HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRONC!

Today is the birthday of the Mighty Broncatello! One year older than Jesus!

Now for those not in the know (and please feel free to join us in "The Know"), Bronc and I compete in giving each other crappy birthday gifts. Be it Bronc's birthday, Wojr's birthday or Jesus's birthday - all those precious dates need be celebrated with utter craptastic birthday gifts.

I'm headed to NJ this thursday so I need some bad gift suggestions.

I recall a James Van Der Beek's biography being one gift, Rosie O'Donnell's autobiography being another. However, the current front runner is this book Bronc bought me.


Yeah, that one is hard to top. Honestly, the book sickened me so much that I never actually looked through it. If I did, I would have found this pic.


I know, I should blur out his tally-wacker. It is rather threatening. I'll get to that shortly, but in the meantime, anyone else reminded of this pic?


Yeah, I thought so.

So -- Happy birthday, you gay cowboy you!

And, everyone else, feel free to email me you crappy gift suggestions. Remember when it comes to crap, Price is not a limitation.

wojr

Labels: Advice, Bronc, Crackers, Whores

  ¶ 12:02 AM 2 comments links to this post   

  The Nazi Pope vs. Inmate #9818783 (or Vote for Today's Favorite Headline)

Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.

Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:

Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources Say

Of course, the actual story is about a Katherine Pope and not my boy, Papal Benny. So, all the gullible Catholics (and atheist fans of the Peacock) can relax. The rebound pope is staying in his Italian crib. However, given that Ms. Pope is only a few months older than myself, any chuckles found from the headline were overcome by my cries of rage and jealousy.

Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:

Nude Britney More Infectious Than Nude Paris

Given Britney’s propensity to walk barefoot in public bathrooms as well as her marriage to Senor Federline, this should surprise no one.

However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are more likely to give you a virus than a nude Paris Hilton, a new study finds.

The State of Search Engine Safety report, released Monday by McAfee's SiteAdvisor group, evaluates the risks associated with approximately 2,300 of the most popular search terms based on the sites they return.

According to the study, conducting an online search for Suri's parents returns a slightly higher percentage of sites bundled with spyware and other malicious code than a search for the hotel heiress in her birthday suit.

Determined to be far more hazardous than searching for Cruise, Holmes or Hilton was scanning the World Wide Web for "Britney Spears nude," a search term that ranked above "free porn" in terms of the risky results it returned.

Less predictably, searching for a (presumably clothed) Lil' Wayne proved sketchier than hunting down either a nude Pamela Anderson or a nude Carmen Electra, while a search for Nicole Richie was determined to be more dangerous than the term "eating spiders while asleep"

Mark Maxwell, a senior product manager for SiteAdvisor, said the number of risky sites turned up by a search for a given star is not always a factor of their public profile.

"It's not necessarily an attribute of the celebrities themselves," Maxwell told E! Online.

He pointed out that typing "Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston" into a search engine returned a significantly higher percentage of undesirable results than a search for the actor and his current flame, Angelina Jolie.

"Are Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston truly riskier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as people? No," Maxwell said.

"Britney Spears nude" ranked higher than "free porn"? Interesting.

Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.

The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.

I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.



Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.

wojr

Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:

Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, DeadPool, Hollywood, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores, Youtube

  ¶ 7:15 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  "I'm a realist, I like to see real shit going down"

Just putting this deleted scene from Knocked Up here because Broncatello is too lazy to search youtube for it.



Bronc would so let Jake Gyllenhaal go down on him.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Hollywood, Sex, Youtube

  ¶ 12:50 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  What Could Only Be Called Bronc on Bronc

From the wojr.com vaults:

[click on pic to enlarge]

God, I love throwing him under the bus.

HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY (even the gay cowboys)!

wojr

Labels: 5PMSendoff, Bronc, College, Nostalgia

  ¶ 5:09 PM 1 comments links to this post   

  wojr Is Only Afraid of Renaissance Fairs and Hillbilly Rapists

Happy Friday the 13th, Everyone!

