wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
But Wendy and Marvin Totally Got It On (or The Second Post This Week Featuring Bestiality)
Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:
I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.
If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:
It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.
True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.
Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.
And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.
wojr
Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:
I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.
If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:
The [Wonder Twins] made their debut in The All-New Super Friends Hour. Zan and Jayna are siblings from the planet Exxor (also spelled Exor) who were being informally trained by the superheroes.So, here we have twins, a brother and a sister, from another planet. Now assuming their alien physiology mirrors ours in terms of genitalia, thus making their incestuous intercourse possible, their powers wouldn't allow it. Every time they touch, they would transform into some other form of matter that would make sex extremely complicated at best.Unlike their predecessors, Wendy Harris and Marvin White, this pair was able to participate in combat with abilities of their own. Their powers were activated when the twins made physical contact together with the spoken command, "Wonder Twin powers, activate!” (In the comics, it was revealed that this phrase was unnecessary, just a habit of theirs.) They bear a strong resemblance to Donny and Marie Osmond, who had a hit tv show at the time of their first appearances. Their appearance is somewhat reminiscent of Vulcans from Star Trek, with pointed ears and similar haircuts. As they were about to transform, they would each announce their intended form. For example, Zan would announce, "Form of a glacier!"
Their powers were:
* Zan can transform into any form of water, including liquid, mist, steam, or, perhaps most usefully, any kind of functioning ice structure. Also, at one time, he changed into a gelatinous form. By combining with already-existing water, Zan could also increase his mass or volume in the water form chosen. In addition, he could transform himself into weather patterns involving water, such as a blizzard, a monsoon, or a typhoon.
* Jayna can transform into any animal, whether real, mythological, indigenous to Earth or to some other planet, like Beast Boy. She did need to know the name of the animal in order to assume its form, as she would turn into whatever animal she named.
It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.
True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.
Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.
And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.
wojr
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The Nazi Pope vs. Inmate #9818783 (or Vote for Today's Favorite Headline)
Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.
Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:
Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:
However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:
Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.
The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.
I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.
Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.
wojr
Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:
Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164
wojr
Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.
Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:
Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources SayOf course, the actual story is about a Katherine Pope and not my boy, Papal Benny. So, all the gullible Catholics (and atheist fans of the Peacock) can relax. The rebound pope is staying in his Italian crib. However, given that Ms. Pope is only a few months older than myself, any chuckles found from the headline were overcome by my cries of rage and jealousy.
Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:
Nude Britney More Infectious Than Nude ParisGiven Britney’s propensity to walk barefoot in public bathrooms as well as her marriage to Senor Federline, this should surprise no one.
However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are more likely to give you a virus than a nude Paris Hilton, a new study finds."Britney Spears nude" ranked higher than "free porn"? Interesting.
The State of Search Engine Safety report, released Monday by McAfee's SiteAdvisor group, evaluates the risks associated with approximately 2,300 of the most popular search terms based on the sites they return.
According to the study, conducting an online search for Suri's parents returns a slightly higher percentage of sites bundled with spyware and other malicious code than a search for the hotel heiress in her birthday suit.
Determined to be far more hazardous than searching for Cruise, Holmes or Hilton was scanning the World Wide Web for "Britney Spears nude," a search term that ranked above "free porn" in terms of the risky results it returned.
Less predictably, searching for a (presumably clothed) Lil' Wayne proved sketchier than hunting down either a nude Pamela Anderson or a nude Carmen Electra, while a search for Nicole Richie was determined to be more dangerous than the term "eating spiders while asleep"
Mark Maxwell, a senior product manager for SiteAdvisor, said the number of risky sites turned up by a search for a given star is not always a factor of their public profile.
"It's not necessarily an attribute of the celebrities themselves," Maxwell told E! Online.
He pointed out that typing "Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston" into a search engine returned a significantly higher percentage of undesirable results than a search for the actor and his current flame, Angelina Jolie.
"Are Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston truly riskier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as people? No," Maxwell said.
Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.
The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.
I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.
Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.
wojr
Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:
Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Crackers, DeadPool, Hollywood, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores, Youtube
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Utah Confirms It Has No Respect for Black People, Their History or Their Porn
February is Black History Month. It’s bad enough that February is the shortest month on the calendar, but now our Nubian brothers and sisters have to share the month with some cracker polygamist movement against pornography.
Found on byu.edu (SFW) (via fleshbot.com (NSFW)):
Black rage! BLACK RAGE!
Ahem.. Sorry, got lost in the moment.
As for the non-racial comments, I would normally start things off by mocking Ms. Moreno for using such an ostentatious word like “yucky”, but I have witnessed some pornographic images that have left a yucky taste in my mouth. (To quote Clerks II, “you never go ass to mouth”.) So, I’ll let that one pass. Also, in terms of pornographic images being left in your brain forever, while I do have issues with the use of the word “forever”, I will admit that I can vividly recall some of the first erotic cinema I witnessed in my life. Hell, those images are the occasional fist fodder for my masturbatory exploits. So, I’ll let that one pass as well.
