But Wendy and Marvin Totally Got It On (or The Second Post This Week Featuring Bestiality)

Here’s my random thought of the day, but it’s a good one:

I think the Wonder Twins got their powers so they couldn’t fuck each other.

If you have no idea who the Wonder Twins are, here is something stolen from wikipedia:

The [Wonder Twins] made their debut in The All-New Super Friends Hour. Zan and Jayna are siblings from the planet Exxor (also spelled Exor) who were being informally trained by the superheroes. Unlike their predecessors, Wendy Harris and Marvin White, this pair was able to participate in combat with abilities of their own. Their powers were activated when the twins made physical contact together with the spoken command, "Wonder Twin powers, activate!” (In the comics, it was revealed that this phrase was unnecessary, just a habit of theirs.) They bear a strong resemblance to Donny and Marie Osmond, who had a hit tv show at the time of their first appearances. Their appearance is somewhat reminiscent of Vulcans from Star Trek, with pointed ears and similar haircuts. As they were about to transform, they would each announce their intended form. For example, Zan would announce, "Form of a glacier!"

Their powers were:

* Zan can transform into any form of water, including liquid, mist, steam, or, perhaps most usefully, any kind of functioning ice structure. Also, at one time, he changed into a gelatinous form. By combining with already-existing water, Zan could also increase his mass or volume in the water form chosen. In addition, he could transform himself into weather patterns involving water, such as a blizzard, a monsoon, or a typhoon.

* Jayna can transform into any animal, whether real, mythological, indigenous to Earth or to some other planet, like Beast Boy. She did need to know the name of the animal in order to assume its form, as she would turn into whatever animal she named.

So, here we have twins, a brother and a sister, from another planet. Now assuming their alien physiology mirrors ours in terms of genitalia, thus making their incestuous intercourse possible, their powers wouldn't allow it. Every time they touch, they would transform into some other form of matter that would make sex extremely complicated at best.

It's like they’re from a world where incest did not lead to inbreeding, a planet without recessive genes. (Although, Gleek looks like one inbred space monkey.) So, that episode of the X-Files, Home, with the deformed hillbilly inbred offspring who had their limbless Momma strapped to a board under the bed isn’t going to scare Zan & Jayna away from the sibling nookie.

True, Jayna could take the "form of a bitch in heat" and Zan could become an eighteen inch ice dildo, but, come on! I speak from experience when I say that there are better ways to get your groove on than humping a dog or sticking frozen pricks up your bum.

Did I just say…? Listen, ignore the "speak from experience" part. Just focus on the fact that we can’t see a sex tape with the Vulcan Donny & Marie getting it on. The best we can get is some footage of them taking turns having their way with their retarded space monkey.

And when that happens, well, the terrorists really win.

wojr

Labels: Comic Books, Crackers, Nostalgia, Porn, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 10:33 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRONC!

Today is the birthday of the Mighty Broncatello! One year older than Jesus!

Now for those not in the know (and please feel free to join us in "The Know"), Bronc and I compete in giving each other crappy birthday gifts. Be it Bronc's birthday, Wojr's birthday or Jesus's birthday - all those precious dates need be celebrated with utter craptastic birthday gifts.

I'm headed to NJ this thursday so I need some bad gift suggestions.

I recall a James Van Der Beek's biography being one gift, Rosie O'Donnell's autobiography being another. However, the current front runner is this book Bronc bought me.


Yeah, that one is hard to top. Honestly, the book sickened me so much that I never actually looked through it. If I did, I would have found this pic.


I know, I should blur out his tally-wacker. It is rather threatening. I'll get to that shortly, but in the meantime, anyone else reminded of this pic?


Yeah, I thought so.

So -- Happy birthday, you gay cowboy you!

And, everyone else, feel free to email me you crappy gift suggestions. Remember when it comes to crap, Price is not a limitation.

wojr

Labels: Advice, Bronc, Crackers, Whores

  ¶ 12:02 AM 2 comments links to this post   

  The Nazi Pope vs. Inmate #9818783 (or Vote for Today's Favorite Headline)

Now, I’m paraphrasing myself here, but news headlines can be peculiar things. And you don’t even need to take the time to closely examine them.

Take this article at TV Week, which just tickles my secular funny bone:

Pope To Be Named NBC Studio Head, Sources Say

Of course, the actual story is about a Katherine Pope and not my boy, Papal Benny. So, all the gullible Catholics (and atheist fans of the Peacock) can relax. The rebound pope is staying in his Italian crib. However, given that Ms. Pope is only a few months older than myself, any chuckles found from the headline were overcome by my cries of rage and jealousy.

Luckily, I then stumbled upon this lovely headline on eonline.com:

Nude Britney More Infectious Than Nude Paris

Given Britney’s propensity to walk barefoot in public bathrooms as well as her marriage to Senor Federline, this should surprise no one.

However, the article is referring to computer virus and not venereal diseases:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are more likely to give you a virus than a nude Paris Hilton, a new study finds.

The State of Search Engine Safety report, released Monday by McAfee's SiteAdvisor group, evaluates the risks associated with approximately 2,300 of the most popular search terms based on the sites they return.

According to the study, conducting an online search for Suri's parents returns a slightly higher percentage of sites bundled with spyware and other malicious code than a search for the hotel heiress in her birthday suit.

Determined to be far more hazardous than searching for Cruise, Holmes or Hilton was scanning the World Wide Web for "Britney Spears nude," a search term that ranked above "free porn" in terms of the risky results it returned.

Less predictably, searching for a (presumably clothed) Lil' Wayne proved sketchier than hunting down either a nude Pamela Anderson or a nude Carmen Electra, while a search for Nicole Richie was determined to be more dangerous than the term "eating spiders while asleep"

Mark Maxwell, a senior product manager for SiteAdvisor, said the number of risky sites turned up by a search for a given star is not always a factor of their public profile.

"It's not necessarily an attribute of the celebrities themselves," Maxwell told E! Online.

He pointed out that typing "Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston" into a search engine returned a significantly higher percentage of undesirable results than a search for the actor and his current flame, Angelina Jolie.

"Are Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston truly riskier than Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as people? No," Maxwell said.

"Britney Spears nude" ranked higher than "free porn"? Interesting.

Some guy has a job that involves finding how likely it is to get a computer virus when searching for the phrase "eating spiders while sleep"? Kinda sad. True, it’s not as thankless a job as waiting tables at the Red Lobster, but there has got to be better ways to earn your money.

The survey does explain some of the more wacky search phrases that led people to my site. Like "girls in cocaine", "massive bowel movement", or "Paris Hilton Dead Pool." And those are just for June.

