SWM Desperately Seeking Livestock

First, a word from our sponsor:

For those expecting a reveal of the Dead Pool winner, we must disappoint. The crack staff at wojr.com are, in between hits of crack, still tabulating the Dead Pool results as well as confirming the mortal status of literally tens of celebrities. The winner will be announced right after we finish our own predictions for last year’s Dead Pool.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled extremely delayed blog post:

Whatever happened to dowries?

You bright readers know what a dowry is – "the money, goods, or estate that a wife brings to her husband at marriage."

Back in the day, men used to reap the benefits from marriage. Our forefathers got mad paid, yo. I do realize that there’s been a sexual revolution since then and everyone's equal now. I watch the WNBA, so I know about women's rights. However, a majority of ladies do prefer to date the financially secure aka a "breadwinner". In this day and age, many members of the female gender want to find a man to support them so they can kick back, pop out some kids and become obsessed with daytime television. Thinking otherwise is like believing Dog the Bounty Hunter doesn’t drop the N-bomb on a daily basis. It's just naïve, playa.

However, nowadays, all men can hope for in terms of a dowry are the wedding gifts; some dining set that is considered too "nice" for regular meals or, better yet, enough monetary gifts to hopefully cover the cost of a hundred chicken dinners, a few hours of open bar and the videographer that apparently was obsessed with the bride’s plunging neckline. Seriously, we are doing a bang up job of protecting the sanctity of marriage, but I digress...

Dowries. I bring them up because I’ll be hanging out with Aunt Jane this weekend. In terms of conversation topics with Jane, all you need to be is single and beyond your twenties to predict what she’ll want to talk about. You don't even need to be related to her to hear words like "marriage", "children", "not", "getting" and "younger" repeatedly. The best defense to this line of interrogation is a quick funny that will be inappropriate enough to force her to change the subject.

Thus, my planned rejoinder to her queries is that "I'm holding out for dowries to make a comeback. Get me a homestead and her dad’s best cow for my trouble. Hey, I just want my forty acres and a mule like any other brotha."

While I’m worried that "reparations" humor might go over my aunt's head, I like comparing "dating in your thirties" to being a carpet bagger. Dealing with the shell-shocked and battle-scarred at an unwelcoming place that you never imagined yourself going. That’s dating in your 30s in a nutshell.

So, in closing if you have any video of brides with awesome cleavage or doing strange things to livestock, feel free to for them to hatemail at wojr dot com.

wojr

Labels: Advice, DeadPool, Sex, woj

  ¶ 1:42 PM 1 comments links to this post   

  The Nazi Pope vs. Inmate #9818783 (or Vote for Today's Favorite Headline)

Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.

Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:

Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources Say

Of course, the actual story is about a Katherine Pope and not my boy, Papal Benny. So, all the gullible Catholics (and atheist fans of the Peacock) can relax. The rebound pope is staying in his Italian crib. However, given that Ms. Pope is only a few months older than myself, any chuckles found from the headline were overcome by my cries of rage and jealousy.

Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:

Nude Britney More Infectious Than Nude Paris

Given Britney’s propensity to walk barefoot in public bathrooms as well as her marriage to Senor Federline, this should surprise no one.

However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are more likely to give you a virus than a nude Paris Hilton, a new study finds.

The State of Search Engine Safety report, released Monday by McAfee's SiteAdvisor group, evaluates the risks associated with approximately 2,300 of the most popular search terms based on the sites they return.

According to the study, conducting an online search for Suri's parents returns a slightly higher percentage of sites bundled with spyware and other malicious code than a search for the hotel heiress in her birthday suit.

Determined to be far more hazardous than searching for Cruise, Holmes or Hilton was scanning the World Wide Web for "Britney Spears nude," a search term that ranked above "free porn" in terms of the risky results it returned.

Less predictably, searching for a (presumably clothed) Lil' Wayne proved sketchier than hunting down either a nude Pamela Anderson or a nude Carmen Electra, while a search for Nicole Richie was determined to be more dangerous than the term "eating spiders while asleep"

Mark Maxwell, a senior product manager for SiteAdvisor, said the number of risky sites turned up by a search for a given star is not always a factor of their public profile.

"It's not necessarily an attribute of the celebrities themselves," Maxwell told E! Online.

