wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
But Wendy and Marvin Totally Got It On (or The Second Post This Week Featuring Bestiality)
Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:
I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.
If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:
It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.
True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.
Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.
And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.
wojr
Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:
I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.
If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:
The [Wonder Twins] made their debut in The All-New Super Friends Hour. Zan and Jayna are siblings from the planet Exxor (also spelled Exor) who were being informally trained by the superheroes.So, here we have twins, a brother and a sister, from another planet. Now assuming their alien physiology mirrors ours in terms of genitalia, thus making their incestuous intercourse possible, their powers wouldn't allow it. Every time they touch, they would transform into some other form of matter that would make sex extremely complicated at best.Unlike their predecessors, Wendy Harris and Marvin White, this pair was able to participate in combat with abilities of their own. Their powers were activated when the twins made physical contact together with the spoken command, "Wonder Twin powers, activate!” (In the comics, it was revealed that this phrase was unnecessary, just a habit of theirs.) They bear a strong resemblance to Donny and Marie Osmond, who had a hit tv show at the time of their first appearances. Their appearance is somewhat reminiscent of Vulcans from Star Trek, with pointed ears and similar haircuts. As they were about to transform, they would each announce their intended form. For example, Zan would announce, "Form of a glacier!"
Their powers were:
* Zan can transform into any form of water, including liquid, mist, steam, or, perhaps most usefully, any kind of functioning ice structure. Also, at one time, he changed into a gelatinous form. By combining with already-existing water, Zan could also increase his mass or volume in the water form chosen. In addition, he could transform himself into weather patterns involving water, such as a blizzard, a monsoon, or a typhoon.
* Jayna can transform into any animal, whether real, mythological, indigenous to Earth or to some other planet, like Beast Boy. She did need to know the name of the animal in order to assume its form, as she would turn into whatever animal she named.
It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.
True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.
Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.
And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.
wojr
Friday, February 16, 2007
The 5PM Sendoff Celebrates wojr's Black History
From the wojr archives:
(Click on pic to enlarge)
Can you guess which one is me? I severely doubt it.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
From the wojr archives:
(Click on pic to enlarge)Can you guess which one is me? I severely doubt it.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Comic Books, Crackers, Nostalgia
Mom, I’m Off To Comic Book Store – Keep An Eye on Doggie For Me?
Found on nydailynews.com (via warrenellis.com):
Since I’m not African-American or well hung, I’ll just comment about this story on this blog.
So, Glenn aka “God” worked at a comic book store at the ripe age of 53, lived with his parents at the ripe age of 53 and still managed to get not one, not two, but four women to be his submissive sex slaves? I’m sure there’s many a man reading that story and thinking, “what the hell am I doing wrong?”
To those men, I give this advice, “Move out to Long Island”. If you stop and think about it, this story does make perfect sense. Long Island is the home of Amy Fischer and Joey Buttafucco. Crazy bitches falling for creepy old dudes just happens to be the norm out there. I’m not sure you’ll find one that will allow you to burn her vagina with a lit cigarette, but I’d wager you could get a handjob if you just offer her a pack of cigarettes.
(Oh yeah, I’m getting some hate mail for this one.)
wojr
Found on nydailynews.com (via warrenellis.com):
No escape from S&M Svengali, she saysThere’s a word you don’t hear enough, Svengali. If I was a well-hung African American male, I would so want to become a Svengali. That way, I can claim to be The Mandingo Svengali. It has a nice ring to it and it would definitely look spiffy embroidered on a lobster bib.
A woman who says she was forced into sexual slavery took jurors on a stomach-turning journey through her S&M hell yesterday, testifying against the captor who called himself "God."
Jodi, a petite, 39-year-old from Wisconsin, testified that she was powerless to escape the twisted control of defendant Glenn Marcus, a sadomasochistic Svengali she met in 1998 on the Internet.
Federal Judge Allyne Ross allowed the witness to be identified by just her first name to spare her embarrassment.