However, what I will not let slip by me is the insinuation that most of the males and females of junior-high-school age and above that have been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography did so while doing homework. Ms. Moreno, that is a load of BULLSHIT. While the Internet is prevalent with porn (as it should be), I doubt Little Junior High Johnny stumbled upon Latin Double Dong Fiesta dot com while researching the Spanish Inquisition. He’s at that site because he wants to know why Daddy needs three wives.
And come on, “Communities for Decency”, really? Now, if I had a child in an elementary school and a couple of high school kids came to them, claimed to be from some Nazi-sounding group like “Communities for Decency”, and told them it is ok to speak out when they see something inappropriate like, for an example, an interracial gangbang, I would have a big problem with that*.
Because I’m done with the racial harmony in its pornographic and non-pornographic forms.
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
wojr
*Of course, if I was living in Utah, I would have bigger problems than my kids fending off neo-Nazis.
February is Black History Month. It’s bad enough that February is the shortest month on the calendar, but now our Nubian brothers and sisters have to share the month with some cracker polygamist movement against pornography.
Found on byu.edu (SFW) (via fleshbot.com (NSFW)):
Community Leaders Declare February 'White Ribbon Against Pornography' MonthWhy’s it got to be the WHITE Ribbon Against Porn month? Why you got to flaunt your disrespect for the brother man so blatantly in front of his face. (To quote Chasing Amy, “Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy 'safe' for white folks and polygamists”.) It is just blatant racism and, as a liberal white democrat, I will not stand for it. No, not one bit.
Pornography has been compared to a variety of drugs because of its addictive properties.
The difference between the two, however, is illustrated when a user ends his or her addictive behavior. Once you leave a drug like cocaine, you can get the drug out of your system; pornographic images, however, are left in your brain forever, explained Cindy Moreno, the president of Communities for Decency.
Governor Jon Huntsman and mayors of many Utah cities have declared the month of February to be White Ribbon Against Pornography month in Utah.
“Communities for Decency” is a statewide, non-profit organization that promotes standards of decency in communities and teaches children good values. The organization also strives to empower parents with the tools they need to talk to their children about the destructive effects of pornography.
“People don’t realize what is out there,” Moreno said. “We aim to teach children and parents alike about the dangers of pornography.”
Parents are not aware of how easily accessible pornography is, Moreno said. Children can get it on their cell phones, computers or while they are doing their homework on the Internet.
In a study of 600 American males and females of junior-high-school age and above, 91 percent of the males and 82 percent of the females admitted having been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography, mostly occurring while doing homework, Moreno said.
Communities for Decency has funded school assemblies where high school students go to elementary schools and teach children that it is alright to speak out when they see something inappropriate.
“Many children will see inappropriate images and feel yucky about it, but they won’t tell anyone about it,” Moreno said.
Black rage! BLACK RAGE!
Ahem.. Sorry, got lost in the moment.
As for the non-racial comments, I would normally start things off by mocking Ms. Moreno for using such an ostentatious word like “yucky”, but I have witnessed some pornographic images that have left a yucky taste in my mouth. (To quote Clerks II, “you never go ass to mouth”.) So, I’ll let that one pass. Also, in terms of pornographic images being left in your brain forever, while I do have issues with the use of the word “forever”, I will admit that I can vividly recall some of the first erotic cinema I witnessed in my life. Hell, those images are the occasional fist fodder for my masturbatory exploits. So, I’ll let that one pass as well.
However, what I will not let slip by me is the insinuation that most of the males and females of junior-high-school age and above that have been exposed to X-rated, hard-core pornography did so while doing homework. Ms. Moreno, that is a load of BULLSHIT. While the Internet is prevalent with porn (as it should be), I doubt Little Junior High Johnny stumbled upon Latin Double Dong Fiesta dot com while researching the Spanish Inquisition. He’s at that site because he wants to know why Daddy needs three wives.
And come on, “Communities for Decency”, really? Now, if I had a child in an elementary school and a couple of high school kids came to them, claimed to be from some Nazi-sounding group like “Communities for Decency”, and told them it is ok to speak out when they see something inappropriate like, for an example, an interracial gangbang, I would have a big problem with that*.
Because I’m done with the racial harmony in its pornographic and non-pornographic forms.
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
wojr
*Of course, if I was living in Utah, I would have bigger problems than my kids fending off neo-Nazis.