He pointed out that typing "Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston" into a search engine returned a significantly higher percentage of undesirable results than a search for the actor and his current flame, Angelina Jolie.

"Are Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston truly riskier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as people? No," Maxwell said.

"Britney Spears nude" ranked higher than "free porn"? Interesting.

Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.

The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.

I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.



Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.

wojr

Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:

Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, DeadPool, Hollywood, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores, Youtube

  ¶ 7:15 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool: The Slots and the Slot Fillers - Part One

[Editor’s note: Sorry for the delay in the Dead Pool predictions. It was not a faint attempt to garner hate mail (which was garnered), it was simply the result of a common cold compounded by a heavy work load and the usual addiction to hardcore German pornography. Anyhow, enough pathetic excuses, lets get back to the gallows humor.]

The rules of the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool are more than meager attempts at comedy. Actually, that’s a lie. They are just meager attempts at comedy. They remind me of the Ten Commandments in that way. But like the commandments, we should not ignore them completely. (Well, at least the ones that don’t involve coveting. wojr.com condones coveting in all its forms.)

Thus, spots number five through nine on the list of wojr’s Dead Pool recommendations will be the so-called “slot fillers”. (Spot number 6 will be both a slot and a slot filler.)

These predictions will attempt to answer wojr.com’s own proposed Dead Pool conundrums. Which Golden Girl is most likely to die? Will the Lord Almighty first call Bobby or Whitney to Heaven’s main stage? Which person that porked Paris Hilton will shuffle the mortal coil soonest? Is this finally the year that abevigoda.com sees a change? And lastly, who will meet the Grim Reaper first, Bronc or Wojr?

Batting lead-off in the prediction process are the crackheads: Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston-Brown.

I will admit that even prior to seeing this image:

My choice was obvious.

Of the two, Bobby is just the expected one to bite the big one. The fact that Whitney looks remotely doable now only strengthens that claim. Bobby has always been the Julian to Whitney’s Blair. What no ‘Less Than Zero’ fans in the house? How about Bobby is the Dean Moriarty to Whitney’s Sal Paradise? Nah, that one doesn’t really work. How about I just stick to the lowest common denominator of references, Bobby is the K-Fed to Whitney’s Britney.

And like Senor Federline, Bobby is just past due. The man is on borrowed time. He’s dragged out this ride much longer than anyone would have expected.

And now that he has Osama on his ass? Forget about it. His demise is a foregone conclusion.

So, the wojr.com’s Fifth Pick is: Bobby Brown

Now, as we leave the simplest deliberation in the selection process, we now enter the greatest debate that has ever raged at the wojr.com command center (outside of “what type of animal is Goofy?“ and “is Vanity Fair acceptable reading material for straight men?”) The quandary that has ignited such a dispute has been over our sixth victim and trying to foresee which Golden Girl is the least viable.

The consensus amid the wojr.com correspondents/minions is that Bea Arthur is the most probable to fall to the reaper’s scythe. Personally, I spit in the face of such thinking and would fire our entire staff for contemplating such thoughts if they weren’t so willing to work on the cheap and so accepting of all the sexual harassment.

But there is a reason why I run the show and they are just peons and not just due to the fact that I know that Bea Arthur is EVERLASTING.

Remember the movie, WarGames? You know, the one where young hacker, Matthew Broderick, almost destroyed humanity by hacking NORAD, but ended up saving it with a good game of Tic Tac Toe. Well, the young Broderick had the child-like computer W.O.P.R. (no relation to wojr) run through umpteen simulations of Tic Tac Toe followed by Global Thermonuclear War to learn that no one would win in a nuclear battle.

Now, allow me to let you all in on a little secret, W.O.P.R. could not conceive of way to take out Bea Arthur. A thousand bouts of Global Thermonuclear War and every one of them had Bea Arthur and an army of cockroaches surviving. (One version had Bea and Mike Ditka surviving and spawning a race of super human offspring upon the Earth.)

Thus, if Bea is too strong and powerful for even a nuclear attack to bring her down, which Golden Girl is wojr.com’s pick? Well, in a three-way between Rue McClanahan, Betty White and Estelle Getty, (How’s that for a HOT mental image??) we have stay true to the voices in our head and go with the slutty one.