I do wonder if Paris's current stay in jail will make her more or less associated with computer-based hazards. Not that I’m making fun of Paris'’s stay in jail. Everyone else is doing that and no one will reach the heights of Sarah Silverman's slam.



Bronc would so let Paris Hilton go down on him.

wojr

Edited: If you want you can write Ms. Hilton in prison, you can do so at the following address:

Paris Hilton, #9818783
PO BOX 86164
Terminal Annex
Los Angeles, CA 90086-0164

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, DeadPool, Hollywood, Porn, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores, Youtube

  ¶ 7:15 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Some Unfortunate Web Advertising

So, I was reading this oddly titled article about the Anna-Nicole corpse debate over at abc.com, when I noticed some unfortunate use of advertising.

Be sure to click on pic to enlarge:

Come to the Bahamas and see the rapidly decomposing whore.

I'm booking my airfare now.

wojr

Labels: News, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 7:49 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Mom, I’m Off To Comic Book Store – Keep An Eye on Doggie For Me?

Found on nydailynews.com (via warrenellis.com):

No escape from S&M Svengali, she says

A woman who says she was forced into sexual slavery took jurors on a stomach-turning journey through her S&M hell yesterday, testifying against the captor who called himself "God."

Jodi, a petite, 39-year-old from Wisconsin, testified that she was powerless to escape the twisted control of defendant Glenn Marcus, a sadomasochistic Svengali she met in 1998 on the Internet.

Federal Judge Allyne Ross allowed the witness to be identified by just her first name to spare her embarrassment.

Speaking in a husky monotone, Jodi described the whippings, mutilations and torture she said she received at the hands of Marcus, who sold comic books and lived with his parents on Long Island.

Marcus also lorded over three other female slaves he dubbed "Doggie," "Nameless" and "Robot,” Jodi said. But after Jodi agreed to submit to Marcus' fantasies, she became his "ultimate slave," the one he called "It," she said. He initiated Jodi by shaving her head and branding the letter "G" on her buttocks, she said.

He later carved "Slave" on her stomach, Jodi said.

"I was now his property and I belonged to him," Jodi testified in Brooklyn Federal Court, where Marcus, 53, is on trial for sex trafficking, forced labor and disseminating obscene photos of the victim on his Web site. "And whatever I was before I came to him didn't exist anymore."

Jodi had dabbled with sadomasochism in two relationships before meeting Marcus, but she said she was not prepared for his extreme brutality.

In one attack, he burned Jodi with a cigarette all over her body, including her genitals, she said. "I felt like I was literally in hell. I felt like I was on fire and couldn't put it out," she said.

Jodi was afraid to complain to the other female "slaves" out of fear they would tell Marcus and she would be punished further, she said.

There’s a word you don’t hear enough, Svengali. If I was a well-hung African American male, I would so want to become a Svengali. That way, I can claim to be The Mandingo Svengali. It has a nice ring to it and it would definitely look spiffy embroidered on a lobster bib.

Since I’m not African-American or well hung, I’ll just comment about this story on this blog.

So, Glenn aka “God” worked at a comic book store at the ripe age of 53, lived with his parents at the ripe age of 53 and still managed to get not one, not two, but four women to be his submissive sex slaves? I’m sure there’s many a man reading that story and thinking, “what the hell am I doing wrong?”

To those men, I give this advice, “Move out to Long Island”. If you stop and think about it, this story does make perfect sense. Long Island is the home of Amy Fischer and Joey Buttafucco. Crazy bitches falling for creepy old dudes just happens to be the norm out there. I’m not sure you’ll find one that will allow you to burn her vagina with a lit cigarette, but I’d wager you could get a handjob if you just offer her a pack of cigarettes.

(Oh yeah, I’m getting some hate mail for this one.)

wojr

Labels: Comic Books, News, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 3:39 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Fred Garvin Mike Tyson – Male Prostitute

Keeping the focus on Nevada brothels, we have this story found on starpulse.com:

Former boxing champion Mike Tyson is to become a male escort after agreeing to work at legendary Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss' new legalized brothel for women. Fleiss bought 60 acres of land in Nevada, and his work is scheduled to begin on Heidi's Stud Farm.

She has high hopes for Tyson, once heavyweight champion of the world - despite the fact he is a convicted rapist.

She says, "I told him, 'You're going to be my big stallion.' It's every man's fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson."

Tyson, 40, adds, "I don't care what any man says, it's every man's dream to please every woman - and get paid for it."

First off, this story is not accurate. It’s every (straight) man’s fear that Mike Tyson will make them their girlfriend. Hell, most would probably offer up their girlfriend as some type of sacrifice.

Personally, I have no problem with the idea of a whorehouse to service the ladies. What is good for the goose should be good for the vagina. However, the initial outing for such an enterprise that needs to be free of any problems or dilemmas. Thus, if the proprietors want this type of venture to succeed, they should select their man-whores with care. Most of the perspective clients for this establishment are going to have trepidations. The last thing they need to worry about is getting their ear bitten off by their gigolo.

Most women I know would actually pay money NOT to be alone in a room with Mike Tyson. Of course, there are other women that really like the bad boys. You know the ones that write serial killers in prison. The ones that get wet at the thought of a “conjugal visit.” The ones that don’t find me attractive at all. (Fuck you, there are some women that find me attractive.)

As warning to the staff of Heidi Fleiss’ brothel, when Iron Mike is in the house, be careful which doors you open. I’d wager if you stumble into Mike’s room by accident, especially if he is priming himself to please his customer, you might get pounced upon and find yourself on the receiving end of his attempts at pleasing.

wojr

Labels: News, Whores

  ¶ 7:04 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Town Manager Admits “There Are No Benefits to Living in Pahrump”

Well, besides the legalized prostitution I’d wager.

Found on aol.com:

The Nevada town of Pahrump is taking a stand not just against illegal immigrants but flags they may bring with them.

The elected town board in the remote Mojave Desert community voted 3-2 on Tuesday to enact an ordinance making it illegal to fly a foreign nation's flag by itself.

Flying another country's flag, whether it is a British Union Jack or the flag of Mexico, is punishable by a $50 fine and 30 hours' community service, unless it is flown below an American flag.

"Old Glory is sovereign," says Paul Willis, a retired carpenter and board member. "You can't fly any other nation's flag higher than the American flag."

The American Civil Liberties Union says the flag restriction violates the First Amendment's guarantee of free speech.

"There's no doubt about it," says Lisa Rasmussen, a board member of the Nevada ACLU. "People have a right, as much as we don't like it, to fly ... any flag they wish."

Pahrump is a rural fast-growing town of 33,000 about 60 miles west of Las Vegas. It is part of sprawling Nye County, home of the closest legal brothels to Las Vegas.

