wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Steak, Eggs, Tierney & Gold!
This week, the LA Weekly ran this great article entitled "I Ain't Working Unless I Get Steak 'n' Eggs!" about the late Lawrence Tierney. Most of you, like myself, know him as Joe Cabot from Reservoir Dogs - The gruff old guy that forced Steve Buscemi to be Mr. Pink. “Cause you're a faggot, ok?”
The article is basically two of his drinking cohorts recounting tales of Tierney’s tough guy status and frequent benders. You can read the article here.
If you’re too lazy to click that link, then just be sure to read this excerpt:
wojr
This week, the LA Weekly ran this great article entitled "I Ain't Working Unless I Get Steak 'n' Eggs!" about the late Lawrence Tierney. Most of you, like myself, know him as Joe Cabot from Reservoir Dogs - The gruff old guy that forced Steve Buscemi to be Mr. Pink. “Cause you're a faggot, ok?”
The article is basically two of his drinking cohorts recounting tales of Tierney’s tough guy status and frequent benders. You can read the article here.
If you’re too lazy to click that link, then just be sure to read this excerpt:
One day, I was walking along [New York’s] Upper West Side, on Columbus Avenue, and there was this old, old Irish bar, like something out of a film. All the guys in there were Larry Tierney’s age and talking exactly like him. I was laughing to myself, and after a couple of cocktails, I said to one of these guys, “You know, you really remind me of an acquaintance on the West Coast, the way you talk. His name’s Larry Tierney.”I’m telling you now, I’m going to write a script one day and that is the opening scene. I don’t care if it’s outright theft. I'll pay someone off for the rights. That is gold, pure unadulterated gold.
And the guy goes, “Oh, Larry Tierney! He used to come in here. One time, he was sitting right where you are now and the cops came up to the door and they said, “Send Tierney out here!”
They were scared to come in. For an hour, Tierney wouldn’t come out — “Screw you, I’m not coming out!” Finally, they all convinced him that sooner or later he was going to have go out. So he opened the door, stepped out on the sidewalk, and the cops beat the living shit out of him. He took his lumps.
wojr
Labels: Hollywood, Intoxication
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Daylight Savings Time is the Bane of the Functioning Alcoholic
We here at wojr.com headquarters get so confused with the concept of Daylight Savings Time.
Not only does the phrase “Spring Back, Fall Forward” start to make perfect sense after you say it four to five hundred times, but the entire clock change really makes things difficult for the closet drunkards among us.
Can we start drinking at Noon still or does it mean we can start at 11:00 AM? Or, for some unknown reason, do we have to wait until 1:00PM?
It boggles the mind.
That’s why we started drinking at 8:30 AM and recommend that everyone else follow suit.
Good day.
wojr
We here at wojr.com headquarters get so confused with the concept of Daylight Savings Time.
Not only does the phrase “Spring Back, Fall Forward” start to make perfect sense after you say it four to five hundred times, but the entire clock change really makes things difficult for the closet drunkards among us.
Can we start drinking at Noon still or does it mean we can start at 11:00 AM? Or, for some unknown reason, do we have to wait until 1:00PM?
It boggles the mind.
That’s why we started drinking at 8:30 AM and recommend that everyone else follow suit.
Good day.
wojr
Labels: Intoxication
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Bronc Will Not Scare Me Into Editing This Post
Found on angolapress.com (via attu):
Except for the whole Nairobi part.
Eighteen months does sound very severe but the Indecent Exposure and Public Lewdness Statutes for some states are much worse. And by states I mean the ones in the United States.
Of America.
The maximum sentence for such an offense in Maryland, South Carolina and Louisiana is THREE YEARS. Hell, I’ve been drunk and exposed in Louisiana.
I wanted some beads.
Now, those three year sentences coupled with monetary fines represent the maximum, but I can not imagine those same states would look too fondly on the concepts of a religious structure and the act of fornication. I bet the mere notion of a blowjob in a sacristy would result in a lynching or, better yet, a shotgun wedding in those states.
So, I think Jennifer and Peter got off pretty light. But I wonder...