Now, for those not up on their Golden Girls, Rue played Blanche Devereaux, who of the four lead characters was the most morally flexible in terms of who could touch her bathing suite areas. In more declarative phrasing, Blanche was a whore. Despite wojr.com’s fondness of whores, we will admit that God hates them. (See Hurricane Katrina.) So, the safe money has got to be on Rue.

wojr.com’s Sixth Pick: Rue McClanahan

Picks Seven, Eight and Nine will be disclosed shortly and we promise no more tangents about Matthew Broderick movies.

wojr

DEAD POOL SUMMARY

Number of entries submitted as of 2:09PM, 11/13/06: one hundred and seventy-seven.

wojr’s Selections:

1. Bindi Irwin Dakota Fanning
2. Bob Barker
3. Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute
4. Chasey Lain
5. Bobby Brown
6. Rue McClanahan
7.
8.
9.
10.

Labels: DeadPool

  ¶ 2:09 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – Candidate Porno

As announced weeks ago, there is a contest in progress here at wojr.com, the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool.

By predicting which famous people are going to die in the next year, one could win prizes valued in, no lie, the excess of twenty dollars. That’s a TWO followed by a ZERO, people.

There have been a few issues of debate, however, and we will try to clear them up today before the entry deadline.

Issue Number One:

What is considered ‘dead’? What if someone pulls an Amelia Earhart or a Natalee Holloway and just disappears? What if someone we THINK is alive turns out to be an utter fallacy (i.e. Suri Cruise)?

The answer to all three is Habeas Corpus – “You [should] have the body.” Without a body, you don’t get points. Suri Cruise turns out to be a Photoshop creation. You get nada. Frankie Muniz decides to pull a “Kung Fu” and just walk the earth. You won’t reap any points.

Issue Number Two:

Can one pick both Nick Nolte and Gary Busey?

According to the following article found on thewiredpress.com:

Scientific study concludes that Gary Busey is not Nick Nolte

Tests run by UCLA scientists on the DNA of Gary Busey and Nick Nolte have discovered once and for all that the two actors are indeed separate entities.

Although the two actors have never appeared together on film, have played the same characters for many years on end and seem to share the same knack for alcohol and drug abuse, with GHB as their drug of choice, the study was concluded with results that they are not the same person as once believed.

Yes, you can pick both Nick Nolte and Gary Busey.

You can not pick both Herb Tarlek and Les Nessman, however. Only the actors that portrayed them, Frank Bonner and Richard Sanders.

Issue Number Three:

Are porn stars allowed?

This query was the one that resulted in the most debates here at wojr.com headquarters. If we allowed Paris Hilton and Tonya Harding in, then why not other porn starlets?

But, what should be the measure post for actual celebrity in relation to pornography? Having sex on camera alone should not automatically garner one fame, no matter how good one is at it.

One suggestion was the Bukkake test, but that was shot down when it was discovered that most of the bigger named actresses had avoided this Japanese ritual. Plus, there was some debate on how many men would need to participate in the act for it to be considered Bukkake. And it also excluded Ron Jeremy.

Then, there was the B.R.O.N.C. method which involved whether or not a certain large Italian fellow had gratified himself to said starlet. This proved too complicated to be calculated and also opened some doors that should just be left closed. The B.R.O.N.C. method did NOT however exclude Ron Jeremy.

Thus, we arrived at a simple solution. A porn star can be selected only if he or she has a compilation video or DVD that contains only scenes with her in it. This criterion would be one that could easily be verified and also would not exclude Ron Jeremy.

So, if Porn stars are allowed, which one would wojr.com recommend?

The answer is simple. The fourth recommendation in the DEAD POOL is:

Tiffany Anne Jones aka Chasey Lain.

Not only does Chasey Lain pass the “Compilation Test”, but she has starred in such mainstream fare as Spike Lee’s He Got Game and Trey Parker’s Orgazmo. There is even a song named after her, The Ballad of Chasey Lain by the Bloodhound Gang.

Chasey allegedly has had some drug issues in her not-so-distant past and has been known to see her fans for “private” encounters. Both of which sound like prime reasons to include her in a Dead Pool.

So, if there are any other issues in the Dead Pool selection process, please let us know as soon as possible as the deadline for entries is tomorrow night at midnight.

