wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I Won't Deny It, Stan Bush is my True Messiah
In honor of the huge opening for the Transformers movie, I give you this:
I love that he rocks so hard that his guitar emits low-res visual effects!
(Question though - was anyone else creeped out by the intro with Optimus Prime and the little kid? Like in the "do you like Gladiator movies?" style of creepiness?)
For more Stan Bush, visit his site. For more Barbara Bush, visit her site.
wojr
In honor of the huge opening for the Transformers movie, I give you this:
I love that he rocks so hard that his guitar emits low-res visual effects!
(Question though - was anyone else creeped out by the intro with Optimus Prime and the little kid? Like in the "do you like Gladiator movies?" style of creepiness?)
For more Stan Bush, visit his site. For more Barbara Bush, visit her site.
wojr
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
But Wendy and Marvin Totally Got It On (or The Second Post This Week Featuring Bestiality)
Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:
I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.
If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:
It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.
True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.
Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.
And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.
wojr
Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:
I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.
If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:
The [Wonder Twins] made their debut in The All-New Super Friends Hour. Zan and Jayna are siblings from the planet Exxor (also spelled Exor) who were being informally trained by the superheroes.So, here we have twins, a brother and a sister, from another planet. Now assuming their alien physiology mirrors ours in terms of genitalia, thus making their incestuous intercourse possible, their powers wouldn't allow it. Every time they touch, they would transform into some other form of matter that would make sex extremely complicated at best.Unlike their predecessors, Wendy Harris and Marvin White, this pair was able to participate in combat with abilities of their own. Their powers were activated when the twins made physical contact together with the spoken command, "Wonder Twin powers, activate!” (In the comics, it was revealed that this phrase was unnecessary, just a habit of theirs.) They bear a strong resemblance to Donny and Marie Osmond, who had a hit tv show at the time of their first appearances. Their appearance is somewhat reminiscent of Vulcans from Star Trek, with pointed ears and similar haircuts. As they were about to transform, they would each announce their intended form. For example, Zan would announce, "Form of a glacier!"
Their powers were:
* Zan can transform into any form of water, including liquid, mist, steam, or, perhaps most usefully, any kind of functioning ice structure. Also, at one time, he changed into a gelatinous form. By combining with already-existing water, Zan could also increase his mass or volume in the water form chosen. In addition, he could transform himself into weather patterns involving water, such as a blizzard, a monsoon, or a typhoon.
* Jayna can transform into any animal, whether real, mythological, indigenous to Earth or to some other planet, like Beast Boy. She did need to know the name of the animal in order to assume its form, as she would turn into whatever animal she named.
It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.
True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.
Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.
And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.
wojr
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
What Annoying Song is Not Stuck in Raj's Head?
Stealing a page from the playbook of Neerajimus, I've had a song stuck in my head all day.
Just think, if it wasn't for Schoolhouse Rock, George Dubya might not have known about vetoes.
wojr
Stealing a page from the playbook of Neerajimus, I've had a song stuck in my head all day.
Just think, if it wasn't for Schoolhouse Rock, George Dubya might not have known about vetoes.
wojr
Monday, June 25, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRONC!
Today is the birthday of the Mighty Broncatello! One year older than Jesus!
Now for those not in the know (and please feel free to join us in "The Know"), Bronc and I compete in giving each other crappy birthday gifts. Be it Bronc's birthday, Wojr's birthday or Jesus's birthday - all those precious dates need be celebrated with utter craptastic birthday gifts.
I'm headed to NJ this thursday so I need some bad gift suggestions.
I recall a James Van Der Beek's biography being one gift, Rosie O'Donnell's autobiography being another. However, the current front runner is this book Bronc bought me.
Yeah, that one is hard to top. Honestly, the book sickened me so much that I never actually looked through it. If I did, I would have found this pic.
I know, I should blur out his tally-wacker. It is rather threatening. I'll get to that shortly, but in the meantime, anyone else reminded of this pic?
Yeah, I thought so.
So -- Happy birthday, you gay cowboy you!
And, everyone else, feel free to email me you crappy gift suggestions. Remember when it comes to crap, Price is not a limitation.
wojr
Today is the birthday of the Mighty Broncatello! One year older than Jesus!
Now for those not in the know (and please feel free to join us in "The Know"), Bronc and I compete in giving each other crappy birthday gifts. Be it Bronc's birthday, Wojr's birthday or Jesus's birthday - all those precious dates need be celebrated with utter craptastic birthday gifts.
I'm headed to NJ this thursday so I need some bad gift suggestions.
I recall a James Van Der Beek's biography being one gift, Rosie O'Donnell's autobiography being another. However, the current front runner is this book Bronc bought me.
Yeah, that one is hard to top. Honestly, the book sickened me so much that I never actually looked through it. If I did, I would have found this pic.
I know, I should blur out his tally-wacker. It is rather threatening. I'll get to that shortly, but in the meantime, anyone else reminded of this pic?
Yeah, I thought so.
So -- Happy birthday, you gay cowboy you!
And, everyone else, feel free to email me you crappy gift suggestions. Remember when it comes to crap, Price is not a limitation.
wojr
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The Nazi Pope vs. Inmate #9818783 (or Vote for Today's Favorite Headline)
Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.
Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:
Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:
However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:
Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.
The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.
I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.
Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.
wojr
Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:
Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164
wojr
Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.
Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:
Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources SayOf course, the actual story is about a Katherine Pope and not my boy, Papal Benny. So, all the gullible Catholics (and atheist fans of the Peacock) can relax. The rebound pope is staying in his Italian crib. However, given that Ms. Pope is only a few months older than myself, any chuckles found from the headline were overcome by my cries of rage and jealousy.
Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:
Nude Britney More Infectious Than Nude ParisGiven Britney’s propensity to walk barefoot in public bathrooms as well as her marriage to Senor Federline, this should surprise no one.
However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are more likely to give you a virus than a nude Paris Hilton, a new study finds."Britney Spears nude" ranked higher than "free porn"? Interesting.
The State of Search Engine Safety report, released Monday by McAfee's SiteAdvisor group, evaluates the risks associated with approximately 2,300 of the most popular search terms based on the sites they return.
According to the study, conducting an online search for Suri's parents returns a slightly higher percentage of sites bundled with spyware and other malicious code than a search for the hotel heiress in her birthday suit.