I wonder if they’ll be able to share a cell.
I wonder if that was their first date.
I wonder if Jennifer and Peter are common African names.
I wonder if Peter at least got to "finish".
I wonder who I was referring to when I used “a blowjob in a sacristy” as a hypothetical.
wojr
Found on angolapress.com (via attu):
Nairobi, 10/10 - A Kenyan court Monday sentenced a couple to 18 months in prison each for having sexual relations inside a Mosque at Gilgil, about 100-km northwest of Nairobi.There but for the grace of Allah go I. Given my history of alcohol consumption and drunken sluttiness, that could easily have been me.
Naivasha Senior Magistrate John Kingori called the act by Peter Kimani and Jennifer Wairimu, "abominable" to religion and dismissed their plea for leniency.
The couple, caught in the act 3 October, claimed they were under the influence of alcohol.
Kimani said he thought he was inside a hotel room while Wanjiru claimed she was too drunk to remember what happened.
Except for the whole Nairobi part.
Eighteen months does sound very severe but the Indecent Exposure and Public Lewdness Statutes for some states are much worse. And by states I mean the ones in the United States.
Of America.
The maximum sentence for such an offense in Maryland, South Carolina and Louisiana is THREE YEARS. Hell, I’ve been drunk and exposed in Louisiana.
I wanted some beads.
Now, those three year sentences coupled with monetary fines represent the maximum, but I can not imagine those same states would look too fondly on the concepts of a religious structure and the act of fornication. I bet the mere notion of a blowjob in a sacristy would result in a lynching or, better yet, a shotgun wedding in those states.
So, I think Jennifer and Peter got off pretty light. But I wonder...
I wonder if they’ll be able to share a cell.
I wonder if that was their first date.
I wonder if Jennifer and Peter are common African names.
I wonder if Peter at least got to "finish".
I wonder who I was referring to when I used “a blowjob in a sacristy” as a hypothetical.
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, News, Religion, Sex
Friday, September 29, 2006
Well, I'm Off to My Weekend Gig!
Little Advice: Always Pick the Jokes, Never the Songs.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Little Advice: Always Pick the Jokes, Never the Songs.
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Intoxication
Monday Morning Quarterbacks and Sunday Morning Drinking Games
Somehow, I’ve made my way far enough through my Tivo to catch the second episode of Studio 60. (I’m forever placing the clumsy “On the Sunset Strip” portion of the title in the implicit category.)
Last week, I recommended the pilot to the dozens of readers of this blog. Even though Studio 60’s pilot still stands as the best pilot episode I’ve seen for this Fall season (Full disclosure: I’ve yet to watch the pilots for 30 Rock or The Nine. If anyone wants to send them my way, drop me an email.), I found myself enjoying the second episode more (and I wasn’t yet aware of the Studio 60 Drinking Game). Now with all nice things I say, there is a “but” coming. It’s a flaw. I can never leave well enough alone. However, let’s cover the good points first.
“The Cold Open” does not share in the pilot episode’s burden of massive exposition. The audience now understands the hierarchy of the players and the major conflict facing all of them. The second episode gets to explore the characters more closely and strengthens the elements that I enjoyed in the pilot. Sorkin’s dialogue continues to impress. Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet and Steven Weber continue to shine. (By the way, Steven Weber? The other guy from Wings is kicking ass? Who’d a-thunk?) They manage to clearly define Perry’s character, Matt Albie, as a separate entity from Chandler Bing. Plus, there is a massive Pirates of Penzance reference.
Now, here come the buts...
First off, while Perry’s role is clearly differentiated from his previous popular character, Bradley Whitford still feels like he’s playing Josh Lyman from The West Wing. Since Sorkin never wrote for Friends, it is easy to see how this can occur to one lead and not the other.
While I like the character of Josh Lyman very much, I’m not interested in watching a retread. The character of Danny Tripp needs to stand on his own. I have a notion that Sorkin might use Tripp’s sexual preference as a way to distinguish the character. While there is nothing wrong with that in the “nothing wrong with that” way, if I can predict such a turn coming, then it’s by definition predictable.