Labels: Crackers, News, Porn, Religion, Snide Remarks
Thursday, October 26, 2006
wojr’s Buying Habits Indicate That He Would Be Too Drunk to Vote
Found on cnn.com:
Actually, I wonder why the Schwarzenegger camp would even want this information released to the press. Most individuals, especially the ones in the “middle” that Arnold seems to be targeting, have grown a little wary about the state of privacy in America. Wire-tapping of phone calls, looking for their web browser information and now the need to see how they spend their money? Isn’t the Republican Party supposed to be against Big Government getting involved in our lives?
Do they really think if someone buys porn that they’ll vote for a porn star? Not that one is still running.
Found on avn.com:
wojr
Found on cnn.com:
California shoppers, Schwarzenegger is watching youIf only Arnold put such effort into, you know, actually being governor, he probably wouldn’t need this information. Not like he needs the information anyway, most polls show him having a clear majority of the votes.
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Gin or vodka? Ford or BMW? Perrier or Fiji water? Does the car you buy or what's in your fridge say anything about how you'll vote?
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign thinks so.
Employing technology honed in President Bush's 2004 victory, the Republican governor's re-election team has created a vast computer storehouse of data on personal buying habits and voter records to identify likely supporters. Campaign officials say the operation is the largest of its kind in any state, at any time.
Some strategists believe consumer information can reveal a voter's politics even better than a party label can.
"It's not where they live, it's how they live," said Josh Ginsberg, the Schwarzenegger campaign's deputy political director.
The idea is an outgrowth of techniques that businesses have long used to find new customers. Using publicly available data, the Bush campaign in 2004 knew voters' favorite vacation spots, religious leanings, the music and magazines they liked, the cars they drove.
Actually, I wonder why the Schwarzenegger camp would even want this information released to the press. Most individuals, especially the ones in the “middle” that Arnold seems to be targeting, have grown a little wary about the state of privacy in America. Wire-tapping of phone calls, looking for their web browser information and now the need to see how they spend their money? Isn’t the Republican Party supposed to be against Big Government getting involved in our lives?
Do they really think if someone buys porn that they’ll vote for a porn star? Not that one is still running.
Found on avn.com:
Carey Quits Campaign to be with FamilyGod, I miss New Jersey. I really do.
Adult starlet and gubernatorial candidate, Mary Carey, has been forced to stop campaigning due to a family tragedy. After a recent campaign appearance at San Diego State University, Carey had to cancel the remainder of her “Shock the Vote” tour across college campuses of California.
Carey’s mother, Jaqueline Cook, is currently in critical condition after a recent accident in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. After a strenuous month of flying back and forth to Florida to see her mom, Carey said that she has decided to stop campaigning to be by her mother’s side in Florida for an upcoming surgery.
“As much as I want to help the state of California be a better place I think it is more important to be with my mom and help her,” said Carey, a contract performer for Legend Video. "I am only 26 and have many more years to be involved in politics, but right now I must be in Florida with my mom."
wojr
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Know the World Around You
Right now, somewhere in the world…
Someone is going “Gay for Pay.”
Some drunk’s bender is just beginning.
An episode of Law & Order is airing on two or more networks.
Some hack is being paid more than you to get Lindsey Lohan more press.
The son of Dracula is looking for a book deal.
Several women have their legs up in stirrups as they patiently await their doctor.
Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of women in stirrups.
The ‘Age of Diddy’ Just Keeps on Truckin’.
Someone is knocking the bottom out of someone’s sister.
Someone has three or more fingers in their anal cavity. It might be that “Gay for Pay” guy.
The NFL doesn’t want you to get drunk.
One of your friends is making fun of you behind your back. (If you’re a large Italian adult male that still lives at home, that number may be higher.)
Several babies and senior citizens are crapping in their diapers.
Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of crapping in a diaper.
A team of Public Relations experts are brainstorming ways to steal press away from Lindsey Lohan.
Some porn star is having problems maintaining wood. This might be that “Gay for Pay” guy as well.
Some other drunk’s bender is just ending.
Someone is wondering if stirrups or diapers get wojr aroused.
You’re realizing that the time you spent reading this blog is LOST FOREVER.
wojr
Right now, somewhere in the world…
Someone is going “Gay for Pay.” Some drunk’s bender is just beginning. An episode of Law & Order is airing on two or more networks. Some hack is being paid more than you to get Lindsey Lohan more press. The son of Dracula is looking for a book deal. Several women have their legs up in stirrups as they patiently await their doctor. Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of women in stirrups. The ‘Age of Diddy’ Just Keeps on Truckin’. Someone is knocking the bottom out of someone’s sister. Someone has three or more fingers in their anal cavity. It might be that “Gay for Pay” guy. The NFL doesn’t want you to get drunk. One of your friends is making fun of you behind your back. (If you’re a large Italian adult male that still lives at home, that number may be higher.) Several babies and senior citizens are crapping in their diapers. Some guy is getting aroused at the idea of crapping in a diaper. A team of Public Relations experts are brainstorming ways to steal press away from Lindsey Lohan. Some porn star is having problems maintaining wood. This might be that “Gay for Pay” guy as well. Some other drunk’s bender is just ending. Someone is wondering if stirrups or diapers get wojr aroused. You’re realizing that the time you spent reading this blog is LOST FOREVER.wojr
Labels: Intoxication, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks
Thursday, May 20, 2004
You Show Me A White Kid Named Xerox & I'll Give You A Dollar
So really, what is in a name?
