom line, but employee morale is crucial for any business, especially a start-up.
Third, why stop at romantic break-ups? How about a roommate relocation package or an employment resignation service? Or even go the whole nine yards and institute something akin to the witness protection program. Offer up new identities, fake deaths, the whole shebang. That’s where the big money is.
It could work, but I still like my Best Man Insurance idea better.
wojr
Found on news.bbc.co.uk (via some friend of Shaw-nee):
Agency makes breaking up easierAt their inner core, everyone here at wojr.com are nice guys. Actually, that’s not true. There is only one guy and he has no core. No matter how much you lick, there is no tootsie roll center.
A German businessman has set up a "separation agency" - a service to inform unsuspecting spouses and lovers their partners no longer want them.
Bernd Dressler will deliver the bad news - for those too scared to do it themselves - for 20 euros (£13) by phone, or for 50 euros (£33) in person.
The efficiency and directness of Mr. Dressler's manner has earned him the nickname The Terminator.
The 52-year-old compares his company to a dating agency but "in reverse".
Thus, I could so do that job.
“It’s not you, it’s them.”
“I think the two of you just need some space.”
“To be honest, he’s looking for some new pussy.”
How difficult is that to get across? The hardest part would be convincing the victim (can you think of a better label? I can’t.) that you are an actual representative of their spouse or lover and not someone playing some cruel prank.
Plus, there’s a definite client base out there. One can never underestimate the number of chicken shit men (and women) in the world.
I do, however, have a few suggestions for Mr. Dressler’s business model.
For one, I would offer a retort service. For a couple euros offer the dumped the opportunity to use the separation agent as a mouthpiece for their rage and retaliation. Anyone who has a nickname like ‘The Terminator’ probably would find it to express the bile and contempt one might feel over been romantically discarded by an intermediary.
Secondly, I would not charge more for the in person dumping. True, using the telephone or even email might be the swifter, more cost-effective route. However, the separation agent is wasting some prime opportunities for some break-up and/or revenge nookie. “What is that guy thinking, breaking up with a gorgeous lady like you?” These separation agents could be getting more play than the pizza guy in a porno. I realize the opportunity for casual sex is difficult to reflect on a company’s bottom line, but employee morale is crucial for any business, especially a start-up.
Third, why stop at romantic break-ups? How about a roommate relocation package or an employment resignation service? Or even go the whole nine yards and institute something akin to the witness protection program. Offer up new identities, fake deaths, the whole shebang. That’s where the big money is.
It could work, but I still like my Best Man Insurance idea better.
wojr
wojr's Guide to Dating - Entry #4,742:
'Office Supplies Are NOT Just For Work'
The Boy Scouts had it right. Always be prepared!
Oddly enough, I actually dated a girl that got a little aroused by office supplies.
wojr
'Office Supplies Are NOT Just For Work'
The Boy Scouts had it right. Always be prepared!
Oddly enough, I actually dated a girl that got a little aroused by office supplies.
wojr
Monday, October 16, 2006
wojr and The Bush Administration Find Some Common Ground
Found on aol.com:
That aol article seems to show only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the content of Kuo’s book, Tempting Faith.
Here’s a more detailed report from Keith Olbermann:
I’m sure you’ll be hearing accusations that this, like the Foley scandal, is the carefully orchestrated plan of the Democrats to smear the good name of Republicans right before the upcoming election. Which is just crazy talk. The Democratic Party doing anything “carefully orchestrated” would be the harbinger of the Second Coming or the Rapture or whatever event the Evangelicals are expecting.
David Kuo is not a proponent of the Democrats. He, from my limited knowledge, left the White House because he felt the Administration was not doing enough to champion the Catholic agenda. Kuo was upset that Bush was short-changing them just like he was short-changing black people. (I know that’s not true, the Catholic leaders at least got some White House souvenirs.) I doubt Kuo believes the Democrats would treat the Evangelicals any better. And the Evangelicals, I’m sure, know that as well. So, I think most of their votes will still go to the Republicans.
Hell, the fact that Bush has been protecting us from the Evangelicals just might win the Republicans some votes from the middle as well. The Bush administration has been protecting us from the crazy, ridiculous Catholics( opposed to the sane, lovely Catholics that I hold close to heart). As crazy as it sounds, we could be in a worse state than we are in now.
Man, just be happy evolution is being taught anywhere in the United States.
wojr
Found on aol.com:
Ex-Aide Says Evangelicals Mocked in White HouseWhile we here at wojr.com have never called the National Christian leaders ‘goofy’ out of reverence to all things Disney, we have consistently thought of the leadership as ‘ridiculous’ and ‘out of control’. Who knew the Bush Administration felt the same way? Right? Makes you just want to run to Washington and give G-Dub a big ol’ hug.