Like most people that work the traditional five day work week, I am quite fond of Fridays. I equate that day with happy hours, the freedom of the pending weekend and drinking at lunch (Shout out to Kuffel!). But I especially love Fridays that just happen to fall on the thirteenth day of the month. Let me tell you why--

For those not “in the know” – found on wikipedia.org:

A Friday occurring on the 13th day of any month is considered to be a day of bad luck in English and Portuguese-speaking cultures around the globe. Similar superstitions exist in some other traditions. In Greece and Spain, for example, Tuesday the 13th takes the same role. The fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia, a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a phobia (fear) of the number thirteen.

First off, I adore the sheer ludicrousness of the event. Like most superstitions, no one really is sure how it started. For our younger readers, the fear of the day predates the movie and televisions series. Some conjecture that it has something to do with the arrest of hundreds of Knights Templar on October 13, 1307. If that was so, why not just remember October 13th as the unlucky day, similar to March 15th. Why make it a floating holiday like Christ’s Death? Also, how is it that the English and Portuguese share the consideration? We also have Fat Tuesday in common. Do we need the bad luck day to offset the wonder that is Carnivale/Mardi Gras?

Secondly, I love the word triskaidekaphobia. True, it’s no schadenfreude, but it just rolls off the tongue. Plus, it’s a phobia and phobias are just good solid fun. Don’t like someone but not enough to wish them death, disease or dismemberment? Wish them a phobia. Other people’s irrational fears are fun.

Now, don’t curse them with something serious like Agoraphobia or Sitiophobia (the fear of food or eating). wojr.com recommends hexing the following phobias on one’s enemies:

Coulrophobia – the fear of clowns

Parthenophobia – the fear of virgins or young girls

Phronemophobia – the fear of thinking (very common among Americans)

Medomalacuphobia – the fear of losing one’s erection (sometimes caused by thinking)

Isopterophobia – the fear of insects that eat wood (not to be confused with Medomalacuphobia. Huh-huh, he said ‘wood’.)

Bromidrosiphobia – the fear of giving forth a bad odor from one’s body

Nucleomituphobia – the fear of nuclear weapons (I used to have this one.)

Coitophobia – the fear of sexual intercourse

Pentheraphobia – the fear of mother-in-laws

Genuphobia – the fear of knees (Really? Knees?)

Spermophobia – the fear of semen (Bronc suffers from this one. He thinks his sperm are plotting against him with their superpowers.)

Cherophobia – the fear of Cher – kidding, actually it’s close. It is the fear of gaiety (Bronc suffers from that one, too. Unless the gaiety comes with superpowers. He’d definitely go gay for some superpowers.)

I was surprised that I couldn’t find a listing for a fear of feet. I’ve been accused of having such a fear, but I think it’s more of an aversion or whatever the antonym for fetish would be. I’m also averse to testicles, but I’m not scared of them. Just of waking up with some strange ones resting on my chin or forehead. (See Roman War Helmet.)

Anyhow, that’s a post for another day.

But today, enjoy your Friday the 13th. If you are looking for some method to display your love of the day in some nonverbal or novel way, I recommend the following shirt:

You can purchase said shirt here.

Good day and good luck. Or bad luck if that’s your thing.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 11:35 AM 1 comments links to this post   

  Bronc Will Not Scare Me Into Editing This Post

Found on angolapress.com (via attu):

Nairobi, 10/10 - A Kenyan court Monday sentenced a couple to 18 months in prison each for having sexual relations inside a Mosque at Gilgil, about 100-km northwest of Nairobi.

Naivasha Senior Magistrate John Kingori called the act by Peter Kimani and Jennifer Wairimu, "abominable" to religion and dismissed their plea for leniency.

The couple, caught in the act 3 October, claimed they were under the influence of alcohol.