Gwyneth had a little baby girl and named her, Apple. Personally, I like the name. However, most people are just reminded that celebrities have an odd habit of bestowing unusual names to their offspring.
According to this article on MSN, some stellar names for the celebrity progeny include Rumer, Audio Science, Speck, Jermajesty and Fifi Trixibelle. Basically, the article took some cheap shots at the popular folk and insured the children's future dependence on psychological therapy.
Of course, the article fails to mention the crazy names us regular folk give their kids.
From the April issue of Psychology Today:
"Today's parents seem to believe they can alter their child's destiny by the picking the perfect - preferably idiosyncratic - name. (Destiny, incidentally, was the ninth most popular name for girls in New York City last year.) The current crop of preschoolers includes a few Uniques, with uncommonly named playmates like Kyston, Payton and Sawyer. From Dakota to Heaven, Integrity to Serenity, more babies are being named after places and states of mind."
They then go on to list some real names, seen and heard. Here are a few of my favorites:
Armani Hutch
Atom Larceny
Attila Legend
Bigamy* Loveless
Blade Lucky
Bologna Luscious
Camry Maverick
Cappuccino Oat
Cashmere* Ptolemy
Cerulean Rayon
Chanel Sincerity*
Cherry* Sparkle*
Coal Special*
Denim Starsky
Desperate Timberland
Dilemma Tookie
Dung Toyota
Emancipation Tragedy
Espn Truth
Famous* Vienna*
Halston Xerox
The starred names need not adopt a porn name. These individuals can proceed directly to the set for their boy-boy-girl scene.
What cruel parents name their kids Loveless, Tragedy, Desperate or Dung? I mean if you really want to give your kids a feeling of individuality - give them a different family name. There are really no new family names being introduced into the name pool. Sure, we get some funky immigrant names like Wojciak to offset the Browns and Smiths, but those names are only new to you. It's not like they haven't been circulating in their home countries for hundreds of years.
So, if you want your child to be an individual, give them a different family name. Plus, it gives you plausible deniability when the kid starts messing his life up.
(By the way, do you think Starsky and Hutch might be related? I imagine them to be little twin girls. Twin girls that grow up to hot women that men will fantasy about sleeping with, but never actually will. Why? Because the only thing that sounds more homosexual then claiming, "Yeah, I banged Starsky & Hutch" is "I was gang raped by the Village People.")
wojr
So really, what is in a name?
Gwyneth had a little baby girl and named her, Apple. Personally, I like the name. However, most people are just reminded that celebrities have an odd habit of bestowing unusual names to their offspring.
According to this article on MSN, some stellar names for the celebrity progeny include Rumer, Audio Science, Speck, Jermajesty and Fifi Trixibelle. Basically, the article took some cheap shots at the popular folk and insured the children's future dependence on psychological therapy.
Of course, the article fails to mention the crazy names us regular folk give their kids.
From the April issue of Psychology Today:
"Today's parents seem to believe they can alter their child's destiny by the picking the perfect - preferably idiosyncratic - name. (Destiny, incidentally, was the ninth most popular name for girls in New York City last year.) The current crop of preschoolers includes a few Uniques, with uncommonly named playmates like Kyston, Payton and Sawyer. From Dakota to Heaven, Integrity to Serenity, more babies are being named after places and states of mind."
They then go on to list some real names, seen and heard. Here are a few of my favorites:
Armani Hutch Atom Larceny Attila Legend Bigamy* Loveless Blade Lucky Bologna Luscious Camry Maverick Cappuccino Oat Cashmere* Ptolemy Cerulean Rayon Chanel Sincerity* Cherry* Sparkle* Coal Special* Denim Starsky Desperate Timberland Dilemma Tookie Dung Toyota Emancipation Tragedy Espn Truth Famous* Vienna* Halston Xerox The starred names need not adopt a porn name. These individuals can proceed directly to the set for their boy-boy-girl scene.
What cruel parents name their kids Loveless, Tragedy, Desperate or Dung? I mean if you really want to give your kids a feeling of individuality - give them a different family name. There are really no new family names being introduced into the name pool. Sure, we get some funky immigrant names like Wojciak to offset the Browns and Smiths, but those names are only new to you. It's not like they haven't been circulating in their home countries for hundreds of years.
So, if you want your child to be an individual, give them a different family name. Plus, it gives you plausible deniability when the kid starts messing his life up.