“The Cold Open” gives us more exposure to the cast of the show within the show and I’m slightly underwhelmed. First off, they all seem rather passive for a troupe of performers with the exception of the jilted lover/branded catholic, Sarah Paulson. I’ve liked Paulson in other roles, but her character here is rather distracting. Plus, as Ken Levine points out in his blog, “they keep talking about how unbelievably talented” her character is, but fail to offer up actual proof.
However, my major complaint about the episode is the storyline’s acknowledgement of Lorne Michaels and his Saturday Night Live. I’d wager due to pressure from NBC, Sorkin makes clear that this is not SNL. Having Studio 60’s fictitious show come about in the 80s, broadcast on Friday nights and shoot in Los Angeles was not enough, they had to explicitly clarify that this is not SNL, which has its season premiere this Saturday night.
Having that distinction stated like that came off as back-pedaling to me. The pilot episode condemned the current state of TV, especially their fictitious effigy of NBC’s Saturday Night stalwart – a stalwart that, honestly, needed the condemnation.
Now, I still watch SNL. I don’t know if many of my friends still do. Every Sunday morning with my breakfast and paper, thanks to my trusty Tivo, I go through the episode. Truthfully, I fast forward through most of it. The repeated concepts that weren’t funny the first time. I’m looking at you, Carol. The parody commercials that they’ve repeated way too many times. Taco Town. The sketches that just do not end. None of them memorable.
Why do I do that? Because when they get it, when they make me laugh, I’m their bitch. Unfortunately, I rarely have to play that role.
Maybe I just need a SNL drinking game? It’ll give me an excuse to start boozing up on Sunday mornings.
wojr
Somehow, I’ve made my way far enough through my Tivo to catch the second episode of Studio 60. (I’m forever placing the clumsy “On the Sunset Strip” portion of the title in the implicit category.)
Last week, I recommended the pilot to the dozens of readers of this blog. Even though Studio 60’s pilot still stands as the best pilot episode I’ve seen for this Fall season (Full disclosure: I’ve yet to watch the pilots for 30 Rock or The Nine. If anyone wants to send them my way, drop me an email.), I found myself enjoying the second episode more (and I wasn’t yet aware of the Studio 60 Drinking Game). Now with all nice things I say, there is a “but” coming. It’s a flaw. I can never leave well enough alone. However, let’s cover the good points first.
“The Cold Open” does not share in the pilot episode’s burden of massive exposition. The audience now understands the hierarchy of the players and the major conflict facing all of them. The second episode gets to explore the characters more closely and strengthens the elements that I enjoyed in the pilot. Sorkin’s dialogue continues to impress. Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet and Steven Weber continue to shine. (By the way, Steven Weber? The other guy from Wings is kicking ass? Who’d a-thunk?) They manage to clearly define Perry’s character, Matt Albie, as a separate entity from Chandler Bing. Plus, there is a massive Pirates of Penzance reference.
Now, here come the buts...
First off, while Perry’s role is clearly differentiated from his previous popular character, Bradley Whitford still feels like he’s playing Josh Lyman from The West Wing. Since Sorkin never wrote for Friends, it is easy to see how this can occur to one lead and not the other.
While I like the character of Josh Lyman very much, I’m not interested in watching a retread. The character of Danny Tripp needs to stand on his own. I have a notion that Sorkin might use Tripp’s sexual preference as a way to distinguish the character. While there is nothing wrong with that in the “nothing wrong with that” way, if I can predict such a turn coming, then it’s by definition predictable.
“The Cold Open” gives us more exposure to the cast of the show within the show and I’m slightly underwhelmed. First off, they all seem rather passive for a troupe of performers with the exception of the jilted lover/branded catholic, Sarah Paulson. I’ve liked Paulson in other roles, but her character here is rather distracting. Plus, as Ken Levine points out in his blog, “they keep talking about how unbelievably talented” her character is, but fail to offer up actual proof.
However, my major complaint about the episode is the storyline’s acknowledgement of Lorne Michaels and his Saturday Night Live. I’d wager due to pressure from NBC, Sorkin makes clear that this is not SNL. Having Studio 60’s fictitious show come about in the 80s, broadcast on Friday nights and shoot in Los Angeles was not enough, they had to explicitly clarify that this is not SNL, which has its season premiere this Saturday night.