Kimani said he thought he was inside a hotel room while Wanjiru claimed she was too drunk to remember what happened.

There but for the grace of Allah go I. Given my history of alcohol consumption and drunken sluttiness, that could easily have been me.

Except for the whole Nairobi part.

Eighteen months does sound very severe but the Indecent Exposure and Public Lewdness Statutes for some states are much worse. And by states I mean the ones in the United States.

Of America.

The maximum sentence for such an offense in Maryland, South Carolina and Louisiana is THREE YEARS. Hell, I’ve been drunk and exposed in Louisiana.

I wanted some beads.

Now, those three year sentences coupled with monetary fines represent the maximum, but I can not imagine those same states would look too fondly on the concepts of a religious structure and the act of fornication. I bet the mere notion of a blowjob in a sacristy would result in a lynching or, better yet, a shotgun wedding in those states.

So, I think Jennifer and Peter got off pretty light. But I wonder...

I wonder if they’ll be able to share a cell.

I wonder if that was their first date.

I wonder if Jennifer and Peter are common African names.

I wonder if Peter at least got to "finish".

I wonder who I was referring to when I used “a blowjob in a sacristy” as a hypothetical.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, News, Religion, Sex

  ¶ 4:24 PM 5 comments links to this post   

  I Hope My Corpse Endorses TrimSpa, Y’All

Last night, I received a phone call from Senor Broncatello. I’m unaware how much, if any, Jack Daniels precipitated this call but here’s how it went:

Bronc: “You know, this Audrey Hepburn ad, it’s kinda turning me on.”

That was his opening. There was no “Hello” or “Kon-nichiwa, bitch.” Just a declaration of his arousal over a Gap ad starring a dead woman.

For those that haven’t seen a television in the last month. Here is the advertisement he’s talking about:



Now, I’ve long had an asexual fascination with Audrey Hepburn. I’ve seen her movies more times than what is allowed for heterosexual males. I’m aware of it and so is Bronc. So, he decided to have some fun with that admiration. Especially, when I claimed to have real problems with the commercial.

Bronc: “She’s dancing to Back in Black for christ’s sake. Plus talking about expressing herself and needing a release. It’s just hot.”

Now, I paraphrase myself here when I say “if a stripper does not appear hot dancing to Back to Black (AC/DC, not Wing), then she’s just not hot.” So, Audrey Hepburn dancing to the ultimate stripper song - come on, that’s just wrong.

Plus, they have her basically endorsing their product. Hepburn’s been dead since 1993 and I don’t remember her endorsing the Gap when she was alive. Hell, the lady was an ambassador for UNICEF, an organization against sweatshops and child labor. Remember when there was a public outcry when Coke had digitally inserted Humphrey Bogart into one of their commercials. Damn it, Bogart wasn’t even an opponent of Coke’s business practices.

I should write a will and list exactly what types of products and/or services my image can be licensed to you. I have a feeling that I’m going to be a big deal come post mortem time.

(Side note: does any one else have a problem with Coke putting Santa Claus on their packaging during Christmas time? It’s almost like Santa is endorsing their product, even though everyone knows the old man prefers Milk and cookies. I bet Coke doesn’t have to pay St. Nick for his endorsement, huh?)

This was a typical phone conversation between the two of us.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Snide Remarks, Youtube

  ¶ 1:25 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  “We're not sure which sister-pimping show he was talking about?”

That’s a direct quote from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - the new show from Aaron Sorkin and Tommy Schlamme starring Matthew Perry, Bradley Whitford and Amanda Peet. The pilot for which airs tonight at 10 PM on NBC.

I’ve already watched it and got a real kick out of it. I’m not going to praise it as the second coming like most folks out there. The episode is mostly setup and some characters are glossed over. Some aren’t even introduced yet, but Sorkin has a lot of hieracrchy to establish without the benefit of years of Social Studies classes as he did with the West Wing. However, the acting especially from Peet and Perry is just top notch.