Determined to be far more hazardous than searching for Cruise, Holmes or Hilton was scanning the World Wide Web for "Britney Spears nude," a search term that ranked above "free porn" in terms of the risky results it returned.
Less predictably, searching for a (presumably clothed) Lil' Wayne proved sketchier than hunting down either a nude Pamela Anderson or a nude Carmen Electra, while a search for Nicole Richie was determined to be more dangerous than the term "eating spiders while asleep"
Mark Maxwell, a senior product manager for SiteAdvisor, said the number of risky sites turned up by a search for a given star is not always a factor of their public profile.
"It's not necessarily an attribute of the celebrities themselves," Maxwell told E! Online.
He pointed out that typing "Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston" into a search engine returned a significantly higher percentage of undesirable results than a search for the actor and his current flame, Angelina Jolie.
"Are Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston truly riskier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as people? No," Maxwell said.
Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.
The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.
I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.
Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.
wojr
Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:
Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Crackers, DeadPool, Hollywood, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores, Youtube
Friday, February 16, 2007
The 5PM Sendoff Celebrates wojr's Black History
From the wojr archives:
(Click on pic to enlarge)
Can you guess which one is me? I severely doubt it.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
From the wojr archives:
(Click on pic to enlarge)Can you guess which one is me? I severely doubt it.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Comic Books, Crackers, Nostalgia
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Utah Confirms It Has No Respect for Black People, Their History or Their Porn
February is Black History Month. It’s bad enough that February is the shortest month on the calendar, but now our Nubian brothers and sisters have to share the month with some cracker polygamist movement against pornography.
Found on byu.edu (SFW) (via fleshbot.com (NSFW)):
Black rage! BLACK RAGE!
Ahem.. Sorry, got lost in the moment.
As for the non-racial comments, I would normally start things off by mocking Ms. Moreno for using such an ostentatious word like “yucky”, but I have witnessed some pornographic images that have left a yucky taste in my mouth. (To quote Clerks II, “you never go ass to mouth”.) So, I’ll let that one pass. Also, in terms of pornographic images being left in your brain forever, while I do have issues with the use of the word “forever”, I will admit that I can vividly recall some of the first erotic cinema I witnessed in my life. Hell, those images are the occasional fist fodder for my masturbatory exploits. So, I’ll let that one pass as well.
However, what I will not let slip by me is the insinuation that most of the males and females of junior-high-school age and above that have been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography did so while doing homework. Ms. Moreno, that is a load of BULLSHIT. While the Internet is prevalent with porn (as it should be), I doubt Little Junior High Johnny stumbled upon Latin Double Dong Fiesta dot com while researching the Spanish Inquisition. He’s at that site because he wants to know why Daddy needs three wives.
And come on, “Communities for Decency”, really? Now, if I had a child in an elementary school and a couple of high school kids came to them, claimed to be from some Nazi-sounding group like “Communities for Decency”, and told them it is ok to speak out when they see something inappropriate like, for an example, an interracial gangbang, I would have a big problem with that*.
Because I’m done with the racial harmony in its pornographic and non-pornographic forms.
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
wojr
*Of course, if I was living in Utah, I would have bigger problems than my kids fending off neo-Nazis.
February is Black History Month. It’s bad enough that February is the shortest month on the calendar, but now our Nubian brothers and sisters have to share the month with some cracker polygamist movement against pornography.
Found on byu.edu (SFW) (via fleshbot.com (NSFW)):
Community Leaders Declare February 'White Ribbon Against Pornography' MonthWhy’s it got to be the WHITE Ribbon Against Porn month? Why you got to flaunt your disrespect for the brother man so blatantly in front of his face. (To quote Chasing Amy, “Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy 'safe' for white folks and polygamists”.) It is just blatant racism and, as a liberal white democrat, I will not stand for it. No, not one bit.
Pornography has been compared to a variety of drugs because of its addictive properties.
The difference between the two, however, is illustrated when a user ends his or her addictive behavior. Once you leave a drug like cocaine, you can get the drug out of your system; pornographic images, however, are left in your brain forever, explained Cindy Moreno, the president of Communities for Decency.
Governor Jon Huntsman and mayors of many Utah cities have declared the month of February to be White Ribbon Against Pornography month in Utah.
“Communities for Decency” is a statewide, non-profit organization that promotes standards of decency in communities and teaches children good values. The organization also strives to empower parents with the tools they need to talk to their children about the destructive effects of pornography.
“People don’t realize what is out there,” Moreno said. “We aim to teach children and parents alike about the dangers of pornography.”
Parents are not aware of how easily accessible pornography is, Moreno said. Children can get it on their cell phones, computers or while they are doing their homework on the Internet.
In a study of 600 American males and females of junior-high-school age and above, 91 percent of the males and 82 percent of the females admitted having been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography, mostly occurring while doing homework, Moreno said.
Communities for Decency has funded school assemblies where high school students go to elementary schools and teach children that it is alright to speak out when they see something inappropriate.
“Many children will see inappropriate images and feel yucky about it, but they won’t tell anyone about it,” Moreno said.
Black rage! BLACK RAGE!
Ahem.. Sorry, got lost in the moment.
As for the non-racial comments, I would normally start things off by mocking Ms. Moreno for using such an ostentatious word like “yucky”, but I have witnessed some pornographic images that have left a yucky taste in my mouth. (To quote Clerks II, “you never go ass to mouth”.) So, I’ll let that one pass. Also, in terms of pornographic images being left in your brain forever, while I do have issues with the use of the word “forever”, I will admit that I can vividly recall some of the first erotic cinema I witnessed in my life. Hell, those images are the occasional fist fodder for my masturbatory exploits. So, I’ll let that one pass as well.
However, what I will not let slip by me is the insinuation that most of the males and females of junior-high-school age and above that have been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography did so while doing homework. Ms. Moreno, that is a load of BULLSHIT. While the Internet is prevalent with porn (as it should be), I doubt Little Junior High Johnny stumbled upon Latin Double Dong Fiesta dot com while researching the Spanish Inquisition. He’s at that site because he wants to know why Daddy needs three wives.
And come on, “Communities for Decency”, really? Now, if I had a child in an elementary school and a couple of high school kids came to them, claimed to be from some Nazi-sounding group like “Communities for Decency”, and told them it is ok to speak out when they see something inappropriate like, for an example, an interracial gangbang, I would have a big problem with that*.