Having that distinction stated like that came off as back-pedaling to me. The pilot episode condemned the current state of TV, especially their fictitious effigy of NBC’s Saturday Night stalwart – a stalwart that, honestly, needed the condemnation.
Now, I still watch SNL. I don’t know if many of my friends still do. Every Sunday morning with my breakfast and paper, thanks to my trusty Tivo, I go through the episode. Truthfully, I fast forward through most of it. The repeated concepts that weren’t funny the first time. I’m looking at you, Carol. The parody commercials that they’ve repeated way too many times. Taco Town. The sketches that just do not end. None of them memorable.
Why do I do that? Because when they get it, when they make me laugh, I’m their bitch. Unfortunately, I rarely have to play that role.
Maybe I just need a SNL drinking game? It’ll give me an excuse to start boozing up on Sunday mornings.
wojr
Labels: Hollywood, Intoxication, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
My Head Does Not Belong To Me
Seriously.
Right now, it belongs to my allergies, a lingering hangover and the aches & pains associated with a White Trash Mudwrestling party.
Seriously.
Look at the flyer.
(Yes, yes, Bronc. Video is coming soon.)
I expect my mental facilities to return to their normal state shortly – at least what I call normal.
Seriously.
wojr
Seriously.
Right now, it belongs to my allergies, a lingering hangover and the aches & pains associated with a White Trash Mudwrestling party.
Seriously.
Look at the flyer.
(Yes, yes, Bronc. Video is coming soon.)
I expect my mental facilities to return to their normal state shortly – at least what I call normal.
Seriously.
wojr
Labels: Intoxication
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Know the World Around You
Right now, somewhere in the world…
Someone is going “Gay for Pay.”
Some drunk’s bender is just beginning.
An episode of Law & Order is airing on two or more networks.
Some hack is being paid more than you to get Lindsey Lohan more press.
The son of Dracula is looking for a book deal.
Several women have their legs up in stirrups as they patiently await their doctor.
Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of women in stirrups.
The ‘Age of Diddy’ Just Keeps on Truckin’.
Someone is knocking the bottom out of someone’s sister.
Someone has three or more fingers in their anal cavity. It might be that “Gay for Pay” guy.
The NFL doesn’t want you to get drunk.
One of your friends is making fun of you behind your back. (If you’re a large Italian adult male that still lives at home, that number may be higher.)
Several babies and senior citizens are crapping in their diapers.
Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of crapping in a diaper.
A team of Public Relations experts are brainstorming ways to steal press away from Lindsey Lohan.
Some porn star is having problems maintaining wood. This might be that “Gay for Pay” guy as well.
Some other drunk’s bender is just ending.
Someone is wondering if stirrups or diapers get wojr aroused.
You’re realizing that the time you spent reading this blog is LOST FOREVER.
wojr
Right now, somewhere in the world…
Someone is going “Gay for Pay.” Some drunk’s bender is just beginning. An episode of Law & Order is airing on two or more networks. Some hack is being paid more than you to get Lindsey Lohan more press. The son of Dracula is looking for a book deal. Several women have their legs up in stirrups as they patiently await their doctor. Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of women in stirrups. The ‘Age of Diddy’ Just Keeps on Truckin’. Someone is knocking the bottom out of someone’s sister. Someone has three or more fingers in their anal cavity. It might be that “Gay for Pay” guy. The NFL doesn’t want you to get drunk. One of your friends is making fun of you behind your back. (If you’re a large Italian adult male that still lives at home, that number may be higher.) Several babies and senior citizens are crapping in their diapers. Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of crapping in a diaper. A team of Public Relations experts are brainstorming ways to steal press away from Lindsey Lohan. Some porn star is having problems maintaining wood. This might be that “Gay for Pay” guy as well. Some other drunk’s bender is just ending. Someone is wondering if stirrups or diapers get wojr aroused. You’re realizing that the time you spent reading this blog is LOST FOREVER.wojr
Labels: Intoxication, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Dog Bites Man Is Not News (Even If The Man Is A Drunken German Cowboy)
So, this is how the internet greets me today – found on abcnews.com:
(Yeah, it's not InStyle magazine, but I just like that picture.)