If you need additional endorsement..

Further proving he is yin to my yang, Bronc refuses to watch the show at all (despite his fondness for Sorkin and Schlamme’s Sport Night). Not only is it on opposite Monday Night Football on the East Coast, but it’s created by pinko liberals. Bronc also refuses to watch Weeds since it promotes the marijuana.

The word “bronc” actually means “to fuck things up.” So, don’t be a Bronc and watch the damn show. Unless you’re a Pittsburgh Steelers fan.

Other reviews can be found here and here.

wojr

Labels: Advice, Bronc, Hollywood

  ¶ 5:08 PM 1 comments links to this post   

  Was One of the Seven Dwarves Named Clumsy? Or Better Yet Dirty?

Found on ajc.com (via attu):

Dwarf sues state over fall from sink

Byron "B.J." Rhodan never feared for his safety in Georgia's bare-knuckled prison system, even though he's a dwarf.

But an insistent guard and a slippery sink led to his downfall, Rhodan alleges in an ongoing federal lawsuit against the state Department of Corrections.

Rhodan, who stands 4 feet 1 inches tall, has spent about 20 months in prison for dealing marijuana and possessing methamphetamine, according to state records.

In the lawsuit, Rhodan claims that in April 2004 a guard at the state prison in Jackson told him to shave. Rhodan told the guard he could not reach the mirror above the sink in his cell. The guard, according to Rhodan, told him to stand on the sink. Rhodan fell off the sink onto the cement floor in his cell, according to the suit.

Rhodan claims he severely injured his back in the fall. His back already undergone multiple surgeries as a result of the genetic disorder causing his dwarfism.

The Alpharetta man spoke about his claims against the prison system at the downtown Atlanta offices of his lawyer, Eldridge Suggs IV.

And..

Rhodan, now 23, is trying to get his life back together. An aspiring rapper and songwriter known as "Lil Dirty," Rhodan is enrolled in a media and audio production program at an Atlanta university.

Rhodan doesn't shave these days. He now sports a full beard and mustache. He still bears the artwork of prison life — tattoos cover his arms, including drawings of a joker and SpongeBob SquarePants.

Rhodan's stature otherwise never posed a problem in prison, he said. He mostly wrote lyrics and minded his own business.

But he has no plans of going back.

"The way I feel about prison is that you only live one time, and I just can't see spending all my time in prison," Rhodan said. "There's just more to life than being caged in and disrespected."

I forwarded this story to Broncatello immediately. His fondness for the wee folk has been well documented. Also, he too feels there’s just more to life than being caged in and disrespected.

Initially, I had just found it funny how 1. the story is about a dwarf in prison 2. there obviously aren’t enough dwarves to warrant their own tiny prison (aka the wee house) 3. the dwarf’s nickname is synonymous with a hummer and 4. the writer of the story had described the prison system as being bare-knuckled, as opposed to a covered-knuckled prison system.

After reading the article, Bronc replied with his own set of highlights:

1. I’ve got to see what the lawyer "Eldridge Suggs IV" Looks like.
2. "An aspiring rapper and songwriter known as 'Lil Dirty'."
3. "He still bears the artwork of prison life — tattoos cover his arms, including drawings of a joker and SpongeBob SquarePants."

Now the notion of a rapper named ‘Lil Dirty’, by reminding me of the stupendous loss of ODB, Old Dirty Bastard, saddened me greatly. (Bit of trivia – today marks the TENTH anniversary of Tupac’s death. Brotha has made a lot of records in ten years.) But I was determined to find a picture of Eldridge Suggs the Fourth for my friend, Broncatello.

Thanks to google, I found Suggs' website.

It has all his information except the link to his picture is broken. Interesting enough, Eldridge Suggs Numero Quattro, graduated from UC Irvine in 1994 and finished law school a year later at Arizona State. One year of law school – even Neerajimus failed to pull that feat off.