Because I’m done with the racial harmony in its pornographic and non-pornographic forms.
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
wojr
*Of course, if I was living in Utah, I would have bigger problems than my kids fending off neo-Nazis.
Labels: Crackers, News, Porn, Religion, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
I Would Watch a Movie Called 'Bobby Hunter, Code Enforcement Director'
We here at wojr.com will always find time to catch up with college buddies.
Found on yourpennhills.com (by a loyal wojr.com correspondent):
Sorry for the inside joke/revisionist history. Please resume your normal activities.
wojr
We here at wojr.com will always find time to catch up with college buddies.
Found on yourpennhills.com (by a loyal wojr.com correspondent):
Municipal officials want house sold online demolishedIt could have been much worse. They could have bought an Acura Integra from him.
Penn Hills officials hope to see a house sold on eBay demolished.
Mark Bartholomaei, a Sewickley attorney, purchased the house at 5319 Verona Road for $18,000 at a sheriff's sale in March and sold the property on eBay for $22,100 in April.
Since then, the municipality filed three charges against Bartholomaei for not obtaining an occupancy permit, having a structure unfit for occupation and owning a building without providing safeguards from fire.
Municipal officials learned about the house being sold on eBay when the Florida couple who bought the property visited the code enforcement office to express their concerns about the house's condition. Robert Hunter, code enforcement director, would not release the names of the buyers to protect their privacy.
Though Bartholomaei says he has a sales agreement with the couple, county property records still list him as the owner. The Florida couple has the deed and needs to file it with the county to finalize their ownership, he said.
"I sent them a picture of the house before they bought it," Bartholomaei said. "I am trying to work out the issues with them. It boils down to the husband bid on the house without the wife knowing and he hadn't looked at the house before bidding."
Bartholomaei, who chose eBay for its broad reach, admits the house is not in great shape. He was hoping to make a profit on the sheriff's sale after friends did the same with another property. The house went up for sheriff sale because the previous owners, Charles and Joanne Abbott, owed more than $22,000 in delinquent taxes to the municipality, school district and county.
If the property is cleared, the Florida couple could make a profit by selling the land, Bartholomaei said.
The Florida couple were not the only bidders for the property. Ten other people from Pennsylvania and New Jersey were outbid for the property.
Bartholomaei believes the couple and a few others didn't check out the house before bidding. He said two months passed before the winning couple visited the house. The couple could have paid a local contractor $50 to check out the house before placing the bid on eBay, Bartholomaei said.
Fifty bids were offered for the property. The Florida couple outbid the next person by $100, said Bartholomaei, who did not have a reserve price for the auction.
"You pay for what you get," he said. "You have to take into consideration what you're bidding on."
Sorry for the inside joke/revisionist history. Please resume your normal activities.
wojr
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
wojr Has A Saltine Ass (Or This Would Never Happen to Diddy’s Mom)
Found on cnn.com:
But occasionally we do need to point out the obvious:
The place is called CRACKER Barrel.
I’m not white enough for the Cracker Barrel and my ass is the color of Elmer’s glue.
I thought to myself, why would an intelligent black woman with a little coin in her pocket want to eat at the Cracker Barrel? Has the woman even seen her son’s stand-up?
The cynic in me thinks there is more to the story than what's in that article.
To be continued in The Case of Cracker Ass Cracker Barrel Conspiracy.
wojr
Found on cnn.com:
Chris Rock's mom: Cracker Barrel discriminatedwojr.com would never condone acts of discrimination that aren’t based on taste or intelligence. This is why wojr.com discriminates against racists.
CHARLESTON, South Carolina (AP) -- Rose Rock, the mother of comedian Chris Rock, claims she was racially discriminated against when she was seated but ignored for a half hour at a Cracker Barrel restaurant along the South Carolina coast.
Rock said Tuesday she planned to sue the Lebanon, Tennessee-based company. A Cracker Barrel spokeswoman said the restaurant chain was investigating and taking the complaint "very seriously."
Cracker Barrel has in the past faced numerous lawsuits and a federal inquiry over complaints of refusing to serve black customers, discriminating against minority workers and firing gay employees. The company has taken steps to rebuild its folksy image and reach out to minorities.
But occasionally we do need to point out the obvious:
The place is called CRACKER Barrel.
I’m not white enough for the Cracker Barrel and my ass is the color of Elmer’s glue.
I thought to myself, why would an intelligent black woman with a little coin in her pocket want to eat at the Cracker Barrel? Has the woman even seen her son’s stand-up?
Whenever an old black man sees an old white man, the old black man always kisses the old white man's ass.But then I read this portion of the article:
''How you doing, sir? Pleased to meet you. Whatever I can get you, you let me know.''
As soon as the white man gets out of sight, he's like:
''Cracker-ass cracker! I'll put my foot in the crack of your ass, cracker-ass cracker! I wish that cracker would've said some shit to me, saltine-assed, motherfucking cracker! Cracker, kiss my ass, you fucking cracker!''
The white man comes back.
''Howdy, sir?''
The Rev. Al Sharpton will join Rock on Wednesday in South Carolina to announce that Sharpton's Action Network will finance the planned lawsuit.So, I thought to myself, one, if Mrs. Rock is so insulted why can't she get her son, Chris, to pony up some of his Everybody Loves Chris money for the lawsuit and, two, doesn't the “Sharpton’s Action Network” sound like a great idea for a TV show? (Maybe it can be sponsored by Cracker Barrel.)
"I'm getting reports from all over the country about Cracker Barrel," Sharpton said from New York on Tuesday.
The cynic in me thinks there is more to the story than what's in that article.
To be continued in The Case of Cracker Ass Cracker Barrel Conspiracy.
wojr
Friday, October 06, 2006
An Affront to the Sanctimony of Alimony
Found on baynews9.com (via attu):
“I’m a man and I don’t want to be paying alimony to a man.”
Allow the warmth and human compassion of that statement to just wash over you.
Now, Lawrence Roach is listed in phone book. Taking that information and the wonder that is Google Earth, I was shocked to find that Lawrence does not live in a home of the mobile variety. He lives in a house and appears to have one of the greener lawns on his block.
I guess that’s why we’re reading about his plight via a respectable news outlet and not seeing it on an episode of Springer.
"If you can’t be married to a man legally, how can you legally pay alimony to a man?"