I should get some special consideration here for writing up this post without using any profanity – unless, one considers bukkake to be profane.

wojr

DEAD POOL SUMMARY

Number of entries submitted as of 3:49PM, 10/30/06: fifty-seven.

wojr’s Selections:

1. Bindi Irwin Dakota Fanning
2. Bob Barker
3. Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute
4. Chasey Lain
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Labels: DeadPool

  ¶ 3:49 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – The Third Man

In terms of the recommendation of Bob Barker to the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool, one loyal reader chose to comment "Bob...isn't that sort of a given?" This coming from a girl who wants to pick Castro.

Yes, Bob Barker was a rather obvious choice, but I wanted to call him a "poon-hound" and now I can die a happy man.

So, not just to quell the complaints of the blonde female readers of this site but also to make an obvious bid to appear a witty and independent thinker, the third recommendation from wojr.com for the Dead Pool will be an attempt to select someone completely out of left field.

Thus the third recommendation in the DEAD POOL is:

Gheorghe Zamfir a.k.a. Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute

Now, some might say, "Why Zamfir? Is he too a hound of the poon?" Personally, I don't know, but he's currently living in his native Romania. I've heard enough tales about Romanian women to be concerned for Zamfir's health.

Others might say, "He's only sixty-five. Why waste one of the five special elderly slots on him?" To those, I counter with the fact that the average life expectancy for a male in Romania is only 68.14 years.

And others still might ask, "What's the deal with the cat? Is he a James Bond villain? Is he Liberace gay?" Again, I can't say. But if either or both are true, it does abbreviate an already abbreviated life expectancy.

Plus the man can play a sustained tone lasting about 2 1/2 minutes. Can you say aneurysm? I can.


wojr

DEAD POOL SUMMARY

Number of entries submitted as of 4:06PM, 10/25/06: twenty-two.

wojr’s Selections:

1. Bindi Irwin Dakota Fanning
2. Bob Barker
3. Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Labels: DeadPool, Youtube

  ¶ 4:06 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – Candidate Deux

In any given Dead Pool, one must always make age an extremely critical variable. It’s just a fact a life. Even with the increased number of pedophile murder-rapists in our society, the older you get, then the closer you are to death.

Thus, when picking candidates for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool, it is always wise to skew towards the geriatric. Unfortunately, wojr, in his never-quenching need to keep things interesting, has limited one’s options in relation to the elderly and decrepit. In a transparent attempt to piss off his elders, the bar has been set at FIFTY years of age. So remember, only fifty percent of one’s Dead Pool selections can be above 50.

Taking this constraint into account, one must choose their elderly wisely.

Because some of those bastards are just going to live FOREVER.

Here at the wojr.com headquarters, we tend to favor the silver-haired celebrities that still like to get their swerve on with great frequency – especially the ones that like the youthful sex partners. You know, sexual carnivores like Hugh Hefner, Jack Nicholson or Stephen Hawking (You can include Phyllis Diller if you need to avoid being gender-biased.)

But is chasing nookie enough to kill the average octogenarian? Wouldn’t you like a little insurance?

The whip-smart team of analysts here at wojr.com has noticed a statistical anomaly in the Dead Pool candidates. A shit load of game show hosts are in the mix. Chuck Barris, Monty Hall, Chuck Woolery and Wink Martindale are all rapidly being chased by the Reaper. All it will take is one to fall and we predict an epidemic on our ends, a veritable Game Show Host Tsunami of Death.

So, if one compares the two groups, game show shots and geriatric poon-hounds, a single name rises above the rest. That man is our second recommendation in the DEAD POOL:

Robert William Barker a.k.a. “Bob”

Not only is there his advanced age of 82, a constant parade of available harlots for him to seduce and the strain of moving that big-ass Price is Right wheel back to the correct starting position, one also needs to take into account the greatest threat to Bob Barker’s survival:

A mammoth army of pissed-off, neutered house pets.

Barker “is known for ending every episode of The Price Is Right since the early 80's by saying, ‘Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered.’ This practice was also done by now-deceased game show hosts Jack Barry and Bert Convy.”

