wojr - words, occasionally sentences
Friday, November 09, 2007
SWM Desperately Seeking Livestock
First, a word from our sponsor:
For those expecting a reveal of the Dead Pool winner, we must disappoint. The crack staff at wojr.com are, in between hits of crack, still tabulating the Dead Pool results as well as confirming the mortal status of literally tens of celebrities. The winner will be announced right after we finish our own predictions for last year’s Dead Pool.
Now, back to ourregularly scheduled extremely delayed blog post:
Whatever happened to dowries?
You bright readers know what a dowry is – "the money, goods, or estate that a wife brings to her husband at marriage."
Back in the day, men used to reap the benefits from marriage. Our forefathers got mad paid, yo. I do realize that there’s been a sexual revolution since then and everyone's equal now. I watch the WNBA, so I know about women's rights. However, a majority of ladies do prefer to date the financially secure aka a "breadwinner". In this day and age, many members of the female gender want to find a man to support them so they can kick back, pop out some kids and become obsessed with daytime television. Thinking otherwise is like believing Dog the Bounty Hunter doesn’t drop the N-bomb on a daily basis. It's just naïve, playa.
However, nowadays, all men can hope for in terms of a dowry are the wedding gifts; some dining set that is considered too "nice" for regular meals or, better yet, enough monetary gifts to hopefully cover the cost of a hundred chicken dinners, a few hours of open bar and the videographer that apparently was obsessed with the bride’s plunging neckline. Seriously, we are doing a bang up job of protecting the sanctity of marriage, but I digress...
Dowries. I bring them up because I’ll be hanging out with Aunt Jane this weekend. In terms of conversation topics with Jane, all you need to be is single and beyond your twenties to predict what she’ll want to talk about. You don't even need to be related to her to hear words like "marriage", "children", "not", "getting" and "younger" repeatedly. The best defense to this line of interrogation is a quick funny that will be inappropriate enough to force her to change the subject.
Thus, my planned rejoinder to her queries is that "I'm holding out for dowries to make a comeback. Get me a homestead and her dad’s best cow for my trouble. Hey, I just want my forty acres and a mule like any other brotha."
While I’m worried that "reparations" humor might go over my aunt's head, I like comparing "dating in your thirties" to being a carpet bagger. Dealing with the shell-shocked and battle-scarred at an unwelcoming place that you never imagined yourself going. That’s dating in your 30s in a nutshell.
So, in closing if you have any video of brides with awesome cleavage or doing strange things to livestock, feel free to for them to hatemail at wojr dot com.
wojr
First, a word from our sponsor:
For those expecting a reveal of the Dead Pool winner, we must disappoint. The crack staff at wojr.com are, in between hits of crack, still tabulating the Dead Pool results as well as confirming the mortal status of literally tens of celebrities. The winner will be announced right after we finish our own predictions for last year’s Dead Pool.
Now, back to our
Whatever happened to dowries?
You bright readers know what a dowry is – "the money, goods, or estate that a wife brings to her husband at marriage."
Back in the day, men used to reap the benefits from marriage. Our forefathers got mad paid, yo. I do realize that there’s been a sexual revolution since then and everyone's equal now. I watch the WNBA, so I know about women's rights. However, a majority of ladies do prefer to date the financially secure aka a "breadwinner". In this day and age, many members of the female gender want to find a man to support them so they can kick back, pop out some kids and become obsessed with daytime television. Thinking otherwise is like believing Dog the Bounty Hunter doesn’t drop the N-bomb on a daily basis. It's just naïve, playa.
However, nowadays, all men can hope for in terms of a dowry are the wedding gifts; some dining set that is considered too "nice" for regular meals or, better yet, enough monetary gifts to hopefully cover the cost of a hundred chicken dinners, a few hours of open bar and the videographer that apparently was obsessed with the bride’s plunging neckline. Seriously, we are doing a bang up job of protecting the sanctity of marriage, but I digress...
