wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
What Annoying Song is Not Stuck in Raj's Head?
Stealing a page from the playbook of Neerajimus, I've had a song stuck in my head all day.
Just think, if it wasn't for Schoolhouse Rock, George Dubya might not have known about vetoes.
wojr
Stealing a page from the playbook of Neerajimus, I've had a song stuck in my head all day.
Just think, if it wasn't for Schoolhouse Rock, George Dubya might not have known about vetoes.
wojr
Friday, January 05, 2007
YOU CAN'T KEEP THE 5PM SENDOFF DOWN
For Broncajello:
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
For Broncajello:
HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYBODY!
wojr
Labels: 5PMSendoff, Political
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Town Manager Admits “There Are No Benefits to Living in Pahrump”
Well, besides the legalized prostitution I’d wager.
Found on aol.com:
(If you saw the last two episodes of Studio 60, this news item is twice as funny.)
First feeble attempt at comedy: If I lived in Pahrump (“It’s a funny name, get past it.”), I would be inclined to fly me the old Jolly Roger and see what would happen. I could be an ACLU Pirate. On a side note: I bet the ACLU would get more supporters, especially from the moderates, if they gave themselves a cool team name like the Pirates. Or the ACLU Redskins. Something like that.
Second feeble attempt at comedy: “Old Glory is sovereign”??? Now, correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t our country founded by, key word about to be uttered, immigrants who were tired of sovereignty? Bringing up sovereignty - why that's just a slap in the face of every man that has ever stolen land from one of those red-skinned savages.
Third feeble attempt at comedy: wojr.com does not have any benefits either, but if we do have any, we will offer them to any immigrants. Illegal or legal. As long as they work in a brothel.
Last feeble attempt at comedy: I think the brothels, legalized or not, should make up their own flags. Something representing the individual whorehouse’s proficiencies and/or selling points. Fly them just under the Stars and Stripes, so they’re not breaking any Pahrump laws. Feel free to design some suggestions for flag concepts and send them in to wojr.com headquarters. Feel free to make them extra muffy.
wojr
Well, besides the legalized prostitution I’d wager.
Found on aol.com:
The Nevada town of Pahrump is taking a stand not just against illegal immigrants but flags they may bring with them."I'm in the middle of an episode of Walker Texas Ranger."
The elected town board in the remote Mojave Desert community voted 3-2 on Tuesday to enact an ordinance making it illegal to fly a foreign nation's flag by itself.
Flying another country's flag, whether it is a British Union Jack or the flag of Mexico, is punishable by a $50 fine and 30 hours' community service, unless it is flown below an American flag.
"Old Glory is sovereign," says Paul Willis, a retired carpenter and board member. "You can't fly any other nation's flag higher than the American flag."
The American Civil Liberties Union says the flag restriction violates the First Amendment's guarantee of free speech.
"There's no doubt about it," says Lisa Rasmussen, a board member of the Nevada ACLU. "People have a right, as much as we don't like it, to fly ... any flag they wish."
Pahrump is a rural fast-growing town of 33,000 about 60 miles west of Las Vegas. It is part of sprawling Nye County, home of the closest legal brothels to Las Vegas.
The law passed as part of a package of measures that also declared English the official language of Pahrump and denies town benefits to illegal immigrants.
"We don't have any" benefits, town manager David Richards says. "If we ever have any, they'll be denied to illegal immigrants."
(If you saw the last two episodes of Studio 60, this news item is twice as funny.)
First feeble attempt at comedy: If I lived in Pahrump (“It’s a funny name, get past it.”), I would be inclined to fly me the old Jolly Roger and see what would happen. I could be an ACLU Pirate. On a side note: I bet the ACLU would get more supporters, especially from the moderates, if they gave themselves a cool team name like the Pirates. Or the ACLU Redskins. Something like that.
Second feeble attempt at comedy: “Old Glory is sovereign”??? Now, correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t our country founded by, key word about to be uttered, immigrants who were tired of sovereignty? Bringing up sovereignty - why that's just a slap in the face of every man that has ever stolen land from one of those red-skinned savages.
Third feeble attempt at comedy: wojr.com does not have any benefits either, but if we do have any, we will offer them to any immigrants. Illegal or legal. As long as they work in a brothel.
Last feeble attempt at comedy: I think the brothels, legalized or not, should make up their own flags. Something representing the individual whorehouse’s proficiencies and/or selling points. Fly them just under the Stars and Stripes, so they’re not breaking any Pahrump laws. Feel free to design some suggestions for flag concepts and send them in to wojr.com headquarters. Feel free to make them extra muffy.
wojr
Friday, October 27, 2006
I Hope the Poor Guy Counting the Condoms Is Getting Some (or Wow, Michelle Pfeiffer Was Hot in a Trashy Way in Grease 2)
Found on wcbstv.com:
To be perfectly honest, if I was threatened with nuclear annihilation, I would be inclined to go bareback. Then again, I haven’t been hitting up the “love motels”.