Opposed to illegally paying alimony to a man, Lawrence? The state of Florida needs to crack down on those illegal alimony payments. It’s bordering on a crime epidemic.
Lawrence most likely will lose his suit. He needs his ex to either die or remarry to stop the alimony payments.
Personally, if I was in Lawrence’s situation, I’d probably just keep my mouth shut, pay the alimony and hope my ex-wife meets a nice lady to re-marry. No need to let everybody know my ex is now sporting man parts.
I just hope, for Lawrence’s sake, that the ex-wife is into the ladies now. If she/he still likes the dudes, then you might see Lawrence campaigning for gay marriage to get out of his alimony dilemma.
wojr
Found on baynews9.com (via attu):
A Seminole man is fighting to stop alimony payments to his ex-wife because the woman is now a man.Let’s take a moment and bask in that. Just sit back, relax and repeat after me.
Lawrence Roach says his ex-wife has had a sex change and is now living as a man with a new identity. Roach says he should be allowed discontinue $1,200 in monthly alimony payments.
"This isn't right. It's humiliating to me and degrading," Roach said. "You know, I'm a man and I don't want to be paying alimony to a man. If you can't be married to a man legally, how can you legally pay alimony to a man?"
“I’m a man and I don’t want to be paying alimony to a man.”
Allow the warmth and human compassion of that statement to just wash over you.
Now, Lawrence Roach is listed in phone book. Taking that information and the wonder that is Google Earth, I was shocked to find that Lawrence does not live in a home of the mobile variety. He lives in a house and appears to have one of the greener lawns on his block.
I guess that’s why we’re reading about his plight via a respectable news outlet and not seeing it on an episode of Springer.
"If you can’t be married to a man legally, how can you legally pay alimony to a man?"
Opposed to illegally paying alimony to a man, Lawrence? The state of Florida needs to crack down on those illegal alimony payments. It’s bordering on a crime epidemic.
Lawrence most likely will lose his suit. He needs his ex to either die or remarry to stop the alimony payments.
Personally, if I was in Lawrence’s situation, I’d probably just keep my mouth shut, pay the alimony and hope my ex-wife meets a nice lady to re-marry. No need to let everybody know my ex is now sporting man parts.
I just hope, for Lawrence’s sake, that the ex-wife is into the ladies now. If she/he still likes the dudes, then you might see Lawrence campaigning for gay marriage to get out of his alimony dilemma.
wojr
Labels: Crackers, News, Sex, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Donny Osmond is The Next Hoff
While I've never been a big Weird Al fan:
This is just too good.
Little known fact: wojr is terrified of Renaissance fairs.
wojr
While I've never been a big Weird Al fan:
This is just too good.
Little known fact: wojr is terrified of Renaissance fairs.
wojr
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Wojr’s Week in World of the Hip to the Hop
As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).
Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.
Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:
Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):
“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”
Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-
Found on eonline.com:
I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.
Besides it’s only England.
That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.
wojr
As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).
Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.
Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:
- Old as balls, given how I remember both Whitney’s and New Edition’s debut albums.
- Still unclear on this whole sanctity of marriage thing the Right keeps wanting to protect.
Being Mrs. Bobby Brown no longer appeals to Whitney Houston.You got admit Brown’s tenacity but I think there’s another suitor competing for Houston’s attentions.
The "So Emotional" singer has filed for divorce from her husband of 14 years, citing irreconcilable differences, her rep, Nancy Seltzer, confirmed to E! News.
The court documents were filed Friday in Orange County, California. Though the filing was technically for a legal separation, Seltzer said Houston was referring to it as a divorce, as that was her intent.
However, Brown's attorney, Phaedra Parks, emphasized that the split had not yet reached that stage.
"It is a legal separation. It is not a divorce or a divorce petition," Parks told the Associated Press Wednesday.
Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):
The New York Post quoted Boof as saying [Osama] bin Laden told her [Whitney] Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.Who knows? This separation might just be an effort on Whitney's part to save Bobby’s life?
Boof said he even talked about spending a lot of money to go to the U.S. and meet her
She said he wanted to give Houston a mansion and he'd be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives.
As for Houston's husband Bobby Brown, Boof said bin Laden talked about having him killed.
“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”
Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-
Found on eonline.com:
ANOTHER NAME CHANGE: Sean Combs agreeing to stop using the name Diddy in the U.K. as part of a settlement with British music producer Richard "Diddy" Dearlove, who sued the rap mogul for unfair competition. At least he has plenty of other names to fall back on.Now that’s just cold. Some English Dick (his name is Richard) is trying to bring the Age of Diddy to a premature halt. Didn’t he see what happened to Tupac?
I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.
Besides it’s only England.
That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.
wojr
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
This Post Is Just So I Can Say “A Pimp-Related Mishap” and “Nazi Dinosaurs”
Back in college, I would write movie reviews for the college newspaper. I believe that I only did it for a semester or, at the very most, a year. To be honest, it got in the way of my drinking and/or couples’ counseling. Being the low man on the proverbial newspaper totem pole, I never got first crack at the various film choices. I usually received the third or fourth “top” movie opening that week. Hence, I got to write about some real dogs.
And by dogs – I mean some ugly ass bitches.
While writing about what fleas or ticks were on a particular dog of a movie that week fulfilled my need to dispel my bile and discontent, it did get old rather quickly. (I was a younger and less bitter wojr then. Now my need to express my hate and cynicism can never be quelled.) But I love movies and take joy in discussing them. Something I have done here occasionally.
I have been avoiding writing film reviews here. I have no real reason to express why, but I’ve been avoiding them just the same. With the fiancée out East, I’ve been able to see more of the motion pictures. (Whenever I read “motion pictures”, my mind imagines the phrase to be uttered by Woody Allen. Again, no real reason why, but I imagine it nonetheless.) This increase in film viewing has become possible since I’ve re-joined netflix.com (Insert obligatory plug here) and additionally find myself no longer required to clear my cinematic choices through said Filipino contingent.
For example, last Thursday night, I was able to catch the new Mike Judge film, Idiocracy. Most of you may not have heard about this movie since the good people at Twentieth Century Fox have made almost a negative effort in marketing it. They, then, chose to release it on only 130 screens in 7 cities. Doing so without even screening it for critics. (Something the two major releases for the Labor Day weekend, The Wicker Man and Crank, chose to do as well, but that’s a rant for another day.)