Through his celebrity, Bob Barker is responsible for more castrations than all the Nazi bull-dykes in the northern hemisphere. (Don’t stop to think about that one, just go with it.) He has numerous enemies in both the canine & feline communities and despite what you see in every cgi-animated film not made by Pixar, these animals are not cute and cuddly. They are vicious creatures with a real blood-lust and they can carry a grudge. To them, Bob Barker is a marked man and his time is long past due. How do you think Jack Barry and Bert Convy died? Domestic animal attack.

Plus, that Price is Right wheel just looks really, really heavy.

wojr

DEAD POOL SUMMARY

Number of entries submitted as of 11:49PM, 10/23/06: thirteen.

wojr’s Selections:

1. Bindi Irwin Dakota Fanning
2. Bob Barker
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Labels: DeadPool

  ¶ 11:49 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – Candidate Uno Redux

Yesterday, Bindi Irwin, the eight-year-old daughter of the recently deceased Hunter of Crocodiles, Steve Irwin, was selected as the first candidate for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool. Wait, strike that. That isn’t right. She was only the first suggested selection for the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool.

Since I can’t play in my own reindeer games, I am only suggesting which ten individuals would most likely become cadavers. That’s the goal of the Dead Pool. Picking who is most likely to die.

Well, it looks like I have to rethink my suggestion of Bindi Irwin.

Not because it’s sick and twisted to say an eight year old girl that just lost her father is an odds-on favorite to suffer an early demise within the next year.

I am fine with twisted and can handle sick every so often. I just have a problem with the time frame.

Read on.

Found on eonline.com:

Bindi Irwin's Jungle adventure has been put on hold.

The eight-year-old daughter of the late Steve Irwin was slated to star in a 26-part documentary series for Discovery Kids beginning in January 2007, but the project has now been pushed back a year.

John Stainton, the Irwin family's friend and manager, said it was his decision to delay Bindi, The Jungle Girl while he takes a year off in the wake of Irwin's untimely death by stingray.

He denied that the series was held up due to concerns that Bindi was being exploited in the wake of her father's death, and said that he was "fed up" with debate over the issue.

Ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh! Mr. Stainton is “fed up”. Poor Mr. Stainton.

I think I’m going to have to write Mr. Stain-ton a harshly worded letter after this Dead Pool business is up and running. Let him know that postponing the show by a year really puts a wrinkle in our little death wagering scenario.

Come on, will it be any more acceptable for a NINE-year-old to stick her head in the lion's mouth? I think not.

So, I’m going to strike Bindi Irwin as a featured suggestion.

Taking her place: DAKOTA FANNING

I don’t think an explanation is necessary. You know, with the young actress’s “alleged” hard partying lifestyle and penchant for rough, anonymous sexual intercourse.

wojr

DEAD POOL SUMMARY

Number of entries submitted as of 3:17PM, 10/20/06: six.

wojr’s Selections:

1. Bindi Irwin Dakota Fanning
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Labels: DeadPool

  ¶ 3:17 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Journey into Morbidity: The Dead Pool – Candidate Uno

As announced here, there is a contest in progress here at wojr.com.

By predicting who is going to die in the next year, one could win prizes valued in, no lie, the excess of twenty dollars. That’s a TWO followed by a ZERO, people.

I’ve been told that it would be a huge conflict of interest for me to submit my picks to the contest. Good thing for all of us then, because I won’t be submitting. Not that I care about conflicts of interest and such, I just think the prizes are utter crap.

However, why should I let my prognosticating skills go to waste? You, the loyal readers, should benefit from my foresight.

Thus, between now and the October 31st submission deadline, I’ll slowly be unveiling my ten picks for the DEAD POOL.

First Selection: BINDI IRWIN

Found on aol.com:

NEW YORK (Oct. 16) - Like father, like daughter. Bindi Irwin, the 8-year-old daughter of the late "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin, will star in a wildlife series to air on the Discovery Kids network early next year. The show's working title: "Bindi, The Jungle Girl."

Her father, animal lover and conservationist Steve Irwin, died from the poisonous jab of a stingray Sept. 4. Besides Bindi, he left behind her mother, Terri, and 2-year-old brother, Bob.

The show, now in the early stages of production, was originally "going to be a father-daughter thing," starring the nature-loving duo, Discovery publicist Annie Howell told the Associated Press on Monday. "Steve and Bindi were very enthusiastic about doing the show together."