Dowries. I bring them up because I’ll be hanging out with Aunt Jane this weekend. In terms of conversation topics with Jane, all you need to be is single and beyond your twenties to predict what she’ll want to talk about. You don't even need to be related to her to hear words like "marriage", "children", "not", "getting" and "younger" repeatedly. The best defense to this line of interrogation is a quick funny that will be inappropriate enough to force her to change the subject.
Thus, my planned rejoinder to her queries is that "I'm holding out for dowries to make a comeback. Get me a homestead and her dad’s best cow for my trouble. Hey, I just want my forty acres and a mule like any other brotha."
While I’m worried that "reparations" humor might go over my aunt's head, I like comparing "dating in your thirties" to being a carpet bagger. Dealing with the shell-shocked and battle-scarred at an unwelcoming place that you never imagined yourself going. That’s dating in your 30s in a nutshell.
So, in closing if you have any video of brides with awesome cleavage or doing strange things to livestock, feel free to for them to hatemail at wojr dot com.
wojr
Friday, June 01, 2007
wojr.com: more than just penis euphemisms (but not by much)
Language is a peculiar thing, especially when you take the time to closely examine it.
Take, for example, the expression "his patience has worn thin." Why do we only comment on the waif-like nature of one’s patience? How come no over ever remarks about the thickness of one’s stoicism?
Wow, that fellow there has a rather thick and robust patience!
Of course, folks then might be prone to mistake the word "patience" for similar-sounding "penis" (or they could just assume patience is an euphemism for cock), especially when used in conjunction with adjectives like thick and robust.
But come on now, except for vagina, what noun couldn’t be turned into a metaphor for the male sexual organ?
Again, you just have to bask in the wonder of language.
By now, I’d wager some of you must be having your patience worn thin as you ask yourself, "what is wojr’s point?" or more accurately "does he ever have a point?"
Well, I am extremely aware that it has been some time since I last posted anything on this blog or the website. Well, I apologize for that and thank those who have waited quietly and patiently for me to get back to my insipid, self-involved writing. To those loyal readers, I compliment you on the obvious thickness of your fortitude. Your patience clearly has the girth of a Mandingo sex fantasy.
To the rest of you that bitched and moaned, well, you all have small and peculiar dicks, especially when you take the time to closely examine them.
Even the ladies.
wojr
Language is a peculiar thing, especially when you take the time to closely examine it.
Take, for example, the expression "his patience has worn thin." Why do we only comment on the waif-like nature of one’s patience? How come no over ever remarks about the thickness of one’s stoicism?
Wow, that fellow there has a rather thick and robust patience!
Of course, folks then might be prone to mistake the word "patience" for similar-sounding "penis" (or they could just assume patience is an euphemism for cock), especially when used in conjunction with adjectives like thick and robust.
But come on now, except for vagina, what noun couldn’t be turned into a metaphor for the male sexual organ?
Again, you just have to bask in the wonder of language.
By now, I’d wager some of you must be having your patience worn thin as you ask yourself, "what is wojr’s point?" or more accurately "does he ever have a point?"
Well, I am extremely aware that it has been some time since I last posted anything on this blog or the website. Well, I apologize for that and thank those who have waited quietly and patiently for me to get back to my insipid, self-involved writing. To those loyal readers, I compliment you on the obvious thickness of your fortitude. Your patience clearly has the girth of a Mandingo sex fantasy.
To the rest of you that bitched and moaned, well, you all have small and peculiar dicks, especially when you take the time to closely examine them.
Even the ladies.
wojr
Labels: Advice, Snide Remarks, Viewer Mail, woj
Monday, August 21, 2006
Wojr is Actually Spanish for Fighting Chicken
For those that do not know, the Urban Dictionary is a netdemocratic guide to street slang. I can not lay claim to the word ‘netdemocratic’, I stole that. I stumbled upon the netdemocratic site when my white ass needed to know what the hell S’KEET was – thanks entirely to Dave Chappelle’s black ass.
While there, I, given my heightened level of self-involvement, found the following:
Push comes to shove however, I would imagine woj meaning the same thing as s’keet. And yes, s’keet means to ejaculate.
Think about it. If you uttered the following sentence, "I wojed on her face" - the first bodily fluid that would come to your mind would be semen. Even if you had a vagina.