Before I walked into the theater, I had not seen a trailer or even a poster for Idiocracy. (In this age of the internet how could they not even slap a trailer on a website for god’s sake??) I did recall reading an interview in a magazine (I think it was Esquire because my ass is civilized.) with Judge, the creator of the Beavis & Butthead and King of the Hill cartoons, about his arduous efforts dealing with Fox just to get the damn thing released. Given my deep heterosexual love for Judge’s previous live-action film, Office Space, I was definitely interested to see the next film in his oeuvre.
Idiocracy is the story of an average Joe (swear to God, his name is Joe) that finds himself the guinea pig in a cryogenics experiment. After a pimp-related mishap, Joe (played by an affable Luke Wilson) wakes up in the year 2505 (the film was due out in 2005) to find himself the smartest person on the planet (I’ll stop using parentheses now).
The movie does take the time to explain how the ignorant have taken control via sheer humping – given how the Jerry Springer set have sex with more frequency and more partners than those with higher IQ and the self-awareness to use birth control. Expounded out five centuries and the idiots are all that’s left. Given that in the future the President is a wrestler, the number one television show is just a guy getting hit in the nuts, and people get their education from Costco, it is not a huge leap of faith to embrace this vision of the future.
Overall the film is far from perfect. It has its share of fleas, but the movie is enjoyable. Idiocracy is a solid “dumb comedy” that you won’t feel stupid for enjoying. Judge’s comments on consumerism, mass media and the group think/mob mentality are totally spot-on. At the very least, Maya Rudolph and her motherhood enhanced breasts are worth a rental.
The point of this post though – isn’t really to commend Judge for his efforts, but to condemn Fox for the lack of theirs. I just can not understand why Fox hasn’t thrown some support behind this movie. The Rip Van Winkle storyline is far from being a high concept/difficult sale, Mike Judge is a rare recognizable commodity in terms of writer/directors and the film is chuck full of trailer moments. Plus, given how the theatrical release of Judge’s last film, Office Space, was mishandled, you would think the studio would have been apprehensive to make the same mistakes.
There must be a reason for their inaction. I’ve heard allegations that Tim Rothman, the head of Fox, is the “kind of guy that’d go out of his way to cockblock his own projects in order to stick to some one he doesn’t like.” (-aintitcoonews.com) I’m sure that’s something Fox stockholders must love, but they can’t be surprised. You don’t invest in Hollywood without accounting for a pissing contest or two.
So, if you live in the following cities, Austin, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and Toronto, I would recommend going to see Idiocracy.
Of course, I’d recommend any film that had Nazi Dinosaurs in it.
And Idiocracy has Nazi Dinosaurs.
wojr
Back in college, I would write movie reviews for the college newspaper. I believe that I only did it for a semester or, at the very most, a year. To be honest, it got in the way of my drinking and/or couples’ counseling. Being the low man on the proverbial newspaper totem pole, I never got first crack at the various film choices. I usually received the third or fourth “top” movie opening that week. Hence, I got to write about some real dogs.
And by dogs – I mean some ugly ass bitches.
While writing about what fleas or ticks were on a particular dog of a movie that week fulfilled my need to dispel my bile and discontent, it did get old rather quickly. (I was a younger and less bitter wojr then. Now my need to express my hate and cynicism can never be quelled.) But I love movies and take joy in discussing them. Something I have done here occasionally.
I have been avoiding writing film reviews here. I have no real reason to express why, but I’ve been avoiding them just the same. With the fiancée out East, I’ve been able to see more of the motion pictures. (Whenever I read “motion pictures”, my mind imagines the phrase to be uttered by Woody Allen. Again, no real reason why, but I imagine it nonetheless.) This increase in film viewing has become possible since I’ve re-joined netflix.com (Insert obligatory plug here) and additionally find myself no longer required to clear my cinematic choices through said Filipino contingent.
For example, last Thursday night, I was able to catch the new Mike Judge film, Idiocracy. Most of you may not have heard about this movie since the good people at Twentieth Century Fox have made almost a negative effort in marketing it. They, then, chose to release it on only 130 screens in 7 cities. Doing so without even screening it for critics. (Something the two major releases for the Labor Day weekend, The Wicker Man and Crank, chose to do as well, but that’s a rant for another day.)
Before I walked into the theater, I had not seen a trailer or even a poster for Idiocracy. (In this age of the internet how could they not even slap a trailer on a website for god’s sake??) I did recall reading an interview in a magazine (I think it was Esquire because my ass is civilized.) with Judge, the creator of the Beavis & Butthead and King of the Hill cartoons, about his arduous efforts dealing with Fox just to get the damn thing released. Given my deep heterosexual love for Judge’s previous live-action film, Office Space, I was definitely interested to see the next film in his oeuvre.
Idiocracy is the story of an average Joe (swear to God, his name is Joe) that finds himself the guinea pig in a cryogenics experiment. After a pimp-related mishap, Joe (played by an affable Luke Wilson) wakes up in the year 2505 (the film was due out in 2005) to find himself the smartest person on the planet (I’ll stop using parentheses now).
The movie does take the time to explain how the ignorant have taken control via sheer humping – given how the Jerry Springer set have sex with more frequency and more partners than those with higher IQ and the self-awareness to use birth control. Expounded out five centuries and the idiots are all that’s left. Given that in the future the President is a wrestler, the number one television show is just a guy getting hit in the nuts, and people get their education from Costco, it is not a huge leap of faith to embrace this vision of the future.
Overall the film is far from perfect. It has its share of fleas, but the movie is enjoyable. Idiocracy is a solid “dumb comedy” that you won’t feel stupid for enjoying. Judge’s comments on consumerism, mass media and the group think/mob mentality are totally spot-on. At the very least, Maya Rudolph and her motherhood enhanced breasts are worth a rental.
The point of this post though – isn’t really to commend Judge for his efforts, but to condemn Fox for the lack of theirs. I just can not understand why Fox hasn’t thrown some support behind this movie. The Rip Van Winkle storyline is far from being a high concept/difficult sale, Mike Judge is a rare recognizable commodity in terms of writer/directors and the film is chuck full of trailer moments. Plus, given how the theatrical release of Judge’s last film, Office Space, was mishandled, you would think the studio would have been apprehensive to make the same mistakes.