Scarlett Johansson coming to the conclusion that she has an attractive body, the same conclusion an overwhelming consensus of both men and women already agree on, is not news. If it was, I’d be reading articles about how Brad Pitt likes his abs, how Peter North likes his penis (and money shots), and how I’m proud of my cunnilingus skills*.
This story is lower than Man Bites Dog, let alone Dog Biting Man. Of course, Man Bites Panda trumps them all – found on aol.com:
By the way, Drunken German Cowboys? Really?
wojr
*Any news outlets interested in interviewing me about my cunnilingus skills can email me at wojr@aol.com.
So, this is how the internet greets me today – found on abcnews.com:
Johansson Likes Her Hourglass Figure…
NEW YORK Sep 18, 2006 (AP) Scarlett Johansson struts her stuff in cleavage-baring dresses on the red carpet, but in real life, she'd rather remain a mystery.
"I can't stand those articles where people spill their life story," Johansson says in the October issue of InStyle magazine, on newsstands Friday. "After a while I feel like I know more about them than their best friend does and that's weird. It's better when you don't know everything."
She's more confident about her hourglass figure. "I'm curvy I'm never going to be 5'11' and 120 pounds. But I feel lucky to have what I've got."Not only is this article basically an advertisement for the October issue of InStyle magazine pretending to be a news story, it’s not even news.
(Yeah, it's not InStyle magazine, but I just like that picture.)Scarlett Johansson coming to the conclusion that she has an attractive body, the same conclusion an overwhelming consensus of both men and women already agree on, is not news. If it was, I’d be reading articles about how Brad Pitt likes his abs, how Peter North likes his penis (and money shots), and how I’m proud of my cunnilingus skills*.
This story is lower than Man Bites Dog, let alone Dog Biting Man. Of course, Man Bites Panda trumps them all – found on aol.com:
Man Bites Panda at Beijing ZooSee that’s a news story. Moronic and ultimately inconsequential but still a news story. Plus, when you see that it’s not the only drunken foreigner having fun with animals – found on ananova.com:
BEIJING (Sept. 20) - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal's back, state media said Wednesday.
Drunken cowboy arrested“Drunken Foreigners Abusing Animals” has the makings of a Fox News Special Report if you ask me. Push comes to shove, they can always ask Scarlett Johansen for her thoughts on this social epidemic. That's if they don't have video of the Man Biting the Panda.
A drunken German cowboy was arrested after he rode his horse into several pubs looking for a nightcap.
The 33-year-old trotted with his mount into several saloons in Geseke requesting: "Just one for the road - and an apple for Hendrik."
Hendrik the horse plodded faithfully around the town as his master fired a cap gun and at one stage fell off.
It wasn't long before the sherrif [sic] arrived and the night ended with the midnight cowboy sleeping it off in the local cells.
Hendrik was bedded down for the night at a stable with police horses. His owner faces a charge of being drunk in charge of a horse and a fine.
By the way, Drunken German Cowboys? Really?
wojr
*Any news outlets interested in interviewing me about my cunnilingus skills can email me at wojr@aol.com.
Labels: Intoxication, News, Sex, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Today, Woj Contemplates: Emerson
The first of a series of in-depth analyses.
If as Ralph Waldo Emerson theorizes, "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- then, what would be a hobgoblin of a larger mind?
I'm not sure, but I got a twenty that says it looks like this:
It made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
The first of a series of in-depth analyses.
If as Ralph Waldo Emerson theorizes, "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" -- then, what would be a hobgoblin of a larger mind?
I'm not sure, but I got a twenty that says it looks like this:
It made me laugh and really that is all that matters.
wojr
Labels: Comic Books, Intoxication
Friday, May 14, 2004
LOOK CLOSER
First, we have what might been just another moment in the history of guys that did not get laid.. ever:
But, if you look closer:
"THE GIRL EVERY FRENCHMAN WANTS"?? I don't know. Is every Frenchman after a tropical transsexual with the ferocity of a caged lion? Maybe.