While I like the idea of my name having ties to ejaculation, I was going to let the whole thing go until I read the following on valleywag.com:
Back to the point, I’m pissed off at Verizon Wireless over their policies and I’m not even trying to be one of their content providers. But their list has some comedy gems. Like--
Who gave them the right to say that ‘fleshpopsicle’ is a naughty word? Have they every seen the smile on a child’s face when you offer them a nice fleshpopsicle on a hot summer day? I think not.
What the hell is a ‘rubyredbag’ and why should that word be banned? Sounds like something out of Hobbit porn. “And then Sam licked the folds of Frodo’s rubyredbag.”
And really, ‘fornicate’ and ‘sodomize’ are on somebody’s watch list but ‘woj’ isn’t?? Woj could be a really tall dildo man and you already have ‘dildo’ on your watch list, Verizon. Come on people, let’s get in the game.
Speaking of game, I even checked the NFL’s list of 1,159 words you can’t put on the holiest of holies, a NFL jersey. Woj and Wojr are both ok, but I think that list is suspect since there is no mention of Ron Mexico and the page has lots of ads for homosexual websites.
Although, I do wonder why 'AXING THE WEASEL' was a no go with my NFL peeps.
Now, one might ask why if I am so against censorship would I want my name to be censored?
Well, I see the censorship of the words ‘woj’ or ‘wojr’ as just an initial step to utter reverence for those same names. You know, like Yahweh. Getting yourself on the same level as of a god of consuming fire takes time, I know. But I’m willing to work at it, put in the extra hours, roll up my sleeves and make it happen.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyhow--
To Summarize the Main Idea of this Post: I’m Trying to Get My Name To Equal Splooge in the Minds of America
Is that too much to ask for?
wojr
For those that do not know, the Urban Dictionary is a netdemocratic guide to street slang. I can not lay claim to the word ‘netdemocratic’, I stole that. I stumbled upon the netdemocratic site when my white ass needed to know what the hell S’KEET was – thanks entirely to Dave Chappelle’s black ass.
While there, I, given my heightened level of self-involvement, found the following:
According to the Urban Dictionary, ‘woj’ can mean:I knew about these definitions for a while now but personally, I can't see woj meaning those things. I know that I’m an ass. It is true, but that has nothing to do with my name or nickname. Also, I have no idea what “a really tall dildo man” is. How tall is really tall anyway?
1. A legendary gaming community
2. Ass, Arsehole, Ring, Bum hole.
3. a really tall dildo man
Push comes to shove however, I would imagine woj meaning the same thing as s’keet. And yes, s’keet means to ejaculate.
Think about it. If you uttered the following sentence, "I wojed on her face" - the first bodily fluid that would come to your mind would be semen. Even if you had a vagina.
While I like the idea of my name having ties to ejaculation, I was going to let the whole thing go until I read the following on valleywag.com:
Don't ask us how we got it, or how many honkeys and limeys we had to kill for it, but after the jump [ON THEIR SITE NOT HERE] is Verizon Wireless's list of [EIGHTY-THREE] inadmissable naughty words. Verizon content providers (including many online news and entertainment sources) are banned from using obvious words like "fuck" and its derivatives, a smattering of racial slurs, and "queer" and "lesbo" -- always a perfect way to pick a fight with more audacious gay rights activists. Ahh, the freedom of communication under New Media.As one can imagine, I’m not a fan of censorship on any level. I FUCKING HATE CENSORSHIP. Hell, I might dress up like Mohammed for Halloween just to show my support of the first amendment. I just need to find a good picture of him to see what the guy looks like. Right now, I expect him to look a lot like Raj.
Back to the point, I’m pissed off at Verizon Wireless over their policies and I’m not even trying to be one of their content providers. But their list has some comedy gems. Like--
Who gave them the right to say that ‘fleshpopsicle’ is a naughty word? Have they every seen the smile on a child’s face when you offer them a nice fleshpopsicle on a hot summer day? I think not.
What the hell is a ‘rubyredbag’ and why should that word be banned? Sounds like something out of Hobbit porn. “And then Sam licked the folds of Frodo’s rubyredbag.”