There must be a reason for their inaction. I’ve heard allegations that Tim Rothman, the head of Fox, is the “kind of guy that’d go out of his way to cockblock his own projects in order to stick to some one he doesn’t like.” (-aintitcoonews.com) I’m sure that’s something Fox stockholders must love, but they can’t be surprised. You don’t invest in Hollywood without accounting for a pissing contest or two.
So, if you live in the following cities, Austin, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles and Toronto, I would recommend going to see Idiocracy.
Of course, I’d recommend any film that had Nazi Dinosaurs in it.
And Idiocracy has Nazi Dinosaurs.
wojr
Labels: Advice, Crackers, Hollywood, Snide Remarks
Friday, September 08, 2006
Since This Week Has Been So Photo Heavy
A simple picture couldn't close it out:
LONG LIVE THE HOFF!
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
A simple picture couldn't close it out:
LONG LIVE THE HOFF!
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Monday, August 21, 2006
Wojr is Actually Spanish for Fighting Chicken
For those that do not know, the Urban Dictionary is a netdemocratic guide to street slang. I can not lay claim to the word ‘netdemocratic’, I stole that. I stumbled upon the netdemocratic site when my white ass needed to know what the hell S’KEET was – thanks entirely to Dave Chappelle’s black ass.
While there, I, given my heightened level of self-involvement, found the following:
Push comes to shove however, I would imagine woj meaning the same thing as s’keet. And yes, s’keet means to ejaculate.
Think about it. If you uttered the following sentence, "I wojed on her face" - the first bodily fluid that would come to your mind would be semen. Even if you had a vagina.
While I like the idea of my name having ties to ejaculation, I was going to let the whole thing go until I read the following on valleywag.com:
Back to the point, I’m pissed off at Verizon Wireless over their policies and I’m not even trying to be one of their content providers. But their list has some comedy gems. Like--
Who gave them the right to say that ‘fleshpopsicle’ is a naughty word? Have they every seen the smile on a child’s face when you offer them a nice fleshpopsicle on a hot summer day? I think not.
What the hell is a ‘rubyredbag’ and why should that word be banned? Sounds like something out of Hobbit porn. “And then Sam licked the folds of Frodo’s rubyredbag.”
And really, ‘fornicate’ and ‘sodomize’ are on somebody’s watch list but ‘woj’ isn’t?? Woj could be a really tall dildo man and you already have ‘dildo’ on your watch list, Verizon. Come on people, let’s get in the game.
Speaking of game, I even checked the NFL’s list of 1,159 words you can’t put on the holiest of holies, a NFL jersey. Woj and Wojr are both ok, but I think that list is suspect since there is no mention of Ron Mexico and the page has lots of ads for homosexual websites.
Although, I do wonder why 'AXING THE WEASEL' was a no go with my NFL peeps.
Now, one might ask why if I am so against censorship would I want my name to be censored?
Well, I see the censorship of the words ‘woj’ or ‘wojr’ as just an initial step to utter reverence for those same names. You know, like Yahweh. Getting yourself on the same level as of a god of consuming fire takes time, I know. But I’m willing to work at it, put in the extra hours, roll up my sleeves and make it happen.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyhow--
To Summarize the Main Idea of this Post: I’m Trying to Get My Name To Equal Splooge in the Minds of America
Is that too much to ask for?
wojr
For those that do not know, the Urban Dictionary is a netdemocratic guide to street slang. I can not lay claim to the word ‘netdemocratic’, I stole that. I stumbled upon the netdemocratic site when my white ass needed to know what the hell S’KEET was – thanks entirely to Dave Chappelle’s black ass.
While there, I, given my heightened level of self-involvement, found the following:
According to the Urban Dictionary, ‘woj’ can mean:I knew about these definitions for a while now but personally, I can't see woj meaning those things. I know that I’m an ass. It is true, but that has nothing to do with my name or nickname. Also, I have no idea what “a really tall dildo man” is. How tall is really tall anyway?
1. A legendary gaming community
2. Ass, Arsehole, Ring, Bum hole.
3. a really tall dildo man
Push comes to shove however, I would imagine woj meaning the same thing as s’keet. And yes, s’keet means to ejaculate.
Think about it. If you uttered the following sentence, "I wojed on her face" - the first bodily fluid that would come to your mind would be semen. Even if you had a vagina.
While I like the idea of my name having ties to ejaculation, I was going to let the whole thing go until I read the following on valleywag.com:
Don't ask us how we got it, or how many honkeys and limeys we had to kill for it, but after the jump [ON THEIR SITE NOT HERE] is Verizon Wireless's list of [EIGHTY-THREE] inadmissable naughty words. Verizon content providers (including many online news and entertainment sources) are banned from using obvious words like "fuck" and its derivatives, a smattering of racial slurs, and "queer" and "lesbo" -- always a perfect way to pick a fight with more audacious gay rights activists. Ahh, the freedom of communication under New Media.As one can imagine, I’m not a fan of censorship on any level. I FUCKING HATE CENSORSHIP. Hell, I might dress up like Mohammed for Halloween just to show my support of the first amendment. I just need to find a good picture of him to see what the guy looks like. Right now, I expect him to look a lot like Raj.
Back to the point, I’m pissed off at Verizon Wireless over their policies and I’m not even trying to be one of their content providers. But their list has some comedy gems. Like--
Who gave them the right to say that ‘fleshpopsicle’ is a naughty word? Have they every seen the smile on a child’s face when you offer them a nice fleshpopsicle on a hot summer day? I think not.
What the hell is a ‘rubyredbag’ and why should that word be banned? Sounds like something out of Hobbit porn. “And then Sam licked the folds of Frodo’s rubyredbag.”
And really, ‘fornicate’ and ‘sodomize’ are on somebody’s watch list but ‘woj’ isn’t?? Woj could be a really tall dildo man and you already have ‘dildo’ on your watch list, Verizon. Come on people, let’s get in the game.
Speaking of game, I even checked the NFL’s list of 1,159 words you can’t put on the holiest of holies, a NFL jersey. Woj and Wojr are both ok, but I think that list is suspect since there is no mention of Ron Mexico and the page has lots of ads for homosexual websites.
Although, I do wonder why 'AXING THE WEASEL' was a no go with my NFL peeps.
Now, one might ask why if I am so against censorship would I want my name to be censored?