The law passed as part of a package of measures that also declared English the official language of Pahrump and denies town benefits to illegal immigrants.

"We don't have any" benefits, town manager David Richards says. "If we ever have any, they'll be denied to illegal immigrants."

"I'm in the middle of an episode of Walker Texas Ranger."

(If you saw the last two episodes of Studio 60, this news item is twice as funny.)

First feeble attempt at comedy: If I lived in Pahrump (“It’s a funny name, get past it.”), I would be inclined to fly me the old Jolly Roger and see what would happen. I could be an ACLU Pirate. On a side note: I bet the ACLU would get more supporters, especially from the moderates, if they gave themselves a cool team name like the Pirates. Or the ACLU Redskins. Something like that.

Second feeble attempt at comedy: “Old Glory is sovereign”??? Now, correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t our country founded by, key word about to be uttered, immigrants who were tired of sovereignty? Bringing up sovereignty - why that's just a slap in the face of every man that has ever stolen land from one of those red-skinned savages.

Third feeble attempt at comedy: wojr.com does not have any benefits either, but if we do have any, we will offer them to any immigrants. Illegal or legal. As long as they work in a brothel.

Last feeble attempt at comedy: I think the brothels, legalized or not, should make up their own flags. Something representing the individual whorehouse’s proficiencies and/or selling points. Fly them just under the Stars and Stripes, so they’re not breaking any Pahrump laws. Feel free to design some suggestions for flag concepts and send them in to wojr.com headquarters. Feel free to make them extra muffy.

wojr

Labels: News, Political, Whores

  ¶ 12:59 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  I Hope the Poor Guy Counting the Condoms Is Getting Some (or Wow, Michelle Pfeiffer Was Hot in a Trashy Way in Grease 2)

Found on wcbstv.com:

Condom Sales Spike In S. Korea

(AP) SEOUL Condom sales and bookings at several of South Korea's pay-by-the-hour "love motels" surged in the aftermath of North Korea's nuclear test, according to statistics released Thursday.

South Koreans are used to living in the shadow of war, and life has continued as normal across the country in the wake of the Oct. 9 explosion. But statistics on the number of condoms sold in recent weeks suggest that despite their apparently blasé reaction to the North's nuclear bluster, many South Koreans may be seeking solace in sex.

A leading chain of convenience stores reported Thursday that their condom sales rose to an average of 1,930 a day in the week after Oct. 9, compared to 1,508 a day for the year to Sept. 30.

Sales of the prophylactics dropped slightly to 1,772 in the week of Oct. 16-21, but remained well above previous norms.

Another national chain said it sold 3.54 million South Korean won (US$3,721) worth of condoms a day during the week after the test — a 14.8 percent rise over last month's sales figures, and a 12 percent rise over the year to Sept. 30.

The statistics were first reported by a prominent newspaper, Chosun Ilbo, which ran a full-color graphic of a condom-shrouded missile bearing the North Korean flag.

The South Korean condom industry owes a debt of gratitude to Kim Jong Ill. Who would have thunk?

To be perfectly honest, if I was threatened with nuclear annihilation, I would be inclined to go bareback. Then again, I haven’t been hitting up the “love motels”.

The whole thing reminds me of the scene from Grease 2 where one of the guys tries to use a bomb shelter and his girlfriend’s nuclear paranoia to get laid. “KABLAM! NUCLEOID WAR!” The damn scene even had a damn musical number.

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
If the President were standin' here, I'm sure he would approve.
I'll be a mighty soldier before this night is through.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

And by “do it”, they mean making the beast with two backs.

Now, some of you might be asking yourself “why is wojr referencing GREASE 2”?

Well,

1. I wanted to show that I’m secure enough in my manhood to reference Grease 2 and/or movie musicals.
2. In terms of the Inaugural wojr.com Halloween Dead Pool, the stars of Grease 2, Michelle Pfeiffer and Maxwell Caulfield, are both just under fifty. They might make for some interesting Dead Pool picks. (Co-stars, Sid Caesar (84) and Adrian Zmed also make for VERY interesting picks.)
3. Liz and Jean Sagal, the twins from the sitcom Double Trouble and known wojr crushes, happen to be in Grease 2. I will go any distance to reference either Double Trouble and/or Tales of the Gold Monkey.
4. The Korean Condom Article really spoke for itself. Felt like I had to think of something of my own to contribute to this post.
   

Yeah, they all can’t be home runs, but I bet you chuckled at the Kim Jong Ill picture.

wojr

Labels: News, Political, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 3:28 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  The Worst “Girls Gone Wild” Tape – EVER

We have this item sent by wojr.com correspondent, Sir Phillip of Beum, found on thewbalchannel.com:

The women were volunteers with the Frederick Youth Sports Association and said they only intended to raise the spirits of the 7-year-old and 8-year-old girls during a youth football game last week.

With the consent of head coach Debbie Wheaton, assistant Christine Smith drew a smiley face on her own stomach -- then flashed the smiley face to get the girls to smile.

But Association president Kathy Carey wasn't smiling when she received three complaints. The coaches were dismissed two days later.

Even though Smith said she only exposed three inches of her stomach, Carey said it was inappropriate.

This article raises several points:

How much does it suck to get dismissed from a gig that you are VOLUNTEERING for? You’re working for free – sacrificing your time and energy. The least they could do is let you show off your tight abs. (I’m assuming the abs are tight, just like I’m assuming the two coaches are eighteen and virginal. This is my blog, right?)

Three inches of stomach equaled three complaints? Coincidence, I think not! I bet if they showed off four inches they would have racked up more – hell, they might have actually exposed belly buttons then. Seriously, get out your rulers and look at how small three inches actually is. I mean, I’m even bigger than that!

Now, from this article, some might assume Kathy Carey is a prude. Personally, I don’t know her, but I can not imagine that one gets to be President of the FREDERICK YOUTH SPORTS ASSOCIATION without having a burning fire of determination in her very soul. You know, the kind of fire and strength of will that translates very well to the bedroom. (Again, I’m assuming but it’s my blog and I’ve been sexually deprived since my girlfriend moved to the other side of the country.)

Were the three complaints from overweight people? I bet they were jealous tubbies. Or Muslim extremists. Or fat Muslim extremists.

If the cheerleaders need people to lift THEIR spirits, they must be sucky cheerleaders. Even if they were only seven or eight.

I imagine that if the cheerleaders were seven or eight, then the kids playing football were the same age. Christ, Bronc’s mom never let him play football at any age, yet these parents are letting these youngsters play. Are their skulls even fully formed yet? Maybe these fat Muslim parents should stop worrying about that extra inch of midriff and focus on the physical well-being of these kids.