Speaking in a husky monotone, Jodi described the whippings, mutilations and torture she said she received at the hands of Marcus, who sold comic books and lived with his parents on Long Island.
Marcus also lorded over three other female slaves he dubbed "Doggie," "Nameless" and "Robot,” Jodi said. But after Jodi agreed to submit to Marcus' fantasies, she became his "ultimate slave," the one he called "It," she said. He initiated Jodi by shaving her head and branding the letter "G" on her buttocks, she said.
He later carved "Slave" on her stomach, Jodi said.
"I was now his property and I belonged to him," Jodi testified in Brooklyn Federal Court, where Marcus, 53, is on trial for sex trafficking, forced labor and disseminating obscene photos of the victim on his Web site. "And whatever I was before I came to him didn't exist anymore."
Jodi had dabbled with sadomasochism in two relationships before meeting Marcus, but she said she was not prepared for his extreme brutality.
In one attack, he burned Jodi with a cigarette all over her body, including her genitals, she said. "I felt like I was literally in hell. I felt like I was on fire and couldn't put it out," she said.
Jodi was afraid to complain to the other female "slaves" out of fear they would tell Marcus and she would be punished further, she said.
Since I’m not African-American or well hung, I’ll just comment about this story on this blog.
So, Glenn aka “God” worked at a comic book store at the ripe age of 53, lived with his parents at the ripe age of 53 and still managed to get not one, not two, but four women to be his submissive sex slaves? I’m sure there’s many a man reading that story and thinking, “what the hell am I doing wrong?”
To those men, I give this advice, “Move out to Long Island”. If you stop and think about it, this story does make perfect sense. Long Island is the home of Amy Fischer and Joey Buttafucco. Crazy bitches falling for creepy old dudes just happens to be the norm out there. I’m not sure you’ll find one that will allow you to burn her vagina with a lit cigarette, but I’d wager you could get a handjob if you just offer her a pack of cigarettes.
(Oh yeah, I’m getting some hate mail for this one.)
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, News, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores
Thursday, February 08, 2007
He's So Bright, So Blinding - Just like Jesus
Found on Comics Should Be Good:
Sadly (and strangely), I do not believe that I own this comic book. But I imagine it went a little something like this:
See - Mr. T is very Christ-like. Now, I hope you too have nightmares about "big black cockamadoodles."
Cockamadoodle. Cockamadoodle. Cockamadoodle-doo.
Happy Black History Month!
wojr
Found on Comics Should Be Good:
Sadly (and strangely), I do not believe that I own this comic book. But I imagine it went a little something like this:
See - Mr. T is very Christ-like. Now, I hope you too have nightmares about "big black cockamadoodles."Cockamadoodle. Cockamadoodle. Cockamadoodle-doo.
Happy Black History Month!
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Mr. T
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Shocker, Spider-Man. Spider-Man, Shocker.
From the wojr.com archives:
One of them owes me a case of Mad Dog.
wojr
From the wojr.com archives:
One of them owes me a case of Mad Dog.wojr
Labels: College, Comic Books, Nostalgia
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Today, Woj Contemplates: Emerson
The first of a series of in-depth analyses.
If as Ralph Waldo Emerson theorizes, "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- then, what would be a hobgoblin of a larger mind?
I'm not sure, but I got a twenty that says it looks like this:
It made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
The first of a series of in-depth analyses.
If as Ralph Waldo Emerson theorizes, "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- then, what would be a hobgoblin of a larger mind?
I'm not sure, but I got a twenty that says it looks like this:
It made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Intoxication
Sunday, March 21, 2004
"Why Adults Don't Take Field Trips.. (or This Sort Of Thing Never Happens to Marc Silvestri*)"
As some of you noticed, yesterday was the first day that I did not post anything. No rant, no weak attempt to make the funny, not even an attack at organized religion.
That's because I was at a COMIC BOOK CONVENTION. (Please hold your laughter.)