For the White House, the charges coming their way this morning in the new book "Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction" must seem anything but heaven-sent.
The accusations are coming from an unlikely source: David Kuo, former deputy director of the White House Office of Faith-Based Initiatives, which channels federal dollars to religious charities.
Kuo says the office was misused to rally evangelical Christians, the Republican base voters, to get GOP politicians elected. Not only that, Kuo claims Bush officials mocked evangelical leaders behind their backs, alleging that in the office of political guru Karl Rove they were called "the nuts."
"National Christian leaders received hugs and smiles in person and then were dismissed behind their backs and described as 'ridiculous', 'out of control,' and just plain 'goofy,' " Kuo writes.
"You name the important Christian leader, and I have heard them mocked by serious people in serious places," Kuo told "60 Minutes" Sunday night.
That mockery, he added, included the Rev. Pat Robertson being called "insane," the Rev. Jerry Falwell being called "ridiculous" and comments that Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family "had to be controlled."
That aol article seems to show only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the content of Kuo’s book, Tempting Faith.
Here’s a more detailed report from Keith Olbermann:
I’m sure you’ll be hearing accusations that this, like the Foley scandal, is the carefully orchestrated plan of the Democrats to smear the good name of Republicans right before the upcoming election. Which is just crazy talk. The Democratic Party doing anything “carefully orchestrated” would be the harbinger of the Second Coming or the Rapture or whatever event the Evangelicals are expecting.
David Kuo is not a proponent of the Democrats. He, from my limited knowledge, left the White House because he felt the Administration was not doing enough to champion the Catholic agenda. Kuo was upset that Bush was short-changing them just like he was short-changing black people. (I know that’s not true, the Catholic leaders at least got some White House souvenirs.) I doubt Kuo believes the Democrats would treat the Evangelicals any better. And the Evangelicals, I’m sure, know that as well. So, I think most of their votes will still go to the Republicans.
Hell, the fact that Bush has been protecting us from the Evangelicals just might win the Republicans some votes from the middle as well. The Bush administration has been protecting us from the crazy, ridiculous Catholics( opposed to the sane, lovely Catholics that I hold close to heart). As crazy as it sounds, we could be in a worse state than we are in now.
Man, just be happy evolution is being taught anywhere in the United States.
wojr
And I Would Have Gotten Away With It Too, If It Weren't For...
Found on Reuters:
Now, on to the snide remarks…
For the second day in a row, wojr.com needs to sarcastically applaud the superlative efforts of law enforcement. Through the hard work and expertise of their K-9 unit, the Edmonton Police Department managed to track their suspect’s trail of:
Discarded beer.
Discarded pieces of clothing.
A Cooler
A Hand Cart
Good thing that dog was there. I mean, how could the limited senses of a human being been expected to follow such a veiled trail as this?
Not since the early days of Scooby Doo and his Corporation of Mystery has a canine been so integral to the solving of such a mysterious crime, but that isn’t why I found this case so interesting.
This dastardly Case of the Pilfered Pilsner just further strengthens one of wojr.com’s theories of criminal behavior:
If there is a man hiding on top of your porch, he’s guilty of something.
wojr
Found on Reuters:
CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - A man suspected of stealing a loaded beer truck was nabbed after a police dog followed a trail of beer and clothes to find him hiding on top of a porch, Edmonton police said on Tuesday.Before we get down to the snark, let’s make one thing abundantly clear. None of the wojr.com staff have ever been to Canada, let alone Calgary. While the evidence of this case might hold similarities with the known modus operandi of our employees, we all have ironclad alibis.
The police dog was called out to a parking lot in the western Canadian city on Monday morning where a beer delivery truck, recently stolen outside a liquor store, had been abandoned after a collision.
Edmonton police spokeswoman Karen Carlson said the dog and its handler followed a trail of discarded beer, a cooler, a hand cart and pieces of clothing to a nearby apartment building.
Now, on to the snide remarks…
For the second day in a row, wojr.com needs to sarcastically applaud the superlative efforts of law enforcement. Through the hard work and expertise of their K-9 unit, the Edmonton Police Department managed to track their suspect’s trail of:
Discarded beer. Discarded pieces of clothing. A Cooler A Hand CartGood thing that dog was there. I mean, how could the limited senses of a human being been expected to follow such a veiled trail as this?
Not since the early days of Scooby Doo and his Corporation of Mystery has a canine been so integral to the solving of such a mysterious crime, but that isn’t why I found this case so interesting.