If you failed to click on the link above, “Beum” is Scottish Gaelic for “to blow”.

wojr

Labels: News, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 12:00 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Wojr’s Week in World of the Hip to the Hop

As we enter this 395th day in the Age of Diddy, wojr.com turns its gaze to the world of hip-hop (At least, what wojr’s white ass believes to be the world of hip-hop).

Bobbie Brown and Whitney Houston managed to sustain fourteen years of marriage. That’s quite an accomplishment. Of course, it is easier when Angelina Jolie isn’t chasing your man, but fourteen “Crack is Whack”, batshit crazy years of marital bliss is nothing to thumb your nose at. Even to wipe off the cocaine.

Fourteen years, man. I don’t know about you guys, but that makes me feel:

• Old as balls, given how I remember both Whitney’s and New Edition’s debut albums.
• Still unclear on this whole sanctity of marriage thing the Right keeps wanting to protect.

But it’s all over now. From eonline.com:

Being Mrs. Bobby Brown no longer appeals to Whitney Houston.

The "So Emotional" singer has filed for divorce from her husband of 14 years, citing irreconcilable differences, her rep, Nancy Seltzer, confirmed to E! News.

The court documents were filed Friday in Orange County, California. Though the filing was technically for a legal separation, Seltzer said Houston was referring to it as a divorce, as that was her intent.

However, Brown's attorney, Phaedra Parks, emphasized that the split had not yet reached that stage.

"It is a legal separation. It is not a divorce or a divorce petition," Parks told the Associated Press Wednesday.

You got admit Brown’s tenacity but I think there’s another suitor competing for Houston’s attentions.

Found on accesshollywood.com (via some website I fail to recall):

The New York Post quoted Boof as saying [Osama] bin Laden told her [Whitney] Houston was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

Boof said he even talked about spending a lot of money to go to the U.S. and meet her

She said he wanted to give Houston a mansion and he'd be willing to break his color rule and make her one of his wives.

As for Houston's husband Bobby Brown, Boof said bin Laden talked about having him killed.

Who knows? This separation might just be an effort on Whitney's part to save Bobby’s life?

“Run, Bobby! Don’t let Bin Laden get you. Run to Diddy, he’ll protect you. Wait, don’t take the crack with you! That’s my crack. Osama, pop a cap in that--”

Sorry, let that get away from me there, but speaking of Diddy-

Found on eonline.com:

ANOTHER NAME CHANGE: Sean Combs agreeing to stop using the name Diddy in the U.K. as part of a settlement with British music producer Richard "Diddy" Dearlove, who sued the rap mogul for unfair competition. At least he has plenty of other names to fall back on.

Now that’s just cold. Some English Dick (his name is Richard) is trying to bring the Age of Diddy to a premature halt. Didn’t he see what happened to Tupac?

I’m not worried though. The Diddy is strong. He can protect Bobby Brown from Osama if he so chooses. But he can be merciful, too. The Diddy can be kind. It’s what makes him Christ-like.

Besides it’s only England.

That’s all for this week in the hip to the hop. Next week, we’ll try to track down Bobby McFerrin whose year of retirement was up on August 15th. Time to get back to work, son.

wojr

Labels: Crackers, Diddy, Hollywood, News, Political, Whores

  ¶ 3:36 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Further Proof that wojr.com is Ahead of the Curve

Remember our little “Sociological Experiments” we ran on wojr.com? You know, the one way back in June of 2004 followed by the one March of 2006? Basically, we posted totally unrealistic personal ads on craigslist.org and looked at the results. In essence, showing how stupid and/or horny men can be.

Well, the good folks over at bloggasm.com did a more scientific form of this ruse in August of 2006 that basically showed how horny men can be.

My experiment, as well as the one bloggasm.com, did not release any personal information tied to the responses from said personal ads. Honestly, I thought that would be wrong and might open wojr.com to some legal gray areas.

Well, now (meaning September of 2006), RFJason and demure have taken these little experiments into that gray area. They “borrowed” a woman’s rather raunchy personal ad looking for rough sex which included spanking, hand cuffs and a request to be wojed on her “nips and face” (She didn’t actually use the term “wojed” but I blame you, the loyal readers, for not making that word a national craze yet) and posted it on Seattle’s craigslist.

They, then, posted all the responses with email address and submitted pictures here showing again how stupid/horny men can be. (Link is NSFW – actually, if you don’t want to see penis pictures, it is not safe for you either).

So, if you were looking for some rough sex in the Seattle area, you might want to check out that site and see if your info is out there for the world to see. Hell, if you date some guy in the Seattle area, I'd go make sure he's not trying to stray.

If you just want a good laugh and can stomach some strange cock shots, I'd recommend going over to read some of these emails. My personal fav is the simple response, "i love ur pu$$y i wanna fuke it hard when we can meet?" I think that's my new pickup line.

I’d like to think that I inspired all this but...

Actually, fuke it, I will think that. My ego can never be fully satisfied anyhow.

Maybe I’ll throw my hat back in the ring and put up another ad? Something like this:

Horny blonde co-ed seeks hardcore drilling, all holes filled and please woj into my belly button. All I ask in return is permission to put your email address and photograph on my website of desperate men that want to sleep with me.

Think I’d get any responses?

wojr

Labels: Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 4:07 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  It Should Be No Surprise that They Do Not Offer Inherit the Wind on DVD

Found on warrenellis.com:

HOW TO Screw Some Evangelist Maggots Right In The Wallet

Focus on the Family, the horrid anti-gay evangelical church based in Colorado Springs that wields too much power for anyone's good, has a store on their website that will give you books, CDs, and DVDs absolutely free of charge. Usually people pay for their items by donation, raising millions of dollars to help Focus on the Family produce more hate-propaganda featuring "experts" on homosexuality who claim it's a curable "sickness". (They're practically defined by their book A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality. Course, there's no mention of having less kids, which is the only proven method. No, no, you shouldn't use birth control, that would be wrong. They need more worshippers, how dare you prevent god's will.)

It's a little bit time-consuming, but not enough to deter me. (Nor should it you). The chance to take money out of their pockets is too useful, not to mention satisfying.

Here's how to do it in 10 steps:

1. Go to www.family.org and look for the "Resources" link in the blue bar on the left-hand side, right above the "Search" box, and click it.

2. Under the "Resource Category" menu on the left-hand side, you'll notice categories such as "Homosexuality" under "Resource Category." Me, I went straight to the CD's and DVD's under "Resource Format."

3. Go through, find something you like, such as the recently released movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe or The Chronicles of Narnia Radio Theatre Complete Set, suggested donation US $79.00, or the three disc Les Misérables soundtrack. It's not a very wide range of products, but there's bound to be something either you like or you could use as a sweet gift for someone else. Click the "Add to Cart" button.