Specifically, the first annual Wizard World Los Angeles Comic Book Convention (which took place in Long Beach instead of Los Angeles, but who's complaining?) and like the first version of anything it had its kinks, its birthing pains.
Here's a story about one of them:
One of the aspects of these self-proclaimed "geekfests" that I enjoy is the panel discussion - even if the panel is made up of one person. I particularly enjoy the ones involving the creative process. There is always more for me to learn and I am not above stealing successful techniques from my successful (i.e., "Paid") peers.
One panel that I was quite interested in was "Jeph Loeb: Adapting Comics for Movies and TV." As the convention guide blurb states, "How do you write the Superman comic and the "Smallville" TV show? Jeph Loeb knows, 'cause he does both. Join him as he gives pointers on the transition from page to screen." Well, that seemed perfect for me. Especially when you take into account my appreciation of the man's writing - 'The Long Halloween' and 'Superman for All Seasons' are seminal works in my opinion.
Thus, I show up at the scheduled place & time and-- Well, here is where the convention's birthing pains comes into the story. Normally, these discussions take place in their own separate rooms, away from the hustle & bustle of the convention and its throngs of attendees. Instead the planners of this show decided, in an obvious bid to save a few shekels, to hold these discussions right off the main convention floor, separated from the noise of the masses by some thin sheets handing from aluminum rods.
So, when Jeph Loeb shows up and starts his spiel, not only can the rear half of the group not even hear him, but the man needs to stop every time the PA system decides to make some lame announcement. After a few minutes of this rigmarole, Loeb decides to take us all on a "field trip".
The basic idea being that we will follow him to someplace outside or upstairs that would be quieter and more amenable to discussion. As we leave the cordoned-off discussion area, the first person behind Mr. Loeb is a massive fellow that I will dub "Big Al." Big Al is a large man. Just shy of six feet in height and firmly entrenched in the three hundred pound range, it is much easier to follow a man like him in a crowd of hundreds than a smaller fellow like Jeph Loeb. So, I keep Big Al in sight and stay with the other members of the group.
After five minutes of walking, Big Al leads us all to the end of a corridor, just like the marching band from the end of 'Animal House'. I guess I was not the only one following Big Al. Therefore, thirty of us are left wondering, "Where the hell did Jeph Loeb go?" I can't imagine that there were more than 30 of us in that little cordoned-off area - so, I doubt the talk ever happened. If it did or if anyone knows what happened to Jeph Loeb, please drop me a note because I would love to know what the hell happened. Maybe Rich Johnston can tell me tomorrow morning.
(*For those that don't know, Marc Silvestri is a talented artist & head of Top Cow Studios as well as a freaking giant, even to my 6'3" frame.)
wojr
As some of you noticed, yesterday was the first day that I did not post anything. No rant, no weak attempt to make the funny, not even an attack at organized religion.
That's because I was at a COMIC BOOK CONVENTION. (Please hold your laughter.)
Specifically, the first annual Wizard World Los Angeles Comic Book Convention (which took place in Long Beach instead of Los Angeles, but who's complaining?) and like the first version of anything it had its kinks, its birthing pains.
Here's a story about one of them:
One of the aspects of these self-proclaimed "geekfests" that I enjoy is the panel discussion - even if the panel is made up of one person. I particularly enjoy the ones involving the creative process. There is always more for me to learn and I am not above stealing successful techniques from my successful (i.e., "Paid") peers.
One panel that I was quite interested in was "Jeph Loeb: Adapting Comics for Movies and TV." As the convention guide blurb states, "How do you write the Superman comic and the "Smallville" TV show? Jeph Loeb knows, 'cause he does both. Join him as he gives pointers on the transition from page to screen." Well, that seemed perfect for me. Especially when you take into account my appreciation of the man's writing - 'The Long Halloween' and 'Superman for All Seasons' are seminal works in my opinion.