Secondly, we have a pair of attractive women:
But, if you look closer:
You have the makings of a Penthouse Forum letter.
Now, you may ask what the point of all this is? It's easy. Third Sex, Threesome.
Today's number of the day is THREE.
(And no, I have not been drinking.)
wojr
First, we have what might been just another moment in the history of guys that did not get laid.. ever:
But, if you look closer:
"THE GIRL EVERY FRENCHMAN WANTS"?? I don't know. Is every Frenchman after a tropical transsexual with the ferocity of a caged lion? Maybe.
Secondly, we have a pair of attractive women:
But, if you look closer:
You have the makings of a Penthouse Forum letter.
Now, you may ask what the point of all this is? It's easy. Third Sex, Threesome.
Today's number of the day is THREE.
(And no, I have not been drinking.)
wojr
Labels: Intoxication, Sex, Snide Remarks
Friday, April 16, 2004
You can checkout any time you like, but you can never leave
Is that what the "Warm smell of colitas" is?
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!
Remember just keep it under a 100 drinks a month and you'll be fine.
wojr
Is that what the "Warm smell of colitas" is?
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!
Remember just keep it under a 100 drinks a month and you'll be fine.
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Intoxication
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
NEVER LET A STRANGE MAN USE YOUR BATHROOM
Like Arthur Miller, I leapfrog quite a bit. Not only do I have a stack of unfinished ideas, but I have ideas with no true home; little snippets of dialogue that I have yet to find a story to fully utilize them. Here are a few for your disjointed reading enjoyment:
No setup needed.
MAN#1: Suddenly, my life has become a bad After School Special.
MAN#2: I don't recall any After School Specials involving dead hookers.
Explaining recent break-up.
MAN#1: She really liked Steve Miller.
MAN#2: What's wrong with that? Look at 'The Joker'. Great f-ing song.
MAN#1: No, she really likes Steve Miller. She wants to spend the summer following them cross-country.
MAN#2: Are they even touring?
MAN#1: I have no idea.
Food Shopping.
WOMAN: According to your list, you need chips, paper towels and bear.
MAN: I meant beer.
WOMAN: But it clearly says B-E-A-R.
MAN: I must have been suffering from alcohol withdrawal. I need beer.
(beat)
MAN: I wonder what bear tastes like though. Think we can pick some up?
Self-explanatory.
MAN#1: How was your date?
MAN#2: All right, I guess.
MAN#1: Get lucky?
MAN#2: No, but I did beat off into her facial scrub.
MAN#1: So, in essence, you gave her a facial.
MAN#2: Sounds like a pretty good date to me.
"I don't care who you are, that's funny. Gator done"
wojr
Like Arthur Miller, I leapfrog quite a bit. Not only do I have a stack of unfinished ideas, but I have ideas with no true home; little snippets of dialogue that I have yet to find a story to fully utilize them. Here are a few for your disjointed reading enjoyment:
No setup needed.
MAN#1: Suddenly, my life has become a bad After School Special.
MAN#2: I don't recall any After School Specials involving dead hookers.
Explaining recent break-up.
MAN#1: She really liked Steve Miller.
MAN#2: What's wrong with that? Look at 'The Joker'. Great f-ing song.
MAN#1: No, she really likes Steve Miller. She wants to spend the summer following them cross-country.
MAN#2: Are they even touring?
MAN#1: I have no idea.
Food Shopping.
WOMAN: According to your list, you need chips, paper towels and bear.
MAN: I meant beer.
WOMAN: But it clearly says B-E-A-R.
MAN: I must have been suffering from alcohol withdrawal. I need beer.
(beat)
MAN: I wonder what bear tastes like though. Think we can pick some up?
Self-explanatory.
MAN#1: How was your date?
MAN#2: All right, I guess.
MAN#1: Get lucky?
MAN#2: No, but I did beat off into her facial scrub.
MAN#1: So, in essence, you gave her a facial.
MAN#2: Sounds like a pretty good date to me.