The whole thing reminds me of the scene from Grease 2 where one of the guys tries to use a bomb shelter and his girlfriend’s nuclear paranoia to get laid. “KABLAM! NUCLEOID WAR!” The damn scene even had a damn musical number.
Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
If the President were standin' here, I'm sure he would approve.
I'll be a mighty soldier before this night is through.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.
And by “do it”, they mean making the beast with two backs.
Now, some of you might be asking yourself “why is wojr referencing GREASE 2”?
Well,
wojr
Found on wcbstv.com:
Condom Sales Spike In S. KoreaThe South Korean condom industry owes a debt of gratitude to Kim Jong Ill. Who would have thunk?
(AP) SEOUL Condom sales and bookings at several of South Korea's pay-by-the-hour "love motels" surged in the aftermath of North Korea's nuclear test, according to statistics released Thursday.South Koreans are used to living in the shadow of war, and life has continued as normal across the country in the wake of the Oct. 9 explosion. But statistics on the number of condoms sold in recent weeks suggest that despite their apparently blasé reaction to the North's nuclear bluster, many South Koreans may be seeking solace in sex.
A leading chain of convenience stores reported Thursday that their condom sales rose to an average of 1,930 a day in the week after Oct. 9, compared to 1,508 a day for the year to Sept. 30.
Sales of the prophylactics dropped slightly to 1,772 in the week of Oct. 16-21, but remained well above previous norms.
Another national chain said it sold 3.54 million South Korean won (US$3,721) worth of condoms a day during the week after the test — a 14.8 percent rise over last month's sales figures, and a 12 percent rise over the year to Sept. 30.
The statistics were first reported by a prominent newspaper, Chosun Ilbo, which ran a full-color graphic of a condom-shrouded missile bearing the North Korean flag.
To be perfectly honest, if I was threatened with nuclear annihilation, I would be inclined to go bareback. Then again, I haven’t been hitting up the “love motels”.
The whole thing reminds me of the scene from Grease 2 where one of the guys tries to use a bomb shelter and his girlfriend’s nuclear paranoia to get laid. “KABLAM! NUCLEOID WAR!” The damn scene even had a damn musical number.
Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
If the President were standin' here, I'm sure he would approve.
I'll be a mighty soldier before this night is through.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.
And by “do it”, they mean making the beast with two backs.
Now, some of you might be asking yourself “why is wojr referencing GREASE 2”?
Well,
- I wanted to show that I’m secure enough in my manhood to reference Grease 2 and/or movie musicals.
- In terms of the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool, the stars of Grease 2, Michelle Pfeiffer and Maxwell Caulfield, are both just under fifty. They might make for some interesting Dead Pool picks. (Co-stars, Sid Caesar (84) and Adrian Zmed also make for VERY interesting picks.)
- Liz and Jean Sagal, the twins from the sitcom Double Trouble and known wojr crushes, happen to be in Grease 2. I will go any distance to reference either Double Trouble and/or Tales of the Gold Monkey.
- The Korean Condom Article really spoke for itself. Felt like I had to think of something of my own to contribute to this post.
wojr
Thursday, October 26, 2006
wojr’s Buying Habits Indicate That He Would Be Too Drunk to Vote
Found on cnn.com:
Actually, I wonder why the Schwarzenegger camp would even want this information released to the press. Most individuals, especially the ones in the “middle” that Arnold seems to be targeting, have grown a little wary about the state of privacy in America. Wire-tapping of phone calls, looking for their web browser information and now the need to see how they spend their money? Isn’t the Republican Party supposed to be against Big Government getting involved in our lives?
Do they really think if someone buys porn that they’ll vote for a porn star? Not that one is still running.
Found on avn.com:
wojr
Found on cnn.com:
California shoppers, Schwarzenegger is watching youIf only Arnold put such effort into, you know, actually being governor, he probably wouldn’t need this information. Not like he needs the information anyway, most polls show him having a clear majority of the votes.
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Gin or vodka? Ford or BMW? Perrier or Fiji water? Does the car you buy or what's in your fridge say anything about how you'll vote?
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign thinks so.
Employing technology honed in President Bush's 2004 victory, the Republican governor's re-election team has created a vast computer storehouse of data on personal buying habits and voter records to identify likely supporters. Campaign officials say the operation is the largest of its kind in any state, at any time.