(By the way, do you think Starsky and Hutch might be related? I imagine them to be little twin girls. Twin girls that grow up to hot women that men will fantasy about sleeping with, but never actually will. Why? Because the only thing that sounds more homosexual then claiming, "Yeah, I banged Starsky & Hutch" is "I was gang raped by the Village People.")
wojr
Labels: Advice, News, Porn, Snide Remarks, Whores
Friday, April 16, 2004
Michael Francis Wojciak: Cyber-Pimp to the Bunny Rabbit
(Warning: While discussing bunny rabbits can not really be considered racy subject matter, the links contained in this entry are. So keep in mind that they are really not workplace appropriate. Also, please know that no bunny rabbits were injured during the course of this piece and wojr.com does not condone the whoring or pandering of any rabbit (except when they dressed Bugs Bunny up as a hot girl - I need to get me some of that tail).)
Some of you out there have been kind enough to offer up suggestions on what topics I should address here. While comments like "you should write about whores" are always pleasing to the ears, we here at wojr.com prefer your hate mail. All subject matter is being offered at the whim of its author, me. Now, while whores, paid or drunken in variety, will always hold a special place in my heart, I must be the navigator of my own ship, the master of my own destiny. So, instead of whores, the focus of today's rant will be bunny rabbits. Bunny rabbits will not serve as a metaphor for whores at all, because I will not bow to the whims of the masses. No matter how massive he might be.
Now, as we all have seen and borne witness, the Internet has become an integral part of our society. For many, it has become their primary source for news, pornography, news about pornography, commerce and social interaction. It is the combination of the last two items that we'll be focusing on, the combination of social interaction and commerce.
The business of female rabbits offering sexual favors in exchange for goods and services predates the existence of paper currency, possibly even gold currency as well. Their trade is often referred to as the oldest profession. However, the bunnies' business has never been as publicly displayed as it is today on the Internet. No longer do these tawdry rabbits shake their fluffy little tails up and down seedy avenues and street corners selling their wares. They now promote the sale of their sweet bunny love via websites and escort malls.
Sites like The Eros Guide, CityVibe and ThatMall house hundreds of classified ads for these flagrant mammals of the family Leporidae. (That's right, I said 'Leporidae'.) Fat rabbits, Porn Star bunnies, elderly hares and even some bunnies with rabbit dicks all seem to be open for business. Hourly rates are proudly displayed as well as the 'extent' of service they offer.
Here's the kicker though, the part that makes me bow down and admire the endless possibility of the Internet - there are even websites that review these bunnies.
Ingenious male rabbits have gone about setting up places like The Erotic Review where the female bunnies are rated based on appearance, pricing, ability and depravity. According to some comments, all it takes is a few extra carrots and all inputs become available for your.. well, for your carrot. Now, for a few extra carrots, I guess I will write any story you want, but no one will be jumping in my rabbit hole, Broncatello.
So, what does this say about anything? It just shows that the world is a scary place, but the Internet is a scarier one. However, it feels good to know that my offerings here are not going to be the bottom of this Internet barrel, even when I make transsexual rabbit references.
Just remember, it is all in the name of story research, my friend. It's all for the benefit of the story. No whores were hurt, poked or prodded in the research for this piece.
wojr
(Warning: While discussing bunny rabbits can not really be considered racy subject matter, the links contained in this entry are. So keep in mind that they are really not workplace appropriate. Also, please know that no bunny rabbits were injured during the course of this piece and wojr.com does not condone the whoring or pandering of any rabbit (except when they dressed Bugs Bunny up as a hot girl - I need to get me some of that tail).)
Some of you out there have been kind enough to offer up suggestions on what topics I should address here. While comments like "you should write about whores" are always pleasing to the ears, we here at wojr.com prefer your hate mail. All subject matter is being offered at the whim of its author, me. Now, while whores, paid or drunken in variety, will always hold a special place in my heart, I must be the navigator of my own ship, the master of my own destiny. So, instead of whores, the focus of today's rant will be bunny rabbits. Bunny rabbits will not serve as a metaphor for whores at all, because I will not bow to the whims of the masses. No matter how massive he might be.
Now, as we all have seen and borne witness, the Internet has become an integral part of our society. For many, it has become their primary source for news, pornography, news about pornography, commerce and social interaction. It is the combination of the last two items that we'll be focusing on, the combination of social interaction and commerce.
The business of female rabbits offering sexual favors in exchange for goods and services predates the existence of paper currency, possibly even gold currency as well. Their trade is often referred to as the oldest profession. However, the bunnies' business has never been as publicly displayed as it is today on the Internet. No longer do these tawdry rabbits shake their fluffy little tails up and down seedy avenues and street corners selling their wares. They now promote the sale of their sweet bunny love via websites and escort malls.