This dastardly Case of the Pilfered Pilsner just further strengthens one of wojr.com’s theories of criminal behavior:
If there is a man hiding on top of your porch, he’s guilty of something.
wojr
Labels: News, Snide Remarks
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Best Use of the Word “RECKON” Ever - EVER
Found on theindychannel.com (via fleshbot.com NSFW):
By the way, is Kokomo pronounced cow-ko-mo or cock-oh-mo? I RECKON it’s the latter.
Anwho, we can now add another occupation to the list of jobs homosexuals we RECKON they can not do. They can’t kill Iraqis, they can’t teach children without offering them a handjob, and now they can’t sit in the center of a mall & sell overpriced Polaroids.
“But wojr, you aren’t a parent. You don’t know what…”
Yes, for all I RECKON, I’m not a parent. Thanks to condoms, the pull & pray method and long spans of self-imposed celibacy, I have no offspring. (If I’m wrong on that reckoning, please let me know. I don’t want anyone reckoning that I’m a deadbeat dad.)
I don’t have to worry about the well-being of any children, but if I did I would still RECKON one thing. Being a homosexual does not make one a pedophile, just like being a parent does not make one a homophobe. Nor does it give you the right to be one.
Why shouldn’t John Hopkins be allowed to portray Santa Claus? He certainly looks the part and as long as we don’t have grown men sitting on his lap, I RECKON there wouldn’t be any incidents.
Oh and Mr. Hopkins, sir, I RECKON I have some advice for you as well. I’m not really up on my homosexual fetishes and such, but I RECKON there has to be some guys out there looking to get it on with Santa. You know, some nice gents that want you to jump down their chimney, fill their stockings with coal or munch on their milk and cookies. (Munch on their cookies? I can do better than that. How about “tell them they’ve been naughty or nice”? Does that work?) I would check the Internet there, St. Nick, and see what you can dig up.
I RECKON that there has got to be better cruising options out there for Santa Claus than public restrooms.
Just like I RECKON there has got to better uses for the Kokomo police department than busting a horny Santa Claus.
Ooo I wanna take you down to kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
Thats where we wanna go
Way down to kokomo
wojr
Found on theindychannel.com (via fleshbot.com NSFW):
Man RECKONS Santa-Playing Days Over After Indecency ArrestFirst off, a big congratulations to the Kokomo police for now making public bathrooms safe from cruising homosexuals. I don’t RECKON that I’ll ever have to worry about a gay man coming on to me in public bathroom ever again.LOGANSPORT, Ind. -- A man who has portrayed Santa Claus was one of several men arrested in a two-day crackdown on sexual activity at a Logansport park this week, police said.
John Hopkins, 60, was arrested Wednesday at Spencer Park after he grabbed an undercover officer, according to Kokomo police, who helped Logansport police with the sting.
The white-bearded Hopkins told police that he has played Santa in the past. When an investigator found in Hopkins' truck a flier about an upcoming holiday event, Hopkins said he guessed he couldn't play Santa anymore because of the arrest, police said.
By the way, is Kokomo pronounced cow-ko-mo or cock-oh-mo? I RECKON it’s the latter.
Anwho, we can now add another occupation to the list of jobs homosexuals we RECKON they can not do. They can’t kill Iraqis, they can’t teach children without offering them a handjob, and now they can’t sit in the center of a mall & sell overpriced Polaroids.
“But wojr, you aren’t a parent. You don’t know what…”
Yes, for all I RECKON, I’m not a parent. Thanks to condoms, the pull & pray method and long spans of self-imposed celibacy, I have no offspring. (If I’m wrong on that reckoning, please let me know. I don’t want anyone reckoning that I’m a deadbeat dad.)
I don’t have to worry about the well-being of any children, but if I did I would still RECKON one thing. Being a homosexual does not make one a pedophile, just like being a parent does not make one a homophobe. Nor does it give you the right to be one.
Why shouldn’t John Hopkins be allowed to portray Santa Claus? He certainly looks the part and as long as we don’t have grown men sitting on his lap, I RECKON there wouldn’t be any incidents.
Oh and Mr. Hopkins, sir, I RECKON I have some advice for you as well. I’m not really up on my homosexual fetishes and such, but I RECKON there has to be some guys out there looking to get it on with Santa. You know, some nice gents that want you to jump down their chimney, fill their stockings with coal or munch on their milk and cookies. (Munch on their cookies? I can do better than that. How about “tell them they’ve been naughty or nice”? Does that work?) I would check the Internet there, St. Nick, and see what you can dig up.
I RECKON that there has got to be better cruising options out there for Santa Claus than public restrooms.
Just like I RECKON there has got to better uses for the Kokomo police department than busting a horny Santa Claus.
Ooo I wanna take you down to kokomo
We'll get there fast
And then we'll take it slow
Thats where we wanna go
Way down to kokomo
wojr
Labels: News, Sex, Snide Remarks