Some strategists believe consumer information can reveal a voter's politics even better than a party label can.
"It's not where they live, it's how they live," said Josh Ginsberg, the Schwarzenegger campaign's deputy political director.
The idea is an outgrowth of techniques that businesses have long used to find new customers. Using publicly available data, the Bush campaign in 2004 knew voters' favorite vacation spots, religious leanings, the music and magazines they liked, the cars they drove.
Actually, I wonder why the Schwarzenegger camp would even want this information released to the press. Most individuals, especially the ones in the “middle” that Arnold seems to be targeting, have grown a little wary about the state of privacy in America. Wire-tapping of phone calls, looking for their web browser information and now the need to see how they spend their money? Isn’t the Republican Party supposed to be against Big Government getting involved in our lives?
Do they really think if someone buys porn that they’ll vote for a porn star? Not that one is still running.
Found on avn.com:
Carey Quits Campaign to be with FamilyGod, I miss New Jersey. I really do.
Adult starlet and gubernatorial candidate, Mary Carey, has been forced to stop campaigning due to a family tragedy. After a recent campaign appearance at San Diego State University, Carey had to cancel the remainder of her “Shock the Vote” tour across college campuses of California.
Carey’s mother, Jaqueline Cook, is currently in critical condition after a recent accident in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. After a strenuous month of flying back and forth to Florida to see her mom, Carey said that she has decided to stop campaigning to be by her mother’s side in Florida for an upcoming surgery.
“As much as I want to help the state of California be a better place I think it is more important to be with my mom and help her,” said Carey, a contract performer for Legend Video. "I am only 26 and have many more years to be involved in politics, but right now I must be in Florida with my mom."
wojr
Monday, October 16, 2006
wojr and The Bush Administration Find Some Common Ground
Found on aol.com:
That aol article seems to show only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the content of Kuo’s book, Tempting Faith.
Here’s a more detailed report from Keith Olbermann:
I’m sure you’ll be hearing accusations that this, like the Foley scandal, is the carefully orchestrated plan of the Democrats to smear the good name of Republicans right before the upcoming election. Which is just crazy talk. The Democratic Party doing anything “carefully orchestrated” would be the harbinger of the Second Coming or the Rapture or whatever event the Evangelicals are expecting.
David Kuo is not a proponent of the Democrats. He, from my limited knowledge, left the White House because he felt the Administration was not doing enough to champion the Catholic agenda. Kuo was upset that Bush was short-changing them just like he was short-changing black people. (I know that’s not true, the Catholic leaders at least got some White House souvenirs.) I doubt Kuo believes the Democrats would treat the Evangelicals any better. And the Evangelicals, I’m sure, know that as well. So, I think most of their votes will still go to the Republicans.
Hell, the fact that Bush has been protecting us from the Evangelicals just might win the Republicans some votes from the middle as well. The Bush administration has been protecting us from the crazy, ridiculous Catholics( opposed to the sane, lovely Catholics that I hold close to heart). As crazy as it sounds, we could be in a worse state than we are in now.
Man, just be happy evolution is being taught anywhere in the United States.
wojr
Found on aol.com:
Ex-Aide Says Evangelicals Mocked in White HouseWhile we here at wojr.com have never called the National Christian leaders ‘goofy’ out of reverence to all things Disney, we have consistently thought of the leadership as ‘ridiculous’ and ‘out of control’. Who knew the Bush Administration felt the same way? Right? Makes you just want to run to Washington and give G-Dub a big ol’ hug.
For the White House, the charges coming their way this morning in the new book "Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction" must seem anything but heaven-sent.
The accusations are coming from an unlikely source: David Kuo, former deputy director of the White House Office of Faith-Based Initiatives, which channels federal dollars to religious charities.
Kuo says the office was misused to rally evangelical Christians, the Republican base voters, to get GOP politicians elected. Not only that, Kuo claims Bush officials mocked evangelical leaders behind their backs, alleging that in the office of political guru Karl Rove they were called "the nuts."
"National Christian leaders received hugs and smiles in person and then were dismissed behind their backs and described as 'ridiculous', 'out of control,' and just plain 'goofy,' " Kuo writes.
"You name the important Christian leader, and I have heard them mocked by serious people in serious places," Kuo told "60 Minutes" Sunday night.
That mockery, he added, included the Rev. Pat Robertson being called "insane," the Rev. Jerry Falwell being called "ridiculous" and comments that Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family "had to be controlled."
That aol article seems to show only the tip of the iceberg in terms of the content of Kuo’s book, Tempting Faith.