Speaking of feats that could not be pulled off, I could not find a photo of Suggs. I even looked on Myspace.com.

So, I guess Bronc will have to settle for a pic of a Spongebob tattoo.


Given that it’s on a little boy, he should be fine with it.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, News, The Wee Folk

  ¶ 5:21 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Now, I’ll Never Get to Go to a Wal-Mart

Found on aol.com:

Andrew Young Resigns From Wal-Mart Post

Civil rights leader Andrew Young, who was hired to help Wal-Mart Stores Inc. improve its public image, said early Friday he was stepping down from his position as head of an outside support group amid criticism for remarks seen as racially offensive.

Considering that Young was a well know civil rights leader and an associate of Martin Luther King, I was curious to see what racially offensive remarks he had said. (We, white folk, like to keep a tally of what remarks are considered offensive for future reference.)

Well, when asked about Wal-Mart’s impact on closing smaller mom-and-pop stores, Mr. Young told the Los Angeles Sentinel that:

"Well, I think [Wal-Mart] should; they ran the ‘mom and pop’ stores out of my neighborhood. You see, those are the people who have been overcharging us, selling us stale bread and bad meat and wilted vegetables. And they sold out and moved to Florida. I think they've ripped off our communities enough. First it was Jews, then it was Koreans and now it's Arabs; very few black people own these stores."

I can see how that statement can be inflammatory, but was he wrong? Did not do his job and defend Wal-Mart’s position?

I mean, it’s not like he was Jimmy the Greek spouting off about extra African muscles. He wasn’t blaming his drunk driving on these store owners. He was being honest. He was holding up a mirror to what is actually occurring. It just wasn’t popular or politically correct.

And for that, he resigned.

Was he forced to resign? Maybe. Maybe not. However, the majority of people will believe he was pushed out the door.

I’ve never set foot in a Wal-Mart. The best way, however, to get my sorry ass in such a Mecca to consumerism would be Young’s route. Be honest with me, be up front with me and bad mouth the Arabs.

Politically correct methodology, while more pleasing to the public persona of the populace, just won’t win me over. (How’s that for alliteration?)

It’s like telling me that it is wrong to assume someone that looks this creepy would be up to no good.
And to quote Broncatello – “what sort of f'ed up thing do you have to do to get arrested and held on sex charges in BANGKOK THAILAND?”

Personally, I don’t know -- but I bet it has something to do with “bad meat and wilted vegetables”.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, News

  ¶ 2:31 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  If I Was Watching American Idol, It Might Have Been Paula Abdul

My predilection to bizarre dreams is well known amongst my friends. One involving 12-year-old blonde mulattos and velvet paintings happens to be a repeated source of mocking and ridicule. It definitely does not help my tendency towards the peculiar when I fall asleep with the television turned on; allowing whatever late night/early morning television programming to seep into my subconscious.

Last night's dream revolved around a high school reunion. Judging by the attendees and the Jersey Shore locale, I will assume it was for my high school. However, during the course of the night, I was picked up by one of the other participants, a famous one that really had no reason to be at the reunion, Whitney Houston.

Except for her possible presence in the background television programming, I have no idea why Whitney would be in my dream. I have no particular attraction to her. Despite such statements as "Crack is cheap. I make too much for me to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight, OK? I don't do crack. I don't do that. Crack is whack." the lady really isn't my type (Now, Halle Berry, that's a frequent dream liaison). Even though in my dream, Whitney did have it going on. She was more in her "I Want To Dance With Somebody" phase than the present "I smoke rock, Joe Rogan" state of being.

So, the basic plot of my dream involved Whitney and I avoiding my classmates as well as Bobbi Brown as we search for a quiet place to get our groove on. I guess a hotel room was out of the question for my subconscious. But before I got to be Whitney's bodyguard, the 5 AM Broncatello Wake Up Call ended my blissful slumber.

When I looked at the television to see what show had spurred all these illusory visions, can you imagine which one was on? Not Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. Not The E! True Hollywood Story. Not even Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories.