Thus, I show up at the scheduled place & time and-- Well, here is where the convention's birthing pains comes into the story. Normally, these discussions take place in their own separate rooms, away from the hustle & bustle of the convention and its throngs of attendees. Instead the planners of this show decided, in an obvious bid to save a few shekels, to hold these discussions right off the main convention floor, separated from the noise of the masses by some thin sheets handing from aluminum rods.
So, when Jeph Loeb shows up and starts his spiel, not only can the rear half of the group not even hear him, but the man needs to stop every time the PA system decides to make some lame announcement. After a few minutes of this rigmarole, Loeb decides to take us all on a "field trip".
The basic idea being that we will follow him to someplace outside or upstairs that would be quieter and more amenable to discussion. As we leave the cordoned-off discussion area, the first person behind Mr. Loeb is a massive fellow that I will dub "Big Al." Big Al is a large man. Just shy of six feet in height and firmly entrenched in the three hundred pound range, it is much easier to follow a man like him in a crowd of hundreds than a smaller fellow like Jeph Loeb. So, I keep Big Al in sight and stay with the other members of the group.
After five minutes of walking, Big Al leads us all to the end of a corridor, just like the marching band from the end of 'Animal House'. I guess I was not the only one following Big Al. Therefore, thirty of us are left wondering, "Where the hell did Jeph Loeb go?" I can't imagine that there were more than 30 of us in that little cordoned-off area - so, I doubt the talk ever happened. If it did or if anyone knows what happened to Jeph Loeb, please drop me a note because I would love to know what the hell happened. Maybe Rich Johnston can tell me tomorrow morning.
(*For those that don't know, Marc Silvestri is a talented artist & head of Top Cow Studios as well as a freaking giant, even to my 6'3" frame.)
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Hollywood
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
wojr.com - your insipid source for news
I really don't need a judge to tell me this. But, now that Martha is taken care of, can we go after Joe Francis next?
Two snippets from eonline.com:
PLAYING THE FIELD: Angelina Jolie telling the New York Post that she's currently sleeping with men with whom she's close friends and is not seeking a serious relationship. "As crazy as it sounds, meeting a man in a hotel room for a few hours and then going back and putting my son to bed and not seeing that man again for a few months is about what I can handle now," she said. Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #1: I guess her brother was out of town.
IN SIGHT: J.Lo inking a development deal with Fox giving them first look rights to any TV projects coming out of her shingle, Nuyorican Productions, report the trades. "I started in television and love the medium," Lopez said in a statement. "We intend to be a major creative force in television." Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #2: Started in television? She was a FLY GIRL.
And for those that were wondering, the definition of Nuyorican.
For the geeks like me: Scott Tipton turns his attention to Batman: The Animated Series.
For geeks bigger than me: Well, just look and see.
And as a follow-up to my earlier rant, more body-snatching information.
wojr
I really don't need a judge to tell me this. But, now that Martha is taken care of, can we go after Joe Francis next?
Two snippets from eonline.com:
PLAYING THE FIELD: Angelina Jolie telling the New York Post that she's currently sleeping with men with whom she's close friends and is not seeking a serious relationship. "As crazy as it sounds, meeting a man in a hotel room for a few hours and then going back and putting my son to bed and not seeing that man again for a few months is about what I can handle now," she said. Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #1: I guess her brother was out of town.
IN SIGHT: J.Lo inking a development deal with Fox giving them first look rights to any TV projects coming out of her shingle, Nuyorican Productions, report the trades. "I started in television and love the medium," Lopez said in a statement. "We intend to be a major creative force in television." Snide quasi-metrosexual comment #2: Started in television? She was a FLY GIRL.
And for those that were wondering, the definition of Nuyorican.
For the geeks like me: Scott Tipton turns his attention to Batman: The Animated Series.
For geeks bigger than me: Well, just look and see.
And as a follow-up to my earlier rant, more body-snatching information.
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Hollywood, News, Snide Remarks