Here’s a more detailed report from Keith Olbermann:
I’m sure you’ll be hearing accusations that this, like the Foley scandal, is the carefully orchestrated plan of the Democrats to smear the good name of Republicans right before the upcoming election. Which is just crazy talk. The Democratic Party doing anything “carefully orchestrated” would be the harbinger of the Second Coming or the Rapture or whatever event the Evangelicals are expecting.
David Kuo is not a proponent of the Democrats. He, from my limited knowledge, left the White House because he felt the Administration was not doing enough to champion the Catholic agenda. Kuo was upset that Bush was short-changing them just like he was short-changing black people. (I know that’s not true, the Catholic leaders at least got some White House souvenirs.) I doubt Kuo believes the Democrats would treat the Evangelicals any better. And the Evangelicals, I’m sure, know that as well. So, I think most of their votes will still go to the Republicans.
Hell, the fact that Bush has been protecting us from the Evangelicals just might win the Republicans some votes from the middle as well. The Bush administration has been protecting us from the crazy, ridiculous Catholics( opposed to the sane, lovely Catholics that I hold close to heart). As crazy as it sounds, we could be in a worse state than we are in now.
Man, just be happy evolution is being taught anywhere in the United States.
wojr
Thursday, October 12, 2006
GOP Soon To Resort to Chewbacca Defense
Normally, I try to leave discussions involving the political realm to Neerajimus Pai, but he went and stole my lightning-singed anus story. So, what’s a fella to do?
Found on news.aol.com:
Next up has to be the Chewbacca Defense:
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, the Democrats would certainly want you to believe that the Speaker of the House wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
It doesn’t take a political strategist, which I am definitely not, to realize Shays was out to remind the populace of Ted Kennedy’s glorious past given that Kennedy has being campaigning for Shays’ Democratic opponent, Diane Farrell.
Shays wanted the press. He tried to burn his name in the frontal lobe of a few voters. He also wanted to remind the voters that Republicans are not the only ones prone to political scandal.
And scandal is the best way to get press. Arguing policy and agendas can not generate one percent of the media attention of a good 'cigar in a cooter' story.
It depresses me. Not as much as another Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton headline, but it still feels like a swift quick to the crotch. So, I’ll try to leave those stories to the Indian.
Oh and Raj, when you comment on a story about a lady that shot lighting from her pooper, the important remaining question is not “what happens if she was wearing rubber pants?” It’s “how’s her cooter doing?”
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Cooter facsimile, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending Republicans, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca!
Does that make sense?
wojr
Normally, I try to leave discussions involving the political realm to Neerajimus Pai, but he went and stole my lightning-singed anus story. So, what’s a fella to do?
Found on news.aol.com:
Lawmaker Says 'Hastert Didn't Kill Anybody' in Foley CaseI find myself hard pressed to refute such an argument. Using Shays’ rationale, Mark Foley shouldn’t be chastised since all he did was send some Instant Messages. Come on, no one died. Dammit, no one even got their anus scorched. No harm, no foul.
HARTFORD, Connecticut (Oct. 12) - Republican Rep. Christopher Shays defended the House speaker's handling of a congressional page scandal, saying no one died like during the 1969 Chappaquiddick incident involving Democratic Sen. Ted Kennedy.
"I know the speaker didn't go over a bridge and leave a young person in the water, and then have a press conference the next day," the embattled Connecticut congressman told The Hartford Courant in remarks published Wednesday.
"Dennis Hastert didn't kill anybody," he added.
Next up has to be the Chewbacca Defense:
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, the Democrats would certainly want you to believe that the Speaker of the House wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
It doesn’t take a political strategist, which I am definitely not, to realize Shays was out to remind the populace of Ted Kennedy’s glorious past given that Kennedy has being campaigning for Shays’ Democratic opponent, Diane Farrell.
Shays wanted the press. He tried to burn his name in the frontal lobe of a few voters. He also wanted to remind the voters that Republicans are not the only ones prone to political scandal.
And scandal is the best way to get press. Arguing policy and agendas can not generate one percent of the media attention of a good 'cigar in a cooter' story.
It depresses me. Not as much as another Lindsay Lohan/Paris Hilton headline, but it still feels like a swift quick to the crotch. So, I’ll try to leave those stories to the Indian.
Oh and Raj, when you comment on a story about a lady that shot lighting from her pooper, the important remaining question is not “what happens if she was wearing rubber pants?” It’s “how’s her cooter doing?”
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Cooter facsimile, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending Republicans, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca!