And really, ‘fornicate’ and ‘sodomize’ are on somebody’s watch list but ‘woj’ isn’t?? Woj could be a really tall dildo man and you already have ‘dildo’ on your watch list, Verizon. Come on people, let’s get in the game.
Speaking of game, I even checked the NFL’s list of 1,159 words you can’t put on the holiest of holies, a NFL jersey. Woj and Wojr are both ok, but I think that list is suspect since there is no mention of Ron Mexico and the page has lots of ads for homosexual websites.
Although, I do wonder why 'AXING THE WEASEL' was a no go with my NFL peeps.
Now, one might ask why if I am so against censorship would I want my name to be censored?
Well, I see the censorship of the words ‘woj’ or ‘wojr’ as just an initial step to utter reverence for those same names. You know, like Yahweh. Getting yourself on the same level as of a god of consuming fire takes time, I know. But I’m willing to work at it, put in the extra hours, roll up my sleeves and make it happen.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyhow--
To Summarize the Main Idea of this Post: I’m Trying to Get My Name To Equal Splooge in the Minds of America
Is that too much to ask for?
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Snide Remarks, woj
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Like the Loaf Says 'Two Out of Three Ain't Bad'
It's been roughly nine months since I got a haircut. For those of you that don't know me personally that may not seem like a big deal, but trust me it is. For the first time in my life, I could put my hair in a ponytail. (Honestly, I just tested it)
So I could, if I choose to. Which I do not.
So now, I know that I am not a ponytail guy. We already concluded that I'm not a wife-swapping guy.
However, I am the type of fellow that has a website that you can find if you type "gave her a facial" into a search engine. I know I brought this on myself. But I thought you all might get a whimsical kick out of that tidbit.
Bring on the pervert Internet traffic. I'm ready for you.
wojr
It's been roughly nine months since I got a haircut. For those of you that don't know me personally that may not seem like a big deal, but trust me it is. For the first time in my life, I could put my hair in a ponytail. (Honestly, I just tested it)
So I could, if I choose to. Which I do not.
So now, I know that I am not a ponytail guy. We already concluded that I'm not a wife-swapping guy.
However, I am the type of fellow that has a website that you can find if you type "gave her a facial" into a search engine. I know I brought this on myself. But I thought you all might get a whimsical kick out of that tidbit.
Bring on the pervert Internet traffic. I'm ready for you.
wojr
Labels: Odd Search Results, woj
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
No Such Thing As Bad Exposure (Unless You're Naked)
Completely forgot about this little tidbit.
I'm letting a new (as in "new-fangled") website use one of my short comic scripts in their web-publishing efforts. Done this before with mixed results. However, when no one knows your name in the first place, there can be no bad exposure.
So, check out speedloaderstudios when you get a chance.
They made me write a blurb about myself, cause I guess 1,100 words of faux obituary wouldn't do. What do you think?
Blurb:
"Michael Wojciak or, as his fellow parolees know him, 'wojr' is a burgeoning screenwriter and comic creator currently wandering the wasteland that is Los Angeles. (Although, he still considers himself an East Coast person.) Michael has been a lifelong appreciator of comic books & genre films. (Although, he is rather timid about labeling himself a geek.) His lifelong goal is to finish the Boston marathon. (Although, he doesn't view himself as an athletic person and prefers to run only when being chased.) Wojr currently lives with his fiancée, Carmel, and their two cats, Boo & Radley. (Although, he frequently states how he is a dog person that is deathly afraid of commitment.) See further proof of Michael at odds with himself at www.wojr.com."
wojr
Completely forgot about this little tidbit.
I'm letting a new (as in "new-fangled") website use one of my short comic scripts in their web-publishing efforts. Done this before with mixed results. However, when no one knows your name in the first place, there can be no bad exposure.
So, check out speedloaderstudios when you get a chance.
They made me write a blurb about myself, cause I guess 1,100 words of faux obituary wouldn't do. What do you think?