"I don't care who you are, that's funny. Gator done"
wojr
Labels: Intoxication, My Writing, Whores
Friday, April 02, 2004
Friday Morning Potpourri
In response to the bathroom etiquette dilemma, the only and most entertaining response came from Ryan "the Redneck" Cordwell:
Leave the shit wide ass open, no need to close.
Theres no doors on urinals, just 2 walls on the side,
same for the stall if ya pissing. As for the [euphemism for men who crave the penis],
there ain't too many in SC, so I really can't
say....Just keep 'em all in Cali though....
I think he might have been sipping the hooch when he wrote that.
On a serious note though, I posted another story on the website - The Ineffectual Man. This bad boy doesn't really fall into one of my preset categories. Basically, it is a short scene/film script, but one that I crafted so it could easily be turned into a short stage or comic piece. It's about a character that I will use again in the future - just need to find the time. Any and all comments are always welcomed.
Lastly, the hurricane known as Bronc will hit the left coast this weekend. So, after the finale of the LFP Interview today, my posts might be sporadic if not drunken in nature. (Rosie would probably think they would be funnier from my intoxicated state, but he likes the cruder humor. (How could it get cruder? Oh, it can.))
Of course, Bronc might just kill me as soon as he lands for all the Tigershark action figure posts. So, if there is no word from me by Monday, please call 911.
Thanks-
wojr
In response to the bathroom etiquette dilemma, the only and most entertaining response came from Ryan "the Redneck" Cordwell:
Leave the shit wide ass open, no need to close.
Theres no doors on urinals, just 2 walls on the side,
same for the stall if ya pissing. As for the [euphemism for men who crave the penis],
there ain't too many in SC, so I really can't
say....Just keep 'em all in Cali though....
I think he might have been sipping the hooch when he wrote that.
On a serious note though, I posted another story on the website - The Ineffectual Man. This bad boy doesn't really fall into one of my preset categories. Basically, it is a short scene/film script, but one that I crafted so it could easily be turned into a short stage or comic piece. It's about a character that I will use again in the future - just need to find the time. Any and all comments are always welcomed.
Lastly, the hurricane known as Bronc will hit the left coast this weekend. So, after the finale of the LFP Interview today, my posts might be sporadic if not drunken in nature. (Rosie would probably think they would be funnier from my intoxicated state, but he likes the cruder humor. (How could it get cruder? Oh, it can.))
Of course, Bronc might just kill me as soon as he lands for all the Tigershark action figure posts. So, if there is no word from me by Monday, please call 911.
Thanks-
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, My Writing, Snide Remarks, Viewer Mail
Friday, March 26, 2004
"But I Want To Be Respected As A Cartoon Character"
As promised, the other preview of Bored Crackers. Pass them both along to friends, cohorts or even dire enemies.
Also, if you look on the main entrance, there is now an option to join our mailing list. While notice of site updates will be posted here on the journal, my ego really craves a mailing list. I have used notifylist.com before and have yet to get spam from them.
And yes, I am hung over. So be nice to me.
wojr
As promised, the other preview of Bored Crackers. Pass them both along to friends, cohorts or even dire enemies.
Also, if you look on the main entrance, there is now an option to join our mailing list. While notice of site updates will be posted here on the journal, my ego really craves a mailing list. I have used notifylist.com before and have yet to get spam from them.
And yes, I am hung over. So be nice to me.
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Intoxication, My Comics, Nostalgia, woj
Monday, March 22, 2004
"We May Be Vain, But We Don't Swing"
The following is a true story - swear to god.
As I mentioned, today is my fiancee's birthday. Last night, we decided to head out for a nice dinner in her honor. Per her normal birthday request, the meal of choice is sushi, but that's not really important to the story. You just need to know that we had nice meal and got a good buzz off a few bottles of sake.
Since it was still early after we finished eating and neither of us was ready to go home, we decided to stop at this English pub for a drink. One drink leads to two and we end up talking to this couple next to us. Let's call this couple for lack of a better name, "The Millers."