Well, I see the censorship of the words ‘woj’ or ‘wojr’ as just an initial step to utter reverence for those same names. You know, like Yahweh. Getting yourself on the same level as of a god of consuming fire takes time, I know. But I’m willing to work at it, put in the extra hours, roll up my sleeves and make it happen.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyhow--
To Summarize the Main Idea of this Post: I’m Trying to Get My Name To Equal Splooge in the Minds of America
Is that too much to ask for?
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Snide Remarks, woj
Friday, August 18, 2006
Now, I’ll Never Get to Go to a Wal-Mart
Found on aol.com:
Well, when asked about Wal-Mart’s impact on closing smaller mom-and-pop stores, Mr. Young told the Los Angeles Sentinel that:
I mean, it’s not like he was Jimmy the Greek spouting off about extra African muscles. He wasn’t blaming his drunk driving on these store owners. He was being honest. He was holding up a mirror to what is actually occurring. It just wasn’t popular or politically correct.
And for that, he resigned.
Was he forced to resign? Maybe. Maybe not. However, the majority of people will believe he was pushed out the door.
I’ve never set foot in a Wal-Mart. The best way, however, to get my sorry ass in such a Mecca to consumerism would be Young’s route. Be honest with me, be up front with me and bad mouth the Arabs.
Politically correct methodology, while more pleasing to the public persona of the populace, just won’t win me over. (How’s that for alliteration?)
It’s like telling me that it is wrong to assume someone that looks this creepy would be up to no good.
And to quote Broncatello – “what sort of f'ed up thing do you have to do to get arrested and held on sex charges in BANGKOK THAILAND?”
Personally, I don’t know -- but I bet it has something to do with “bad meat and wilted vegetables”.
wojr
Found on aol.com:
Andrew Young Resigns From Wal-Mart PostConsidering that Young was a well know civil rights leader and an associate of Martin Luther King, I was curious to see what racially offensive remarks he had said. (We, white folk, like to keep a tally of what remarks are considered offensive for future reference.)
Civil rights leader Andrew Young, who was hired to help Wal-Mart Stores Inc. improve its public image, said early Friday he was stepping down from his position as head of an outside support group amid criticism for remarks seen as racially offensive.
Well, when asked about Wal-Mart’s impact on closing smaller mom-and-pop stores, Mr. Young told the Los Angeles Sentinel that:
"Well, I think [Wal-Mart] should; they ran the ‘mom and pop’ stores out of my neighborhood. You see, those are the people who have been overcharging us, selling us stale bread and bad meat and wilted vegetables. And they sold out and moved to Florida. I think they've ripped off our communities enough. First it was Jews, then it was Koreans and now it's Arabs; very few black people own these stores."I can see how that statement can be inflammatory, but was he wrong? Did not do his job and defend Wal-Mart’s position?
I mean, it’s not like he was Jimmy the Greek spouting off about extra African muscles. He wasn’t blaming his drunk driving on these store owners. He was being honest. He was holding up a mirror to what is actually occurring. It just wasn’t popular or politically correct.
And for that, he resigned.
Was he forced to resign? Maybe. Maybe not. However, the majority of people will believe he was pushed out the door.
I’ve never set foot in a Wal-Mart. The best way, however, to get my sorry ass in such a Mecca to consumerism would be Young’s route. Be honest with me, be up front with me and bad mouth the Arabs.
Politically correct methodology, while more pleasing to the public persona of the populace, just won’t win me over. (How’s that for alliteration?)
It’s like telling me that it is wrong to assume someone that looks this creepy would be up to no good.
Personally, I don’t know -- but I bet it has something to do with “bad meat and wilted vegetables”.
wojr
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Now I'll Be On The Prowl For Some Brown Sugar
Carmel & I went food-shopping last night and ended up buying like five pounds of strawberries - They were on sale.
You know what, though?
It's true. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
I always thought that was just something black people said in attempt to get laid.
Who knew it was actually true?
Wojr
Carmel & I went food-shopping last night and ended up buying like five pounds of strawberries - They were on sale.
You know what, though?
It's true. The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
I always thought that was just something black people said in attempt to get laid.
Who knew it was actually true?
Wojr
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
"People are people, so why should it be..."
Woe the man whose personality can be summarized by a t-shirt slogan, but-
Remember those shirts that read "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK." For the longest time, Bronc wanted one that just said "PEOPLE SUCK." In his view, the world would be a great place, if it weren't for all the people populating it.
But then I remind him that we need people. Without them, his strip clubs would just be empty, tacky bars. Without people, his precious football games would be less interesting than watching grass grow*. Without some certain Tennessee peeps, there would be no one to make the Jack Daniels that sustains him.
However, we have now fixed all this. The man has a new shirt and, I think, a new outlook on life.
Bronc and MB landed late Friday night and went straight to their hotel. So, I didn't meet up with them until Saturday for lunch. While sitting at a sidewalk café, we see a vendor selling t-shirts. The shirts read "I ♥ Black People." They are genius. With surprising agility for a man his size, Bronc leapt the railing of the eatery and ran up to the man. Haggling with the fellow (because Bronc loves black people but not enough to pay full value), he managed to reach an amicable price and bought shirts for all three of us. Carmel was working and got nothing (She probably would not have appreciated the shirt anyhow).
So now, instead of "PEOPLE SUCK" - the large Italian fellow now ♥s Black People. He is changing right before my very eyes. If only we could broaden that love to the other colors of the spectrum.
And that was the first hour of his trip to LA. (I will get a scan of the shirt up sooner or later.)
wojr
*Football is played on astro-turf. Get it. The "grass" doesn't actually grow.
wojr
Woe the man whose personality can be summarized by a t-shirt slogan, but-
Remember those shirts that read "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK." For the longest time, Bronc wanted one that just said "PEOPLE SUCK." In his view, the world would be a great place, if it weren't for all the people populating it.
But then I remind him that we need people. Without them, his strip clubs would just be empty, tacky bars. Without people, his precious football games would be less interesting than watching grass grow*. Without some certain Tennessee peeps, there would be no one to make the Jack Daniels that sustains him.
However, we have now fixed all this. The man has a new shirt and, I think, a new outlook on life.
Bronc and MB landed late Friday night and went straight to their hotel. So, I didn't meet up with them until Saturday for lunch. While sitting at a sidewalk café, we see a vendor selling t-shirts. The shirts read "I ♥ Black People." They are genius. With surprising agility for a man his size, Bronc leapt the railing of the eatery and ran up to the man. Haggling with the fellow (because Bronc loves black people but not enough to pay full value), he managed to reach an amicable price and bought shirts for all three of us. Carmel was working and got nothing (She probably would not have appreciated the shirt anyhow).