Irwin will appear with Bindi in scenes filmed before his death, his manager, John Stainton, said in an interview on People magazine's Web site.

"Some people think that I would be afraid of them, but I'm never ever afraid of an animal," Bindi said in an interview Monday on ABC's "Australian Story."

"I just get excited and some that are dangerous I just think, 'Oooh! What's going to happen?' and things like that."

Some might find it cruel and heartless to select an eight-year-old to the THUNDERDOME. In my opinion, those people are soft & pathetic and don’t deserve to win.

Remember half of your selections need to be under the age of fifty. You need to focus on the most likely targets. Like the little girl with her head in the freaking lion's mouth.

Now if the father, Steve, was still alive, I would have picked the little brother, Bob, as the most likely target, but now with this news of a pending show, big sister becomes the front runner. (Although Little Bob Irwin would make for a solid pick as well.)

“Oooh! What’s going to happen?” Indeed.

Indeed

wojr


Number of entries submitted as of 1:18PM, 10/19/06: zero.

wojr’s Selections:

1. Bindi Irwin
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Labels: DeadPool, News

  ¶ 1:18 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  It Was Either This or Carve Jack O’Lanterns

We here at the wojr.com laboratories have been trying to devise some way to celebrate the Halloween season. Not being ones for black cats, creepy skeletons, ghost stories or other Hallmark clichés, we have decided to embrace the morbidity of the holiday.

Thus, we are taking a cue from the final Dirty Harry movie, The Dead Pool.

In said motion picture, a film director and his crew each choose a set of 10 celebrities who they think will die before the game ends. The winner is the one with most number of dead celebrities. The problems start when the people on the director's list start to die in mysterious circumstances. To make matters worse, Dirty Harry is on the list.

I recommend the film just to see Jim Carrey as the bad guy, but I digress..

To celebrate the Halloween season, wojr.com is having its own DEAD POOL.

And there will be PRIZES.

Top five scores will receive a t-shirt specially designed for the contest. Design is pending.

First place winner will have a character named after them in wojr’s next unsold screenplay as well as a DVD copy of The Dead Pool and a Deadpool comic book. The book and DVD can be autographed by wojr if so desired, but he has no official affiliation with either project. (If you need more info on what a Dead Pool is, go check out the wikipedia entry.)

Rules (which might be amended at the slightest whim of wojr):

Ten separate individuals must be chosen. Incomplete lists will be returned to entrant.

Choices must be alive as of Midnight of October 31st, 2006.

Only one list of potential victims per individual, not as some contests do by household. So, convince your spouses, siblings, parents or mutant offspring to join in the fun.

Only five choices in your Dead Pool can be over fifty years of age.

Only one choice can have been on The Golden Girls.

Only three can be publicly known to have drug dependency issues.

Only two can be affiliated with the hip hop world. (Addendum: one may select Bobby or Whitney, but not both.)

Only one choice can be affiliated with NASCAR.

Only two people can be known to have had sexual relations with Paris Hilton and/or the AIDS monkey. (Masturbation counts, so picking Paris Hilton would occupy one of these spots. Monkeys are unfortunately not allowed as selections.)

Fictional characters will not be accepted.

Only individuals of some fame or notoriety can be selected. (The exceptions to this rule are wojr or Bronc, but then cause of death must also be supplied. Cause of death need not exactly match to garner points, but if wojr dies, no one else is going to run this contest. Like Whitney and Bobby, one can select wojr or Bronc, but not both. Unfortunately, that is not the only thing Bronc and woj have in common with Whitney and Bobby.)

Only one choice can be Abe Vigoda.

With the exception of Paris Hilton, murdering a member of your list is not allowed. Players may not cause or otherwise participate in the death of any celebrities. If you attempt to use weapons of mass destruction to kill large numbers of people, some of whom are likely to be celebrities, you will not be welcomed back into the fold.

Entries must be received by Oct. 31st, 2006. Winner will be announced one year later on Oct. 31st 2007.

Please email entries to wojr@aol.com with the subject line "DEAD POOL". Please include your name & mailing address since all entrants will receive a Christmas Card from wojr. Even the Jews.

Between now and October 31st, wojr.com will be unveiling his personal choices for THE DEAD POOL.

wojr

Labels: DeadPool

  ¶ 11:24 AM 0 comments links to this post