Does that make sense?
wojr
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Think I Still Owe Raj A Wedding Gift
Found on INCREDIBLE FUKN.US (via Fleshbot.com (NSFW)):
Though, I am worried about having a buttplug that is called a 'bushplug'. It might be cause for some confusion. Just be sure to always go from the pink to brown, young ladies. Going brown to pink is just bad hygiene.
wojr
Found on INCREDIBLE FUKN.US (via Fleshbot.com (NSFW)):
This President will really f*** you up the butt. You’re already familiar with the sensation, so why not REALLY FEEL IT with our exclusive Presidential Pooper Plug. Invade an Iraqi, an Afghani, or at even an Iranian when you want. With this fat headed, huge stub of a plug no ass is safe anywhere.Do I even need to add my own comments? Isn't that just comical enough without any snarky remarks from me?
Though, I am worried about having a buttplug that is called a 'bushplug'. It might be cause for some confusion. Just be sure to always go from the pink to brown, young ladies. Going brown to pink is just bad hygiene.
wojr
Friday, September 15, 2006
Wojr’s Week in World of the Hip to the Hop
As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).
Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.
Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:
Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):
“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”
Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-
Found on eonline.com:
I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.
Besides it’s only England.
That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.
wojr
As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).
Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.
Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:
- Old as balls, given how I remember both Whitney’s and New Edition’s debut albums.
- Still unclear on this whole sanctity of marriage thing the Right keeps wanting to protect.
Being Mrs. Bobby Brown no longer appeals to Whitney Houston.You got admit Brown’s tenacity but I think there’s another suitor competing for Houston’s attentions.
The "So Emotional" singer has filed for divorce from her husband of 14 years, citing irreconcilable differences, her rep, Nancy Seltzer, confirmed to E! News.
The court documents were filed Friday in Orange County, California. Though the filing was technically for a legal separation, Seltzer said Houston was referring to it as a divorce, as that was her intent.
However, Brown's attorney, Phaedra Parks, emphasized that the split had not yet reached that stage.
"It is a legal separation. It is not a divorce or a divorce petition," Parks told the Associated Press Wednesday.
Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):
The New York Post quoted Boof as saying [Osama] bin Laden told her [Whitney] Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.Who knows? This separation might just be an effort on Whitney's part to save Bobby’s life?
Boof said he even talked about spending a lot of money to go to the U.S. and meet her
She said he wanted to give Houston a mansion and he'd be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives.
As for Houston's husband Bobby Brown, Boof said bin Laden talked about having him killed.
“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”
Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-
Found on eonline.com:
ANOTHER NAME CHANGE: Sean Combs agreeing to stop using the name Diddy in the U.K. as part of a settlement with British music producer Richard "Diddy" Dearlove, who sued the rap mogul for unfair competition. At least he has plenty of other names to fall back on.Now that’s just cold. Some English Dick (his name is Richard) is trying to bring the Age of Diddy to a premature halt. Didn’t he see what happened to Tupac?
I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.
Besides it’s only England.
That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.
wojr
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Let The Punishment Fit The Cranium
Not the most timely idea but go with it.
If an American citizen commits a hate crime against a person of Middle Eastern heritage, I think as additional punishment the attacker should be forced to wear a turban for the rest of their life.
Not only is it a solid deterrent, but it would make me laugh. Imagine going down to the Piggly Wiggly to get some milk & fresh bait and Billy Bob behind the counter is saddled with a nice head wrap. I would laugh so hard that a little pee might dribble out.
That's what our criminal system needs - more laughs and less torture of POWs.
wojr
Not the most timely idea but go with it.
If an American citizen commits a hate crime against a person of Middle Eastern heritage, I think as additional punishment the attacker should be forced to wear a turban for the rest of their life.
Not only is it a solid deterrent, but it would make me laugh. Imagine going down to the Piggly Wiggly to get some milk & fresh bait and Billy Bob behind the counter is saddled with a nice head wrap. I would laugh so hard that a little pee might dribble out.
That's what our criminal system needs - more laughs and less torture of POWs.
wojr
Labels: Advice, Political, Snide Remarks
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
I Wouldn't Trust Jeb Bush With This Election Either
When I mentioned yesterday that religion needed better ways of advertising, this is vaguely what I was I talking about.
It would be the first time a Persian would carry the Redneck vote.
wojr
When I mentioned yesterday that religion needed better ways of advertising, this is vaguely what I was I talking about.
It would be the first time a Persian would carry the Redneck vote.
wojr
Labels: Political, Religion, Snide Remarks
Monday, April 26, 2004
It's Not Like I Want The Taxes To Be RETROACTIVE
Saturday, I was trying to cross the street when this car pulls up in front of me. The vehicle contains three quasi-elderly women so I have no real fear of being robbed or raped. (Hope, but no fear.) Thinking they needed directions, I leaned over so my eyes are at their eye-level instead of my crotch. And what did they do?