They won't send more than $100 worth of materials for free in any given shopping trip, so be sure to go through a few times, until you're sure you've dinged them.

4. Select "Add New Shipping Address," decide to send it yourself or someone else, and once you're done picking up to $100, click "Proceed to Checkout." Some people have been sending items to themselves to sell later on eBay, some have been ordering the more controversial items as conversation pieces or educational props, (as anti-anti-propaganda), but I plan on using mine as gifts, mostly. I've found no reports on receiving Focus on the Family junk mail after inputting an address, so I figure it's fairly safe.

5. The next screen asks you to sign-up for an account and give your information. Fill it out with fictitious information, enter whatever name and address you like. You might want to make up a phone number too and an e-mail account too. After filling out all the required fields, click "Proceed to Checkout" one more time.

6. This will take you to the "Here is Your Cart" page. You may have to re-enter your data again after this part to actually confirm your account. Eventually, you'll get to the "How Much Would You Like to Donate?" page.

7. Select "Enter other total amount" and enter 0.00 as the amount you would like to pay. (Don't put in a dollar sign or it will ask you for credit-card information.) Don't be fooled by the field in the lower-right-hand corner that shows you the suggested donation amounts, simply Proceed to Checkout.

8. The next screen is a guilt screen, to make you feel bad about how little you donated. ignore it. Ignore it utterly. Think of how many people they're persecuted and had in their "gay kids can be cured" camps. Just proceed to checkout again.

9. Click "Checkout Now."

10. Finally, pass this information on to all your friends. They've got money to back them, we have word of mouth, let's see if we can win.

Damn, I think this is worthy subject to be the 300th post on this blog.

Plus, you all can get some free stuff to boot.

Personally, I think I want the Narnia DVD as well as Phil "Philly-Blunt" Johnson's Defeating Darwinism by Opening Minds. I mean, look at this book - it is an EASY TO UNDERSTAND guide to disprove evolution.

Thank GOD that it isn't complicated or filled with actual, you know, SCIENCE.

(BTW, I promise to try to reach 600 posts a lot quicker than 300.)

wojr

Labels: Religion, Whores

  ¶ 2:20 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  The Man with Two Dicks Picks Hitler over Hilton

For today’s post, wojr.com is going to include a little trivia:

What 1993 film was Mel Gibson’s directorial debut?

We’ll tell you the answer at the end of the post.

Yesterday, The Lord of Truth forwarded me this story he found on news.yahoo.com:

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday.

The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

A man with two dicks - my first reaction was “Oh, that’s going on the site.” I could make some jokes about his moral obligation to do a porno before getting the operation. I could hypothesize about what was the “straw that broke the camel’s back” that made him choose the operation now at the age of 24.

But, then I read this little factoid:

There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men.

So, my math skills may be off, but doesn’t that mean there are at least 90 of these two dicked fuckers running China alone?

Suddenly, I’m not that impressed with diphallus. It seems routine.

Like this other story out of India found on cnn.com:

India deeming Paris Hilton's video for "Stars Are Blind" too hot for broadcast after claiming it had sexual connotations.

So, Paris is being banned by the Indians (dots not feathers). Probably payback for the thought of her playing their beloved Mother Teresa on the big screen. Who cares, right?

But then, I found this gem of a story on reuters.com:

MUMBAI (Reuters) - Israel's mission in India asked city authorities in the financial hub of Mumbai on Wednesday to get a restaurant called "Hitler's Cross" to change its name.

The restaurant, which opened last week, was promoted with posters of Hitler and Nazi swastikas, infuriating India's small Jewish population.

The restaurant's owners have said they were neither promoting Hitler nor the Nazi ideology, but would not change the restaurant's name.

They have said they would open two more branches in Mumbai with the same name by October.

Now if my logic center is working right, India has thus chosen Adolph Hitler as a more acceptable cultural influence than Paris Hilton – a notion that just fills me with some strange sense of glee.

But enough of anti-Semitism and other wacky Hollywood behavior, lets get back to Mel Gibson.

If you said that Mel’s directorial debut was The Man With Two Faces, you would be incorrect. If you got the answer wrong, don't get yourself down - I meant to mislead you.

The correct response was The Man Without a Face, which was also the big screen debut for Nick Stahl of Carnivàle fame.

As far as we know, both these men only have one penis.

wojr

Labels: Hollywood, News, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 1:29 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Old as Christ, but Not Old as Dirt

For most of you, today is a special day because Paris Hilton finally drops her debut album on the masses. According to my favorite millionaire whore, Paris, "I, like, cry, when I listen to [her record], it's so good."

For myself, today is special because I reach the ripe old age of 33 today.

Yes, wojr is now as old as Jesus.

Personally, I was hoping to get some Christ-like powers when I woke up this morning.

Tried to turn the water in my toilet to wine. Hell, I would have settled on some malt liquor. But that was a no go.

I’m keeping my eye out for some blind beggars, but I only found some regular ones. So, I still might be able to restore someone’s sight. I might need that home Lasik kit for that one though.

Personally, I’m a little weary about trying to raise the dead. Most dead bodies are locked up in coffins and buried six feet deep. What if I succeed and the poor guy I resurrect is just stuck in the ground forever?? God knows I won’t be digging him up. I’m too old for manual labor. Maybe I’ll stop by a wake tonight and see what magic I can work on the open casket crowd.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t Jesus have some kind of Solar Death Ray? That would be cool power to have. Even a regular Death Ray would suffice. Maybe only the Ark of the Covenant came with that feature. I’ll have to check with Mel Gibson.

By the way, what the fuck is that BEEE-YATCH Paris Hilton doing releasing her album on MY birthday?? I’d be ok with a new porno from her – but a CD.

Sometimes it feels like the whole world’s against me.

Just like they were against Jesus.

wojr

Labels: Nostalgia, Religion, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 1:18 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  You Show Me A White Kid Named Xerox & I'll Give You A Dollar

So really, what is in a name?

Gwyneth had a little baby girl and named her, Apple. Personally, I like the name. However, most people are just reminded that celebrities have an odd habit of bestowing unusual names to their offspring.

According to this article on MSN, some stellar names for the celebrity progeny include Rumer, Audio Science, Speck, Jermajesty and Fifi Trixibelle. Basically, the article took some cheap shots at the popular folk and insured the children's future dependence on psychological therapy.

Of course, the article fails to mention the crazy names us regular folk give their kids.