It was COPS

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Hollywood, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 5:23 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  So, Do You Get Hard at the Museum of Natural History?

While in South Carolina, we all went to the great bar, Flying Saucer, where the waitresses are all dressed up in Catholic School uniforms. Forget the tanks tops and orange shorts of Hooters, this was plaid skirts and knee-high stockings. I must have uttered the phrase, "THIS IS GENIUS!", a few dozen times in the first five minutes. As I told my Aunt, a dozen years of Catholic education provided me with one thing, a fetish.

But at least I am not as deranged as this guy:

"BigClawz is a website which contains stuff related mainly to macrophilia, herpetophilia, and claw feet. That's right, claw feet :) Confused? Ok ok, lemmie explain, "macrophilia" is a love of giant beings, and, "herpetophilia" means love of lizards, reptiles and dragon like things. Combine the too and what do you get? Well a good example would be Godzilla, and I trust you all know who he is :) Yes, to us, Godzilla is ... well, sexy, and that's the truth, pretty unusual huh? Ohh and let's not forget the clawfeet! Yup, you guessed it, we also have "claw foot fetishes". So, basically, Godzilla looming over a building and stomping it with his huge foot is porn."

Puts Bronc's fascination with midgets in its proper perspective, doesn't it?

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Sex, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 3:03 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  "People are people, so why should it be..."


Woe the man whose personality can be summarized by a t-shirt slogan, but-

Remember those shirts that read "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK." For the longest time, Bronc wanted one that just said "PEOPLE SUCK." In his view, the world would be a great place, if it weren't for all the people populating it.

But then I remind him that we need people. Without them, his strip clubs would just be empty, tacky bars. Without people, his precious football games would be less interesting than watching grass grow*. Without some certain Tennessee peeps, there would be no one to make the Jack Daniels that sustains him.

However, we have now fixed all this. The man has a new shirt and, I think, a new outlook on life.

Bronc and MB landed late Friday night and went straight to their hotel. So, I didn't meet up with them until Saturday for lunch. While sitting at a sidewalk café, we see a vendor selling t-shirts. The shirts read "I ♥ Black People." They are genius. With surprising agility for a man his size, Bronc leapt the railing of the eatery and ran up to the man. Haggling with the fellow (because Bronc loves black people but not enough to pay full value), he managed to reach an amicable price and bought shirts for all three of us. Carmel was working and got nothing (She probably would not have appreciated the shirt anyhow).

So now, instead of "PEOPLE SUCK" - the large Italian fellow now ♥s Black People. He is changing right before my very eyes. If only we could broaden that love to the other colors of the spectrum.

And that was the first hour of his trip to LA. (I will get a scan of the shirt up sooner or later.)

wojr

*Football is played on astro-turf. Get it. The "grass" doesn't actually grow.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 4:25 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  MONDAY MORNING MELEE

Yes, Mondays are crazy, especially when the Lords of the Daylight Saving steal a hour from your life.

Yes, I am still alive - no need to call 911.

Yes, Bronc is still in town and has yet to be incarcerated.

Yes, I have a funny story or two from this weekend to tell, but they will have to wait a few hours to convey.

No, Bronc does not have access to the Internet, so we can all see that he is a SEA MONKEY. The Tale of the Tiger Sharks continue.

wojr

Labels: Bronc

  ¶ 9:41 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Friday Morning Potpourri


In response to the bathroom etiquette dilemma, the only and most entertaining response came from Ryan "the Redneck" Cordwell:

Leave the shit wide ass open, no need to close.
Theres no doors on urinals, just 2 walls on the side,
same for the stall if ya pissing. As for the [euphemism for men who crave the penis],
there ain't too many in SC, so I really can't
say....Just keep 'em all in Cali though....

I think he might have been sipping the hooch when he wrote that.