Sites like The Eros Guide, CityVibe and ThatMall house hundreds of classified ads for these flagrant mammals of the family Leporidae. (That's right, I said 'Leporidae'.) Fat rabbits, Porn Star bunnies, elderly hares and even some bunnies with rabbit dicks all seem to be open for business. Hourly rates are proudly displayed as well as the 'extent' of service they offer.
Here's the kicker though, the part that makes me bow down and admire the endless possibility of the Internet - there are even websites that review these bunnies.
Ingenious male rabbits have gone about setting up places like The Erotic Review where the female bunnies are rated based on appearance, pricing, ability and depravity. According to some comments, all it takes is a few extra carrots and all inputs become available for your.. well, for your carrot. Now, for a few extra carrots, I guess I will write any story you want, but no one will be jumping in my rabbit hole, Broncatello.
So, what does this say about anything? It just shows that the world is a scary place, but the Internet is a scarier one. However, it feels good to know that my offerings here are not going to be the bottom of this Internet barrel, even when I make transsexual rabbit references.
Just remember, it is all in the name of story research, my friend. It's all for the benefit of the story. No whores were hurt, poked or prodded in the research for this piece.
wojr
Labels: Porn, Snide Remarks, Whores
Monday, April 12, 2004
Alright This Has Stopped Being Funny..
From eonline.com:
Partly as a result of Janet Jackson's Super Bowl boob stunt and the current FCC crackdown on indecency, Victoria's Secret confirming it is canceling its nationally televised fashion show this year.
Stop the country, I want to get off.
Ever since I started this damn site, I've wanted to rail against this Janet Jackson Nipple-Ring Return to Sanctimony Bullshit that has been semi-sweeping the undercurrent of our country, but I didn't.
First of all, it seemed like too obvious a target. In my humble opinion, attacking Happy Days takes skill, while the Jackson issue is the easy lay-up.
Secondly, I didn't want to call any more attention to it (even what feeble attention my words would warrant). I just wanted the whole thing to go away.
BUT IT IS NOT GOING AWAY.
It is entrenching itself like a local Walmart. Here we are, almost three months later and the damn Nipplegate fiasco is still rolling. (By the way, have we now officially run out of words to slap in front of 'gate'? When is that nonsense going to end? DILDOGATE? SKEETGATE?) A millisecond flash of semi-metallic Nubian bosom during the half-time show of the year's biggest excuse for beer advertisement & consumption is robbing the American zeitgeist of whatever chutzpah it has generated since the invention of the crotchless panty. (Wait, let me bask in the glow of that sentence. AHHH!)
What really bothers me I bet if we saw Britney Spear's ta-ta instead, there would be no great uproar. (Wait, let me bask in the mental image of Britney's breast. AHHH!)
WHY?
Are bigots upset that the first breast their pre-adolescent sons saw was African-American? Newsflash: National Geographic has been providing prepubescent males (especially the repressed Baptist prepubescent males) their first glimpses of the Black Tittie for decades and no one is censoring them.
Were people hoping against hope that Janet would be the one Jackson to avoid public shame and embarrassment? Newsflash: Compared to the crap Michael and LaToya have going on, Janet would need to strap a Buick to her chest to be the degenerate of that clan. She may have staged the whole thing to take some heat away from the pedophile allegations. I don't have a sister, but if I had one that flashed her breasts to support me at a time of difficulty, she would get my props.
Were football fans around the world upset because they missed the Third Quarter because they had to explain to their children what a Nipple Adornment was? Newsflash: You all need to spend more time with your kids. Talk to them about the breasts, because breasts will find them (or vice versa). Remember your own youth, when newsstands and convenience stores housed those precious magazines filled with mysterious T&A. Now, remember that was before the advent of the Internet. So take the time now and explain the wonders of knockers to your boys and girls. And while you're at it, explain to me the whole mammary fascination. Personally, I love them. Don't know why, just do. Is it because they provided my sustenance through my newborn stage? Is it because I don't have a pair of my own? Is it all Hugh Hefner's fault? Will someone please tell me why I'm like this, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD? Because if you can't, then don't take the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show away from me.
THE TRUTH:
I cannot remember the first time my young ass saw some bare boobies. I know I did though and, as previously mentioned, I knew I liked them.
However, I do remember vividly the first time I saw a man break his leg. Lawrence Taylor sacked Joe Theisman so hard - his leg broke in three places and Theisman's career was over. The visual was utterly disgusting and forever etched on my memory. Now, I hate the whole rant how Americans are so repressed and glorify violence while abhorring sexuality, but DAMMIT, just because I hate it doesn't make it untrue. Hours of men hurling themselves at each other, putting themselves in serious physical peril over the oddest shaped pigskin ball are perfectly acceptable for your children to watch. Some gratuitous nudity calls for the rage and bile of the FCC. Strange enough, the Europeans are fine with the sex & the nudity and those bastards are ass-deep in the Catholicism. The whole thing is beyond me.