From the April issue of Psychology Today:

"Today's parents seem to believe they can alter their child's destiny by the picking the perfect - preferably idiosyncratic - name. (Destiny, incidentally, was the ninth most popular name for girls in New York City last year.) The current crop of preschoolers includes a few Uniques, with uncommonly named playmates like Kyston, Payton and Sawyer. From Dakota to Heaven, Integrity to Serenity, more babies are being named after places and states of mind."

They then go on to list some real names, seen and heard. Here are a few of my favorites:

Armani        Hutch
Atom          Larceny
Attila        Legend
Bigamy*       Loveless
Blade         Lucky
Bologna       Luscious
Camry         Maverick
Cappuccino    Oat
Cashmere*     Ptolemy
Cerulean      Rayon
Chanel        Sincerity*
Cherry*       Sparkle*
Coal          Special*
Denim         Starsky
Desperate     Timberland
Dilemma       Tookie
Dung          Toyota
Emancipation  Tragedy
Espn          Truth
Famous*       Vienna*
Halston       Xerox


The starred names need not adopt a porn name. These individuals can proceed directly to the set for their boy-boy-girl scene.

What cruel parents name their kids Loveless, Tragedy, Desperate or Dung? I mean if you really want to give your kids a feeling of individuality - give them a different family name. There are really no new family names being introduced into the name pool. Sure, we get some funky immigrant names like Wojciak to offset the Browns and Smiths, but those names are only new to you. It's not like they haven't been circulating in their home countries for hundreds of years.

So, if you want your child to be an individual, give them a different family name. Plus, it gives you plausible deniability when the kid starts messing his life up.

(By the way, do you think Starsky and Hutch might be related? I imagine them to be little twin girls. Twin girls that grow up to hot women that men will fantasy about sleeping with, but never actually will. Why? Because the only thing that sounds more homosexual then claiming, "Yeah, I banged Starsky & Hutch" is "I was gang raped by the Village People.")

wojr

Labels: Advice, News, Porn, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 4:37 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  If I Was Watching American Idol, It Might Have Been Paula Abdul

My predilection to bizarre dreams is well known amongst my friends. One involving 12-year-old blonde mulattos and velvet paintings happens to be a repeated source of mocking and ridicule. It definitely does not help my tendency towards the peculiar when I fall asleep with the television turned on; allowing whatever late night/early morning television programming to seep into my subconscious.

Last night's dream revolved around a high school reunion. Judging by the attendees and the Jersey Shore locale, I will assume it was for my high school. However, during the course of the night, I was picked up by one of the other participants, a famous one that really had no reason to be at the reunion, Whitney Houston.

Except for her possible presence in the background television programming, I have no idea why Whitney would be in my dream. I have no particular attraction to her. Despite such statements as "Crack is cheap. I make too much for me to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight, OK? I don't do crack. I don't do that. Crack is whack." the lady really isn't my type (Now, Halle Berry, that's a frequent dream liaison). Even though in my dream, Whitney did have it going on. She was more in her "I Want To Dance With Somebody" phase than the present "I smoke rock, Joe Rogan" state of being.

So, the basic plot of my dream involved Whitney and I avoiding my classmates as well as Bobbi Brown as we search for a quiet place to get our groove on. I guess a hotel room was out of the question for my subconscious. But before I got to be Whitney's bodyguard, the 5 AM Broncatello Wake Up Call ended my blissful slumber.

When I looked at the television to see what show had spurred all these illusory visions, can you imagine which one was on? Not Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous. Not The E! True Hollywood Story. Not even Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories.

It was COPS

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Hollywood, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 5:23 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  IF SHE LOOKS GOOD TO YOU, YOU'VE DRANK ENOUGH..

God, I really do love these mugshots..



HAPPY 5PM FRIDAY EVERYONE!

wojr

Labels: 5PMSendoff, Nostalgia, Whores

  ¶ 5:00 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  And The Bunnies Just Keep On Hopping

On eBay, a book of 1940s San Francisco PD mugshots is up for auction here. Containing mostly female convicts (you know, those bunny rabbits I was talking about), some of the images are absolutely priceless. Here are a few:



Mixture of Mexican & Irish in 1940s - this poor girl never had a chance.



I don't know what scares me more - the thing on her chin or the fact that her chest hair is an identifying item. (Edited: Oh, her hair is the color chestnut.)



According to the Urban Dictionary, a chickenhead is "a female who spends her time primarily looking for men to engage in sex with, which may or may not include oral sex; a female who lacks common sense and is primarily dependent on the male gender."

It pains me as a writer that a picture is truly worth a thousand words.

wojr

Labels: Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 4:53 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  OH! Those Kinds of Whores!

In response to Friday's bunny rabbit/lady of the night rant, the loyal reader in question wrote in to tell me "I meant MEDIA whores! I thought you would get off railing against them. Christ, your mind is in the gutter."

Well, that is an entirely different kind of rabbit.

While those individuals that offer nothing of true value in their quest for their next sound bite piss me off to no end, I myself can only aspire to be a MEDIA-WHORE.

I'll admit it. I need the damn exposure.

WILL SOMEONE INTERVIEW ME ALREADY?

I give great sound bites.

I really do.

For a complete and utter hypocrite.

wojr

Labels: Whores

  ¶ 9:10 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Michael Francis Wojciak: Cyber-Pimp to the Bunny Rabbit

(Warning: While discussing bunny rabbits can not really be considered racy subject matter, the links contained in this entry are. So keep in mind that they are really not workplace appropriate. Also, please know that no bunny rabbits were injured during the course of this piece and wojr.com does not condone the whoring or pandering of any rabbit (except when they dressed Bugs Bunny up as a hot girl - I need to get me some of that tail).)

Some of you out there have been kind enough to offer up suggestions on what topics I should address here. While comments like "you should write about whores" are always pleasing to the ears, we here at wojr.com prefer your hate mail. All subject matter is being offered at the whim of its author, me. Now, while whores, paid or drunken in variety, will always hold a special place in my heart, I must be the navigator of my own ship, the master of my own destiny. So, instead of whores, the focus of today's rant will be bunny rabbits. Bunny rabbits will not serve as a metaphor for whores at all, because I will not bow to the whims of the masses. No matter how massive he might be.

Now, as we all have seen and borne witness, the Internet has become an integral part of our society. For many, it has become their primary source for news, pornography, news about pornography, commerce and social interaction. It is the combination of the last two items that we'll be focusing on, the combination of social interaction and commerce.

The business of female rabbits offering sexual favors in exchange for goods and services predates the existence of paper currency, possibly even gold currency as well. Their trade is often referred to as the oldest profession. However, the bunnies' business has never been as publicly displayed as it is today on the Internet. No longer do these tawdry rabbits shake their fluffy little tails up and down seedy avenues and street corners selling their wares. They now promote the sale of their sweet bunny love via websites and escort malls.