Offer me some crappy pamphlet in addition to salvation in the Almighty Lord Jesus Christ.
Which just puts me in the worst mood ever.
First off, I want to know what aspect about me says that I need, let alone want, salvation? Don't I just exude content with my sinning ways?
Secondly, does Jesus need the extra public relations? Do people not know who Jesus is? Hasn't Mel Gibson fixed that problem?
Lastly, do we really need drive-by conversions? (Also, why didn't the salvation of my soul at least warrant them parking the car first and coming up to me on foot? No, all my ever-lasting soul gets is a California roll.) Are churches and synagogues camouflaged now? Do we not know where the Gods live anymore?
I'll concede that the literature distribution must net them some converts. These people have been doing it for way too long not to have any success. If it didn't work, they would have stopped by now. Their batting average can't be that good though, but once they get you. OH BOY. They've got you. Lock, stock and barrel, man. Let the tithing begin.
Now don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of religion in this country. I think any church can set up shop, open the doors, put an ad in the yellow pages and see who shows up. I may bitch about the advertising, but they just need some wittier slogans for me to get over that. Telling me I'll burn forever in a lake of hellfire won't make me a fan too quickly.
My problem, however, is with the money. In my opinion, our country gives way too much money to religion. Especially the South. Religion is big business. Has been for the last five, six hundred years and I accept that. If there is a market for it, well, you can't blame the business for selling it. But we can tax them. WE CAN TAX THE HELL OUT OF THEM.
I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of defense spending. But it helps the nation's economy. It means more jobs for Americans, more capital in the marketplace. Defense contractors while probably overcharging the government, have to pay taxes on that income. Their employees have to pay income taxes as well. The money comes full circle. It ends up helping education, research grants, more defense spending, flying G.W. out on another family vacation.
Now, I know some money given to churches goes towards social programs, food programs - various things that help the community. Kudos to them. But not all the money goes there. Who pays for those huge cathedrals & synagogues, the solid gold tabernacles and Stars of David, payoffs to families of the sexually assaulted, or whatever it is the Hare Krishnas need? But hey, it is the churches' money, let them spend it as they see fit. But why should they be excluded from paying taxes? If not income tax, how about sales tax? Hey, if it reduces the taxes of their worshippers, that should mean more discretionary income for their followers which should mean more donations in the offering basket. Right?
It seems to make sense, but it may just be me. I can be bitter. I have an afterlife of fire and brimstone to look forward to.
wojr
Saturday, I was trying to cross the street when this car pulls up in front of me. The vehicle contains three quasi-elderly women so I have no real fear of being robbed or raped. (Hope, but no fear.) Thinking they needed directions, I leaned over so my eyes are at their eye-level instead of my crotch. And what did they do?
Offer me some crappy pamphlet in addition to salvation in the Almighty Lord Jesus Christ.
Which just puts me in the worst mood ever.
First off, I want to know what aspect about me says that I need, let alone want, salvation? Don't I just exude content with my sinning ways?
Secondly, does Jesus need the extra public relations? Do people not know who Jesus is? Hasn't Mel Gibson fixed that problem?
Lastly, do we really need drive-by conversions? (Also, why didn't the salvation of my soul at least warrant them parking the car first and coming up to me on foot? No, all my ever-lasting soul gets is a California roll.) Are churches and synagogues camouflaged now? Do we not know where the Gods live anymore?
I'll concede that the literature distribution must net them some converts. These people have been doing it for way too long not to have any success. If it didn't work, they would have stopped by now. Their batting average can't be that good though, but once they get you. OH BOY. They've got you. Lock, stock and barrel, man. Let the tithing begin.
Now don't get me wrong, I am all for freedom of religion in this country. I think any church can set up shop, open the doors, put an ad in the yellow pages and see who shows up. I may bitch about the advertising, but they just need some wittier slogans for me to get over that. Telling me I'll burn forever in a lake of hellfire won't make me a fan too quickly.
My problem, however, is with the money. In my opinion, our country gives way too much money to religion. Especially the South. Religion is big business. Has been for the last five, six hundred years and I accept that. If there is a market for it, well, you can't blame the business for selling it. But we can tax them. WE CAN TAX THE HELL OUT OF THEM.
I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of defense spending. But it helps the nation's economy. It means more jobs for Americans, more capital in the marketplace. Defense contractors while probably overcharging the government, have to pay taxes on that income. Their employees have to pay income taxes as well. The money comes full circle. It ends up helping education, research grants, more defense spending, flying G.W. out on another family vacation.