Plus, don't forget while you're watching those modern day gladiators duke it out on the 100 yards of Astroturf that the referee is about to call a television timeout for the wonders of the beer commercial. Now, who exactly are these commercials for? Not the average football fan, their fridges and coolers are stocked before the first coin toss. Not the average beer drinker, they have long ago formed their own brand loyalties based on taste and hangover potential. These ads, with their cute little lobsters and farting reindeer, are for the kids. Budweiser wants the first beer your little tyke buys from the homeless guy that hangs out behind the liquor store to be a Bud (or at the very least, Bud Light). No talking dog or clever ad is going to make the common man switch brands. It would take two chicks wrestling in a fountain to do that - but that's almost like what got us here in the first place. So, talk to your kid about beer when you're discussing the happy fun bags - it will make a great introduction to the area of beer-goggling.
Do you see a trend here? Taking to your kids? There are many, many things a parent needs to talk to their kids about. It's almost like this parenting thing would be a full-time gig, you think? With all the conversations, the monitoring of TV viewing & the Internet, plus all the feeding, bathing, and clothing. It's a wonder how some parents find time to wage their socio-political agendas that rob me of my Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Thankfully, we have special interest groups looking out for our.. well, our interests.
But before I finish, I just have to say that people would watch that Victoria's Secret show specifically for the possibility of a wardrobe malfunction. That is the whole point, and no silly pretense of half-time entertainment. Of course, eighty percent would watch to be tantalized by the possible "malfunctions", while sixty percent would watch so they could be outraged at the exposure of the nudie bits. (No, my math is not wrong. Forty percent have issues and would be both tantalized & outraged.) However, Victoria has forsaken us, because it is an Election year. It is easier for Politicians to pretend to fix our nation's moral fiber than it is to repair the Social Security situation or resolve the Iraq conundrum.
So, Janet's tit came out of its halter and saw its shadow - we're due for several more weeks of hypocrisy. Don't put your shovels into storage yet. We could be knee-deep in it by morning.
WOJR.COM - FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BOOBS
wojr
From eonline.com:
Partly as a result of Janet Jackson's Super Bowl boob stunt and the current FCC crackdown on indecency, Victoria's Secret confirming it is canceling its nationally televised fashion show this year.
Stop the country, I want to get off.
Ever since I started this damn site, I've wanted to rail against this Janet Jackson Nipple-Ring Return to Sanctimony Bullshit that has been semi-sweeping the undercurrent of our country, but I didn't.
First of all, it seemed like too obvious a target. In my humble opinion, attacking Happy Days takes skill, while the Jackson issue is the easy lay-up.
Secondly, I didn't want to call any more attention to it (even what feeble attention my words would warrant). I just wanted the whole thing to go away.
BUT IT IS NOT GOING AWAY.
It is entrenching itself like a local Walmart. Here we are, almost three months later and the damn Nipplegate fiasco is still rolling. (By the way, have we now officially run out of words to slap in front of 'gate'? When is that nonsense going to end? DILDOGATE? SKEETGATE?) A millisecond flash of semi-metallic Nubian bosom during the half-time show of the year's biggest excuse for beer advertisement & consumption is robbing the American zeitgeist of whatever chutzpah it has generated since the invention of the crotchless panty. (Wait, let me bask in the glow of that sentence. AHHH!)
What really bothers me I bet if we saw Britney Spear's ta-ta instead, there would be no great uproar. (Wait, let me bask in the mental image of Britney's breast. AHHH!)
WHY?
Are bigots upset that the first breast their pre-adolescent sons saw was African-American? Newsflash: National Geographic has been providing prepubescent males (especially the repressed Baptist prepubescent males) their first glimpses of the Black Tittie for decades and no one is censoring them.
Were people hoping against hope that Janet would be the one Jackson to avoid public shame and embarrassment? Newsflash: Compared to the crap Michael and LaToya have going on, Janet would need to strap a Buick to her chest to be the degenerate of that clan. She may have staged the whole thing to take some heat away from the pedophile allegations. I don't have a sister, but if I had one that flashed her breasts to support me at a time of difficulty, she would get my props.
Were football fans around the world upset because they missed the Third Quarter because they had to explain to their children what a Nipple Adornment was? Newsflash: You all need to spend more time with your kids. Talk to them about the breasts, because breasts will find them (or vice versa). Remember your own youth, when newsstands and convenience stores housed those precious magazines filled with mysterious T&A. Now, remember that was before the advent of the Internet. So take the time now and explain the wonders of knockers to your boys and girls. And while you're at it, explain to me the whole mammary fascination. Personally, I love them. Don't know why, just do. Is it because they provided my sustenance through my newborn stage? Is it because I don't have a pair of my own? Is it all Hugh Hefner's fault? Will someone please tell me why I'm like this, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD? Because if you can't, then don't take the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show away from me.