Sites like The Eros Guide, CityVibe and ThatMall house hundreds of classified ads for these flagrant mammals of the family Leporidae. (That's right, I said 'Leporidae'.) Fat rabbits, Porn Star bunnies, elderly hares and even some bunnies with rabbit dicks all seem to be open for business. Hourly rates are proudly displayed as well as the 'extent' of service they offer.

Here's the kicker though, the part that makes me bow down and admire the endless possibility of the Internet - there are even websites that review these bunnies.

Ingenious male rabbits have gone about setting up places like The Erotic Review where the female bunnies are rated based on appearance, pricing, ability and depravity. According to some comments, all it takes is a few extra carrots and all inputs become available for your.. well, for your carrot. Now, for a few extra carrots, I guess I will write any story you want, but no one will be jumping in my rabbit hole, Broncatello.

So, what does this say about anything? It just shows that the world is a scary place, but the Internet is a scarier one. However, it feels good to know that my offerings here are not going to be the bottom of this Internet barrel, even when I make transsexual rabbit references.

Just remember, it is all in the name of story research, my friend. It's all for the benefit of the story. No whores were hurt, poked or prodded in the research for this piece.

wojr

Labels: Porn, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 4:21 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  NEVER LET A STRANGE MAN USE YOUR BATHROOM

Like Arthur Miller, I leapfrog quite a bit. Not only do I have a stack of unfinished ideas, but I have ideas with no true home; little snippets of dialogue that I have yet to find a story to fully utilize them. Here are a few for your disjointed reading enjoyment:

No setup needed.
MAN#1: Suddenly, my life has become a bad After School Special.
MAN#2: I don't recall any After School Specials involving dead hookers.

Explaining recent break-up.
MAN#1: She really liked Steve Miller.
MAN#2: What's wrong with that? Look at 'The Joker'. Great f-ing song.
MAN#1: No, she really likes Steve Miller. She wants to spend the summer following them cross-country.
MAN#2: Are they even touring?
MAN#1: I have no idea.

Food Shopping.
WOMAN: According to your list, you need chips, paper towels and bear.
MAN: I meant beer.
WOMAN: But it clearly says B-E-A-R.
MAN: I must have been suffering from alcohol withdrawal. I need beer.
(beat)
MAN: I wonder what bear tastes like though. Think we can pick some up?

Self-explanatory.
MAN#1: How was your date?
MAN#2: All right, I guess.
MAN#1: Get lucky?
MAN#2: No, but I did beat off into her facial scrub.
MAN#1: So, in essence, you gave her a facial.
MAN#2: Sounds like a pretty good date to me.


"I don't care who you are, that's funny. Gator done"

wojr

Labels: Intoxication, My Writing, Whores

  ¶ 5:28 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Yet Another Sign of the Apocalypse

From foxsports.com:
We caught the last bit of the Miss USA Pageant last night. Are they always this dense? Yes, they're all hot, but we were laughing out loud at some of their answers to pageant questions.

For example, they asked Miss Oklahoma, "If you could have dinner with one person in the world, who would it be?" Who'd she choose? President Bush? The Pope? Nelson Mandela? She thought really, really hard and came up with Justin Timberlake.

I didn't watch the Miss USA Pageant (which seems strange given my Victoria's Secret rant yesterday), but I had better things to do. So, I can't vouch for any of this, but I heard the actual question involved anyone in the world, living or dead. So, that would include Jesus, Albert Einstein and John Holmes in the list of people that JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE would have beaten.

Boy, I bet Lance Bass is pissed. I bet that hurt him almost as much as not going up on the Russian Space Taxi.

And whom did the rocket scientist from Oklahoma lose to? The pig wrestler from Missouri that likes the fast food. Too bad Jessica Simpson didn't compete; she could have walked away with this bad boy without breaking a sweat. Of course, she's married and no longer a Miss.

Seriously though, we need to start thinning the herd and I hate to say it, but the pretty ones may need to be the first people to go. I honestly think Wayne Brady "may need to choke a bitch".

wojr

Labels: News, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 12:30 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  "But I Want To Be Respected As An Artist"

It's late. I'm tired. And I still have porn to watch. Dwarf porn, no less.

Speaking of the little people - Here's a preview of Bored Crackers. Don't fret - a Wojr preview is coming.

And on an utterly unrelated note - I whipped this up while figuring out some of the finer points of Photoshop. I think it might make a killer website. (I miss my hydrant, Bronc. Where is my hydrant?)

(On a rare serious note - with Carmel away, I updated the main entrance page. It should now fit on everyone's screen without unnecessary scrolling. Plus the journal is nowaccessible from the 'map'. Be sure to check it out.)

As always, there will be more to come. (And no you can not borrow my Dwarf Porn.)

wojr

Labels: Bronc, Crackers, My Comics, Nostalgia, The Wee Folk, Whores

  ¶ 12:34 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  But How Happy Were Those Happy Days?

(Warning: While I consciously avoided any of George Carlin's Seven Dirty Words, the following rant does delve into topics of gang rape, cocaine usage, interracial group sex, prostitution, Brady Bunch incest, sex with minors, cross-dressing, heroin addiction, female ejaculation, homosexuality and Ron Howard. Be forewarned.)

One of the positive things about growing older is, that given enough time, the truth comes out. And as it says in The Fountainhead, "the nice explanations are never the true ones". Especially in Hollywood. Given enough time, the spin-doctoring fades away and people realize which closeted actors enjoyed the sweet taste of man-love, that dehydrated actresses frequently suffer from heroin addiction and that Greg Brady tried to get with his on-screen Mother and Sister.

Thanks to Hollywood tell-alls and TV movies, the public has learned some of the truth about Three's Company, Charlie's Angels, The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family.

But, what about Happy Days? Where's the tell-all on that show? Aren't Donny Most and Erin Moran hard up enough for cash to be fleecing the secrets of that beloved sitcom?

I mean the show was one of the biggest hits of the late 70s. Cocaine was good for you then. Bad things must have happened. Now, I don't mean bad things like the gang rape of Jenny Piccalo or Arnold and Big Al double-teaming a twelve-year old blonde mulatto, but, come on now, everyone saw the Mork from Ork episode. The only explanation for that mess is heavy drug use, plus I think cocaine originated at Robin Williams. Forget the movie Blow, that man is the source.

I know what you're thinking Happy Days is beloved. It's Americana. It's the epitome of conservatism. Just don't forget it's still Hollywood. I went to a conservative college for only four years and my friends & I have enough crazy sex stories from that period to last a lifetime (especially Phil's ultimate female ejaculation story.) That show was on the air for TEN YEARS in less than conservative Tinseltown. Heck, it's 2004 and Scott Baio still hasn't left the Playboy Mansion.