Blurb:
"Michael Wojciak or, as his fellow parolees know him, 'wojr' is a burgeoning screenwriter and comic creator currently wandering the wasteland that is Los Angeles. (Although, he still considers himself an East Coast person.) Michael has been a lifelong appreciator of comic books & genre films. (Although, he is rather timid about labeling himself a geek.) His lifelong goal is to finish the Boston marathon. (Although, he doesn't view himself as an athletic person and prefers to run only when being chased.) Wojr currently lives with his fiancée, Carmel, and their two cats, Boo & Radley. (Although, he frequently states how he is a dog person that is deathly afraid of commitment.) See further proof of Michael at odds with himself at www.wojr.com."
wojr
Labels: My Writing, woj
Friday, March 26, 2004
"But I Want To Be Respected As A Cartoon Character"
As promised, the other preview of Bored Crackers. Pass them both along to friends, cohorts or even dire enemies.
Also, if you look on the main entrance, there is now an option to join our mailing list. While notice of site updates will be posted here on the journal, my ego really craves a mailing list. I have used notifylist.com before and have yet to get spam from them.
And yes, I am hung over. So be nice to me.
wojr
As promised, the other preview of Bored Crackers. Pass them both along to friends, cohorts or even dire enemies.
Also, if you look on the main entrance, there is now an option to join our mailing list. While notice of site updates will be posted here on the journal, my ego really craves a mailing list. I have used notifylist.com before and have yet to get spam from them.
And yes, I am hung over. So be nice to me.
wojr
Labels: Crackers, Intoxication, My Comics, Nostalgia, woj
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
WHAT THE--
Go on Google and do an image search for "wojr."
This is the first thing I get:
Dude, the world is a bizarre place.
wojr
Go on Google and do an image search for "wojr."
This is the first thing I get:
Dude, the world is a bizarre place.
wojr
Labels: Snide Remarks, woj
Thursday, March 11, 2004
"You should stop the story right there.."
Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..
"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..."
"The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!"
"And then we started doing shots.."
"So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.."
"I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..."
"Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.."
"And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.."
"When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.."
"And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.."
"I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.."
"Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'"
"Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.."
"And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.."
"When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.."
"And then we started doing coke.."
"So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'"
"The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!"
"And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.."
"I held the fart in as long as I could, but.."
"And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'"
"When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.."
"And then we started smoking some rock.."
"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.."
"I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."
It's best if we just end it there.
wojr
Points at which there is no need to continue with the story..
"So, she says it's only an extra hundred bucks for me to take her and..." "The whole thing was out of control and then the midgets showed up!" "And then we started doing shots.." "So I bet him ten bucks that he wouldn't.." "I guess Bronc had a lot to drink because he..." "Then he said, turn your head and cough. When all of a sudden.." "And I thought I had counted six bullets, but.." "When all of sudden, someone took out a video camera.." "And he said that it would only hurt for the first couple of thrusts.." "I had the lobster bisque and yadda, yadda, yadda.." "Then I go, 'Yeah, that dress does make you look fat.'" "Well, she asked me how many girls I've been with and stupid me.." "And we were playing 'Truth and Dare' and the girl picked Dare, so we.." "When all of sudden, someone started up a porno.." "And then we started doing coke.." "So the casting agent says 'If you really want the part, you'd be willing to..'" "The whole thing was out of control and then the monkeys showed up!" "And the transsexual decided she wanted to be on top, so.." "I held the fart in as long as I could, but.." "And I said to him, 'Listen, you bring something nice to wear'" "When all of sudden, someone said there was a strip club up the street.." "And then we started smoking some rock.." "Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time, so I.." "I guess Wojr had a lot to drink because he..."It's best if we just end it there.
wojr
Labels: Bronc, Intoxication, My Writing, woj
Friday, March 05, 2004
There I am - Surfing through aintitcoolnews.com - Reveling in my geekness.
When BLAM, I am just smacked in the face.
No, sir. You are not "The Only Woj."
And don't make me bring Papa Wojr down on your sorry ass.
woj
When BLAM, I am just smacked in the face.
No, sir. You are not "The Only Woj."
And don't make me bring Papa Wojr down on your sorry ass.
woj
Labels: woj