Before I go on, I just have to say that the Millers were the nicest, most well adjusted people I met in California. I liked them and I'm a bitter old man that doesn't like anybody.
That's when things started to get a little weird.
The wife started to get a little too touchy-feely with me and kept complimenting Carmel on her looks. The husband seemed a little too interested in Carmel's latest work story. Between the sake at the restaurant and the beers at the bar, my indicator light was a little slow to go off but when the words "open marriage" were uttered that light went supernova. These people wanted to get us in the sack and were not shy about letting us know that juicy tidbit.
Well, Carmel and I had the exact same reaction - we were flattered. They weren't a bad looking couple and they're trying to pick us up. It definitely boosts one's self-esteem. But (and here's the "honest but" not just "my family might read this but") Carmel and I are just not swingers. Sure, we're both demented little perverts, but at the end of the day, we just aren't going to swap spouses. So, we politely declined and eventually made our way home.
To paraphrase Seinfeld, there will be no orgy friends, they were will be no orgy clothes. Woj and Carmel are all about the vanilla sex-life.
But please feel free to proposition us any time you want. We are vain people and will soak up the attention like a sponge. (And yes, I am hung over today, but I still feel studly.)
wojr
The following is a true story - swear to god.
As I mentioned, today is my fiancee's birthday. Last night, we decided to head out for a nice dinner in her honor. Per her normal birthday request, the meal of choice is sushi, but that's not really important to the story. You just need to know that we had nice meal and got a good buzz off a few bottles of sake.
Since it was still early after we finished eating and neither of us was ready to go home, we decided to stop at this English pub for a drink. One drink leads to two and we end up talking to this couple next to us. Let's call this couple for lack of a better name, "The Millers."
Before I go on, I just have to say that the Millers were the nicest, most well adjusted people I met in California. I liked them and I'm a bitter old man that doesn't like anybody.
That's when things started to get a little weird.
The wife started to get a little too touchy-feely with me and kept complimenting Carmel on her looks. The husband seemed a little too interested in Carmel's latest work story. Between the sake at the restaurant and the beers at the bar, my indicator light was a little slow to go off but when the words "open marriage" were uttered that light went supernova. These people wanted to get us in the sack and were not shy about letting us know that juicy tidbit.
Well, Carmel and I had the exact same reaction - we were flattered. They weren't a bad looking couple and they're trying to pick us up. It definitely boosts one's self-esteem. But (and here's the "honest but" not just "my family might read this but") Carmel and I are just not swingers. Sure, we're both demented little perverts, but at the end of the day, we just aren't going to swap spouses. So, we politely declined and eventually made our way home.
To paraphrase Seinfeld, there will be no orgy friends, they were will be no orgy clothes. Woj and Carmel are all about the vanilla sex-life.
But please feel free to proposition us any time you want. We are vain people and will soak up the attention like a sponge. (And yes, I am hung over today, but I still feel studly.)
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Intoxication, Sex
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Before anything else...
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
Be sure to enjoy the day and don't think of it as alcohol consumption - View it more as a science experiment.
wojr
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!
Be sure to enjoy the day and don't think of it as alcohol consumption - View it more as a science experiment.
wojr
Labels: Intoxication
Thursday, March 11, 2004
"You should stop the story right there.."
Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..
"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..."
"The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!"
"And then we started doing shots.."
"So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.."
"I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..."
"Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.."
"And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.."
"When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.."
"And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.."
"I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.."
"Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'"
"Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.."
"And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.."
"When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.."
"And then we started doing coke.."
"So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'"
"The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!"
"And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.."
"I held the fart in as long as I could, but.."
"And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'"
"When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.."
"And then we started smoking some rock.."
"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.."
"I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."
It's best if we just end it there.
wojr
Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..
"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..." "The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!" "And then we started doing shots.." "So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.." "I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..." "Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.." "And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.." "When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.." "And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.." "I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.." "Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'" "Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.." "And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.." "When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.." "And then we started doing coke.." "So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'" "The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!" "And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.." "I held the fart in as long as I could, but.." "And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'" "When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.." "And then we started smoking some rock.." "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.." "I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."It's best if we just end it there.
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, My Writing, woj