So..

Ask yourself, why call her "Leather Tuscadero" if she wasn't into S&M?

Ask yourself, what happened to the older Cunningham brother, Chuck? Or Fonzie's cousin, Spike? They just disappeared and were never mentioned again. My theory: cross-dressers. But, I have no facts.

Ask yourself, why was the dim-witted character called "Potsie"? I'm not saying for certain that the boy liked the marijuana, but that's the one guy on the show I would assume was holding.

Ask yourself, what was the deal with "the Pinkettes"? Was Pinky Tuscadero their madam, pimping those poor girls out to support her demolition derby career? (On a serious note though, Roz Kelly, the actress that played Pinky, got three years in jail in 1998 for "shooting up cars and a neighbors apartment after a car alarm went off in the early morning and woke her up.")

I'm sure there are more tidbits that need to see the light of day. But I doubt they will. I just think Ron Howard aka Richie has become too powerful in Hollywood. He's an outright mogul now and no one wants to cross that line. Even a man who blabbed so much he was dubbed "Ralph Malph".

By the way, about Jenny Piccalo's gang rape - here's an actual quote from the show: "I wouldn't miss this for a weekend with the Green Bay Packers as their towel girl!" The girl was asking for it.

wojr

Labels: Hollywood, Nostalgia, Sex, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 1:56 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  Wojr Mail Call

Continued comments on the "Attempted Wife-Swapping".

From Neerajimous Pai - "The swingers story rocked, especially for those of us who will never have such a thing happen to us (whereas for folks like Rosie and Claudine, or Rukus and fillintheblank, it happens three times a week). The really important question: what would the Wojr of ten years ago have done?"     He would have said something so incredibly inappropriate that no one would have slept with him.

From Phillip "Boom-Boom" O'Neil - "as much as i learned from you....there is much i still have yet to teach you my padawon learner."     Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I'll be attending the O'Neil School of Whore-Mongering and Polygamy. However, in Phil's defense, he does pretty well with the ladies despite referencing crappy Star Wars movies.

From some fellow named Kuffel - "You should of swung - [euphemism for female genitalia]!"     Not only is this man now a homeowner and a husband, but a parent, ladies and gentlemen. By the way, how was shoveling the snow last week, Kuffel? I think we had some clouds here in LA, but I can't be sure. All I remember was sunshine and sundresses.

Keep the mail coming people

wojr

Labels: Sex, Snide Remarks, Viewer Mail, Whores

  ¶ 1:44 PM 0 comments links to this post   

  "He Did It For Science"

Just when I was about to give up hope on all scientific studies, Warren Ellis points me here. (The second link contains slight nudity, but only of the synthetic variety)

Visit www.diepunyhumans.com for more of Warren Ellis's items of interest.

wojr

Labels: News, Sex, Whores

  ¶ 11:43 AM 0 comments links to this post   

  Be Forewarned...


What is this all about?

No, not in the grandiose "meaning of life" manner. I am referring to what this asinine page is all about. Before jumping on the "blog" bandwagon, I spent many an hour looking at other individual's diary-like contributions to the Internet (when you call it 'research', wasting time can be relatively guilt-free) and noticed that many of these on-line journals have a primary focus or direction. I have born witness to web logs devoted to knitting, comic book creating in Kansas, the defense of Michael Jackson, proving that Secretary Rumsfield is actually the devil and the price comparison of hookers in third world countries (when you call it 'research', third world prostitution can be relatively guilt-free).

This journal will not be as centered as those and not just because I am not what one would call a centered person. It is just that those others are not only occasionally very frightening but more often than not repetitive.

This space is for me to get the voices out of my head and down on "paper". The topics will definitely vary. Sometimes they will focus on Global Thermonuclear War. Sometimes they will deal with how an acquaintance from college had her crotch "burn" for an entire year. If I don't know what to expect, I doubt any of you can. Ergo, we all can remain interested.

However, I think I should issue a warning, like one of these disclaimers issued out before all the really good TV shows. I don't like to shy away from things. I might not offer my opinion on topics I feel ill informed on, but I don't avoid areas because they are so-called "hot topics". I love the grey areas of our society. They interest me. They drive me towards discussion. Often, they inspire the things I write about. To be honest, I have to avoid most of those topics every weekday from 8AM to 5PM for the sake of office politics. I won't avoid them here.

So, here's a quick breakdown on where I'll be on these issues:

Politics - If believing that education should get more of our tax dollars and that everyone is entitled to quality medical care makes me a liberal, then I am a liberal. Now, my other viewpoints in the political realm might range from the slightly conservative to the radical left, but my passion for those points will never equal the level of those first two. (But, I will admit that the Patriot Act scares the shit out of me.)

So, be forewarned..

Religion - I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic school from the age of 9 through 21. Personally, I like god. And by god, I mean "whatever that is more than human and created all the shit you see in the universe". I am, however, not so fond of man, especially the ones doing things in a god's name. That feeling stems back prior to 9/11. So, don't expect me to back the organized religions of the world. Now, don't get me wrong. I greatly admire people with faith. If you have a strong bond with your deity of choice, you get all my props. Just don't try to push me into that same relationship and, Heavens to Betsy, don't go condemning me or anyone else to your conceptualization of an afterlife.

So, be forewarned...

Discrimination - My mother didn't exactly teach me a great deal in relation to living a 'good' life, but she did impart one very important nugget of info - "Judge people only on how they treat you". Back in grade school, one of my friends, Brian Hope, was black (and I'm pretty sure that he still is). Actually, I remember having a crush on his older sister, but cannot seem to recall her name at the moment. In the middle of some stupid, youthful argument, I dropped the "N-Bomb" on young Brian, not really knowing the true ramifications of the word. When news of my transgression got back to my mother, she beat the crap out of me. Now my mother had a tendency for whooping my ass, but even now, twenty years later, I think that was one time she was justified in her actions. Thus, I still "judge people only on how they treat me". Only know, in my cynical 'old age' that has become more "I give everyone the equal opportunity to show his or her inner ass". So, I don't care about the color of your skin, the nation of your birth or how you get your sexual/romantic kicks, because all the people that I really despise tend to be white, straight Americans.

So, be forewarned...

Profanity - I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Sometimes I will fail. Even when it comes to those dreaded "C-words".

So, be forewarned...

Now that all the necessary opening warnings are out there, let's get back to our regular scheduled programming.

wojr

Labels: Advice, Political, Religion, Snide Remarks, Whores

  ¶ 9:12 PM 0 comments links to this post