Now, I know some money given to churches goes towards social programs, food programs - various things that help the community. Kudos to them. But not all the money goes there. Who pays for those huge cathedrals & synagogues, the solid gold tabernacles and Stars of David, payoffs to families of the sexually assaulted, or whatever it is the Hare Krishnas need? But hey, it is the churches' money, let them spend it as they see fit. But why should they be excluded from paying taxes? If not income tax, how about sales tax? Hey, if it reduces the taxes of their worshippers, that should mean more discretionary income for their followers which should mean more donations in the offering basket. Right?
It seems to make sense, but it may just be me. I can be bitter. I have an afterlife of fire and brimstone to look forward to.
wojr
Labels: Advice, My Writing, Political, Religion, Snide Remarks
Friday, March 12, 2004
Random Items I Found In My Inbox
My new favorite criminal mastermind - The mugshot says it all.
A cool way to watch the time go by.
Photos of our stalkers of the month
Darragh Delaney
Brian Reeves
An invite to a glorified kegger.
And an update on gas prices
One thing I did not get in my inbox was any emails with an out-pouring of emotion over yesterday's tragedy in Spain. Actually, no one I spoke to today even mentioned it. (Then again, I do live in the self-involved capital of the world, Los Angeles.) And that's probably why the rest of the world isn't going to be hating Spain in about two and a half years time. But that's just me.
wojr
My new favorite criminal mastermind - The mugshot says it all.
A cool way to watch the time go by.
Photos of our stalkers of the month
Darragh Delaney
Brian Reeves
An invite to a glorified kegger.
And an update on gas prices
One thing I did not get in my inbox was any emails with an out-pouring of emotion over yesterday's tragedy in Spain. Actually, no one I spoke to today even mentioned it. (Then again, I do live in the self-involved capital of the world, Los Angeles.) And that's probably why the rest of the world isn't going to be hating Spain in about two and a half years time. But that's just me.
wojr
Saturday, March 06, 2004
Be Forewarned...
What is this all about?
No, not in the grandiose "meaning of life" manner. I am referring to what this asinine page is all about. Before jumping on the "blog" bandwagon, I spent many an hour looking at other individual's diary-like contributions to the Internet (when you call it 'research', wasting time can be relatively guilt-free) and noticed that many of these on-line journals have a primary focus or direction. I have born witness to web logs devoted to knitting, comic book creating in Kansas, the defense of Michael Jackson, proving that Secretary Rumsfield is actually the devil and the price comparison of hookers in third world countries (when you call it 'research', third world prostitution can be relatively guilt-free).
This journal will not be as centered as those and not just because I am not what one would call a centered person. It is just that those others are not only occasionally very frightening but more often than not repetitive.
This space is for me to get the voices out of my head and down on "paper". The topics will definitely vary. Sometimes they will focus on Global Thermonuclear War. Sometimes they will deal with how an acquaintance from college had her crotch "burn" for an entire year. If I don't know what to expect, I doubt any of you can. Ergo, we all can remain interested.
However, I think I should issue a warning, like one of these disclaimers issued out before all the really good TV shows. I don't like to shy away from things. I might not offer my opinion on topics I feel ill informed on, but I don't avoid areas because they are so-called "hot topics". I love the grey areas of our society. They interest me. They drive me towards discussion. Often, they inspire the things I write about. To be honest, I have to avoid most of those topics every weekday from 8AM to 5PM for the sake of office politics. I won't avoid them here.
So, here's a quick breakdown on where I'll be on these issues:
Politics - If believing that education should get more of our tax dollars and that everyone is entitled to quality medical care makes me a liberal, then I am a liberal. Now, my other viewpoints in the political realm might range from the slightly conservative to the radical left, but my passion for those points will never equal the level of those first two. (But, I will admit that the Patriot Act scares the shit out of me.)
So, be forewarned..
Religion - I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school from the age of 9 through 21. Personally, I like god. And by god, I mean "whatever that is more than human and created all the shit you see in the universe". I am, however, not so fond of man, especially the ones doing things in a god's name. That feeling stems back prior to 9/11. So, don't expect me to back the organized religions of the world. Now, don't get me wrong. I greatly admire people with faith. If you have a strong bond with your deity of choice, you get all my props. Just don't try to push me into that same relationship and, Heavens to Betsy, don't go condemning me or anyone else to your conceptualization of an afterlife.
So, be forewarned...