THE TRUTH:
I cannot remember the first time my young ass saw some bare boobies. I know I did though and, as previously mentioned, I knew I liked them.
However, I do remember vividly the first time I saw a man break his leg. Lawrence Taylor sacked Joe Theisman so hard - his leg broke in three places and Theisman's career was over. The visual was utterly disgusting and forever etched on my memory. Now, I hate the whole rant how Americans are so repressed and glorify violence while abhorring sexuality, but DAMMIT, just because I hate it doesn't make it untrue. Hours of men hurling themselves at each other, putting themselves in serious physical peril over the oddest shaped pigskin ball are perfectly acceptable for your children to watch. Some gratuitous nudity calls for the rage and bile of the FCC. Strange enough, the Europeans are fine with the sex & the nudity and those bastards are ass-deep in the Catholicism. The whole thing is beyond me.
Plus, don't forget while you're watching those modern day gladiators duke it out on the 100 yards of Astroturf that the referee is about to call a television timeout for the wonders of the beer commercial. Now, who exactly are these commercials for? Not the average football fan, their fridges and coolers are stocked before the first coin toss. Not the average beer drinker, they have long ago formed their own brand loyalties based on taste and hangover potential. These ads, with their cute little lobsters and farting reindeer, are for the kids. Budweiser wants the first beer your little tyke buys from the homeless guy that hangs out behind the liquor store to be a Bud (or at the very least, Bud Light). No talking dog or clever ad is going to make the common man switch brands. It would take two chicks wrestling in a fountain to do that - but that's almost like what got us here in the first place. So, talk to your kid about beer when you're discussing the happy fun bags - it will make a great introduction to the area of beer-goggling.
Do you see a trend here? Taking to your kids? There are many, many things a parent needs to talk to their kids about. It's almost like this parenting thing would be a full-time gig, you think? With all the conversations, the monitoring of TV viewing & the Internet, plus all the feeding, bathing, and clothing. It's a wonder how some parents find time to wage their socio-political agendas that rob me of my Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Thankfully, we have special interest groups looking out for our.. well, our interests.
But before I finish, I just have to say that people would watch that Victoria's Secret show specifically for the possibility of a wardrobe malfunction. That is the whole point, and no silly pretense of half-time entertainment. Of course, eighty percent would watch to be tantalized by the possible "malfunctions", while sixty percent would watch so they could be outraged at the exposure of the nudie bits. (No, my math is not wrong. Forty percent have issues and would be both tantalized & outraged.) However, Victoria has forsaken us, because it is an Election year. It is easier for Politicians to pretend to fix our nation's moral fiber than it is to repair the Social Security situation or resolve the Iraq conundrum.
So, Janet's tit came out of its halter and saw its shadow - we're due for several more weeks of hypocrisy. Don't put your shovels into storage yet. We could be knee-deep in it by morning.
WOJR.COM - FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHT TO BOOBS
wojr
Labels: News, Porn, Religion, Snide Remarks
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
CAN YOU GUESS WHAT I'M WATCHING?
A little slow to update anything today. Don't know exactly why, but I do feel slightly disjointed. Like there is something different about me. Something has changed.
Wait a second. That's right, I'm a frigging bachelor again.
No, I didn't go dumping my lady on her birthday. I'm mean, but not that mean. She's just off to NYC for some family stuff. So, lil Mikey gets five days off.
What crazy plans does he have?
Let's see. There's work. Followed by some work. Before I stop and do even more work.
Still need to finish all the little odds and ends on the site. Want to get the ugly ass art for the web comics finished. Then, I really have to get the latest film script done. Gave myself a May deadline and want to stick to that.
I know that sounds very lame. Wasting away the few days of single life afforded to me. Don't worry though -
I'LL BE WATCHING PORN THE ENTIRE TIME.
Hell, I'm watching it right now.
wojr
A little slow to update anything today. Don't know exactly why, but I do feel slightly disjointed. Like there is something different about me. Something has changed.
Wait a second. That's right, I'm a frigging bachelor again.
No, I didn't go dumping my lady on her birthday. I'm mean, but not that mean. She's just off to NYC for some family stuff. So, lil Mikey gets five days off.
What crazy plans does he have?
Let's see. There's work. Followed by some work. Before I stop and do even more work.
Still need to finish all the little odds and ends on the site. Want to get the ugly ass art for the web comics finished. Then, I really have to get the latest film script done. Gave myself a May deadline and want to stick to that.
I know that sounds very lame. Wasting away the few days of single life afforded to me. Don't worry though -
I'LL BE WATCHING PORN THE ENTIRE TIME.
Hell, I'm watching it right now.
wojr
Labels: Porn