On a serious note though, I posted another story on the website - The Ineffectual Man. This bad boy doesn't really fall into one of my preset categories. Basically, it is a short scene/film script, but one that I crafted so it could easily be turned into a short stage or comic piece. It's about a character that I will use again in the future - just need to find the time. Any and all comments are always welcomed.

Lastly, the hurricane known as Bronc will hit the left coast this weekend. So, after the finale of the LFP Interview today, my posts might be sporadic if not drunken in nature. (Rosie would probably think they would be funnier from my intoxicated state, but he likes the cruder humor. (How could it get cruder? Oh, it can.))

Of course, Bronc might just kill me as soon as he lands for all the Tigershark action figure posts. So, if there is no word from me by Monday, please call 911.

Thanks-

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, My Writing, Snide Remarks, Viewer Mail

  ¶ 9:01 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  "Wojr.com's Second Piece of Hate Mail"

From a Michael Broncatello in response to 'The Merman Action Figure':

What the Hell!
That eunuch of a toy is not even remotely close to me! I look nothing like that Metrosexual anatomically incorrect piece of shit.
I wish to sue for copy right infringement as well as defamation of character.
There is only one Bronc and that definitely is not him!

Two angry letters down. How many more can we get???

Yeah, he did spell eunuch correctly.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Viewer Mail

  ¶ 1:56 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Now With Transforming Action

Thanks to mitchellkramer2004@yahoo.com - we now have a better image of Bronc's action figure:



He transforms into a "merman" of some sort. Maybe, Tiger Shark Bronc would lead horny sailors to their rocky deaths with his siren song. The similarity between man and toy just grow more and more apparent every day.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 9:48 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Bronc, the Action Figure

I've been getting some questions about who exactly this "Bronc" person is that I keep referring to. Don't worry I'll craft a biography for the boy shortly.

But for now - you just have to go see his action figure. Bronc is the third one down and seems to be into bondage.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Snide Remarks

  ¶ 1:40 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  "But I Want To Be Respected As An Artist"

It's late. I'm tired. And I still have porn to watch. Dwarf porn, no less.

Speaking of the little people - Here's a preview of Bored Crackers. Don't fret - a Wojr preview is coming.

And on an utterly unrelated note - I whipped this up while figuring out some of the finer points of Photoshop. I think it might make a killer website. (I miss my hydrant, Bronc. Where is my hydrant?)

(On a rare serious note - with Carmel away, I updated the main entrance page. It should now fit on everyone's screen without unnecessary scrolling. Plus the journal is nowaccessible from the 'map'. Be sure to check it out.)

As always, there will be more to come. (And no you can not borrow my Dwarf Porn.)

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, My Comics, Nostalgia, The Wee Folk, Whores

  ¶ 12:34 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  "Wojr.com's First Piece of Hate Mail"

I will admit I've wanted a piece of Hate Mail for a long time now. I may be reaching but I think this one qualifies. It's full of bile and rage.

From a Michael Broncatello in response to my 'Swinger Adventure':

"How the hell is it that I'm finding out about this story with the rest of the filth and vermin? These are the kind of events which require an immediate update! Possible spouse swapping and midgets are a must know event."

One angry letter down. How many more can we get???

Also, I know I was a bit inebriated, but I don't recall any midgets involved. Or dwarves either.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Sex, The Wee Folk, Viewer Mail

  ¶ 3:23 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  "You should stop the story right there.."

Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..

"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..."

"The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!"

"And then we started doing shots.."

"So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.."

"I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..."

"Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.."

"And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.."

"When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.."

"And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.."

"I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.."

"Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'"

"Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.."

"And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.."

"When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.."

"And then we started doing coke.."

"So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'"

"The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!"

"And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.."

"I held the fart in as long as I could, but.."

"And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'"

"When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.."

"And then we started smoking some rock.."

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.."

"I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."

It's best if we just end it there.

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, My Writing, woj

  ¶ 12:38 AM 0 comments links to this post