Discrimination - My mother didn't exactly teach me a great deal in relation to living a 'good' life, but she did impart one very important nugget of info - "Judge people only on how they treat you". Back in grade school, one of my friends, Brian Hope, was black (and I'm pretty sure that he still is). Actually, I remember having a crush on his older sister, but cannot seem to recall her name at the moment. In the middle of some stupid, youthful argument, I dropped the "N-Bomb" on young Brian, not really knowing the true ramifications of the word. When news of my transgression got back to my mother, she beat the crap out of me. Now my mother had a tendency for whooping my ass, but even now, twenty years later, I think that was one time she was justified in her actions. Thus, I still "judge people only on how they treat me". Only know, in my cynical 'old age' that has become more "I give everyone the equal opportunity to show his or her inner ass". So, I don't care about the color of your skin, the nation of your birth or how you get your sexual/romantic kicks, because all the people that I really despise tend to be white, straight Americans.
So, be forewarned...
Profanity - I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Sometimes I will fail. Even when it comes to those dreaded "C-words".
So, be forewarned...
Now that all the necessary opening warnings are out there, let's get back to our regular scheduled programming.
wojr
What is this all about?
No, not in the grandiose "meaning of life" manner. I am referring to what this asinine page is all about. Before jumping on the "blog" bandwagon, I spent many an hour looking at other individual's diary-like contributions to the Internet (when you call it 'research', wasting time can be relatively guilt-free) and noticed that many of these on-line journals have a primary focus or direction. I have born witness to web logs devoted to knitting, comic book creating in Kansas, the defense of Michael Jackson, proving that Secretary Rumsfield is actually the devil and the price comparison of hookers in third world countries (when you call it 'research', third world prostitution can be relatively guilt-free).
This journal will not be as centered as those and not just because I am not what one would call a centered person. It is just that those others are not only occasionally very frightening but more often than not repetitive.
This space is for me to get the voices out of my head and down on "paper". The topics will definitely vary. Sometimes they will focus on Global Thermonuclear War. Sometimes they will deal with how an acquaintance from college had her crotch "burn" for an entire year. If I don't know what to expect, I doubt any of you can. Ergo, we all can remain interested.
However, I think I should issue a warning, like one of these disclaimers issued out before all the really good TV shows. I don't like to shy away from things. I might not offer my opinion on topics I feel ill informed on, but I don't avoid areas because they are so-called "hot topics". I love the grey areas of our society. They interest me. They drive me towards discussion. Often, they inspire the things I write about. To be honest, I have to avoid most of those topics every weekday from 8AM to 5PM for the sake of office politics. I won't avoid them here.
So, here's a quick breakdown on where I'll be on these issues:
Politics - If believing that education should get more of our tax dollars and that everyone is entitled to quality medical care makes me a liberal, then I am a liberal. Now, my other viewpoints in the political realm might range from the slightly conservative to the radical left, but my passion for those points will never equal the level of those first two. (But, I will admit that the Patriot Act scares the shit out of me.)
So, be forewarned..
Religion - I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school from the age of 9 through 21. Personally, I like god. And by god, I mean "whatever that is more than human and created all the shit you see in the universe". I am, however, not so fond of man, especially the ones doing things in a god's name. That feeling stems back prior to 9/11. So, don't expect me to back the organized religions of the world. Now, don't get me wrong. I greatly admire people with faith. If you have a strong bond with your deity of choice, you get all my props. Just don't try to push me into that same relationship and, Heavens to Betsy, don't go condemning me or anyone else to your conceptualization of an afterlife.
So, be forewarned...
Discrimination - My mother didn't exactly teach me a great deal in relation to living a 'good' life, but she did impart one very important nugget of info - "Judge people only on how they treat you". Back in grade school, one of my friends, Brian Hope, was black (and I'm pretty sure that he still is). Actually, I remember having a crush on his older sister, but cannot seem to recall her name at the moment. In the middle of some stupid, youthful argument, I dropped the "N-Bomb" on young Brian, not really knowing the true ramifications of the word. When news of my transgression got back to my mother, she beat the crap out of me. Now my mother had a tendency for whooping my ass, but even now, twenty years later, I think that was one time she was justified in her actions. Thus, I still "judge people only on how they treat me". Only know, in my cynical 'old age' that has become more "I give everyone the equal opportunity to show his or her inner ass". So, I don't care about the color of your skin, the nation of your birth or how you get your sexual/romantic kicks, because all the people that I really despise tend to be white, straight Americans.
So, be forewarned...
Profanity - I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Sometimes I will fail. Even when it comes to those dreaded "C-words".
So, be forewarned...
Now that all the necessary opening warnings are out there, let's get back to our regular scheduled programming.
wojr
Labels: Advice, Political, Religion, Snide Remarks, Whores