So now, instead of "PEOPLE SUCK" - the large Italian fellow now ♥s Black People. He is changing right before my very eyes. If only we could broaden that love to the other colors of the spectrum.
And that was the first hour of his trip to LA. (I will get a scan of the shirt up sooner or later.)
wojr
*Football is played on astro-turf. Get it. The "grass" doesn't actually grow.
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Crackers, Snide Remarks
Friday, March 26, 2004
"But I Want To Be Respected As A Cartoon Character"
As promised, the other preview of Bored Crackers. Pass them both along to friends, cohorts or even dire enemies.
Also, if you look on the main entrance, there is now an option to join our mailing list. While notice of site updates will be posted here on the journal, my ego really craves a mailing list. I have used notifylist.com before and have yet to get spam from them.
And yes, I am hung over. So be nice to me.
wojr
As promised, the other preview of Bored Crackers. Pass them both along to friends, cohorts or even dire enemies.
Also, if you look on the main entrance, there is now an option to join our mailing list. While notice of site updates will be posted here on the journal, my ego really craves a mailing list. I have used notifylist.com before and have yet to get spam from them.
And yes, I am hung over. So be nice to me.
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Intoxication, My Comics, Nostalgia, woj
Thursday, March 25, 2004
"But I Want To Be Respected As An Artist"
It's late. I'm tired. And I still have porn to watch. Dwarf porn, no less.
Speaking of the little people - Here's a preview of Bored Crackers. Don't fret - a Wojr preview is coming.
And on an utterly unrelated note - I whipped this up while figuring out some of the finer points of Photoshop. I think it might make a killer website. (I miss my hydrant, Bronc. Where is my hydrant?)
(On a rare serious note - with Carmel away, I updated the main entrance page. It should now fit on everyone's screen without unnecessary scrolling. Plus the journal is nowaccessible from the 'map'. Be sure to check it out.)
As always, there will be more to come. (And no you can not borrow my Dwarf Porn.)
wojr
It's late. I'm tired. And I still have porn to watch. Dwarf porn, no less.
Speaking of the little people - Here's a preview of Bored Crackers. Don't fret - a Wojr preview is coming.
And on an utterly unrelated note - I whipped this up while figuring out some of the finer points of Photoshop. I think it might make a killer website. (I miss my hydrant, Bronc. Where is my hydrant?)
(On a rare serious note - with Carmel away, I updated the main entrance page. It should now fit on everyone's screen without unnecessary scrolling. Plus the journal is nowaccessible from the 'map'. Be sure to check it out.)
As always, there will be more to come. (And no you can not borrow my Dwarf Porn.)
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Crackers, My Comics, Nostalgia, The Wee Folk, Whores
Monday, March 22, 2004
"We May Be Vain, But We Don't Swing"
The following is a true story - swear to god.
As I mentioned, today is my fiancee's birthday. Last night, we decided to head out for a nice dinner in her honor. Per her normal birthday request, the meal of choice is sushi, but that's not really important to the story. You just need to know that we had nice meal and got a good buzz off a few bottles of sake.
Since it was still early after we finished eating and neither of us was ready to go home, we decided to stop at this English pub for a drink. One drink leads to two and we end up talking to this couple next to us. Let's call this couple for lack of a better name, "The Millers."
Before I go on, I just have to say that the Millers were the nicest, most well adjusted people I met in California. I liked them and I'm a bitter old man that doesn't like anybody.
That's when things started to get a little weird.
The wife started to get a little too touchy-feely with me and kept complimenting Carmel on her looks. The husband seemed a little too interested in Carmel's latest work story. Between the sake at the restaurant and the beers at the bar, my indicator light was a little slow to go off but when the words "open marriage" were uttered that light went supernova. These people wanted to get us in the sack and were not shy about letting us know that juicy tidbit.
Well, Carmel and I had the exact same reaction - we were flattered. They weren't a bad looking couple and they're trying to pick us up. It definitely boosts one's self-esteem. But (and here's the "honest but" not just "my family might read this but") Carmel and I are just not swingers. Sure, we're both demented little perverts, but at the end of the day, we just aren't going to swap spouses. So, we politely declined and eventually made our way home.
To paraphrase Seinfeld, there will be no orgy friends, they were will be no orgy clothes. Woj and Carmel are all about the vanilla sex-life.
But please feel free to proposition us any time you want. We are vain people and will soak up the attention like a sponge. (And yes, I am hung over today, but I still feel studly.)
wojr
The following is a true story - swear to god.
As I mentioned, today is my fiancee's birthday. Last night, we decided to head out for a nice dinner in her honor. Per her normal birthday request, the meal of choice is sushi, but that's not really important to the story. You just need to know that we had nice meal and got a good buzz off a few bottles of sake.
Since it was still early after we finished eating and neither of us was ready to go home, we decided to stop at this English pub for a drink. One drink leads to two and we end up talking to this couple next to us. Let's call this couple for lack of a better name, "The Millers."
Before I go on, I just have to say that the Millers were the nicest, most well adjusted people I met in California. I liked them and I'm a bitter old man that doesn't like anybody.
That's when things started to get a little weird.
The wife started to get a little too touchy-feely with me and kept complimenting Carmel on her looks. The husband seemed a little too interested in Carmel's latest work story. Between the sake at the restaurant and the beers at the bar, my indicator light was a little slow to go off but when the words "open marriage" were uttered that light went supernova. These people wanted to get us in the sack and were not shy about letting us know that juicy tidbit.
Well, Carmel and I had the exact same reaction - we were flattered. They weren't a bad looking couple and they're trying to pick us up. It definitely boosts one's self-esteem. But (and here's the "honest but" not just "my family might read this but") Carmel and I are just not swingers. Sure, we're both demented little perverts, but at the end of the day, we just aren't going to swap spouses. So, we politely declined and eventually made our way home.
To paraphrase Seinfeld, there will be no orgy friends, they were will be no orgy clothes. Woj and Carmel are all about the vanilla sex-life.
But please feel free to proposition us any time you want. We are vain people and will soak up the attention like a sponge. (And yes, I am hung over today, but I still feel studly.)
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Intoxication, Sex
Thursday, March 04, 2004
